I'm back! Sorry, too much Terminator on the brain. Anyways, here is the next chapter, and I hope you all like it. I don't think it's as funny as the other ones, as it's more of a transitional chapter, but that's for you to decide. So don't forget to review!!

Chapter eleven: Project: CSI Chris

Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom, why would I be writing phanfics? Also don't own CSI or anything else that's not mine.

Christine, on the other hand, was very confused. "Why have you brought me here?" she sang, bewildered.

"We can't go back there!" Raoul sniffled.

She glared at him forcefully. "We MUST return!" she sang back firmly.

"He'll kill me!" he wailed, dropping to the ground. "His eyes will find us there… those eyes that burn… if he has to kill a thousand men…"

Christine blinked. "You are…" she began, "One of the WUSSIEST men I've ever come in contact with!" she snapped. "Besides, you've never even MET him, for crying out loud! How do you know what he looks like!"

Raoul stopped mid-wail, thinking about that. "Well… erm…" he reddened considerably. "Isn't that what you said?" he squeaked, now more afraid of her than of the so-called Phantom.

"NO!" she yelled, holding the rose tightly, the snow lightly whirling around. "I never told you anything about him! You're completely overreacting about this whole situation!"

"But–"

"Ya MAKE ME SICK!"

Raoul stood up and wiped his nose. "But, Chrissy, he killed a man!" he protested, moving towards her.

"I oughtta slug you," Christine retorted. "Or throw you off the roof. Buquet obviously tripped and fell of the catwalk."

"How would you know?" Raoul demanded. "What are you, some kinda expert on this?"

"In Fact, I've been watching CSI for a few years and picked some helpful stuff up," she admitted haughtily. "And who cares if, hypothetically, the Phantom DID kill him? No one liked the guy. I mean, what kind of a name is Buquet, anyways? He could be a florist!"

Raoul wrinkled his nose and replied, "Well… I'll still make sure to tell the managers about this."

"You do that."

"Christine… Christine…" Raoul suddenly crept up behind her.

She shot him an evil glare. "What?"

He grinned smugly and began to sing: "No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears…" he started to sing, randomly changing the subject.

"Oh SHUT UP!" she shouted. "I don't want your attentions, you stuffed up fruitcake. I already have a boyfriend!"

"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime," Raoul went on, completely ignoring her. "Say the word and I will follow you…"

Christine glowered and returned, "Say you'll shut up and I will not hurt you… promise me that you will leave right now… that's what I'm telling you!"

Raoul was becoming slightly nervous. "Surely you don't mean that!" he squawked.

"I do, and don't. Call. Me. Shirley!" she responded furiously, baring her teeth. Raoul stared at her in horror.

"Look at you," he said, "The Phantom's turned you into some kind of monster! Or a vampire! ACK! He's sucked your blood, and now you're coming to suck mine! GET AWAY!!" he ran back into the Opera house, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Christine paused for a moment before bursting out into hysterical laughter. "That was… the most hilarious thing… I've ever seen… in my entire life!" she giggled.

Erik had been watching the whole time and now came out from behind the statue, grinning. "Maybe we should get some fake pointy teeth and scare him at night," he broke in, coming up next to her.

Christine turned around and wiped her eyes. "I guess you heard everything," she said. "Raoul wanted me to marry him. And he also thinks you've put me under some spell. He's very strange."

Erik chuckled. "Well, I'm just glad that you didn't accept his advances, Chris," he replied fondly. "I don't know what I would've done."

"You probably would've tried to kill him," Christine answered thoughtfully. "But what we really need are some lock-chewing cows."

"EUREKA!" Erik shouted, swinging her around. She stared at him, confused.

"You okay, hotness?" she asked, worried.

He nodded and replied, "Yes! Perfect! Just wonderful! You said that we should get some cows… great minds think alike, Chris! I've just ordered some online!"

Christine beamed and said, "Did you get me a husky, too?" When he nodded, she squealed happily and hugged him. "You da MAN, hot Phantom!" she chirped. Sighing, she pulled apart from him and glanced back to the Opera house. " I gotta go. Come with me, Erik?"

"Chris, yo, I love yo'!" he rapped back, holding her hand happily.

The two went back, where Erik kissed her lightly and left to go back to his lair. Then, when she headed back to her dressing room, she found Raoul, who had seemingly managed to gather up some courage and ask her to stay at his house – to get away from the 'Phantom Vampire' lurking in the Opera house.

"Raoul, I can't," Christine protested stiffly. "I belong here."

"It seems like you know a lot about this Phantom," Raoul shot back warily, "Tell me where he lives!"

Christine was at her wit's end. "Fine, I'll stay with you, just promise to shut up!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. Raoul grinned triumphantly as she slammed her door, ready to begin her packing.

"ERIK! OH ERIK!" she yelled, throwing the mirror open. There she found him, gazing at her forlornly.

"You're going with him!" he said in disbelief. "But I thought…"

Christine leaned in, scheming.

"I have an idea," she began, "I stay with Raoul, or else he's going to think that something's up. Then, after a few months at the Masquerade ball, we go back to normal! Blah, blah, blah, you do your opera, boom, we sing the song, and bang! We're happily together, living in a large mansion with lots of cows, camels, and any other animals that we decide to buy. Sound good?"

Erik nodded. "Yeah, but can I see you before that? Like, during when you're with the fopster?"

"Sure thing, hotness!" Christine replied. "Well, I gotta go, see ya later!" she kissed him and turned to leave.

Erik stared after her with a stupid grin on his face. He slowly turned around and let out a familiar stream of muffled curses as he banged his foot on a loose stone.

"BLOODY STONES!" he hollered, fuming.

For the next three months, Christine spent about three eighths of her time in Raoul's house. The other five eighths she was with Erik, going on romantic carriage rides, moonlight picnics, and midnight serenades. Raoul, being the stupid fop like he was, didn't suspect a thing. He had, in fact, thought that Christine was no longer a dreaded vampire and was getting ready to ask her to marry him.

"Christine, Christine, where art thou?" he sang, flouncing into her room. Christine looked up from her book and glared at him.

"What is it now?" she snapped, annoyed.

Raoul, being the stupid fop like he was, didn't notice her tone and ranted on. "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, oh radiant Christine? Your hair shines like a thousand pineapples, your eyes, the color of freshly ground mulch, your face, the shape of a watermelon, your ears, the shapes of two delicate peaches, your hands, the–"

WHAP! Christine hurled her book at him, furious. It hit Raoul with an extreme force and sent him to the ground, passed out.

"Good riddance," she muttered in irritation.

That's it for this chapter, you know the drill!

Dear Readers, I would appreciate it if you would be so kind as to review. If you do not, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur! I remain, readers, your obedient servant, OG In Training.