A/N: Cinnamontwist101: As always thank you to those of you who took the time out to review this story, please keep them coming. Also thanks to those of you who have added this story to your alerts and favourites. A quick note as to the status of the blog, due to time constraints updates will be put on hold indefinitely.
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Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table, All Music and song lyrics reproduced in this story are the property of the respective songwriters.
WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS STORY IS FOR MATURE READERS AGED 18YEARS AND OLDER. IT CONTAINS ADULT THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN... PLEASE RESPECT OUR RIGHT TO PUBLISH ON FANFICT BY NOT READING THIS STORY IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, WE CANNOT CONTROL WHO IS READING THIS STORY... SO IF YOU ARE NOT 18 THEN WE IMPLORE YOU TO PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THIS. THANK YOU...
Chapter 11: A State OF Confusion
Bella's POV...
I stumbled through the door and headed straight for the couch, I was starting to feel the come down from the coke and alcohol and it wasn't good. My head throbbed, my stomach churned violently.
I was proud of myself for having the strength to get up and leave Edward, I felt empowered that I was the one to walk away, even though I knew I probably wouldn't have if he had been awake at the time, but all the same.
I thought about how different things were this time around, I felt no sadness or anger. I didn't feel the need to get drunk; try to blot the memories of last night from my mind. I felt content; I had replaced the horrible memory of our first union with a beautiful one that I would keep with me forever.
I allowed myself to get lost in the memories of the way my body reacted to his touch, the feeling of him deep inside me. The only regret I had was that dawn had come far too soon. I thought back to the party, the song that Edward had sung to me.
I got up and went to find my IPod, quickly scrolling down to 'patience' by Guns n Roses. I stuffed the buds in my ears and listened to the lyrics carefully.
I replayed the song again, taking in every single word crooned by Axel Rose.
Was Edward asking me to wait for him? Wait for him to do what exactly? Did he want to have a future with me or was he just looking for a rebound relationship since his engagement had obviously failed?
Well none of it mattered anyway, because I wasn't going to get any more involved with him than I already had.
The purpose of last night was to replace the images of the night in the office.
There was absolutely no way I could see him again, if I kept playing with fire I was going to get burnt. No I was just going to be happy with the memories I had now and move on with my life, now that I finally had some peace of mind.
I spent the day sleeping on the couch; my dreams were full of Edward. I was happy to stay cocooned up in my little bubble of happy memories. It was just after the sun set when I finally fought against the haze and returned to consciousness.
I blinked rapidly trying to clear the film from my eyes, my stomach rumbled expectantly, it was then I realised I hadn't eaten since yesterday lunch time. I stumbled toward the kitchen but got sidetracked by my incoming text alert.
I grabbed my bag off the table, rummaging around until I found the offending technology, my heart sank when I saw Emmett's name.
I flipped open the phone with a growing sense of trepidation, a small groan slid from my lips when I read the message.
Hey girl where are you? Are you ok? Fucktards worried he said you were gone when he woke up. I want to take you and him out to dinner tonight. Do you want me to come and pick you up? Edward wants to know if he can call you?
I shook my head I wanted to kick myself for being so stupid and not thinking through the consequences once again. You'd think by major fuck up's in my life I'd learn something, but that doesn't seem to be the case with me, I'm what people refer to as a slow learner.
I had to stop this now before it all got way out of hand and I, or worse Apple and Louis ended up paying the price.
My fingers moved swiftly over the keys.
Hey Emmett! don't worry about me I'm at home, sorry I won't be able to make it to dinner I've got heaps of exam papers to mark. You know there's no rest for the wicked. It was really good catching up with you last night it was fun. Tell Edward I'll get in touch with him sometime. And thanks again Emm, give my love to Jazz.
Tears pricked my eyes, guilt gnawed at my insides, my finger rested on the send button for a moment; I squeezed my eyes shut tight as the pad of my thumb pressed down. The return message was instantaneous.
I thought everything was gonna be all good with you two now? He really wants to see you Bella and explain about what happened the night of the Christmas party if you'll give him the chance.
I could feel things starting to unravel quickly, I needed to keep my cool, keep focused and stay strong, there was too much at stake to allow myself to get in deeper. Apple and Louis' safety, happiness and wellbeing were too precious to take chances with.
I'm not sure I want to hear it.
I felt as if a lead weight had been dropped into my stomach as I hit send.
What was last night about then?
I considered the question, I knew Edward was prompting him. I thought about what I was going to say for a full minute before I typed my reply.
Peace of mind and the chance to replace bad memories with good. Sorry Emm but I really need to get these papers marked, I'll see you round ok and thanks again for the dinner invite.
I switched off the phone and headed for the kitchen, I was hoping food would soak up the guilt bubbling in my stomach.
My heart leapt into my mouth, I eyed the phone on the wall apprehensively when it started ringing. It was then I remembered that neither Emmett nor Jazz had my home phone number.
I hurried to answer it, all thoughts of Emmett and Edward forgotten when I heard Apple's sweet little voice on the line, "Mum, Mum, Andma Nae, ice ream."
"Hi Apple! How's Mummies little Angel? I hope you and your brother are being good for Grandma and Granddad?"
"Andma Nae, ice ream Mummy."
"Oh I see has Grandma Renee's been giving you ice cream?"
"Ice ream yum. Ove you Mum. Bye" I could hear Renee prompting her in the background, my smile widened.
"Bye sweetie, Mummy misses you. I will see you tomorrow; it's just one more sleep. I love you Apple."
"Bye my Mummy,"
My already aching heart gave another painful throb, being separated from my children was a billion times worse than being separated from Edward, I knew I could go on without Edward I had done it, but I could never go on without my children.
I flipped my sandwich waiting for Renee to come on the line.
"Hi Belly Bear how was your night, did you girls have a good time?"
"Yeah it was awesome, apart from the performing on stage that was horrific." I cringed at the memory of my less than ladylike behaviour... "How have the kids been, are you and Dad coping alright?"
"The children have been little angels and of course we're coping we did raise you and your sisters. Besides Jake's been ringing and checking in every few hours so there's nothing to worry about."
My battered heart swelled with love for Jake, a friendly love of course, he loved Apple and Louis. They were always in his thoughts.
"Thanks Mum, I can't wait to get them home. I miss them so much it hurts." I rubbed my chest, trying to ease the tightness in my lungs.
"I know what you mean; I imagine that's how I'll feel tomorrow when they're gone." The sadness was evident in Renee's voice.
"Not to worry Mum you can have them again next month if you like?"
"Oh can I really Bella? Thank you, thank you." I could her hear her tears of happiness in her voice; I resisted the urge to giggle when the image of her tear stained face flashed in my mind.
"No worries Mum. Can you give Louis a kiss for me and tell him I love him with all my heart?"
"Sure thing sweetheart, I'll talk to you again soon all right?"
~~~~XXXX~~~~
A week had passed since I'd seen Edward; I was actually surprised how unfazed by that I was. I thought I'd be obsessing over him, pining away for him endlessly, but I seemed to have resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't pursue a relationship with him unless I was prepared to tell him about our children, which at this point I wasn't.
In truth deep down I did want Edward to know he was a father, I knew it was selfish and cruel of me to keep that information from him, especially now he was back in New Zealand.
But I was a mother and would do whatever I could to protect Louis and Apple from Carlisle; the man was the devil incarnate. He wouldn't hesitate to use my children as pawns in whatever twisted way he could to ensure he got the outcome he desired.
It wasn't hard to guess the outcome he would pursue if he knew of the existence of his grandchildren and it wouldn't be beneficial for my children or myself.
He was cruel, calculating and callous and he had a habit of treating people as if they were disposable objects...
Jake finished his day at varsity early and came home in a super good mood. He grinned widely, placing a kiss on top of my head, "hi honeypuff how was your day?"
"Good, I haven't really done much; I've just been painting pictures with Apple and Louis. How was your day?"
"Good I've managed to get all my work for the week done already, so I thought you might want to out for dinner tonight? Alice said she'd come over and watch the kids."
"That sounds good Jake you need a night off cooking." He laughed and mussed my hair.
"I like cooking for you, beside if I didn't we'd starve." I flipped him the finger though I knew he was right.
Two hours later we were making our way into the city, I was feeling suprisingly happy and relaxed, not edgy and nervous like I had been every other day I had stepped out of the house this past week.
We pulled up outside the Dock Side restaurant and I couldn't help but smile, I loved this place as Jake well knew.
"Are you ready honeypuff?" He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles.
"Yeah let's go." We met in front of the car, he grabbed my hand and we headed into the Restaurant.
We made our way to the reception area; Jake keeping hold of my hand as he confirmed our reservation. My eyes scanned the busy room, I had a weird feeling I was being watched, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled and my stomach suddenly felt uneasy.
I looked around again, my heart faulted when my eyes fell upon Edward; he was sitting toward the back of the room with Emmett, Jazz, Demetri, Felix, Kate and Irina.
My heartbeat accelerated rapidly, it crashed against my ribcage violently as if it was trying to escape the threat of more hurt. My throat was so dry I couldn't swallow and my hands shook.
Edward was watching me closely, his narrowed eyes travelling between Jake and I and our entwined hands,
I could feel what little colour I did have in my cheeks draining rapidly I was sure I was looking a delicate shade of green.
I shuddered violently; I tried to remove my hand from Jakes without raising his suspicion. Unfortunately he noticed immediately he turned to me with a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright Bells?"
He leaned in closer, rubbing my bare shoulder with his free hand.
I chanced another glance at Edward; the thunderous look on his beautiful face was clearly evident from where I stood.
My stomach churned, he looked like the angel of destruction, poised ready to destroy the world and all who inhabited it.
I wanted to run, but Jake was already beginning to follow the hostess toward our table pulling me behind him.
My feet felt like concrete I literally had to force one foot in front of the other. I kept my eyes downcast, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating as we past Edward's table.
Nobody at the table said anything for which I was grateful, but I nearly cried when the hostess sat us only half a dozen tables from Edward's and right in his line of view.
I quickly took the seat that allowed me to have my back to him; even as I sat down I could feel the white hot burn of his stare on the back of my neck.
It remained there the whole way through my dinner; I had instantly lost my appetite in the reception area and resorted to pushing my mushroom ravioli around my plate.
I wasn't really paying attention to what Jake was saying but I did notice when he stopped talking abruptly and I knew why.
The tingles started at back of my neck, rapidly flowing through my body and radiating outward. A second later a wave of lust flooded through me and I had to fight off the overwhelming urge to turn around and throw myself into his arms.
"Can I help you?" Jake enquired. I kept my eyes on my plate, trying and failing miserably to stop my fork from shaking in my hand and clattering against my plate.
"Yeah sorry to interrupt your dinner but I was wondering if I may have a private word with Bella." I looked up at Jacob who was looking intently at Edward.
I saw recognition in his eyes and my heart sunk, Jacob had realised who Edward was.
"Honeypuff do you wish to speak with…?" Jake looked back at Edward expectantly.
"Edward." Edward's voice cracked like ice, the fury in it all too obvious.
"Do you want to speak with Edward or shall we just go home?" I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath as he registered Jake's use of the word home and I cringed.
The tension was mounting; I knew I had better say something before all the testosterone in the room spilled over.
"Yeah Jake I'll talk to Edward. Could you please excuse us, I'll see you in the car in a few minutes."
"Are you sure?" He was reluctant to leave me but I needed to talk with Edward privately.
"Yeah I'm sure, thanks Jake." I watched him leave the table which he did slowly and not before he threw Edward a scathing look.
I sighed in exasperation and turned to face Edward, "would you like to sit down Edward?" He never spoke, he just took a seat.
He turned to face me, his eyes blazing like green fire. "Is this the reason you left before I woke up and won't let me call you? Are you living with that kid? Why would you sleep with me if you and him are together? Doesn't your toy boy lover satisfy you? I never picked you for the cougar type; he only looks about seventeen... I thought we might have a chance to work stuff out Bella, I love you and…" He rambled, the words spilling out of his mouth in a venomous hiss.
I stared at him in shocked disbelief. Anger came to my defence my eyes narrowed and I scowled, "For your information fucktard Jake is my best friend and flatmate not my toy boy lover, although I did fuck him the night I found out you were engaged." He looked at me like I'd just slapped him but I hadn't finished, "and how can you go from calling me a stupid mistake to telling me you love me, do you know how fucked up that is?"
His face fell when I reminded him of the cruel words he had said that night, "Yes that's right Edward I haven't forgotten what you called me. Besides I'm not prepared to be some rebound booty call for you now you don't have anyone else..." My bravado was rapidly deserting me, "I...I think you're really confused as to what you want and I...I don't know…" I finished off lamely.
"Bella please, will you please give me a chance to explain what happened that night?" He looked at me pleadingly and I felt my resolve starting to waiver, "Please Bella, I'm sorry…"
I groaned in frustration, "fine...but not tonight. I can't keep Jake waiting any longer." I took a pen and note paper from my purse and scribbled down my cell phone number. "I don't know when I'll be able to meet up with you Edward I'm really busy but I'll try to make it soon ok?"
I stood up from the table and so did he, I was about to walk away when his fingers curled around my wrist. He spun me around to face him.
My skin felt like it was burning from his touch, I looked into his eyes and before I knew what was happening I was in his embrace and he was kissing me fiercely.
I knew I had to get away from him right then or else I'd be lost to fight him off. I gathered all the emotional strength I had and quickly pushed him away. I rushed from the restaurant without a backward glance.
When I slid into the Volkswagen I could tell by the look on Jakes face he was fuming. I stayed silent, the last thing I needed was to fight with him too.
But I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid the confrontation brewing between us because I was certain that Jake had clicked that Edward was Apple and Louis' father....
Chapter Eleven: A State of Confusion...
Edward's POV...
I awoke the next morning with the sun streaming in on my face. I was naked and tangled in the sheets, but I was alone.
I shot up out of bed. I was alone? Where was Bella?
I made a mad dash around the penthouse, calling her name but she was gone. She had picked up and left me. I sat back down on the bed and put my head into my hands.
Last night had been the best moment of my life, I had my Bella again; everything was right with the world. True, she seemed a little too preoccupied to worry about conversation, but then so was I. Her body had called to me just as it had that first night and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt we were meant to be together.
But did she?
She's not here is she? Work it out.
I grabbed my clothes and threw them back on feeling like a complete fuckwit in the white pants in the light of day.
I ignored the looks of the hotel staff and the lustful looks of women as I made my way to the front desk. The clerk looked up at me in surprise and her eyes widened at my attire.
"Mr Cullen! Good morning Sir, what can we do for you?" She asked batting her eyelashes at me. I wanted to fucking gag, she wasn't Bella. And if she didn't stop looking at me like that I was going to throw up all over her pretty little dress.
"Get me ride home." I ordered rudely, and went to sit down.
After about ten minutes, flirty reception girl came over and told me my car was here. I went outside and fucking groaned. Seriously, looking like Axl Rose wasn't enough; they had to order me a fucking limo too!?
I glared at the incompetent little fool and got in, cracking open the whiskey decanter straight away drinking it straight from the bottle. This is going to look great with the neighbours.
Sure enough, my kindly little old lady neighbour was walking out to her mailbox as I pulled up in the huge black limousine. Her mouth dropped open and she froze looking at me as I climbed out in my white leather glory. I smiled my most charming smile at her and waved.
"Good morning," I called politely. She shook herself after a moment, and fuck me days if the old bird didn't blush and flash me a flirty smile.
What the hell was with the white leather? Had that been Axl's secret all along? I nodded politely before going inside and shuddering. My eighty-two year old neighbour had made a pass at me. I felt very dirty and not in a good way.
I showered and lamented the fact that I was washing all traces of Bella off me. But unfortunately even if I had been so inclined to traipse around all day covered in Bella's scent, my neighbour had necessitated the need for a shower.
After my shower I dressed in some dark blue jeans, a white muscle tee and made my way to the kitchen. I made a coffee, threw the patio doors open and took a seat on the deck.
What the hell had happened? Why had she run away from me? She had to have felt the sheer electricity between us, how could you deny something like that?
I sat there all day lost in my thoughts, trying unsuccessfully to work out what had gone wrong with Bella. Was there anything wrong or was I reading too much into this? Maybe she had to leave early for an appointment or something and didn't want to wake me. Maybe she had tried to wake me; I slept like the fucking dead last night.
"Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him he best go run and hide.
Daddy's got a new .45.
And I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down sanchos throat.
Believe me when I say that I got somethin for his punk ass."
It was the late afternoon when Felix's voice came blaring through the house. You would think that after learning giving ones keys to ones brother's was a fucking stupid idea, that I would not go and give additional keys to their identical counterparts.
In my defence, I had given a key to Irina, not Demetri. I had no fucking excuse for Felix.
"Hey guys are you decent?" I heard Demetri call in a sing-song voice. They thought
Bella was here with me.
"Of course I'm fucking decent." I snarled angrier than I should have been. I was taking it out on people who didn't deserve it. I stood up and made my way inside. I was in the kitchen when Emmett came barrelling in yelling
"Bells? Where are you baby? Get out here!"
"She's not here." I said darkly. Emmett just looked at me confused.
"Well where is she? We just assumed when front desk said you had checked out that you both would have come here. Has she left already?"
"She left this morning before I woke up Emmett. I've been here by myself all day, and
I have no way to contact her, so don't ask me what's going on because right now I just don't know." I said with a sigh.
What the hell were you playing at Bella?
Felix was shaking his head "I hate to be the bearer of bad news dude, but generally when people book it the morning after, the deals pretty much been done. Sorry Edward." Felix added looking at me guiltily.
"Hey, this is Bella we are talking about guys! There will be a good explanation, trust me! Have a little faith!" Emmett whipped out his cell phone and smiled broadly.
"I have the means of contacting the elusive Bella." Emmett said in a pathetic attempt to sound like David Attenborough.
"Ask her if I can call her" I said more animated now that there was a way to get in contact with her. Emmett nodded enthusiastically at me.
Hey girl where are you? Are you ok? Fucktards worried he said you were gone when he woke up. I want to take you and him out to dinner tonight. Do you want me to come and pick you up? Edward wants to know if he can call you.
"There!" Emmett said smugly as he pressed send. "And I do want to take you guys out to dinner tonight, we're all going."
It seemed like forever before Emmett's cell phone chirped and he frowned as he read the message. My heart sank.
Hey Emmett don't worry about me I'm at home, sorry I won't be able to make it to dinner I've got heaps of exam papers to mark, you know there's no rest for the wicked. It was really good catching up with you last night it was fun. Tell Edward I'll get in touch with him sometime. And thanks again Emmett, give my love to Jazz.
"Well there you go." I said dejectedly "She doesn't want anything to do with me."
Emmett looked at me, his brow furrowed in confusion.
"Now just hang on a minute here. Something's not right." Emmett said. His fingers flew over the buttons.
"God, if she'd just give me a fucking chance to explain everything! I can't lose her, not
now Emmett, not after fucking everything that's happened." I fumed pulling my hair with one hand. Why the fuck was she shutting me down like this?
"Calm down bro, we'll get to the bottom of this ok? This isn't Bella, something's up and I'm going to get to the fucking bottom of it. Me and Bells don't have fucking secrets."
I thought everything was gonna be all good with you two now? He really wants to see you Bella and explain about what happened the night of the Christmas party if you'll give him the chance.
"Sweet?" Emmett asked as he read his response aloud. I nodded and he hit the send button. Felix handed me a glass of whiskey and I looked at him in surprise. I hadn't even heard him leave the room
"I got ya back man." He said clapping me on the shoulder. The phone beeped and we all leaned forward.
I'm not sure I want to hear it.
Emmett read. The blood in my veins had been replaced with ice water, and I clenched my hand tightly around the glass.
"What the fuck was last night then? If she didn't fucking want me, she sure made a good show of otherwise!" I shouted. Outwardly I was livid, inside I was devastated.
She didn't want to hear me out, she didn't want me.
Seriously, after everything that has happened, has it never occurred to you that maybe you hurt her? Hurt her bad? She's not just going to forget that, you're going to have to put in the effort. Show her you're the man she needs, just don't sit here bitching about how she won't just drop into your arms like magic. Man the fuck up.
"I asked her what last night was all about." Emmett said quietly. Things were pretty bad if he was subdued. His phone beeped a few minutes later. His voice was quiet and sad as he read it out.
Peace of mind. Sorry Emm but I really need to get these papers marked, I'll see you round ok and thanks again for the dinner invite.
Felix refilled my glass, and Emmett just stared at his phone as though he had never seen it before. Finally he looked up at me
"Are you going to buy that bullshit?" His eyes were challenging me.
"Fuck no." I said with determination, "I didn't go through all that fucking hell in France, not to have my say."
"Hey!" Felix said indignantly
"Whatever man, you hated it there too." Emmett said playfully. Felix nodded in resignation.
"Yeah, it fucking blowed," He admitted.
Emmett clapped his hands together, and grinned at us. "Well we can't work this shit out on an empty stomach! I say let's get round to Demetri's and see if Irina will feed us!"
"I'm so there." Felix rubbed at his stomach.
"Yeah, I'm in." I said flatly.
What the hell was going on with Bella?
It had been a week since I held Bella in my arms and I was going crazy. My need for her was absolute, like she was a drug to me, and I needed that fix. I could feel my skin crawling with desire, it felt I was going to go mad.
No one had heard anything from her, Emmett told me just to give her time.
We were all congregated in the media room, playing on the Xbox 360. Emmett was winning of course, but then he did have an Xbox in his office even.
Cullen Industries literally paid him to play Call of Duty all day, "your going down Sucker!" Emmett crowed as Irina lifted the controller in the air above her head as she tried to aim. It was extremely comical, and I sat back on the recliner just watching her and laughing.
"And I'm Spent!" Emmett called in his besy Austin Powers voice and threw the controller down.
Irina looked at him murderously "Don't come knocking on my door the next time you feel hungry at eleven thirty at night Emmett Cullen, because I will tell you to fuck off!" Irina glared at him. Emmett raised his hands in surrender
"Hey small fry, sorry, hate the game not the player, Huh, I'm so fucking funny!"
Emmett began chortling at himself. "Well speaking of food, we need to eat tonight, so how about we go out to dinner? My shout," Jasper said getting up and grabbing his coat.
"If I'm not cooking for a houseful of hungry men, then I'm fucking there already."
Irina said grumpily.
"What cars are we taking?" Emmett asked looking around at everyone.
"Kate and I will go with you and Jasper." Felix said looking at Emmett who nodded.
Emmett turned to me, "So are you three all going to go in Irina's car?" He asked.
"Fuck no! Edward and I are taking the Aston Martin; Demetri can go with you guys."
Irina said jumping up from her seat.
Demetri looked at her in mock hurt "You're ditching me for a rich pretty boy with a nice car?"
Irina kissed him and then pulled back with a smile. "Hell yes. Especially when the pretty boy is going to let me drive it."
Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing "Good luck with that." Jasper said, spluttering "He doesn't let anyone drive his car."
I pulled the keys out of my pocket and held them up for Irina to take. She looked at the room full of shocked faces and smirked as she plucked them out of my fingers. I trusted Irina, her and I had gone rally driving together in France; I knew she was competent behind the wheel. Plus Jasper and Emmett's faces were fucking priceless.
"Bullshit. That's fucking bullshit; you're letting her drive your car? You never fucking let us Fucktard!" Emmett yelled at me.
"See you there." I called as I took Irina's arm and led her towards the garage. "Our friendship rests on this Irina. Be careful." I said as we got into the car.
"Just buckle up and hold on tight lover-boy. You're in for the ride of your life!"
We went to the Dock Side restaurant and after a bit of shuffling they managed to seat our party. We had just ordered our drinks and starters when I felt my body begin tingle.
I looked up expectantly, I only felt this way around Bella.
There she was, looking so beautiful and ethereal that all my frustration and anger of the past week melted away, it was replaced with a burning desire to be near her, to touch her.
I almost stood and went to her, when I noticed the man she was with. Man? He was no more than a boy for fuck sake! Who was he and why was she here with him? I looked between them and noticed their entwined hands.
What. The. Fuck.
My blood began to boil in my veins; I felt my self control hanging by a thread. It was obvious they were together, the way his body was automatically turning into hers, the way he whispered in her ear and touched her shoulders.
My fucking shoulders, my fucking woman.
"Edward don't" Came Irina's quiet voice from beside me.
I looked down at her in fury; it quickly melted at the obvious concern in her eyes. Irina only ever did things with my best interest at heart, I trusted her more than I trusted anyone else, except my brothers.
"What do I do then? She fucks me and runs back home to fucking Doogie Howser there! I want to go rip his fucking head off! Did you see him touch her?" I hissed.
Nobody else had noticed our little discussion, and Irina planted a smile on her face while she spoke, "Bella would love that Edward. Decapitate her dinner partner, always a sure fire hit with the ladies! Just calm down."
I looked over to where Bella and the Boy Wonder were seated. Her back was to me but she was in my direct line of sight, and I couldn't tear my eyes away.
"You need to ease back Edward," came Irina's voice again. "You've been gone a long time and you've changed a lot, you've been through a lot. Bella may have too; you need to be prepared for that." Her eyes bore into mine and she grabbed my arm "You hurt her, and she's had a long time to dwell on that hurt. Think before you speak Edward, or you will regret it. Now go." she released my arm.
I stood and excused myself, not that anyone was listening they were all too involved in their own conversations. I made my way over to Bella's table keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the kid. He noticed me walking towards him and he stopped talking. He looked at me in shock and recognition? What the hell? I must be seeing things; I didn't know this fucking weetbix kid.
"Can I help you?" He asked coolly. Little fucker didn't know how badly I wanted to tear him limb from fucking limb.
"Yeah sorry to interrupt your dinner but I was wondering if I may have a private word with Bella." I responded politely. Well as politely as I could fucking manage anyway? Bella hadn't looked at me yet, her eyes were glued to Mr fucking Teen Dream.
"Honeypuff do you wish to speak with…?" He said to Bella.
He did not call her fucking honey puff did he? I felt my dinner rise in my throat and I barely fought it back. Honey puff? Really? It was so fucking cutesie; I wanted to bash my head open so I could pour petrol in my skull and set it alight. Honey puff. Teen Dream was a fucking dead man, honey puff was My Bella.
"Edward." I said coldly, all the politeness gone from my voice.
"Do you want to speak with Edward or shall we just go home?" Teen Dream asked Bella.
Home? As in they shared a home?
My hands clenched into fists, I felt myself trembling with repressed rage. Fuck thinking before speaking, I was going to fucking explode soon if I tried to keep this all in.
"Yeah Jake I'll talk to Edward could you please excuse us. I'll see you in the car in a few minutes." Bella finally spoke. So she did have a fucking voice after all. Too bad she didn't use it last fucking week to tell me she living with someone.
"Are you sure?" Doogie had better piss off soon or I really would kill him.
"Yeah, thanks Jake." Bella said sounding very worn out. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her from whatever it was that was wearing her down so, but the rage was far too prominent.
"Would you like to sit down Edward?" She said sighing.
I sat down looking at her intently, "Is this the reason you left before I woke up and wouldn't let me call you? Are you living with that kid? Doesn't your toy boy lover satisfy you enough, is that why you hooked up with me? Never picked you for the cougar type, he only looks about seventeen... I thought we might have a chance to work stuff out Bella, I love you and…"
The words just kept spilling out; she wasn't going to put this off anymore. Bella looked at me, her fury matching mine and I couldn't help but notice how fucking sexy she looked when she was mad.
"For your information fucktard, Jake is my best friend and flatmate not my toy boy lover, although I did fuck him the night I found out you were engaged." Bella thundered; I recoiled as she mentioned my failed attempt at normalcy with Tanya. "And how can you go from calling me a stupid mistake to telling me you love me, do you know how fucked up that is?" She continued.
Those fateful words I would forever regret. How could I ever atone for such a crime?
It had been done with her best intentions in mind, but was that enough to redeem me? I didn't have a chance to find out as Bella continued her rant.
"Yes that's right Edward I haven't forgotten what you called me that night. Besides
I'm not prepared to be some rebound booty call for now you don't have anyone else and I think you're really confused as to what you want and I...I don't know…"
That was enough. She was labouring under far too many misapprehensions and she needed to know the truth. Nothing else mattered to me but her, and even Teen Dream sitting in the car like the good little pup he was, didn't matter.
She mattered to me and she needed to know it .
"Bella please will you please give me a chance to explain what happened that night?" I begged her silently to give me this chance. I thought I saw her resolve waiver so I pressed on "Please Bells, I'm sorry…"
She sighed and gave me her cell phone number, telling me we would talk another time, but not tonight. She was avoiding me again, I knew there was something more than just calling her a stupid mistake going on. I wanted her to be able to trust me enough to tell me, there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. If she wanted to avoid the topic, we would do so, for now anyway.
We stood up, I couldn't bear to have her leave me again without touching her, tasting those soft pink lips again. I grabbed her arm pulling her into me, crashing my mouth against hers hungrily. She needed to know just how much I wanted her.
She broke away from me and practically ran from the restaurant, leaving me standing there watching the distance between us grow.
"What the fuck was that?" Came Emmett's booming voice from behind me.
I closed my eyes and turned around, making my way back to our table where the interrogation commenced...
A/N: Are you feeling frustrated??? Let us know what you're thinking in your review...LOL :)