Thank you for your lovely comments- and Happy New Year to you all!
I do not own Starsky and Hutch
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AUTHOR NOTE: So sorry- major whoops, I uploaded the wrong chapter onto here- that was meant for another story- here is the correct chapter- sorry for the confusion!
After a surprisingly quiet night, Starsky was enjoying his first relaxed lie-in for days. Spreading out on the bed, he buried himself further into his pillow. He enjoyed these times, before reality completely hit him again.
It was a selfish, quiet moment in his day, where he prepared himself- put his poker face on.
It was also where he sometimes let himself break down... because God knows he couldn't do it in front of Hutch.
Because this time was also when he would have to get up... and that was the hardest part. The exhausting part.
The part where he had to smile, dance... and act like everything was fine.
He should have known earlier...he should have seen more from the signs.
Hutch had been slowing up. No doubt about that.
It was a kind of an unspoken understanding. He was sweating more, more eager to get into the car rather than chase on foot. More lenient to getting takeout rather than cooking from scratch at the end of the day. Less toned but more skinny.
Starsky didn't push it. He was one to talk after all. He was hardly 'Mr Health Freak'. That was always Hutch.
So when Hutch collapsed as they were walking into the station one day... obviously he blamed himself. He knew his partner inside out. He had seen the signs that something wasn't right... and he'd ignored them.
He had felt sick watching Hutch collapse. Hutch hadn't even complained of any pain beforehand. He had simply slipped, almost gracefully, to the floor and was still. It sounded cliche but everything went into slow motion. Starsky had fallen to his knees, just catching his partner before he hit his head on the police station's steps.
"Hutch!"
Hutch hadn't responded. His eyelids didn't even flicker.
He held his partner, screamed his name over and over.
"I gotcha... I gotcha buddy you hear? I gotcha."
"Hey buddy..."
"Hey, Hutch."
"Sleep okay?"
"Well, y'know..."
"Yeah, me too."
Starsky gave a small smile. "Coffee?"
"Sure. Thanks."
Starsky rose from the sofa and to the kitchen. "Hey, so I was thinking, maybe we should end your sobriety and go and have some fun tonight, huh? Start at Huggy's and see what happens?"
Not put off by the silence he continued.
"Y'know, I know the doctors would probably wag their fingers, but, y'know, I say a few drinks, a bit of fun is never going to hurt, right?"
"Urm...Starsk? Think we could just chill a bit today?"
Starsky tried to keep the surprise out of his face. He had decided to go easy on Hutch today- let him have a bit of fun- because...well, why the hell not? So being shot down was not what he was expecting.
"Ya sure? Ya know I kind of miss wasted Hutch. Wasted Hutch, mind you, not, y'know, ugly off his face, shouting Hutch but... well, come on man. People would like to see ya...and a few beers aren't gonna kill ya."
"I know buddy... but I'm...tired. Really tired."
A fear crept into Starsky's stomach as he looked at Hutch properly. He could see that Hutch was wearing the smallest top he could find and it still hung off him. His eyes were off centre, his hair ruffled in a poor attempt at making it look presentable.
"Yeah...yeah, you got it, Hutch. We'll... we'll just chill today, yeah? I have beers here anyway."
With that, Starsky walked to his room, shut the door and collapsed in unapologetic tears.
He was losing Hutch... and there was nothing he could do.
Starsky had hoped he had been subtle enough not to arise suspicion to Hutch by leaving the room... He had no right to breakdown, no right not to be strong...
But he was falling apart.
His life had been his friendship with Hutch...okay, the force, maybe a lady friend every now and again...
But it was Hutch.
But how was he supposed to wake up, live his life when the painful, inevitable would happen?
How could his life continue?
He flinched at the knock at the door and quickly dragged a hand across his face.
"Starsk?"
"Yeah? Yeah, come on in, buddy. I was just changing my top."
The door clicked open and Starsky quickly stood, forcing a smile onto his face.
Hutch walked in painfully, slowly. He looked at Starsky carefully.
"Funny. I could swear you were wearing that same shirt a second ago."
Starsky bit his top lip.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
"Starsk?"
Starsky let out a shaky breath.
"What am I going to be without you?"
Starsky's words were almost inconceivable.
"Starsk?"
"What...what am I going to be without you?"
It was then that he felt himself fall into Hutch's arms.
Sobs tore at him. Indescribable, gut wrenching sobs.
Hutch gently stroked Starsky's back.
"I got you."