"Brat, where's the ramen?"
"Huh? Oh, I ate it all, un."
Sasori walked into the living room, glaring at Deidara as he stood behind the couch. "And you didn't bother telling me on the way home, because that would have been the easy thing to do, right?"
"I just forgot, un!" Deidara cried out.
Sasori grinned wickedly. "Well, guess who gets to go down to the grocery store and buy more?"
"I have to walk don't I, un?"
"You're quite perceptive for a dumb blonde."
--
Deidara sighed as he walked down the dark streets. Sasori really had made him walk to the store, and now he had to carry about twenty packs of ramen back to their house. "I swear I'll kill him one of these days, un."
Deidara heard a noise come from behind him, but when he turned, he couldn't see anything. Cautiously, he turned and began walking again. For a while, everything was calm. He heard a cough and sighed, turning around. "You know, you could be a little less obvious, un."
"Sorry cutie, we didn't want to startle you," a deep voice said as a man stepped out of the shadows.
Deidara counted the men as they surrounded him. Only five, and a few of them looked about his age. He shouldn't have a problem with these low life street thugs. "Look, I'll save you a lot of pain if you'll just leave me alone, un."
"Aww, don't be so antisocial, sweety. It ruins your cuteness."
Deidara narrowed his eyes. "Don't call me cute or sweety. I'm a guy, un."
"Like that matters." The leader took a step forward, and Deidara shifted into a fighting stance.
Suddenly, one of the other stalkers' arms shot out. "Hold up!" he looked closely at Deidara, before his eyes widened in shock. "I knew it; that's Akasuna's bitch!"
"What the-what did you just call me, un?!" Deidara spluttered.
The atmosphere drastically altered, filling with fear. "Are you serious?!"
"Look at him; bombshell figure, blonde, weird speech problem, it all fits!"
"Hold on; I am not Sasori's-"
"Not to mention he's out doing Sasori's shopping. They're shacking up, right?"
"Hey, are you bastards even listening, un?!"
"Dude, Akasuna's gonna kill us if he finds out."
"Why is he even out here? Last time I checked, he couldn't even walk."
"Either Sasori's good, or he's a wimp."
"Ok, you're gonna die now, un," Deidara growled as he cracked his knuckles.
--
Sasori looked up when he heard the door crash open just in time to be hit by a flying bag of ramen. "Ow! Deidara, what the hell-"
"SHUT UP!" Deidara was standing in the doorway, dishelved and fuming. "You're sleeping on the couch, un!" He stomped down the hall to Sasori's room. "AND I AM NOT YOUR BITCH, UN!"
SLAM
Sasori rubbed his face were the ramen had hit him. "Note to self; never send Deidara out for ramen again."
--
"Deidara, I'm going to play cards with Pein and Hidan. You're not to leave the house, understand?"
"Where would I go, un?"
"I don't know, but just to be on the safe side you're not allowed to leave here, understand?" Deidara hmmphed and nodded. Sasori turned and walked out the door, leaving the blonde to fume.
Deidara balled his hands into fists. "Damn that bastard! Going out and leaving me all alone, un!" A realization suddenly hit Deidara.
He was alone in Sasori's house.
A wicked grin spread on his face. Oh, he was going to have fun with this. But what to do? Hmm…going through all of Sasori's stuff seemed like a pretty good idea. He rose from the couch and began wondering throughout the house. Nothing interesting in the living room, bedroom, kitch- hold on. Deidara noticed a cabinet door partially opened. What made this so interesting was that Sasori usually kept this cabinet locked at all times. Curious, he kneeled down and opened it to reveal several glass bottles. Still curious, he pulled one out, opening and sniffing. Cautiously, he took a drink, smacking his lips and turning the label around to read it. "Vodka?" Deidara shrugged and took another drink. "This tastes yummy, un."
--
Sasori pulled out his house key and opened the door, flicking on the light. "I'm home," he called out. No answer.
Hmm? "Brat, are you still here?" He walked into the house, looking around warily in case Deidara had set up some kind of trap. "Brat, hurry up and-"
"HI DANNA!" Deidara stumbled out of the kitchen, giggling and slurring his words. "Guess what, un? I wanna screw, un!" He lunged at Sasori and placed a sloppy kiss on the red head's lips.
Sasori quickly pushed him away and gave him a disapproving look. "You're drunk."
"Nu-uh."
"Brat, I can smell the alcohol on your breath, if your actions weren't enough of a clue." Deidara suddenly swayed, forcing Sasori to catch him. Unfortunately, Sasori lost his footing which sent both of them crashing to the ground with the Akasuna pinned under the bomber. "OW! You little brat!" He squirmed, trying to get out from under Deidara. "I'm going to bed."
"No! Don't leave, un!" Deidara wrapped his arms around Sasori, halting his movements.
Sasori glared down at the blonde. "I don't get it. You cant' stand me, but you don't want me to leave. What is wrong with you?"
"It's not that I can't stand you, un. I just think you're a pain in the ass."
"Lovely. Now explain why I can't leave."
"Because I want to be with you a lot before I have to leave, un."
Sasori raised a brow. "You're leaving?"
"Yup. When you throw me out, un."
The red head smirked. "Sorry, but you're not getting off the hook that easily. I'm not gonna throw you out."
The sad look in Deidara's eyes didn't lift. "Yes you will, un."
"And why is that?" Sasori asked, smirking.
"Because you'll hate me, un."
The smirk fell. "Deidara, I don't hate you."
"But you will. Everyone hates me. My folks did, the kids in my old town did, and I think even Itachi does now, un. You'll hate me soon, and I'll leave. It sucks because I think I'll miss you."
Sasori looked down at the blonde as if seeing him for the first time. "Deidara, I'm not gonna hate you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Sasori danna." Sasori couldn't think of anything to say. Neither one of them tried to break the silence for a time.
"Deidara."
"…"
"Deidara."
"…"
"Brat, are you listening?' Sasori looked down and rolled his eyes, sighing inwardly. "No, of course not. You're asleep." His eyes widened and he began to struggle like mad. "GET OFF OF ME!" Eventually he gave up, resigning himself to sleeping under the blonde. "You're going on a diet, brat."
--
Sasori woke up the next morning to the sound of Deidara puking his guts out. He walked down the hall and into the bathroom, flipping on the lights. "Sleep well, brat?"
"Danna, shut off the lights, un!" that was all Deidara managed to get out before he puked again.
Sasori shook his head. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were a chick with morning sickness."
"That's because you fuck me so much I WOULD be pregnant if I were a girl, un! Now get out if you're not gonna help, un!" Deidara hurled again, and Sasori felt a small stab of pity in his heart. He calmly walked over to the bomber and kneeled beside him. He gently reached out and grabbed the blonde locks, pulling the hair out of the way. Deidara shot him a sideways glance before puking again. "Thanks, un."
"Just stay out of my liquor, brat."