I know, it's been a while. Writing is difficult lately, but I am determined to finish this story. I hope you all are enjoying it. Thank you for all the lovely reviews.
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THE MEASURE OF MAN
Chapter 11 - As Solemn A Parting
"All creation is separation. Birth is as solemn a parting as death."
- G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
No illumination penetrated the cave after sunset, save for moon and starlight that reflected, one by one, off the water and shimmering rocks until it reached the sole room, the grotto. There rested the image of a young woman encased in crystal, a plain enough woman but the kind who seemed to bring the light with her wherever she went. The pillar of gem and the lady glowed enough to make movement easy across the uneven floor, but no matter. Vincent knew every rock and shallow pool in this room.
He came here almost nightly, having settled in a cabin nearby that proved to be a good investment of the share of money Meterofall had left him. Came more often than he would admit, even, that is if anyone was brave enough to bring up the subject with him. Cloud knew to tiptoe around the subject, most of the time, and in return, Vincent chose his words carefully when he spoke of Sephiroth. It hurt either way to think of the man. Lucrecia's son, the baby that should have been his.
Could have been, had my father's death not come between us forever, the first guilt you took on and would not absolve yourself of. Lucrecia, Lucrecia. People die every day.
Vincent thought of his father, handsome Grimoire with his large hands and gentle voice, patient enough to help Vincent trap rabbits, kind enough to make sure they were released. Vincent had loved his father, and watched his mother fall apart after the accident, but still, blaming Lucrecia had never entered his thoughts.
People die every day. Love goes wrong, every day. People make the wrong choice for their child, every day.
Why she had done it, why have a child for the sake of an experiment - Vincent knew he would never know. He thought about what she had said when he questioned it - "If it's only my decision, then yes, I'm sure!" - and brooded over it again, possibly would never stop. He had thought later that perhaps she had wanted him to stop her, to say that love gave him the right to interfere.
Unlikely. Lucrecia had been both ambitious and guileless, the only such person Vincent could recall ever knowing. Exactly what drove her to Hojo would remain a mystery forever, and forever was something Vincent might have. It was the only thing that frightened him, the idea that he might live on while everyone around him died.
"I've outlived enough people," he said to the silence.
Vincent...I'm so sorry.
"I know. It's okay."
Vincent...is Sephiroth...
She had asked before, he remembered. It was during the hectic days before Meteorfall, the journey that took Vincent and his nakama around the planet in the hope of saving it. He had asked them to stop here, where he had left Death Penalty, and she had asked if Sephiroth was still alive.
I told her he was dead. Why? To spare her the pain of knowing what a monster he had become? Or because we were planning to kill him anyway? I don't know. I used to think it was because he never should have existed anyway, but what about Cloud? Can I truly want to wish away what Cloud loves?
Vincent wondered then about where Cloud was, if he was safe doing whatever it was he had resolved to try. People die every day.
Vincent...do you remember...our special place?
They had never called it that while she lived, but yes, he knew at once what she meant. A grassy meadow far from the lab's sterile light, the warm breeze that caused drowsiness, the flowers growing all around.
"Yes...I remember."
That place...it was like a beautiful dream we shared.
"It was."
Because we remember it...it will exist always, in our hearts. Vincent, you'll always be able to find me...if you look in your heart.
"My heart," he murmured. "Before you I wasn't sure I had one. And after, I thought the same thing. But then Cloud and the others came along..."
Vincent...
"Lucrecia?"
I have to go now, Vincent.
He understood at once, and felt something in his chest leap up with relief. There was his heart, where it had always been. Where Lucrecia would always be.
"Go. Go find peace. We'll take care of the rest."
Vincent...goodbye.
"Goodbye, Lucrecia."
He watched the crystalline structure as it changed, as light poured upward out of it and the image of Lucrecia slowly faded, until nothing was there but crystal reflecting watery moonlight. Vincent waited a long few moments before he spoke, to make sure she was gone, because he was talking more to the memory of her than Lucrecia. He was sure he had never stated anything more simply, with so much human sincerity.
"I love you."
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The Sixth Harbinger
They all watched her come together, the shape of a woman dressed in white walking uncertainly, as if she didn't quite remember how, out of the light that surrounded them. As she neared, Aerith went to her, wordlessly offered her arm in support, and the two women came to Cloud together, the one Sephiroth had been born to and the one whose life he had taken.
Cloud knew her at once, from the last time he had seen her, from the shape of her face and hair that was so heartbreakingly familiar. The white she wore was a lab coat, as it turned out, and she had the keen and penetrating eyes one might expect of a scientist. The eyes were brown, not silver as Cloud had half-expected, but there was a mixture of kindness and deep thought in them. Lucrecia Crescent looked very much like her son, indeed.
"Cloud Strife," she said when she reached him, hardly seeming to notice the others.
"Lucrecia Crescent." He bowed his head a little, and lifted it to see her smile sadly.
"You are the one who loves my son."
"We all do...but yes, I am."
"I know what you are trying to do. The voices of the Lifestream told it to me. I am not sure I can help. Perhaps...it was selfish of me to come."
"You came to be heard, right?" Aerith asked, tender-hearted Aerith, to whom comfort was second nature. "That's not selfish. It's human."
Lucrecia's head tilted downward. "Hojo used to equate being human with being weak. Somehow, he convinced me that I was weak. And I became so, surrendering to him, giving up my child to an experiment."
She looked at Cloud so intently that he almost shrank back, and softly said "I didn't come to tell you why I did what I did. I don't know why. But I wanted you to know I love my son."
"If I have the chance, I'll tell him."
"Thank you, Cloud." Her sad smile became just a bit happier. "Sephiroth is not an easy person to care about, I know. I am grateful to you for loving him."
Cloud almost laughed. "It's the easiest thing I've ever done."
"Will you...perhaps...accept a memory of mine?"
"I would be grateful for anything you can show me."
"I don't know how much help it will be. Thank you."
Cloud lay back, and watched her brown-earth eyes above him until the world around him faded.
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Lucrecia leaned heavily against the plain wall, holding to it with one exertion-dampened hand placed flat against the sterile white. She moved slowly, knowing she could go no faster and remain upright, moving her shaky legs toward the corner, where she would turn and tackle the next wall. Although officially confined to bed, she knew she could not remain off her feet all day and yet keep the threads of sanity she clung to. Ella wasn't of the same opinion, so Lucrecia tried to limit her out-of-bed adventures to times when the nurse was busy.
Lucrecia had nearly circled the small room when the door opened, and a curly-haired woman in white with a kind face entered.
"Again? Doctor, you've been told to stay in bed."
"Ella, you've been told to call me by my name."
Tsking, Ella strode to her charge and helped her slowly back to the hospital bed that was the room's main feature.
"Lucrecia, you read the report on your last tests. Your heart is growing weaker all the time. Even the slightest exertion is too much right now."
"If I die, I die," Lucrecia said bluntly, looking away from the hurt on the nurse's face. They had become friends, after all. "If not from exertion, it will be from boredom."
"I could bring more books."
"I'm tired of reading." It was true, even research had failed to adequately distract her. "And I never thought I'd hear myself say that."
"I'm sure the doctors will find a treatment that works soon. Dr. Hollander said the results of your plasmapheresis were encouraging."
"He's trying to be kind. He's a nice enough man."
Lucrecia didn't bother to mention Hojo, though she thought to herself that Hojo would be happy to see her dead, now that he had gotten what he wanted out of her, literally out of her. Ella hated Hojo too, as all but the most ruthless assistants did, but she did continue to work for the medical lab, and couldn't express her hatred openly if she wanted to continue at ShinRa. For this reason, Lucrecia tried to keep her vitriol to herself, to keep it from harming the woman who had become perhaps her first real friend.
Except for...
Lucrecia motioned Ella to sit down beside the bed, and leaned toward her to speak softly. "Any news?"
Ella knew at once what she referred to, and answered with the same volume of voice. "I was able to briefly speak to Commander Veld."
"And?"
"And I'm not sure how honest he was, considering the Turks' reputation for secrecy. But he said Vincent Valentine was considered missing, as in absent without leave."
Lucrecia visibly deflated. Though she had seen Vincent shot with her own eyes, had used science to try to save him and watched him turn into a monster, part of her hoped that he had somehow survived and would be back at his Turk post, like nothing had happened. She knew Hojo too well, though, if anyone really knew him. Hojo did not keep failed experiments.
Vincent...I'm so sorry.
"He...he is dead then."
"We don't know that," Ella immediately countered. "Turks don't die easily. He could have escaped."
"Vincent would not have left the Turks without telling anyone."
"Maybe he did tell. After all, why would Commander Veld divulge Turk secrets to a mere nurse?" Ella asked, reasonably.
She was trying to cheer her patient up, and though Lucrecia appreciated the effort, it was getting harder each day to put on a brave face and pretend life wasn't over. She was growing weaker every day, like a planet going slowly dark and cold. Each day, her conscience became harder to hold, heavy with Vincent, and Sephiroth. A tear escaped and streamed suddenly down her cool cheek, and she couldn't say which it was for.
"Even if Vincent survived, I made him a monster," she said matter-of-factly. "I don't think he would forgive me."
"You were trying to save his life."
"There are things worse than death." A long pause, then... "Have you seen him?"
Again, Ella knew at once who Lucrecia was referring to. "I changed his diaper this morning. Gaia, that child can poop."
Another tear, and with it, a smile. "Tell me more. Tell me everything, even if you've said it before."
"We think he may be starting to teeth, although at only a month old he is a bit young for that. His eyes are still silver, just the strangest thing I've ever seen, but beautiful. He watches everything, every move everyone makes, like he's taking it all in. His hair is growing fast, Gast says it's too lovely to trim."
"More," Lucrecia begged. "More, please."
"Dr. Gast played peek-a-boo with him this morning, while Dr. Hojo was in the bathroom. He also brought Sephiroth a stuffed coeurl that he's calling Mr. Snuggles."
Lucrecia had always liked Gast Faremis, from their first meeting; now she would have kissed him if given a chance. He was the reason she knew Sephiroth would at least grow up cared for by someone, and not merely valued as Hojo and ShinRa did.
"Let's see...he never seems to get cold, he always kicks off the blankets we put on him. He's already trying to hold his bottles when we feed him. He can't quite manage it, but Gaia is he strong. He actually tore one of his swaddling blankets in half. Dr. Hojo was very pleased."
I'm sure he was, Lucrecia thought bitterly.
"You'll be glad to know that although Hojo is always around, Dr. Gast and we nurses do most of the actual caring for Sephiroth. Good thing, too. If he had to deal with Hojo holding him, the little dear might actually cry," Ella said dryly.
"He...he still hasn't?"
"Not once. I've never seen a baby so content. He frowns when he needs to be changed or we're too slow getting a bottle to him, but not a peep. He hasn't cried once since he was born."
I remember, when he first came out of me, he didn't make a sound at all. I was so terrified of his silence, but he was all right. Sephiroth, are you really all right, in spite of the mess I brought you into?
"Oh, and he peed on the president," Ella added, nearly gleeful. "The president came last night to check on Sephiroth's progress, and wanted to hold him. But Lena hadn't fastened the diaper properly, and urine got all over his expensive suit. Gast had to go hide in the supply closet, he couldn't stop laughing."
Good for you, Sephiroth. Soak Hojo too, the first chance you get.
"Is Hojo pleased?" As much as Lucrecia would like not to care, she knew that Sephiroth's well-being depended upon how valued he was.
"He seems to be. He says the Jenova cells are stable in him and he appears to be a success. Sephiroth is already showing signs of intelligence and unusual strength."
Sephiroth, be strong. Be what I wasn't.
"I'm glad. I just want him to be safe."
The door opened, abruptly, without a knock or any other pleasantry. Hojo's gangly form entered the windowless room, and it suddenly seemed darker. Ella stiffened, knowing from experience that it wasn't good for her patient to interact with Hojo, it excited her too much. Lucrecia pulled aside her blankets and struggled to stand.
"You've been asking for me, what is it?" Hojo asked bluntly, his reptilian eyes betraying no hint of emotion.
"I want to see my son. I want to hold him."
"I've told you, when you're well again."
"You know damn well that I'm not going to get better. I want to see my baby before I die."
"And I've told you, it's foolish to form silly attachments to the subject of a great experiment. Why not bond with the laboratory mice while you're at it?"
Ella's clenched hands were turning white with fury; never had she so badly wanted to strike someone. Lucrecia managed to get up, and on wobbling legs she approached her husband. Ella expected her to fly at him and beat him with her weak arms, but instead Lucrecia fell on her knees before him and bowed her head.
"I beg you! Let me see him, just once!"
"Get up, Doctor," he said with disgust. "You're embarrassing yourself. I'll come back when you've regained control of yourself."
He stalked off, leaving the door opened, and Lucrecia was a pitiful sight kneeling on the white floor, wearing a long gown instead of her old lab coat, unable to rise though she had once run miles each day with no trouble. She rose up, then slumped down again as though all the angry energy had drained out of her. Ella wanted to help her up, but she felt stuck to the floor. Even in her illness, even though she had just begged a man she hated, Lucrecia Crescent possessed a quiet dignity that was too strong to properly pity.
"Sephiroth," she said once, very clearly, and crumpled to the floor.
"Doctor! I need some help in here!"
Ella was strong, she managed to get Lucrecia to the bed, check her breathing and begin CPR. Other medical personnel rushed in, and everything that could be done for her was. They didn't realize that Lucrecia had left her body immediately, that she was blowing through the nearby science labs like a wind, allowing herself only one brief look at her baby before departing to the purgatory she thought she deserved.
The last thing she heard is what all the surprised doctors and techs heard - the loud, wailing cry of an infant.
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"Thank you all for coming."
It had been awhile since Tifa had last closed Seventh Heaven for a day. Doing so now reminded her of the days of AVALANCHE, both pleasantly and sadly. All those lives lost. Would someone in this room be next? Tifa looked around at her old nakama and her new comrades. Cid, having brought most of the old gang on his airship, now nursing a glass of scotch and looking ready to spring up when the moment to do so came. Yuffie, all nervous energy, squirming and spinning on her bar stool. Barret, looking grumpily serious as always. Vincent, who was actually smiling, for a reason no one dared ask about. Cait Sith on top of his newest Moogle, nodding solemnly when Tifa said there had better not be any security leaks. (Reeve came through briefly to say he was no longer involved with ShinRa anyway.) They all sat in a loose cluster in one half of the bar, while the former SOLDIERs sat on the other. Introductions had been made to Commander Andrew Lefler, Commander Kellan Finn, and the two who insisted they no longer had rank, Malakh Highcliff and Hiromi Sada.
So far, so good. The heroes seemed to accept the former SOLDIERs's presence and believe they were on the same side. Everyone here seemed ready for action. Ironically, all they seemed to be missing was Cloud's leadership.
Get your butt back here, Cloud, you're better at this sort of thing.
"Okay...we all know why we're here. We need to get Cloud out of ShinRa's clutches, and we're gonna need everyone in here to do it. We need to figure out a plan of action."
"I say we bust in the front door and show 'em our fists!" Yuffie said exuberantly, punching the air.
"You always suggest that, darlin'," Cid pointed out.
"That doesn't make it a bad idea."
"If I may, Miss Lockhart?" Tifa nodded, and Finn rose. "We have done some light recon around the main ShinRa building. We mustn't be tricked by the fact that it is unfinished. It used to be an office building, one with high security. Security may not be what it once was for ShinRa, but we have to believe the building is well protected."
"And we've had no luck in finding plans for the building," Sada chimed in. "Meaning, when we go in, we're going in blind."
Malakh nodded. "Our inside informants say Strife isn't being held in the basement lab, but somewhere on one of the upper floors. We'll have no choice but to search for him."
"In that case," Barret said, banging his fist on a table, "we should split up inta at least two groups."
"I agree," Tifa said. "Splitting up worked last time we infiltrated a ShinRa building, and this way we'll be giving them a harder job capturing us."
"If it's true, as I suspect it is, that Cloud Strife is under sedation wherever he's being held," Lefler said, "one group can take him out of the building while another holds the enemy back."
"Are we fighting to kill?" Highcliff asked, and the question seemed genuine. "We can't know ShinRa's motives, after all. What if Strife is there willingly?"
"I'd say that's a damn foolish question," Cid drawled, "if the same hadn't occurred to me. The kid is unpredictable, after all."
Tifa realized they were all looking at her now, and while clearing her throat she tried her best to stand tall, as a leader should. As Cloud did.
"I've been calling Cloud, and unsurprisingly, he's not picking up. He does fall out of contact for days at a time sometimes, but he knows I worry about him. If Cloud were willingly going to disappear into the hands of ShinRa, he would have let me know. I have to believe that. Now, maybe he did go willingly, but maybe he didn't. I won't rest until I see Cloud for myself and he tells me. We're busting him out."
"Hell yeah!" Yuffie whooped, nearly falling off her stool.
Lefler stood up. "I suggest we fight to disarm, unless deadly force is being used against us. From what I can tell, security measures are restricted to the use of guards and numbered keycards."
"We been there before," Barret said gruffly. "We jes' take the keycards off the bodies we pummel. No sweat. I jes' hope there ain't so many stairs this time."
He and Tifa shared a smile.
"The building is served by two separate sets of staircases," Finn said, moving his hands to indicate the shape of a building. "I suggest one team take the stairs and begin searching from the ground floor up. The other will take the elevator to the top floor and work their way down."
This received favorable mumbling and nods from around the room. Barret murmured that he had better be on the elevator team. Sada opened a box he'd been holding on his lap and began to hand out walkie talkies to each person present.
"They're already calibrated to the same frequency. We report to the other team each time a floor is cleared, or if back-up is needed. Hopefully, since their security will have to split up too to deal with us, we won't encounter anything we can't handle."
"So what'll the teams be?" Yuffie asked eagerly.
"I believe Miss Lockhart should decide that," Finn said, nodding to her.
Tifa looked thoughtfully over the room, gazing in turn at each person before she spoke. "Team A, which will go in the front, will be made up of myself, Cid, Yuffie, Finn and Highcliff. Team B, which will go in the back, will be Vincent, Cait Sith, Barret, Lefler and Sada. Team A will start from the first floor and work upward using the stairs. Team B will use the elevator and go from the top downward."
"Aw, thank Gaia," Barret loudly moaned.
Malakh took Hiromi's hand and squeezed, feeling the pressure of it grasping his in turn. They had both taken on potentially more dangerous missions separately when they were SOLDIERs, and had always come back to one another. They had hoped to be grouped together on this one, but understood why they were not, and accepted it. The look of love and trust that passed between them was enough.
You better be careful.
I will be if you are.
"Everyone remember," Finn said soberly, "New ShinRa may or may not still be our enemy. If Rufus or any other high-up wants to talk, let 'em. There's a chance, however remote, that we could win this through diplomacy rather than arms."
"Aw, that's no fun," Yuffie complained.
The bell over the door rang. Tifa automatically headed for it, ready to point out that the sign in the window said Closed, then froze where she stood. Rude was the one who had come through the door, and waited there with a slight awkwardness intruding upon his usual cool demeanor. His mouth formed a neutral line, neither pleased nor disappointed, and his trademark sunglasses hid whatever emotion might have been lighting up his eyes. Tifa could feel him looking at her, and strangely, her stomach fluttered under the pressure of his intense gaze.
"Seems like I came at the right time," he said bluntly. "You are planning to infiltrate the ShinRa building and remove Strife. I came to help you."
"Help, or sabotage?" Malakh said, his voice cool. "I remember you, you're a Turk. Turks are loyal to ShinRa above everything else."
"There are exceptions." Rude turned back to Tifa. "Reno asked me to come here. He says only that I'm meant to help you."
"I'm glad you're here, Rude," she said, and realized she truly was, "but we're going against ShinRa here. Why would Reno want you to help us?"
" I don't know. But I trust him. He was right, before Meteorfall, to insist that he and I never win a battle against you. I must believe he is right now, in sending me to aid you." Rude, having spoken more than he was used to, was mute for a few moments as he adjusted his shades. "I know where Cloud is being held. I can take you directly to him."
"All right, Rude, I always knew you weren't so bad!" Yuffie said happily.
"Faith and begorrah, we're glad to have ye aboard, lad," Cait Sith said, and the Moogle beneath him bowed.
Finn, though clearly less enthusiastic, nodded. "Okay, but we'll be watching you. I don't show much pity to anyone who betrays me."
Rude grunted in acknowledgment, and took the seat nearest to Tifa. As Finn began to argue that dawn would be the best time to begin their assault, Tifa felt Rude subtly watching her, and wondered what he was thinking. It could be true, she thought, absently playing with the teardrop pendant that hung from her belt. Rude could genuinely want to help. He and Reno had risked their lives to help them before, and the two of them seemed to prize a loyalty to each other above the duty they felt toward ShinRa. Rude's presence made their victory nearly a certainty, Tifa let herself believe, and she felt happy to have him around.
Hold on, Cloud. We're coming.
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Sephiroth. As time passes, She favors me ever more, and now I fancy I can sense you at last. In the Lifestream, tucked safely away by the space-bitch who claims to be your mother, oh so distant and corrupted by her darkness, but at last, I know you are there. Your soul shines against my senses like sunlight warming a stream bed. You are as beautiful as I remember, the same beauty that ensnared me young and ended my innocence as a small boy. I have never wanted anything as I wanted you, as I still do, as I always will. I will let you go, hand you off to the hero-boy as I must, but I will insist forever that no one has ever loved you as much as I.
The Lifestream is astir, a pool disturbed by pebble after pebble, disruption without end, whatever, amen. The spirits whisper that Strife the hero, no stranger to the Lifestream, is accepting the memories of its denizens in preparation for his battle to save Sephiroth. I gave you memories once, little Cloud, when I was a predator and you were too young, too irresistable, too deliciously unwilling. Someday I will ask your pardon. Maybe I can offer a memory of my own, something to explain away the villain I was, the bloody choices I will always regret.
I am growing stronger. Here in this place where I once prayed to the Goddess that Seph would let me kiss him, my limbs grow lithe and full of a vitality that reminds me of being a boy again, before I grew into cruelty and guile. My fingers on my scarlet sword stir with a semblance of their old strength, and my wing - that great black beast that set me forever apart - unfolds as if to ask, where to? How quickly? Thanks to Her unfailing love and merciless will, I am whole again, and ready.
There is a path laid out before me, and though I cannot see its end, I know I must follow it. Strife will save my Sephiroth, so Strife must be aided with all the force I can muster. There is a dark one who keeps a silent vigil, who was made against the day Sephiroth's loyalty is lost, and because it didn't activate before Meteorfall, I must guess that it serves Jenova, not the company. I will see it destroyed, I will see that all who dare keep Sephiroth in bondage are vanquished utterly.
And whither then? Will I be left on Gaia to the life I once wasted? Or permitted to die, taken into Her loving care? It is said, for the untainted, that the waters of the Lifestream have no memory. I think I would like that, though neither a long life nor a peaceful death can ever expunge Sephiroth from my heart.
The darkness has served me well, but the time has come. I roll away the boulder, and step from my tomb into the blinding daylight, and the smell of apples on the heavy summer air.
To be continued.