A lengthy chapter as an apology for the delay on posting! It was a very draining chapter to write as well… you'll see why =) I hope you like it!
Vocab:
tadaima – phrase for "I'm home"
yukata – light, cotton version of a kimono
Houshii-sama – formal phrase for addressing a monk which Sango used often
gyoza – dumplings
tonkatsu – a style of fried pork (it's really good!)
onigiri – typically triangular rice balls that have fillings inside of them
nabe – Japanese hot pot
As always, I do not own these characters! They are the great invention of Rumiko Takahashi. (Well I guess I own Daitokage and Takahiro and whoever else I decide to create, but whatever.)
It started out as just a dash of dusting. Then, it turned into a smidge of sweeping, then a swift snack made for the children, then a light scrub down of the floorboards, then into a full-blown futon smack down. Rin simply couldn't help it. She refused to sit by forever and play with the children while she saw Kagome and Sango running around the village, constantly being called on while she was off at a game of hide-and-seek. Kagome and Sango swore that her looking after the children was more than enough assistance, but Rin would not buy it. After two weeks of persistence on Rin's part, Kagome finally relented, allowing Rin to help out around the house, though she wouldn't permit her guest to do all the cleaning.
During the third week of Rin's stay, Inuyasha and Miroku returned, both grinning idiotically from their "adventures." They seemed extremely pleased to have nearly gotten themselves killed on three occasions and were more than happy to regale the others with their tales of terror and adventure. As eager as they were, Rin couldn't help but notice Kagome and Sango's wincing at the most exhilarating parts of the tales.
Seeing Sango's annoyance at not having the chance to accompany them on their adventures, Miroku quickly extracted a silver necklace with the character for heart as a pendant and pearl inset from his bag. In an unexpected display of emotion, Sango threw her arms around Miroku and cried, "Houshii-sama!" like in her younger demon hunter days. Miroku's hand, unable to resist such a temptation to fulfill his part as a pervert, found his way to Sango's rear and a resounding slap filled the air leaving Miroku with a flaming red handprint on his cheek.
Later that evening,Kagome came into Rin's new room. Until then, she had been happy to accompany Kagome in her room with the adjoining futon; now, due to Inuyasha's return, Rin now occupied one of the spare rooms which was plenty comfortable, if not a bit lonely. Rin's suspicions that Inuyasha and Miroku were not meant to be away for the full two months were confirmed with Kagome's apology. Her hostess had sincerely thought that Inuyasha and Miroku would be gone for a little longer, but it wasn't really a matter to Rin anyway.
"Don't worry, Rin-chan!" Kagome said to her one evening. "Just make sure you stop off at a local river before you go and scrub yourself down pretty well," she said with a laugh.
Rin was glad to have this much needed excursion. It gave her time to reflect in true privacy without leaving her to dwell relentlessly for hours on end on what Sesshomaru had told her. In truth, she loved having the opportunity to escape thoughts of Sesshomaru while she was so preoccupied with work and the children. The only time when Sesshomaru came inevitably to the forefront of her mind was when she saw Hiroshi's or Inuyasha's golden eyes. Nevertheless, Rin was proud of herself. Each day, she felt her master's hold over her loosening, or at least that was what she told herself each morning.
One night, though, a few days after Inuyasha and Miroku's return, Rin nearly had a heart attack. In the middle of the night while she was asleep, there was a muffled thud on the top of the roof that woke her with a start.
Sesshomaru? Rin nearly smacked herself for thinking this right off. No matter who or what it was, it deserved further investigation.
Quietly, Rin rose from her futon, careful to not wake Hiroshi who surprisingly seemed not to have been disturbed the sudden noise. She walked to the door of the house trying her best to avoid stepping on the squeaky floorboards or Hiroshi's bright toys which always littered the ground of the hut. Carefully, Rin peaked around the corner of a wall, fearful that something much worse than she imagined would be waiting for her. Rin was stunned by the sight before her. There in the frame of the doorway, illuminated by soft moonlight, Rin saw a figure with long, silver hair. She nearly cried out in joy, but her words were stolen from her as her heart plummeted into her stomach when she walked closer and saw the dog ears twitching in her direction as she approached.
Rin sighed at her stupidity. Of course it wasn't Sesshomaru. Inuyasha, like his half-brother, did not need to sleep nearly as often as humans did. She had forgotten that in her youth, she had often stumbled upon him during her late walks perched on a high branch in a tree. It was no wonder he was still awake at this hour.
The figure turned around at her exhalation. Seeing the obvious disappointment written across Rin's face, Inuyasha said in a hushed voice, "What? Did you think I was my bastard of a half-brother?"
Embarrassed, Rin blushed and stumbled over her words as she tried to cleverly concoct an excuse on the spot. "N-no! I heard a noise on the roof, so I thought I would see if there was a demon or something and I didn't know it was you and-"
"Well there's no need to worry about that," Inuyasha interrupted. "The old hag put a protective spell around the house the moment Kagome came back for good. Besides, if there really was a demon, you'd need a weapon," he said as he turned to head towards the room he and Kagome shared on the occasions he did need to sleep.
Cheeks burning a furious red, Rin apologized quietly as she gave a quick bow and returned to her room before she could say anything else she'd regret.
Even after that, over the remaining weeks, anytime Rin caught sight of the silver head, she would think of Sesshomaru until she realized that the figure she had mistaken for her lord was clad in red instead of white.
(¯`*•.¸,¤°´-`°¤,¸.•*´¯)
The days slid by while Rin was in Kagome's village. She quickly lost track of one day as it slid into the next, a never-ending flow of childcare, chores, herbal remedies, and housekeeping. Before she knew it, it was only a week until she was scheduled to depart. Sitting on the floor with Hiroshi, she watched him play with blocks that Kagome's mother had given him.
"Hey there!"
Rin jumped, startled from the sound of an unfamiliar yet almost recognizable voice from the doorway. Rin reached for her knife which now rested against her calf, held by a leather strap as she turned to face the stranger.
"Rin-chan! There's no need to get violent," Kohaku said with a huge grin as he walked into the room. "Long time no see, eh?"
Rin squealed and jumped to her feet, abandoning the knife and running to meet the once-boy she hadn't seen in so long.
"Kohaku-kun!" she cried as she flung herself into his arms. "How are you? How is your family?" Rin had heard in a letter from Sango and Kagome that about eight months ago, Kohaku had gotten married to a young girl named Aiko then moved to a village some five miles away. "Is your wife here? I would love to meet her!"
Kohaku rubbed the back of his head a little sheepishly. "Ah, no, actually she couldn't be as much as I wanted you two to meet. She's pregnant now and not feeling up to travelling much at the moment."
"That's wonderful," Rin said warmly. "My congratulations to the both of you!"
"But trust me, I want her to meet you as soon as she can. She knows how important you've been to me, just like a little sister!"
Rin smiled at this term of affection, though several years ago she wouldn't have. While she had been living in Kaede's village, she had entertained a crush on Kohaku for more than a short while. When he had addressed her as his "imouto-chan" then, she had flushed with anger and confusion as she in no way had thought of herself as his little sister. Looking back on it, Rin laughed at her own naivety. Back then, Kohaku was always far too focused on his training to see her as anything more than an affectionate little kid. Although they hadn't kept in contact as well as she had with Kagome and Sango, his sister kept them both informed on what was going on in each other's lives, and Rin would never turn down the opportunity to see Kohaku. She spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with news, critiquing potential baby names, and learning about his latest work as a professional demon hunter.
Inevitably, Rin began to feel a hint of uneasiness creep up on her as her time in the village drew to a close. A mixture of homesickness, nostalgia, anticipation and fear filled her as she remembered that soon, she'd be back in Sesshomaru's world. While she longed to see him again, she feared the feelings that she had so carefully been locking away might return simply upon sight of her lord. It was during these final days that Rin scrambled to cram her emotions into the smallest box possible and hide them in the deepest, darkest corner of her mind.
Ah-Un was sent for her the morning she was to leave. When the beast arrived, however, Rin was excited to see that this time, she would not be travelling alone. Even if it was the not-so-friendly face of Jaken that met her, Rin appreciated the fact he was even here.
There was a flurry of hugs from the children as Jaken continued to sigh impatiently on top of Ah-Un, reminding her to "hurry it up!"
Rin hugged Sango and Kagome in turn. The latter held on to her just a little longer than the former who was now preoccupied with her youngest who had managed to climb onto Ah-Un's back.
"Remember that you're always welcome here, Rin-chan. I know you know this, but please take advantage of it. If you ever need us, we're always here waiting for you. This of us as your second family," Kagome said with a smile
Rin thanked her as she climbed onto Ah-Un, waving goodbye to everyone as they took off. She watched the village grow smaller and smaller until the people below were miniscule specks. Sighing despondently, she settled in for a long ride. She missed them already. Little did Rin know, she would be back much sooner than she thought.
(¯`*•.¸,¤°´-`°¤,¸.•*´¯)
The night after she returned, a maid arrived in her room with the message that Sesshomaru required his usual tea in his study. Rin was startled by the request, unsure of what to expect. She hadn't brought tea to Sesshomaru since the night he had told her to "amend the situation" involving her emotions.
Resigned, Rin steeled herself as she carried the tray up to Sesshomaru's office, her resolve firm in proving that she had done as he ordered. She rapped on the tatami three times and Sesshomaru slid the door open to let her in. Tentatively, Rin chanced a glance to see his expression. Rin was a little put off to see that his face was completely detached as was his usual, nothing in his demeanor or expression hinting that anything had ever passed between them. Rin took this as a cue to act normal, and so she did. In fact, she found it surprisingly easy to put on a façade as if they had never breached the boundaries between ward and master.
The next night was the same, and so was the next, and the next. As time passed, Rin was surprised to find that even she began to believe her act herself. After two weeks of this, she was starting to believe that she had convinced herself that she did not hold anything beyond what was expected for her lord. Rin no longer felt blood rushing to her cheeks if he drew near or stumbled for words in his presence. Even in her dreams Sesshomaru began to fade away, slowing effacing himself from her mind in the ways he had found so intolerable.
Without fail, her life composed itself into the order it had been. In what seemed like no time at all, a week had passed and Rin resumed her training with Daitokage in the mornings to avoid the heat of the day. Her teacher had returned while she was away and expected her to resume her physical studies immediately. Rin groaned when she read the note that requested that she be present for training at sunrise the next morning. Although he had instructed her before his leave of absence to maintain her physical condition, Rin had done nothing to heed this command other than the occasional stroll and the regular housework.
"Well, well, well!" Daitokage called to her as she rubbed her eyes free of sleep the first morning she returned to training. "I hope you have been at least stretching while I was gone, perhaps practicing your riding?"
Riding? Rin thought. She hadn't ridden horseback in months, even years possibly, unless you counted Ah-Un. Rin didn't even have her own personal horse so seldom were her equestrian needs.
"Ah, you seem puzzled, young one," Daitokage said with a sly grin. "Come now, it's time that you learned a new set of skills! It's something that's rather popular with the so called 'warriors' of your race, but it can be rather useful: archery from horseback!"
Rin didn't smile. Daitokage stood there, looking expectantly at her, awaiting her undying gratitude or perhaps a little applause. None came and he looked disappointed. "Oh Rin-chan, you really must lighten up! All little girls want horses when they're little, and look what I've done for you! I've gotten you one, right here!" he said.
From inside the stables, Daitokage-sensei led a black horse by the reigns. "I think you two know each other."
Rin indeed did recognize the horse as one of the only two she had ever ridden. His name was Haru, a medium-sized stallion the color of midnight with a white star marking in between his large, black eyes. He stamped the ground twice at the sight of Rin, shaking his long mane.
"Oh look," her sensei said teasingly. "I think he remembers you! Come now, you need to get on!"
Rin, placing her foot into the stirrup, swung her other leg up and over Haru.
"Let's see you ride," Daitokage said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.
Tentatively, Rin ushered Haru forward, nudging him with the reigns and pressing into his stomach. The horse didn't budge.
Daitokage sighed. "It seems as if we won't be doing much archery today, will we? How about you get used to riding him again."
After ten minutes and much instruction from Daitokage-sensei ("You must be firm in your commands!"), Rin finally got Haru to listen to her. For the rest of the session, they practiced holding the bow properly while still guiding Haru. Rin, never proficient at multitasking, thought the lesson would never end.
(¯`*•.¸,¤°´-`°¤,¸.•*´¯)
For the first time in eons, Sesshomaru was exhausted. Dark circles had begun to tint the skin under his eyes, his muscles ached and his hair was limp no matter how frequently he bathed. Even simply sitting could now tempt him into the refuge of sleep. But he couldn't afford to rest, not even a short nap. No, every time he slept now, he dreamed. For over a hundred years now he rarely remembered a dream he had, but now they reappeared in his waking memory in unnerving clarity, the vivid images resurrecting in the day as if they were true memories. But now, anytime he slept, he dreamed of her: Rin, and not in the way he had known her to act.
No, in his dreams, Rin was the pinnacle of desire, every movement calculated to tempt him into her arms. Her eyes weren't bright and warm like he knew them to be. Instead, they were ablaze with seduction, calling him ceaselessly until he gave into his desire as he inevitably did. Each day after he slept, he woke with a start, breathing heavily from the fear which now coursed through him at the remembrance of such dreams. His mind had joined his body in the rebellion against his will. Sesshomaru had even resorted to taking sleeping drafts in an attempt to circumvent the dreams, but they had only made sleeping worse; upon taking him, the dreams only intensified both in strength and duration.
Sesshomaru was left now to simply avoid sleep altogether. He found that he needed the caffeine of jasmine tea to keep him awake, something he had never tried to stomach before now. Although the dreams plagued him in his memory while he was awake, Sesshomaru resolved that at all costs, he would prevent the creation of the new nightmares by refusing to sleep at all.
Now, tired and even more irritable than usual, Sesshomaru walked amongst the living like the dead. He hadn't slept in well over two weeks now. He knew he would have to succumb soon to sleep's tempting embrace, but by God he would try to avoid it for as long as physically possible.
Rin, on the other hand, had seemingly done as he had commanded. When she had returned, she simply bowed to him and said, "Tadaima, Sesshomaru-sama," with a gentle smile. When he had sniffed the air and listened intently, he sensed nothing of her previous anxiety or elevated heart rate, though he did detect a lingering stench of his brother on her clothes. Even when they met for tea, her demeanor did not falter. She smiled and chattered as usually, seemingly happier and more at ease than she had been in months. He, however, was tormented whether in or away from her presence. Any time he looked at Rin, flashes of the dreams would fill his mind, cutting off all other thought. If he kept her at bay, she instead drifted in and out of his head in his unguarded moments. No matter what he did, she was always there.
(¯`*•.¸,¤°´-`°¤,¸.•*´¯)
Rin's birthday came shortly after her return in the early days of April. When Sesshomaru had taken her in, she had been far too young to be able to count the days properly on her own and therefore had little memory of when her "birthday" was when Kagome had asked her about it. Instead, she decided to adopt the date Sesshomaru had revived her, a sort of rebirth that she liked to use as her birthday.
That morning, no maid came to wake her up for chores or ask when she would be ready to help out with tending to the gardens. Instead, Rin woke on her own, the spring sun warming her room by the time she opened her eyes. Stretching, Rin sat up with a satisfied smile. No dreams of Sesshomaru that night, which would make it perhaps a full month since her unconscious had last tortured her with unattainable fantasies.
Rising, Rin put on a simple sky blue cotton yukata, glad to finally be rid of the heavy silks and wools of winter. Without even bothering to comb her tangled hair, Rin dashed outside joyfully, spinning around and around in the soft green grass. No matter what, she would never be able to let go of the happiness that spread like a warm glow during spring. The fact that it was her birthday wasn't the main attraction to her; she simply loved having a day to spend outdoors.
Without delay, Rin made her way to one of her favorite attractions: the cherry blossom tree grove which was just a few hundred feet from her room's outdoor entrance. Inside that expanse of trees was a breathtaking world of pink and white petals which blanketed the ground like snow. As soon as she set foot into the forest of blossoms, Rin felt her entire mood change. A peaceful calm swept over her as time slowed to a crawl. Cautiously, she lowered herself onto the ground and lay back on the pillow-soft grass which cradled her like a soft futon. The thicket of trees was so dense that looking directly up from the ground, Rin could hardly see the sky in some places, just impossibly full clouds of gentle pink. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply as she sank into her imagination. Cherry blossom petals drifted down, falling like a slow rain. One floated down to settle on Rin's cheek like a tear. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear Kagome telling her that sakura fell at five centimeters a second. Kagome was always like that, full of knowledge Rin couldn't always comprehend.
Today, she was a woman. Today, she was no longer in love with Sesshomaru. Today, she was truly free. For her, this birthday was the beginning of a new life. Finally and forever, she was no longer bound by the heart to Sesshomaru in ways she could never have him.
Rin stirred at the sound of footsteps, begrudgingly opening her eyes to find that the source of the noise was Keiko approaching with a wicker basket hanging from her arm. Sitting up, she smiled dazedly as she shook the cherry blossom petals from her hair.
"Ne, Keiko-chan! What are you doing here?"
Keiko came and sat on the ground with her. "You're the birthday girl! I thought now was a good time to bring you lunch!" Pulling the cotton sheet from off the top of the basket, Keiko shook it and spread it out before them. "I thought that a picnic was in order as the weather is so beautiful today."
Rin put her hands over her cheeks in astonishment as one by one, Keiko revealed all of her favorite foods out from the basket: fresh beef and green onion gyoza, a side of pickled ginger, salmon onigiri, tempura shrimp, tonkatsu curry rice, and a covered pot which Rin could only guess to be Azami's extraordinary extra spicy nabe. For dessert, Keiko reached into the basket to uncover two sweet rice cakes, one for each of them. By the time they had finished all the food, Rin thought that for sure her stomach would burst. Both girls lay on the ground, laughing while they talked.
Finally after well over an hour, Keiko sat up. "The lunch we had was Azami's gift. This," Keiko said as she reached into the depths of the basket for the final time, "is my gift. Close your eyes and open your hands."
Rin did as she was told. She felt something cool and light touch the palm of her hand.
"Now open!"
When Rin saw what Keiko had given her, she gasped. In her palm lay three ornate hair pins of silver. They all had a fine, black ink line crawling up the pin in swirls up to the bases of the ornaments where rested a sakura blossom in full bloom on the top of each. At the heart of the flowers were three bright gems: a ruby, a sapphire, and an emerald. Each petal was intricately detailed and shaded with all the design and reality of a true cherry blossom though in silver. Rin was shocked. Something this elegant must have been an exorbitant price, probably a full month's of Keiko's salary.
"Keiko-san, you really shouldn't have," Rin said as she pushed the pins back into Keiko's hands. "You don't get paid that much and-"
"Enough!" Keiko sighed as she closed Rin's hands back around the pins. "I don't want to hear about it! Besides, I'm given free room and board, so there's not much I can do with the money anyway. Keep it. It's your birthday present."
Rin leaned over and hugged Keiko as tightly as she could. "Thank you, really. They're beautiful."
"Just promise you won't forget to get me something for my birthday, okay?" her friend said with a smile.
Rin spent the rest of the day with Keiko, even after she had to return to the housework. By choice, this was a much better option in Rin's opinion than spending the entire day alone. Even while they worked, Keiko and Rin had fun playing games such as racing while cleaning floors and chatted incessantly. Azami tried on several occasions to pull Rin away from Keiko, but all her attempts were in vain. To Rin's delight, she gave up by mid-afternoon and let Keiko off an hour earlier than was usual. Immediately, she and Keiko dashed outside where they spent the afternoon in each other's company, chatting about anything and everything while the pinned blossoms in each other's hair.
Sitting up a couple hours later, Rin looked at the fading light. "Ah, it's getting kind of late. I should be taking Sesshomaru his tea now, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah, I guess you should," Keiko said drowsily. "He's still making you do that even on your birthday?
"Well," Rin admitted, "it's not so much that he makes me, I choose to as well. Besides, things have been pretty normal lately, you know?"
"Yeah yeah," Keiko said, relenting and finally sitting up as well. "So you say. Have fun!"
"I swear!" Rin called behind her as she left Keiko in the clearing.
Rin walked back to the castle alone, feeling the nighttime beginning to engulf the horizon behind her, pushing her to raise her speed. She prepared the tea hastily, though let it steep properly this time, and then went up the stairs to Sesshomaru's study.
Rin kneeled, then rapped. Nothing. Puzzled, Rin rapped three more times. Still nothing. Tentatively, Rin called out to what lay beyond the other door. "Sesshomaru-sama…?"
No response.
Rin, now slightly worried, slid open the door an inch to peer into the depths of the room. Everything was in its place, no sign of any disturbance, just empty. Carefully, she lifted the tray and walked in. At the least she should set it on the table so that when Sesshomaru returned, he'd be able to have his evening tea.
Rin had just laid the tray down when something unusual about the room caught her eye. Looking around, she tried to remember what the room normally looked like. All the books were on their shelves like usual as were the scrolls, the maps, the numerous instruments she had no name for… It wasn't until she turned to her left that she finally noticed it: the door to Sesshomaru's adjoining bedroom was slightly cracked, a gentle glow emanating from the space beyond.
Approaching as quietly as she could, Rin peered into the dimly lit room. She had never seen the room lit at any time of day. Now, two oil lamps graced side tables, softly breaking the darkness of Sesshomaru's chamber. Curiosity begged her to look further into the room, just a quick peek. Against her better sense, Rin slid the shouji a few more inches open until she could slide herself in between the narrow gap.
Looking around, not much was visible. Rin walked to one of the side tables to pick up a lamp when she noticed a huge mass looming in front of her. Letting her eyes adjust, she finally could make out an enormous bed with an iron frame. Although she had never had the opportunity to see one in real life until now, she had heard much of the western style mattresses which Kagome frequently missed having. Looking before her now, though, Rin could tell that this was what lay before her. Touching in it, she found the top layer to be a thousand times softer and smoother than her futon's comforter. Lifting the lamp, she extended its light to the bed to examine it more closely. Rin nearly dropped the lamp when its soft glow exposed what hid in the darkness. In front of her on the bed was Lord Sesshomaru.
He was still fully clothed, even keeping his armor locked tightly around his body. Rin, ignoring the logical part of her brain which demanded that she turn around and leave that instant, leaned closer, bringing the dim light to his face. Although sleep was normally one of the few times his face was completely relaxed, his expression now was contorted in what seemed like a mixture between discontent and reluctant satisfaction. This time, unlike the instance on their journey to the wolves' territory, she let herself watch him. She wasn't in love with him anymore, right? This was simply something out of curiosity. Raising her hand, she extended her fingertips towards his face, imagining the softness of his skin, knowing that touching it would wake him. In fact, she wondered why he hadn't already noticed her presence. If anything, her scent should have pulled him from his sleep, much less the noise she made. While she thought she was being of the utmost stealth, she knew that her quiet movements were more like thunder to his ears. Finally, the logic and reason center of her brain hijacked entire control of her mind and ordered her to set the lamp down that instant and back away. You're just lucky he hasn't caught you yet! Can you imagine how furious he would be if he woke up and saw you standing there? Leave. Now!"
Her left hand had just moved to set the return the oil lamp to its place on the bedside table when a hand reached out and grabbed hers. Rin would have screamed had she not looked to see that it was Sesshomaru, his eyes still closed but eyelids fluttering rapidly. As if she were part of his dream, his hand moved up her arm to her cheek, around her neck and began to drag her closer. His eyes were now open a fraction of an inch, though hazy about the irises. Rin started to panic. What was going on? What was happening? when suddenly she found his mouth on hers, a movement in a swift blur.
At his touch, Rin felt the control drain from her body, the question and confusion leaving her lips as she felt his desire consuming her. The locks on her tightly shut box where she had hidden her feelings broke open, its contents spilling over her. His mouth was warm and inviting, his pressure hard and forceful and burning. Her body went limp under his contact. Soon, she was on the bed, Sesshomaru towering over her. His hand lifted her chin to meet his raised head. She felt his soft hair brush against her cheek as the kiss deepened. Rin thought she might be melting into Sesshomaru's being. Sesshomaru's armor was pressed so tightly against her body that she was sure a bruise was already beginning to form. Rin watched him hover above her, his eyes still shut. Slowly, though, a fraction of an inch at a time, his eyelids parted. The haze about his eyes cleared, the cloud disappearing from his amber irises as if he were waking from a deep sleep.
As quickly as it began, the kiss stopped.
When Rin opened her eyes, Sesshomaru had retreated into the shadows, barely visible. All she could see was the glinting of two eyes now burning red.
Rin rose from the bed and took a step towards the darkness, but a feral growl stopped her dead in her tracks. "Go," came a deadly hiss from the shadows.
"But, Sesshoma -"
"Leave!" Sesshomaru roared.
Rin stumbled as she dashed from the room, leaving the tea tray utterly forgotten. She was so preoccupied that she didn't even notice the small package wrapped carefully in silver silk waiting for her on her dresser.
(¯`*•.¸,¤°´-`°¤,¸.•*´¯)
Rin tried her best all the next day and the day after to forget what had happened. When she awoke in the morning, she thought that perhaps it had been a dream, an incredibly realistic fantasy, but then she saw the bruises on her chest and knew it had all been real, too real.
During her training lesson the next day, she missed every target she aimed at. Daitokage castigated her incessantly. She wasn't trusting Haru. She was too tense. She wasn't taking her time before aiming. She didn't steady herself. She didn't hold her arm upright after the release. Exasperated, Daitokage stopped Rin for a break, an anomaly in itself. It was while Rin sat on the grass that a maid approached.
"It's from the master," she said as she reached them, a small note folded in her hand.
"Thank you," Rin said as the maid bowed and left. Opening the note, she saw only four words written.
Come to my study.
Rin sat for a moment, contemplating the message. On one hand, she was thankful to have an excuse to end the horrendous excuse of a lesson for the day. However, the thought of facing Sesshomaru once more filled her heart with paralyzing trepidation. She wasn't sure if it would have been better to continue failing at shooting arrows while riding instead of seeing Sesshomaru. It was something she dreaded desperately. Rin hadn't even bothered bringing Sesshomaru the night before, and neither had he called for her. When the maid had come to remind her, she simply pretended she was sick and rolled back over in her futon after the maid had slid the door shut with a soft click.
"What does the note say?" Daitokage-sensei asked curiously as he leaned slightly over to read the miniscule script.
"Ah," Rin replied as she folded the piece of paper and tucked it into the belt of her training robe. "Nothing important. It can wait."
Daitokage gave Rin a skeptical, calculating look. She knew that Daitokage was an old acquaintance of Sesshomaru's and understood that if her master took the time to send a written note, it was more than "nothing important." Rin could tell he saw clear through her lie, but surprisingly, he simply turned away and said nothing, returning to the training.
For the rest of the lesson, the note stayed pinned under her belt. Originally, she had intended to tend to it after finishing her lesson with Daitokage-sensei, but as soon as she had finished, she put it from her mind. After she had returned to her room and began preparing for a mid-afternoon bath, a different maid approached her, once again carrying a note. This time, it had only two words.
Come now.
Once again, Rin thanked the maid for bringing the note and bowed her out of the room. Turning the note over in hand, she considered what would wait for her there and decided that it would be easier if she were to simply ignore it. What was there to talk about, really? Her mind said this slightly out of fear, but partially out of reason as well. In a few days, things would go back to normal and they could continue living their lives. She didn't want to think about what had happened that night. The moment it reappeared in Rin's mind, a terrible sadness and confusion racked her body and wouldn't leave until her for a full hour, even if she attempted to preoccupy herself. Anytime the slightest memory of what had happened rose to the forefront of her thoughts, she simply pushed it farther and farther back until it could no longer resurface.
Rin enjoyed her bath in peace, running through her usual cleaning routine mindlessly: shampoo, wash, oil, wash, pumice stone, wash, climb out, dry, return to room. She enjoyed her dinner greatly, a maid having brought her a bowl of nabe with a side of rice. On the tray, Rin found yet another note. This time, the message had been reduced to one word.
Now.
Sighing, Rin placed it next to the tray on her low table and began to eat her meal. If it truly was important, he would simply have to seek her out. Otherwise, she was not about to walk into the pitfall awaiting her in his study willingly. She knew the moment she set eye on him, there would be hell to pay.
Climbing into bed after a satisfying dinner, Rin began drifting off to sleep. In the twilit place between wake and sleep, Rin thought of her days as a child, running free with Kohaku. In the midst of her dreamland, the stray thought crossed her mind that perhaps it would have been better had her crush on Kohaku would have stayed. Perhaps she would have been his wife instead of Aiko, filled with happiness of having a child on the way.
SLAM.
Rin jumped awake as her room rattled from the force that threw her door wide open. Looming in the doorway was Sesshomaru, an intractable, unnerving calm etched into every line of his face. He opened his mouth and Rin winced, expecting the roar of the night before. Instead, she heard a smooth voice address her.
"You received my messages." This was not said as a question, but instead as a fact. He knew well that she had received them. "And you did not do as I said."
Again, Rin remained silent, her eyes focused on the creases in her sheets.
"Explain," Sesshomaru commanded, his voice hardening.
Rin searched for the right words. "I didn't think that it was urgent, so I simply… forgot."
Rin looked up to see that Sesshomaru's eyebrows had risen a fraction of an inch. She supposed no one had ever defied his orders like this before.
"Come."
Rin rose and followed behind Sesshomaru at a half jog, his long, quick strides far too covering to keep up with at a normal pace. Once they had reached his study, Sesshomaru turned and shut the door behind them, leaving Rin standing at the doorway while he went to his desk. With the slightest twitch of his finger, he suggested that Rin sit, which she did promptly.
"There is something that disturbs this Sesshomaru and has for a long time now. I am not one to keep things hidden unless there is a good reason."
Rin held her breath, clueless at what was about to come.
"However, I believe now is the right time to explain myself," Sesshomaru continued coolly. "For many years now, I have been receiving offers for your hand in marriage. I believe the time has come for you choose from one of them."
Rin stared, stunned. She had been expecting many things, but this was not one of them.
"Suitors… milord?"
"Yes, from all across the land. I have written a list of those I find acceptable," he said as he slid a paper across the desk towards her. "You may ask Jaken for details on any of the personages I have listed. All whom I have chosen are human."
Rin didn't move an inch to take the paper. She was paralyzed by shock, bewilderment, and a rising sense of anger.
"Why now, then?" she said, looking up in disbelief from where the paper lay. "Why is it time now?"
"Now that you are eighteen, you have crossed the threshold of womanhood. I believed you to be too young to reasonably choose from your suitors until now."
Rin was silent once more, rage beginning to boil inside her chest. She tried to quell it with sense and logic, attempting to think through the situation reasonably.
"I expect you to have chosen one of the names from the list in two days' time. You may leave now."
Rin didn't budge from her spot, her feet rooted in their places by some unknown force.
"I won't."
Sesshomaru finally looked her directly in the eyes.
"I won't choose from the list. I won't choose someone to marry whom I don't love."
As if he had expected this, Sesshomaru replied without more than a half-moment's hesitation. "Love is an arbitrary emotion. Humans have always set far too much store by it, certain demons as well. It has been the downfall of many, including my father."
Looking down, hands clenched into tight, unyielding fists, Rin murmured so softly that only a demon like Sesshomaru could hear, "but I love you, milord."
"This Sesshomaru told you to rid yourself of those longings."
At this, Rin snapped. "And I did! I came back, and I was healthy and happy and normal for the first time in months! I was fine, content! Now you tell me I am to marry someone I don't even know after you kiss me?"
All pretenses of tranquility dropped from Sesshomaru's face and voice. "That was a mistake," he growled venomously.
"And that time at the bath house? Was that a mistake too?" Rin nearly screamed as tears of fury began to cloud her vision, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. "How about the time I cut my hand, or after Takahiro nearly killed me? I saw the look in your eyes, I know it was there."
"All meaningless mistakes," Sesshomaru repeated, his claws digging into the wood of the desk.
At this, the tears overflowed over Rin's eyes, rolling down her cheeks. "So everything that happened, it all meant nothing at all to you?"
Sesshomaru didn't respond to this, but Rin knew what that meant. Leaning over to where the paper lay, she picked it up. There were about ten or twelve names on the list, each with an age written in fine scrawl next to its owner. Taking the parchment in hand, she tossed it into the fire which until now had died down to glowing red embers. The moment the paper touched the charred wood, the dull fire caught onto the paper and lit it, the list crumpling into ash as the fire consumed it.
"I won't choose anyone from that contrived list," she spat. "First, you tell me to forget my feelings for you, and I had. I had, Sesshomaru-sama. I can never comprehend your words compared to your actions, they contradict each other so. I know I can never be with you, but I'd rather be without you than spend another day in this agonizing ambiguity. Goodbye, Sesshomaru-sama."
Without one look back, Rin turned and left the study. Once in her room, she snatched her empty saddlebag from the trunk and began throwing changes of clothes into it, leaving all her ornate silk kimono behind. She spotted the silver silk package on her dresser, a momentary curiosity distracting her. Without opening it, she tossed it inside her bag and closed it tight. Rin's anger had consumed itself in her fury, leaving only raw sadness, raw pain in its wake. Tears resumed their course on her cheeks. She cursed Sesshomaru, cursed his nature, cursed his youkai blood, but most of all, she cursed herself. She knew what she was doing was incredibly impulsive and foolish, but she couldn't stand another day in this chaos, constantly having her emotions thrown about so callously.
Rin was nearly out of her room when she turned, grabbing a piece of paper and a bottle of ink from her desk. Writing a note, she dropped it onto her trunk before quitting the room.
Once out of the estate, she headed directly towards the stables. Ah-Un would be missed, a horse wouldn't. Haru was asleep, his legs tucked beneath his massive body. Calling to him, she woke him.
"Steady boy…" Rin murmured gently as she placed the saddle over his back and secured her bag to it. She stroked his black nose with the white star on it and climbed on. This time, he didn't resist. Haru seemed to sense the resolve in her voice, finally obeying her commands.
Outside, Rin took one final look at Sesshomaru's estate before turning and galloping away at full speed.
So much chapter….! If you have the time and/or chance, please please please review! I'd love to know what you think of what just happened!
To the reviewers of the previous chapter:
LEGNA – I'm sorry! And it just seems that it will be getting more and more angsty, doesn't it . Don't worry! Things will get better. Thank you so much for reviewing =)
Inu25 – I'm glad you haven't found a boring part of my story yet! Sometimes I get frustrated when writing because it's not necessarily the fun scene I want to be writing and worry that readers are going to be even more annoyed with me! Thank you very much for your compliments and review!
jellyfish'confetti – LOL! I'll happily take that cookie! You should see how much of a dork I am in rl, especially when writing exciting scenes such as the ones that happened in this chapter. Thank you for your review!
JLH – I hope you enjoyed this chapter then! Thank you for reviewing =)
TrinaAnn – You don't know how happy that makes me! I hope you continue enjoying it. Thank you for reviewing!
Winterfluff – I know! It's very frustrating to see stories that put Sesshomaru really OOC, so I'm always struggling to keep Sesshomaru, well, Sesshomaru. So much denial he has! I swear, he really needs to learn how to suck up his pride, doesn't he =P Your prediction might not be so far off; you'll just have to see what happens! Thank you very much for your review!
Ari – Haha thanks! I actually had written a story for somebody else at one point (not for this account), but dropped it shortly thereafter as I got too busy with school (this was several years ago, and I definitely would not recommend that you read the story, haha). Sorry that the update took so long, but I made the chapter extra lengthy to try to make up for it . Thank you so much for reviewing!
Kata – I do hate putting Rin through this kind of suffering… but it has to happen for everything to work out according to my story plan =( Thank you so much for your compliments and review! I love hearing from you =)
NiceGoingLife – You nailed it! His mother knows him very well. You'll have to see what happens on that part! I will say that Yuushin does become a big part of this story pretty soon ;D Sesshomaru is definitely one of the most difficult characters to write for, and half the time I don't even like him because of what I'm making him do! (That sounds rather crazy, doesn't it haha) Thank you for reviewing! I'll have to check out one of your stories, perhaps El pajaro en la juala, though my Spanish is rather rusty from being on summer vacation =P
Jubeichankawaii –I'm very happy that you like the story and think Sesshomaru isn't getting OOC. Thank you so much for reviewing!
Harlow – They will they will! While this chapter had a decent SxR scene, Sesshomaru of course has to go and ruin it all (hmph). Thank you for your review!
Guest (7/16/2012) – I'm sorry the update took so long! I tried to put plenty of action into this chapter though to make up for it. Thank you for reviewing =)
icegirljenni – I'm glad that you're okay! I was starting to get a little worried ;P I'll pm you back after I get this chapter up. Although my life hasn't been nearly as busy as yours, I did get preoccupied over the past couple of weeks. LOL! Don't be too scared! I rather like Yuushin, or at least I do when I know what plans I have for him. You actually hit on one thing I'm thinking about doing but haven't made up my mind about yet. Sesshomaru is one of the biggest idiots ever, even more so than Inuyasha! At least his little brother managed to get some sense knocked into him every once in a while =_= As always, thank you for your energetic review =)
Guest (7/18/2012) – He is very much a jerk! Your comment made me laugh so much =) Doom is right. Thank you for you review!
Superblueowl – It makes me so happy to hear that you like it! Thank you so much for reviewing! =)