By the time Rostov cracked, the poor foreigner had been given all but a bikini wax, and the Shakespeare Revival Movement was down several dozen feet of duct tape. "So, they're definitely heading to this Jashinist cult place?" Anna questioned after tossing the duct tape back into the abyss known as the SRM's prop closet.

"Yes, for the final time, that is what the loud-mouth kept saying!" Rostov groaned, his fear by now having given way (at least partially), to annoyance at having to repeat himself to the thespian's leader.

"Excellent." Anna looked over her shoulder to Maria and Prudence, who were standing nearby and awaiting her command. "Maria, look up the directions and get them to Prudence. Once you've got them, Prudence, relieve Jude of driving and get us there ASAP! Meanwhile Maria, I want you to research this place as best you can and then brief the actors on everything you deem pertinent to our operation. That clear?"

"Erm, excusing me, but I can be going now, yes?" Rostov asked from his seat on the chair. "Or at least getting my pants back?" The room he'd been trapped in was rather cold, and having his leg hair ripped off did little to help trap his body heat.

"Huh? Oh yeah, you. Well you can have the pants back, but letting you go is out of the question. In fact, if you didn't have such skinny chicken legs with knobby little knees, I'd probably keep your pants too."

"What?!" Rostov screeched.

"It's nothing personal," Anna assured him. "It's just that people we take hostage and torture tend to run off to the police the first chance they get, and the budget says we can't afford another lawsuit for at least the next decade or five. And no offense or anything, but I don't think we can take your word that you'll keep your mouth shut if we let you go."

"But you said I could go free if I was answering the questions!"

"Yeah, about that. That was kind of a lie. Actually, it was completely and totally a lie."

"But-but-but-"

"Maria, would you mind finding a bunk for Rostov before you debrief the others?"

"Roger that, boss lady." After Anna had walked off, the dark-haired girl returned her attention to the laptop screen and began searching for Prudence's directions. "Looks like the author isn't quite ready to write you out yet, Rostov."

"I knew I should have listened to mama," the black marketer wailed in defeat.

-meanwhile, approximately seven clicks away, or rather 19,842,519.68503 agates-

"So, oh wise and mighty Sir Leader, now that we've gotten to this asylum for psycho zealots, what are we supposed to do?"

Pein gave Zetsu a pointed look that made the elder teen wither in his seat. It had only taken the Akatsuki an hour to settle in, and once everyone was at least partially unpacked (and in Hidan's case, properly bandaged), the ginger called a meeting of the Akatsuki in his room. "First, I would just like to say that Hidan should be congratulated on his idea to hide out here for the time being."

"Hip hip hoo-fucking-ray," Hidan sarcastically replied as he clawed at his arms. The zealot had taken no less than a dozen showers during his time at the facility, but still claimed to feel the sticky lip-gloss kisses of the fangirls on his skin.

"That being said, our next moves need to be made very carefully. First, Deidara, you have to get in contact with your parents and get them to call off the investigation."

"How do you know they're going to believe him?" Kisame inquired. "Don't kidnappers usually make their victims tell their family that everything's fine, don't worry, I'll be home soon? Granted, they usually demand money too-"

"Hn."

"Oh go to hell, Itachi!" The group was taken aback as the normally calm and easy-going shark suddenly leapt to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process. Without even sparing a backwards glance at the weasel, Kisame stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Pein turned to Itachi in hopes of getting an explanation, but the weasel too raced out the door, albeit considerably paler and more tense than Kisame had been. "See, this is why we never get anything done," the leader growled out while rubbing his temples after the door closed a second time. "You people seem to thrive off drama."

"Back to the meeting," Konan interjected before the conversation could go any further. The teens had no idea how much free time they'd be given once they were actually enrolled in the Jashinist program, and needed to make the most of whatever time they had at the moment. Whatever private issues Itachi and Kisame were experiencing now would have to take a backseat to more pressing matters. "Pein, what's the second step?"

The leader frowned. "This is actually going to be the more difficult part of the scheme. Once Deidara's contacted his parents and at least gotten this mess partway sorted out, we're going to need to flee the camp before the police can get here, and therein lies the problem."

"What the heck are you talking about, un?" Deidara asked. "It's not like we have to crawl through air vents or anything! The gate was wide open when we came here."

"Yes, but something tells me that getting into this camp is about a hundred times easier than getting out, particularly for us."

"Why us?" Sasori inquired. "It's not like Hidan swore our allegiance to Jashin or anything."

"Hidan is precisely the problem. Or can you tell me a good way to let several hundred fangirls know that their idol has to go away immediately after only being here a few days, never to return?"

Pein made a good point. Ideas were tossed around from member to member, but without Itachi's input (and with the memory of Kisame and Itachi's fight still fresh in everyone's mind), the group eventually had no choice but to accept the fact that if they wanted out of the JRCH, they were probably going to have to sneak out under the cover of nightfall, and the sooner they could leave, the less likely it would be that the fangirls could get any more attached to their silver-haired idol. "We still need a place to go after we leave," Sasori noted after the decision had been finalized.

"My family used to have a summer home a little further north than here," Zetsu offered. "It's not much, but we're not in a position to be picky, so what the hell."

"Geez Hidan, I swear you and your religion cause more problems for us than everything else combined," Kakuzu lamented.

Hidan's reply shall not be dictated here, but by this point in time you probably have pretty good idea of what was said.

-n-

Itachi ran down the hallway after the quickly retreating figure of Kisame. In hindsight he never should have said that to the shark, but their arguments over the past few days had worn his tolerance down to nothing. "Kisame, wait!"

"Stay away from me, Itachi," Kisame called out without looking back on his partner. The shark really didn't care how much of a bastard he was acting like at the moment, he needed space from his boyfriend, now.

Itachi, however, was not going to let Kisame escape from him until he'd at least had the chance to apologize for what he'd said, and rushed to catch up to Kisame.

WHAM

The Uchiha stumbled backwards, hands clutched over his bleeding nose as stars danced across his vision. He'd been so obsessed with reaching Kisame that he'd neglected to observe his surroundings, and had run straight into a Jashinist who was just rounding the corner. A Jashinist who now sat on the floor before him, rubbing her forehead with a pained look on her face.

As Itachi's vision began to clear up, the weasel noted that he was looking at a young girl, probably no older than Haku, if that. Wild red hair hung down past her shoulders (though in several places it was shorter, with singed tips) and her pale as porcelain skin was a haunting contrast to her vibrant blue eyes, which were some shade between sky blue and cerulean. Those blue eyes were currently glaring up at Itachi from her place on the floor, more agitated than angry, fortunately. "What the hell did I do to you?!"

"Sorry, it was an accident," Itachi apologized.

"Tch, well most people are careful enough to look around corners so they don't run over little girls like me! Watch it next time."

"Hn," Itachi replied as he moved to walk around the Jashinist.

"Don't tell me to get out of your way! You're the one who got in my way, asshole!"

"You can understand that?" Itachi asked, unable to keep the amazement out of his voice.

The redhead rolled her eyes and climbed to her feet, focused more on brushing the dirt from her camisole and knee-high skirt than on Itachi. "Don't act like it's such a big deal, jerkface. Anyone could've figured out what you meant. And it kinda helps that my best friend talks in 'hn's like that sometimes. Which reminds me, you better make yourself scarce, and fast. She's got this creepy little internal radar that always seems to know when I'm in trouble, and if she finds out that you're the one who did this (here she pointed at the large knot forming on her right temple) you're going to get your ass handed to you in about seven different ways. Run now, and I'll lie and tell her I ran into a wall. Again," she added under her breath.

Itachi didn't have time to explain to the redhead that 1) it was unlikely anyone could have beaten Itachi in a fight right then, given his current mood, and 2) she better shut up and beat it unless she wanted to be the one on the receiving end of a sound pounding, when the person whom Itachi could only assume was the Jashinist's friend came bursting around the corner.

The female must have run all the way here, because as soon as she reached the duo she stopped and doubled over, pale fingers digging into the fabric of her black capris as she gasped for breath. "Boom, what happened?!" she demanded, golden eyes wide and partially hidden by the navy blue hair dangling down into her face. "It felt like something was wrong-"

"Told you," Boom muttered smugly to Itachi.

"-and I got here as fast as I could!" The newcomer was now looking over her friend with a worried look, eyes quickly focusing on the rapidly darkening knot on her forehead. "Did you run into another wall?"

"What-no! I was minding my own business and walking down the hall, when suddenly Mr. Emo here decides plowing me over is a good idea!" Boom exclaimed while jabbing a finger at Itachi. "Next thing I know, I'm on the floor and my head hurts like a bitch!"

Golden eyes narrowed at the story. "Really now." Slowly, the girl's attention shifted from Boom to Itachi. "All right, you've got three seconds…to…" her voice trailed off as she looked to Itachi, the expression on her countenance changing from anger to confusion, and finally recognition.

Both Boom and Itachi started as the dark-haired Jashinist squealed in happiness, a huge smile crossing her face. "Uncle Itchy!"

"Tenshi?!" Itachi gasped in disbelief before being unceremoniously tackled to the ground.

-meanwhile-

Haku had decided that if the Akatsuki members were going to be foolish enough to leave their belongings unguarded while conducting a meeting, then it would be a travesty for him not to take advantage of the situation and see what weaknesses he could discover in his enemies by observing their supplies. The teen had little information to go on other than newspaper clippings and the scarce amount of data their client had seen fit to give Zabuza and him before this assignment. What he'd been able to piece together so far was that he was dealing with a highly dangerous organization who didn't mind blurring the lines of the law when the situation suited them, operated cohesively as a unit, plotted out their movements very carefully and probably far in advance, and was a threat to much larger and more established syndicates. Clearly Haku had landed himself right in the midst of hardened criminals whose cunning and resourcefulness was matched only by their lethalness and ability to survive any event unscathed.

At the moment, Haku was rummaging through the bags on Zetsu's side of the room that had yet to be unpacked. He'd already gone through Tobi's items, and aside from the plethora of craft supplies and the four tie-dye socks that were missing their mates, the young teen had been unable to find anything out of the ordinary, and all he could add to their data on Tobi was that the Uchiha was a terrible packer.

Zetsu's supplies had yielded nothing better, as of yet. There were average looking clothes and toiletries, a laptop (Haku had briefly pondered logging on and trying to research the Akatsuki that way, but just as quickly decided against it. Their information described Zetsu as a person who operated and hacked computers with the same ease as breathing, and even if Haku was somehow able to get past Zetsu's security, there was a good chance the older teen had installed some sort of alert system that would let him know the computer had been tampered with), more clothes that seemed to be spare sets for anything Tobi forgot, and-hang on…

Haku felt his heart race as his fingers closed around what felt like a prescription bottle. He glanced at the door to make sure that his hunt wasn't about to be interrupted, and then extracted the container. Sure enough, he found a weathered orange tube clutched in his fingertips, half-full of whitish pills. The male turned the container over in his fingertips in hopes of finding out what the medicine was for, but some sort of greenish material had stained most of the information so badly that he couldn't make out the prescription's name or dosage; even Zetsu's name had been mostly obscured from the label. Side effects appeared to include drowsiness, restlessness, and a few other things that were not legible. What caught Haku's interest, though, was the fact that this prescription wasn't due to be refilled for another month and a half.

Haku bit his lip as something tightened in the pit of his stomach. He knew this was wrong, and what he was about to do counted as playing dirty even by his standards. Yet at the same time this conflict was raging in his head, he knew that Zabuza was counting on him to do his share of the job in bringing down the Akatsuki. Zabuza had always been the one to handle the brunt of their missions' work, and Haku had only been allowed to do field work for them for the last two years. What would Zabuza say if Haku returned to the man after his first major assignment and told him that although he'd found a gaping hole in the armor of one of Akatsuki's top members, he'd failed to utilize it to their advantage?

Haku's heart flipped at the thought, and his fingers tightened around the pill bottle. He wasn't about to let that happen. If it was between hurting the man who'd taken him in off the streets nearly ten years ago and hurting yet another one of their countless targets, he would without a doubt cut the latter to pieces in a heartbeat. Zabuza had nurtured and supported him at a time when no one else would; he owed the man that much. "Sorry Zetsu," he murmured softly as the prescription bottle slipped into his pocket. He quickly replaced all the items in Zetsu's duffle bag and zipped it closed, before rising from his seat and exiting the room. He needed to find a place to hide the pills, if not dispose of them entirely.