Castiel felt like a little child seeing a brand new city for the first time, his forehead was pressed against the cold window staring up at the passing buildings of New York and he glanced over to Dean looking over to him amused.

"Enjoying New York?"

"Dean, I'm never going back" he muttered in awe. "We need to look in every shop…is that the statue of Statue of Liberty?!"

"Cas, we are nowhere near it"

"Take me there"

"Fine but not now, I need to get to this damn motel" he murmured looking at the instructions to get there before meeting up with Sam in the evening.

"This is so risky of us"

"Mmm" Dean said with a hum turning into a street. "Maybe a little too risky"

"Do you think we'll get caught?"

"Honestly?" Dean said turning his head to look at him. "I don't know but I know that this could blow up around us if we're caught"

"What if we were?" Castiel murmured softly not wanting to ask it but needing to know the answer.

"I don't know" Dean murmured turning into the car park and looking at the motel with a nod. "Not bad and it's cheap"

"I don't care as long as it had a bed and hot water"

"I need television" Dean murmured as they climbed out and he left Castiel by the car with the bags while he paid the deposit and got the keys. Castiel looked around and smiled faintly realising he was in New York. He had dreamt of coming to New York all his life and here he was with the man he wanted to be with. Dean walked over jangling the keys and picked up his bag looking at the number.

"Come on then" he murmured looking for their door and walking in with a low whistle. "Not bad"

"It had your TV and a king bed" he said dumping his suitcase down. "What should we do?"

"Well we have a couple of hours before we have to meet Jess and Sam so…" he said with a suggestive look.

"Is sex all you think about, Dean?"

"70% of the time, 25% is you and the 5% is pie and beer" he said with a smile.

Castiel eyed him carefully fighting back a smile. "Charming as ever"

"You do realise I haven't seen you in two days since that car journey"

"How did you cope without me?"

"Badly" Dean murmured gripping his wrist and pulling him towards him. "Anna was being weird, Gabriel was being even weirder, Rachel is learning to read books properly, and Kendal is ten seconds from a mental breakdown"

"Are you still pleased you married into our family?" Castiel said softly undressing Dean.

"In a way, I married for the wrong reasons but I met you along the way and for that…I'm glad. I hate that I'm hurting her, I've ruined the marriage now and I'm cheating on her in the worst way possible…but I do still care about her. I thought I was in love with her, I was just wrong and now…"

"Now…?" he said undressing himself and shooting Dean a quizzical look.

"I don't know what to feel" he whispered tilting his chin up and kissing him hard. Castiel moaned eagerly, hands clutching at his shoulders feeling the warm skin underneath his palms and fingers, and eagerly dug in backing him onto the bed. Dean gasped when Castiel shoved him down with lust burning brightly in his eyes as he straddled his waist wearing nothing but his underwear. Dean moaned when the soft material stroked along his bare thighs and half hard cock.

"Cas, please, fuck me…hard" he muttered eagerly digging his hands onto his thighs and shifting back till he was in the middle their bed. Castiel lifted off him allowing him to spread his legs rocking his lips up eagerly, he hummed reaching down for the lube.

"Condom or...?"

"No, no condom" Dean breathed lifting his eyes to watch and biting his lip in anticipation when the lube cap was lifted and he spread the red gel onto his fingers. Castiel flicked his eyes up to watch him when he pressed the first finger into spread him open meeting resistance but feeling it slowly slip away as he wriggled and arched adding another finger inside him. The heat was intoxicating as he crooked his fingers brushing along his prostrate eliciting shivers and pulses of warmth and pleasure inside of Dean. Dean moaned when the fingers wriggled and itched inside him.

"Cas…" he pleaded fisting the cover underneath him. Castiel did as he asked and lined up before sliding deep inside him quick and roughly. Dean gasped wordlessly looking up at Castiel above him and exhaled shakily feeling the heavy weight now buried deeply inside him. Castiel began the slow slide inside of him as he thrusted slowly bringing his mouth down to kiss him briefly and slowly. Dean eagerly lifted up cupping the back of his neck and wrapping his legs around his body losing himself slowly bit by bit. He reached down wrapping a hand around his own cock this time and pumped and stroked himself in time with his thrusts inside him feeling his climax build up inside of him slowly and he groaned closing his eyes and rocking his hips up slowly.

"Come for me" Castiel whispered softly covering Dean's hand with his own and bit into his lip when he clenched down clamping up and groaned loudly spilling onto his hand and covering his chest. Castiel followed soon after a final thrust inside him, he moaned arching his neck back and feeling his back curve in response as he rode out his orgasm breathing heavily and collapsed down on Dean who caught him. Dean moaned hearing his heartbeat race in his ears and his lungs fight for breath.

"Fuck" Dean breathed looking at him when he lifted off him breathing out heavily. "I think we've christened this"

"I know" he murmured softly in reply pulling out of him and kneeling in between his legs. "Do you want to join me in the shower?"

"No, no, you go first" Dean said shifting up to lean against the headboard and grabbed the menu in curiosity. Castiel hummed walking away and out into the small bathroom while Dean looked at the menu.

His phone rang in his pocket startling him and he fished it out to see that Anna was calling him.

"Anna?" he said in greeting sitting up and glancing at the bathroom hearing the shower running.

"You didn't ring me to tell me you arrived there" she scolded.

"Sorry babe…I was distracted" he said softly scratching behind his neck. "I'm here and I'm meeting up with Sam soon"

"I miss you already, remember to call me tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah"

"I'll see you soon"

"Sure, you too" he murmured distracted and hung up placing the phone down with a sigh. He hated lying to her and knew the dishonesty, the lies, the affair and everything ugly with what they were doing would eventually turn around and bite them both in the ass hard. It would bring everything out and he didn't know if he was ready for that just yet. Dean knew Castiel would be tore away from him, his family would cast him out, and he'd lose all his family. Dean wasn't sure he was worth all of that.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't hear Castiel come out of the bathroom and kneel on the bed to wrap his arms around his shoulders.

"Did I hear you on the phone?"

"Anna called me"

"Oh"

"I didn't call her to tell her I arrived, I was a bit lost in you fucking me" he murmured leaning his head against his. Castiel smiled softly closing his eyes and remaining there for a long minute before moving away to get dressed.

"Hurry up and shower or do you want to meet your brother smelling of sweat and semen?"

"Yeah, yeah" Dean muttered with an eye roll going for his own shower. One hour later they were both showered and ready to meet Sam and Jess at their apartment. Dean stood staring at the yellow door glancing back to Castiel who nodded once in encouragement for him to knock only once before the door opened in a blur. Dean stared at Jess whose blonde curls were in a mess and her eyes excited as she looked at him and Castiel where they dimmed in confusion.

"Hey, Jess" he said and gasped when she hugged him and pulled back.

"Sam's just gone for groceries, we were preoccupied this morning and forgot!" she said breathing out. "Who…who's this?"

"Oh, yeah, this is, um, this is Castiel, well Cas, and he's my brother in law" he said standing back and letting them greet each other tentatively and awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you, I guess, where's Anna?"

"She didn't come…her mom is a little sick at the moment" he said when they stepped inside the warmth. "This is a nice place"

"It's cheap and that's the good thing" she said with a shrug. "It's close to work as well"

"You're both lawyers, how are you not stinking rich?"

"Because we're saving, dumbass, now tea or coffee or something a little stronger"

"Beer"

"Coffee please" Castiel said with a small smile. "One sugar"

"Right, just take a seat" she said with a warm smile gesturing over to their sofa. Dean pushed at Castiel who sat down on the plump cushions who exhaled shakily.

"I have butterflies" Castiel murmured with a hard swallow. "My palms are sweaty, look"

"You're doing well" Dean whispered into his ear. "Jess likes you, I think, and that's a good thing"

"I don't think she does, I think she's a little suspicious"

"Well we won't let them be"

"Here you go!" Jess said handing Dean a bottle of beer. "How was the journey?"

"It was interesting; Cas is a little excited to see the place"

"It's amazing, we'll show you around" she said giving him a warm smile and going to get his coffee for him.

"See" Dean muttered sipping his drink. "She likes anyone, well she sees nice and likes it"

"I don't think I'm very nice" he murmured catching his eyes. "I think I'm the lowest of the low, a deceiver, an adulterer, and a betrayal for my family"

"Cas…"

"Here you go, one sugar…" Jess said handing him a bright green cup and looking up when the door opened. "Here we go"

"Jess!"

"You're late, where did you go?" she said hurrying towards him and speaking to him in low tones. Dean opened his mouth but Castiel ignored him looking away and down into the murky coffee not looking up when Sam came in greeting Dean in surprise and warmly as they hugged and pulled back to talk. Castiel only looked up when his name was said and simply nodded in acknowledgement. His gut twisted when Sam asked where Anna was and he swallowed hard secretly wanting Anna out of the picture. It made Castiel feel even more twisted wanting nothing more than for Dean to leave Anna or for Anna to get out of the picture. He hated she got him first, he hated her for marrying him, and he hated that he couldn't have him for his own and instead had to lie to all the family members around.

"So, you're here for New York, Castiel?"

"Yes, my sister didn't want to come because my mom isn't well at the moment and I have always wanted to see New York" Castiel said when Sam and Jess sat opposite him. His eyes zeroed in on the way Sam took Jess's hand in his own. It was such a simple gesture, handholding, but something he could never do with Dean.

"I didn't think you'd mind" Dean said looking at Castiel who avoided his eye contact. Dean frowned deeply when he wouldn't meet his eyes and sighed softly.

"No, no, it's great…we can show you all our favourite spots and New York is amazing in the night. It's true when they say it never sleeps" Sam said softly looking to Jess.

"Mmm, right, now that Sam is back, I can get a start on dinner" she said clapping her hands together.

"Can I help you?" Castiel said suddenly looking at her and startling the three of them.
"Oh, um, okay" she said softly in surprise and led the way as they walked to the kitchen. Sam tracked their movements and stood up moving into the vacant seat.

"You two seem…close"

"He's my friend as well as my brother in law"

"Really?"

"Am I not allowed to be friends with him?"

"No, no, of course you are, I just…I-I sense there's something you're not telling me"

"To do with Cas?"

"To do with both of you"

"Sam, I'm not hiding anything" he lied with a hard swallow.

Sam's eyes narrowed but he nodded in acknowledgement letting it hang though he knew Dean lied to him there and then when his eyes dilated, he swallowed and his hands clenched.

"So what are we having?"

"Burgers and fries" she said with a small laugh. "Why do you want to help?"

"I'm the head chef of a place called Lovett's"

"No way" she breathed. "Oh you can't watch me cook! I'll put myself to shame"

"No, no, I bet you're incredible cook, Jess, just…cook" he said leaning against the counter.

Jess breathed out slowly looking nervous for her part as she got the items out of the bag and went about preparing.

"So how long have you and Sam been together?"

"Well we met four years ago at the start of our course" she said with a bright smile at the memory. "I was brand new, I was scared and…he was there. Sam was a dork, all dressed up in smart clothes, a huge bag with books we didn't need and looking like a helpless puppy. I was drawn to his need and we were sat together. It took him and of course me seven months to figure how we felt about each other and then…we took off" she said getting the meat ready. "It took him three years to finally stop his stumbling around and propose to me"

Castiel looked at the diamond engagement wistfully. "You must really love him"

"I do, he's my first love" she said poking at the meat thoughtfully. "It's true what they say you know, you never do get over that first love"

"Not always, someone else can come along and make you forget all about that person"

"True but don't you think there will always be something about that one person in a billion out there that made you fall in love for the very first time?"

"There is but when it all goes wrong, there is always someone better" he said softly. "You're lucky you found Sam first"

Jess looked over to him curiously confused to what he said but let it go. "What about you? Do you have anyone special?"

"I don't know"

"What does that mean?"

"It means…it means that the person I belong with is already stolen from me. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Oh, um, yes, it's-it's down the hall, the first door" she said watching him walk away with narrowed eyes even more confused. Jess was left to her own thoughts as she heard the dim noise of the television and Sam and Dean talking.

"Stolen" she murmured pushing the items into the warm oven and closing it thinking carefully. Jess wouldn't deny it was strange that Dean would bring his brother in law, a man he hardly knew and had only knew for four months it seemed and leaving his wife behind only added to the strange. She dried her hands on the towel peeking into see Dean and Sam arguing playfully over something on the television. Jess bit her lip not liking what she was thinking but it seemed likely that there was something more going on behind closed doors.

~0~0~0~

In the week they arrived it was the four of them to travel around New York City to Castiel's delight as the first place they travelled to was Central Park. Jess took them to her favourite shop named, West Village Stroll, were they did the most amazing cupcakes but to Dean's disappointment there was no pie. It was easy to leave Sam and Jess and get a few moments alone as they kissed in secret behind buildings, in toilets, and anywhere they could get a few moments to touch each other. It didn't help when Sam and Jess were a lovey dovey couple who liked to kiss, hold hands, and didn't care about showing affection for one another in public. It made Castiel envious and he longed to do that instead of hiding away.

It was after their first week there and with the day spent with Sam and Jess they had the night in the motel to spend together. Castiel could put all his frustration he felt into the sex and he loved more than anything waking up to him every morning and not feel like he had to run away because someone was coming to get them.

"I want to go the empire state building" he said to Dean who blinked and nodded surprised. They called Sam and Jess before setting off on the journey toward it, queuing up, and paying the ticket price.

"I hear the view from the 86th floor observation deck is amazing" Jess said gripping Sam's hand and letting him lead. Dean glanced back to Castiel who nodded at him following after him. They reached the 86th floor and stood out looking out of the amazing view and Jess hummed in delight.

"I'll always love living in New York" she said softly.

Dean stood next to Sam with Castiel on his other side and reached for his hand touching it softly and linking their hands together slowly. Castiel gasped softly looking down and up at Dean who met his eyes with a small sincere smile. He bit into his lip looking out of the view while they unlocked and locked their fingers touching discreetly. They spent the day there before leaving the place and going to find somewhere to eat in a diner. Dean couldn't help but notice the strange look Sam was giving him as he met his eyes and frowned.

"What?"

"Toilet" he said indicating his head at him to follow. "We'll be one minute"

Jess also frowned looking between them and Castiel simply looked between them bemused. Dean followed after pushing in and wrinkling his nose at the urine smell that hung heavily in the air.

"Why are we here?"

"Because I need to talk to you without Jess or Cas"

"Okay…why can't we go outside? This is disgusting and I…"

"How about you tell me why you were holding hands with your brother in law in the empire state building?"

Dean froze on his sentence and swallowed hard. "What?"

"You heard me, Dean"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Dean, I saw you, okay, I saw you holding hands out of the corner of my eyes and you two….you've been acting weird all week! Sneaking away and coming back looking rather flushed and stubble rash all over your cheeks" he said gesturing at his hands. "Don't lie to me"

"Alright, okay, it just…" he said trailing off and holding out his hand. "You know why we married…we married for the baby and then it died"

"Dean, I told you…"

"I know you did! I ignored you, I should have listened but I married her and for the wrong reasons but the right reason because I met him"

"You're cheating on her"

"I…"

"Yes, Dean, you can call this whatever you want but you're cheating on Anna and you may not love her but…she is still your wife" he said exasperated. "You are cheating on her with her brother, that's huge and it's not something you can brush under the carpet"

"Let me guess, you want me to end it with her"

"Yes"

"He could lose his whole family!"

"So you want to continue with him forever? Right under her nose? It's cruel, Dean, she doesn't deserve this" Sam cried shaking his head. "You end this with Cas or you end it with her"

"I can't end it with him"

"Then you end it with Anna"

"I…"

"It needs to be done before you get caught by her and not me this time, you've been reckless, Dean, and even Jess has noticed" he said with a raised eyebrow. "Promise me you'll end it"

"Fine"

"Promise"

"I promise"

~0~0~0~

Castiel looked at Dean who lay back on the bed sipping from his third beer staring hard at the television.

"Dean?" he questioned walking over and climbing on the bed to sit next to him. "You've been very quiet since the diner and that talk with Sam…which you still haven't told me about"

"It's nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Cas" he snapped looking over to him with a glare and away. Castiel swallowed hard moving away and feeling rejected by him. He moved away and headed towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Dean said confused sitting up.

"I need air" he said before heading out and closing the door. Castiel sighed looking up at the dark sky and walked over to the Impala choosing to sit on the hood and look up at the dark sky to see a few stars and simply watched them. He didn't know how long he was sat there staring up at the sky till he heard the door and looked over to see Dean.

"You've been out here ages" he muttered folding his arms over his chest.

"I wanted to get air and give you space"

"I'm sorry for snapping"

"I'm sure you had a reason"

"Maybe a little one"

Castiel nodded looking up at the sky. "You still haven't told me about your family"

"I know"

"I don't want to pressure you"

"I know"

"Come here" Castiel murmured crooking his finger at him and waiting till he stood in front of him and opened his legs enough for him to fit into them so he could lean against his chest. "Do you want to talk…?"

"No" Dean murmured shaking his head.

"Okay" he whispered looking into his eyes that were dark in the night and traced his fingers down the panes of his face before kissing him softly. Dean heard himself moan as he clutched at him and knew he couldn't lose this, he couldn't lose him, and he had to make a decision sooner rather than later.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews.