Privacy. It was something they both enjoyed their fair share of, which was why it hadn't been hard to come to the mutual decision to keep their engagement to themselves, at least for now.
Since he'd given it to her last night, you couldn't even try to pry that ring off of her finger. But now, as she'd just finished getting ready for her first day back at the office, the ring took up residence on the chain of a long necklace that was neatly tucked into the front of her shirt, much like the way Jay had worn it for weeks prior.
Telling Hank that they were engaged seemed like it deserved a little more delicacy than just walking in to the office rocking her new bling. So, until they decided when they wanted to let the air out of the bubble they were living in, they'd keep it a secret. It wasn't like Jay was jumping at the chance to tell Hank Voight that he'd asked his pseudo daughter to marry him…did Hank expect him to ask permission? Erin had told him once that any man who needed her "dad's" permission to date her shouldn't waste his time asking her out…but was marrying her different? He shook the thoughts from his head; she'd shown her appreciation for that proposal and ring more than enough times last night, there was nothing to doubt. A wicked smile had played on his lips when he recalled the details of all those "thank you" moments.
She was greeted with the usual fanfare the team put forth when someone returned from being out from an injury and after taking their fair share of jokes about how lucky they were to have her as their administrative assistant for the next few weeks, the boys had finally retired to their own desks and done some actual work.
They'd just wrapped a pretty big case the night before so they'd all been deep in paperwork while Erin had pretty much sat around with nothing to do unless someone needed help and even then, they were usually just menial tasks. This was not quite the day back she was hoping for! This was Chicago, hadn't someone been murdered today? She felt instantly terrible for basically willing someone dead and before karma could hold it against her; she was recanting the thought.
She made eyes over at Jay and then shifted her gaze to the break room, indicating he should meet her there. They rose from their desks at slightly staggered intervals and when Jay had walked in slightly after her, he found her fixing them both coffees. "Yessss!" He beamed, accepting the mug appreciatively. "Back not even a day and already making a vast difference for the entire city!" He teased; knowing she'd been excruciatingly bored all morning with nothing really to do.
"It's almost lunch and making you a coffee is literally the best thing I've accomplished so far. I'm bored out of my mind. Can't you give me something of yours to work on…I don't even care if it sucks." She pouted and without really thinking she leaned over to kiss him, probably a little more deeply than she usually would have at the office. This caused both of them to blush slightly as they pulled away, though the red in Jay's cheeks seemed to be one more rooted in passion than embarrassment.
"If you really want to feel useful I can think of a few things of mine you are more than welcome to suck at if we just go down to the locker room…" He gave her one of those devious looks of his that always made her roll her eyes.
"You're an idiot." She'd replied with mock annoyance, "But you're my idiot." She added, softening the blow. She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his forehead gently before meandering back towards the bullpen. Hank was sitting in his office and she decided that rather than get Jay in trouble for slacking off on his work on her account, she'd just go bother Hank instead.
Moving into the older man's office, she sat down in one of the chairs across from him and waited for him to move his eyes away from his computer screen to look over at her. "What?" He'd asked finally, after making her squirm far too long.
"Anything I can help you with?" She asked cheerfully. Although she sat there rather uncomfortably, shifting her arm against her chest to try and adjust it in a way that made it hurt less. Even though Jay had told her she should just wear the damn sling, she'd refused on account of it making her look like the opposite of a badass lady cop (it was his fault for using those words to describe her!). But keeping her arm bent at the right angle and not knocking it into things had proven more taxing than she'd originally given credence to. However, she knew one thing to be true; if she came in with a sling, there was no way Hank would even consider letting her out in the field any time soon. Dealing with the pain now was totally worth it.
"Yeah kid, I got a table I need moved…" He smirked over at her. "Where's your sling? Thought the doc told you to use it for at least one more week?"
"Jay…" She narrowed her eyes and turned her head to glare at her fiancé where he sat at his desk, oblivious to the eye daggers she'd been throwing at him. He would totally pay for sic'ing Hank on her about not wearing it!
Hank smirked. "No, don't blame Jay. I know you're a dirty rotten liar, I called the doc and asked him because I knew your stubborn ass would come parading in here like you were fine when you aren't." Even though he was acting tough, she could see the soft playfulness in his eyes.
"Gee, I wonder where I learned that from?" She snarked back. "Mind over matter, that's what I say. I've taken worse hits from a bullet stopped by my vest, I'm fine to go out on interviews, can we at least agree on that?"
"No, what we can agree on is you got shot in the damn arm and until the doc gives you clearance, you can park your happy ass in that chair out there and be grateful that the bullet only made you suffer through desk duty for a few weeks and not for the rest of your time as a cop."
She frowned at him, he was right, she should be grateful. And, she was. But that didn't change that right now, this fucking sucked. "But I'm bored…" She gave a slight wine to her voice that instantly brought them both back to a younger version of herself.
"Boo hoo. Now quit griping and leave me alone unless you want me to send you down to help Platt at her desk…." Hank didn't need to finish his threat; Erin was already bouncing out of the chair.
"Nope! I'm done." She laughed gently as they shared a small smile before she returned to her desk.
The morning continued on at a snail's pace and it wasn't until after lunch that Platt had emerged from the stairs with a message that would bring a little action to Erin's day. "Lindsay!" She'd boomed out at her arrival, causing Erin to basically jump from her chair as her name left the other woman's lips.
"Yes?" She looked up expectantly at she moved towards Platt, who was waiting at the top of the stairs. "Bunny is downstairs…. she said it's urgent she see you."
The look on Erin's face shifted from excited to crestfallen in seconds and she turned back to give Jay a confused look before moving towards the stairs. Whatever her mom wanted, it would at least be interesting. She made her way downstairs and found Bunny waiting in the small room to the right of the double door entrance to the district. She hadn't even had a chance to voice a greeting before her mother spoke. "You were shot? And you didn't even tell me?"
"Bunny…" Erin began, sucking in an annoyed breath. "I was fine, it wasn't even serious. What would I have accomplished telling you?" She fought the urge to add; 'you'd just use it as an excuse to get high.'
"I'm your mother I should know these things Erin…" Those baiting words almost worked. That was the kind of thing that could've made her feel bad before, but Erin was stronger now, not such easy prey for her mother's mind games.
"When you want to be," Erin dared, not sure why she was already feeling like she was at her wits end with the woman she hadn't seen in a few weeks when their conversation had only just started. Maybe having Jay's love so readily available had made her realize how much putting up with Bunny's shit hadn't been worth it.
"Erin, that's not fair you know that I've always done the best I could for you…." The older woman started to defend herself but Erin cut her off.
Despite the fact there was almost zero truth to that statement, Erin knew it was easier to play along then to fight and if she wanted her visitor to leave sooner rather than later, she should just take the easy route. "You're right mom, I'm sorry." She bit her tongue to keep out the sarcastic remarks that threatened to compromise her mock sincerity. "Look, I appreciate you coming to check on me, but like I told you, I'm totally fine. So, if that's the only reason you came down here then…I really need to get going. I've been out for awhile and the team really needs me up there." She lied easily, looking for an out. If Bunny had actually come here from a place of concern, she might feel bad later for kicking her out, but she highly doubted that was the only reason behind her 'urgent' visit. Still, that didn't stop a small part of her from hoping that concern for her wellbeing was the only thing that had brought her mother here.
"Well…it's only part of it…" Bunny confessed and Erin mentally cursed herself for even entertaining the idea that Bunny had come here with anything resembling pure intentions.
Her forgiving mood was suddenly gone and the snappiness returned to her words, "What is it mom?" She asked, annoyed.
"I'm in trouble, baby." Bunny whispered, moving to close the gap in the space between them. "Jimmy….well when there was the whole misunderstanding about him being your dad…you know he'd leant me a lot of money… and when you did that stupid dna test and told him what's what…he demanded I pay him back. Well I have been working on it, I have but…. things come up and…." Erin gave her mom a pointed look that told her she better get to the point of the story soon, "Well…so… I get a call the other day from Jimmy and…he said he gave me long enough and that if I don't get even with him soon then his former cellmate out of Leavenworth….Andy something…. has no problem collecting interest. "
Unbelievable. Not only had Bunny not come here to actually check on her, she was asking for a favor. "Mom, you know I don't have a lot of money, I'm a cop. So, I can't bail you out of this, I'm sorry…" It was beyond her why she was apologizing but, old habits died hard.
"What…no, no baby I'm not asking you for money…I just meant…maybe you could do something…threaten him or something, you know….when a cop starts poking around, people tend to back off…."
"I'm not flashing my badge to get you bailed out of a mess you got yourself into. You lie all the time Bunny and you do shitty things to people and it caught up to you…maybe you need to learn from this by figuring it out yourself, okay? Now, I have to go. Good luck…" She'd turned to leave but then, Bunny's claws were still sunk so deep into her that when her mother spoke again, she instantly froze to listen.
"But Erin…please I need your help here…what if they hurt me? Are you really going to be okay with yourself if anything happens and you know that you just sat there letting it?" Bunny was good at laying on the guilt, Erin had to give her that.
A befuddled look crossed the younger woman's face and she was honestly not even sure what to say in response to that. "Are you fucking serious?" Erin was incredulous now, "You sat there many times watching people hurt me Bunny. Watching your grown man friends putting their hands on your teenage daughter. You fed me drugs and booze when I was grieving my friend…you hurt me so many times. How dare you sit here and try and guilt trip me! They try to hurt you; you call 911, just like everyone else. We're done here. Don't come back to my work unless you have a police emergency." And with that, she was turning on her heels to head back up stairs.
"Erin…" Bunny's voice was desperate now and Erin could tell she was going to cry; it made her so mad that her mother's obvious acting could still elicit a sympathetic reaction out of her. "Please, I just…" Bunny's tearful voice tapered off.
"You just what? You just need something, so why won't I give it to you? Because I don't need you anymore, mother. I have Jay. He's my family now. I have Hank. He's been my family for a long time. And, I have a ridiculous bunch of clowns up there that are my brothers so; can you just stop? If you really care about me then you'll give it a rest because… I've had enough."
"Jay isn't your family, Erin." Bunny's words clearly ignored her daughter's request and they were accompanied by an almost evil laugh. Of course Bunny would result to degrading when Erin didn't give her what she wanted. "He's not like you, you aren't cut from the same cloth. He doesn't understand you. You two, playing house… you think that's forever? Women like us, who come from where we come from…they don't settle down with men like that. Then you'll want me again Erin…you always come back to me."
So many terrible things wanted to explode out of her mouth and hit Bunny right in the face but she was now too evolved to sink to that level. She refused to give her mother the satisfaction of knowing she'd gotten to her. Normally, Bunny's comments would have immediately set her off. She couldn't pretend her own negative self-doubt hadn't painted a picture exactly like the one Bunny had, many times before. But somehow, hearing those words shuttled at her in such pathetic desperation had actually made Erin laugh. "I am nothing like you." She said finally and she refused to give her anything else. So, before Bunny could stop her, she was already out of the door and halfway up the stairs.
"Oh baby," She'd heard Bunny begin, but she was already typing in her numbers to get upstairs, "You wish that were true." Her mother finished.
Erin didn't give her the satisfaction of getting a response, not even casting a look her way, and she let the metal door slam loudly behind her as she was finally free of that conversation. Though she'd tried to let it roll off her back, her irritation was evident as she slunk back to her desk, anger written into her forehead. This prompted Jay to give her a concerned look and she just shook her head, indicating that she'd fill him in later.
He watched her there with that scowl wrought into her face for a few more minutes before calling his own break room powwow, their second of the day. "Hey, what happened?" He asked temperately, moving to place a gentle hand on her hip once she'd finally joined him in their unofficial meeting place.
"Just Bunny…being Bunny." She sighed and then he gave her a look that implored further and she knew that there was no use shutting herself off to him. Even if Bunny's words had sent her in a momentary tailspin, here was Jay to center her again. "She said some shitty things about you…about us?" She shrugged, "She was pissed because I wouldn't bail her out of this situation between her and Jimmy so she goes off on this whole thing about how girls like us don't end up with men like you…." She glared as the words came out, "I am not my mother!" But, she was saying that more for herself than him. She shook her head and brought her good arm up to rub her temples. She hated that she was letting Bunny get to her. Looking up at him again after a beat she revealed more than she intended, "What's shittier is…. I wanted to tell her we were…" She dropped her voice extra low for the next word; "engaged just to shut her up but…I couldn't have the first person I give that news to be her…and done out of anger no less…why do I let her get to me?" She moved to lean her forehead against his chest and felt comfort when he kissed the top of her head.
"Because you're human…and Bunny is a special brand of mess that leaves disaster wherever she goes and you were the only one willing to pick up the pieces for so long you feel some twisted sense of obligation to keep doing it?" He offered honestly.
"That was rhetorical, Halstead." She glared, moving back from him, though she wasn't about to misplace her anger from Bunny on him for that comment, even if it did sting a little at how close it hit to the truth. She offered him a smile, an annoyed one, but it was still a smile; before moving to lean against the counter and ponder things some more.
She reflected back to her conversation with Dr. Charles, about how you had to fight to invite in happiness and work towards it everyday. She had so much to be happy about right now and here she was, focusing on the bad shit, like always. No more. "Jay…I changed my mind." She pulled the necklace from around her neck and for a split second; absolute horror filled his eyes. Confused at first, it suddenly dawned on her what he thought she was implying. "No, GOD NO. I didn't mean…I just meant about keeping it a secret!" She insisted, leaning up to kiss him quickly as if to prove this point. "We have to invite happiness in to our lives," She recited. "Not hide it. That's why our ugly stuff always fucking wins! We are sharing the good. Now!"
He was too relieved to speak. His heart had basically fallen into his stomach when she'd said she 'changed her mind' and he was still processing what she'd meant by that when she was clasping the ring and his hand in her own, leading him to Hank's office. He was finally pulled from his stupor by the sound of her shutting Hank's door. "We need to talk." She was saying and now, his eyes were big. What? They were telling Hank, now? He needed more time to mentally prepare.
"You're pregnant?" Hank asked bluntly, though it seemed more like a statement then a question. This elicited a scowl from Erin.
"What? No! Just…shut up and let me talk." Jay's eyes went even wider at her telling Hank to shut up; he was fairly certainly she was the only person on earth that could do that and live to tell the tale. Even more, Hank had actually listened to her command. Jay was amazed. Erin went on; "We are…" There was a break in her confidence, but she glanced over at Jay, and that was all she needed to inspire the conviction to continue; "Jay asked me to marry him." She said finally and then, she was uncurling her fingers and revealing the most important piece of jewelry she'd ever possessed. Finally, she was securing it back in its rightful place on her finger and for the first time since taking it off that morning, she felt right. "And I said yes." She added, as if that hadn't already been implied.
She wasn't anticipating Hank to have a strong reaction, so when his face had become red with emotion, she found her own mimicking its shade. He took a moment and with slightly watery eyes, his voice cracked as he rasped; "That's real good, kid. I'm happy for you."
Who knew such a simple statement could melt the stone that surrounded both Hank Voight and his young protégé, but yet it had. They shared an embrace and even though Jay would take this to his grave, he watched as Hank's shoulder shook slightly with silent sobs. Erin's tears were a bit more obvious and they held each other tightly for a good while before pulling apart. Hank gave Jay a glare that told him to never speak of this emotional moment to anyone but then, more gently; he was pulling Jay into a hug as well. "You've earned her." He stated simply.
That statement spoke volumes to each of them.