AN: You may or may not have had the thought at this point, and if you haven't yet you might later, that I'm some lonely nerd who's just depicting women the way I wish or think that women talk to each other. Not so much. I am an engaged man, and not only that but a man who has immense difficulty relating to my own gender; I'd say 90% of the people I know well are women, and once I get to know them well, either because I'm "one of the gals" or because I'm so unobtrusive they forget I'm there, yeah, eventually girl-talk does swing into exactly the direction most of this fic's conversations do; any exaggerating I'm doing is minimal.

Of course, you'd probably know that if you weren't a hypocrite of some sort, because the only way you'd think this was some kind of male fantasy with no basis in the way real women talk is if you yourself have no experience with women, so, there you go.

Of course, to say that is a generalization about all women, so I can't do that. Maybe none of the women you know would ever talk like this, that's perfectly plausible even though most of the women I know do so to varying degrees. One can truly never make generalizations. And, to be fair, I am deliberately writing Anna as a kook who occasionally voices thoughts that no one would ever actually say, so there's that as well.

Day 5

Elsa yawned as she made her way down the castle steps to breakfast. She found Anna and Rapunzel sitting on a bench in one of the halls; she was so sleepy and bleary-eyed that it took her a moment to notice that both of them bore guitars on their knee.

"Don't you two ever sleep?" Elsa said blankly, rubbing her eyes.

"We've tried," said Anna. "But when we're asleep, we miss each other too much!"

"This is true," Rapunzel chuckled.

"Rapunzel's teaching me the guitar," Anna said, pointing them out unnecessarily. "In exchange, I'm gonna teach her to ride a bike… because that's literally the only thing I know how to do that she doesn't already."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," Rapunzel assured her. "Growing up in the tower, I had a lot of spare time for learning how to do things. But no bike. I asked for one, but, as was pointed out to me—and rightly, because even villains can have a point sometimes—we lived in a little tower and didn't have the square footage to make riding a bike worth it. For some reason, the counterpoint that a young girl shouldn't be kept in a small, doorless tower never really occurred to me."

There was a heavy silence as the two sisters stared at her in discomfort, neither having any idea what to say.

"…I'm also not wearing shoes," Anna finally said, awkwardly attempting a grin and extending one of her bare feet. "'Cause Rapunzel doesn't wear shoes."

There was more silence.

"It's true, I don't," Rapunzel said in a hollow voice.

Silence.

"Sorry," said Rapunzel with a sheepish smile. "I know it ruins the atmosphere every time I mention the tower, but that was my entire world until like two years ago, and I have to talk about something…"

"What you have to talk about is a whole lot better than what I have to talk about," said Elsa. "At least you had hobbies."

"That's true," said Rapunzel, casually playing a little riff on the guitar before looking up at Elsa. "'39 was a big year for both of us, eh cousin? We both became free." She held up a hand for a high-five, which Elsa gave her awkwardly.

Anna rubbed Rapunzel's back comfortingly. "Well… I know where we're biking now."

"We're not just gonna ride around the castle?" said Rapunzel. "It's certainly big enough."

"While you're learning," Anna agreed. "But once you've picked it up… we're gonna take our bikes up to the spot where Hans proposed to me."

"Why would you do a thing like that?" Elsa said in alarm.

"Because it's a nice place, and I've been avoiding it for a long time, and just so long as we're revisiting painful memories…" Anna shrugged. "I should too."

Elsa nodded, understanding "So… what have you two actually been doing all this time? This was supposed to be a diplomatic mission, you know."

They stared at her in alarm.

"Right," Rapunzel said slowly. "Right, yes. While we're biking, let's you and me talk about international trade."

"What about it?" Anna said blankly.

Rapunzel blinked at her. "I… I don't even know how to answer that. Just, it in general, I guess."

"You don't know anything about the office you hold, do you?" Elsa said wryly.

"Well, come on, it's not like 'Princess' is a real office…" said Anna, smirking.

"Oh, it's not, is it?" Rapunzel teased. "Then what have I been doing ever since I got back home? I'll have you know I work like a dog. If dogs had intellectual and moral considerations instead of manual labor. But those are exhausting too!"

"You want me to hire a tutor who can teach you about economics?" Elsa asked Anna playfully.

"Yes, please," Anna replied in a squeaky voice, looking embarrassed.

"Well, I'll get to that," said Elsa. "For now, I'll leave you to it. Rapunzel, let's you and I be the ones to talk about the trade arrangements."

"Certainly," said Rapunzel, nodding vigorously.

"And don't feel bad," she told them. "I'd forgotten too, why we were all here, until Merida's mom called me out. Heh… sort of awkward…"

They all stood and sat in silence for a moment, this time more peaceful than awkward.

"Maybe I could bike somewhere with Merida," Elsa said softly. "And take her to a place that's painful to me. Maybe not both at once, though… I'm thinking maybe I can take her to look at the ice castle on the North Mountain. Just see it from the base of the mountain, maybe. Maybe… tell her the story."

"So many 'maybes', Elsa," Rapunzel chided, grinning. "Try to throw in a 'definitely' in there somewhere."

"Okay," said Elsa with unease. "I'm definitely terrified of Merida finding out what happens when I sneeze. 'Cause that's really weird. Or maybe I should get it out of the way as early as possible, see if it's a dealbreaker or not. That… that was another 'maybe', wasn't it?"

"Yup," Anna chirped. "It's okay, Elsa. I know you're really uncertain about all this Merida stuff. But you're also really thrilled too, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes," she said, surprised. "Yes, I am, both excited and unsure. How did you know? What does it mean?"

"Just means you're dating somebody, is all," said Anna, punctuating it with a guitar chord which lingered in the air. "Was that a real chord?" she asked Rapunzel.

"Eh, no."

"I am," Elsa realized. "I'm dating. I'm dating Princess Merida."

"You sure are!" said Anna, beaming.

"Gosh, I wonder where she is right now?" Elsa muttered, eyeing the door to the dining hall. "I like what you two are doing, teaching each other things. It's sweet. I should do that with her. Apparently, she's just crazy about archery! Maybe I can let her teach me that, and I… I can teach her to ice skate! Unless she already knows how. Gosh, I hope she doesn't. Then I wouldn't have anything to teach her."

"You love geometry, you could teach her that," said Anna, straight-faced.

"Yeah, that's romantic," Elsa said, smirking.

"Ahhh, I love that word," Anna said dreamily. "'Romantic'. I don't think I've ever heard you say it before." She giggled and jittered uncontrollably in her seat. "It's just so amazing! You have romance in your life!"

"Yup," Elsa agreed. "Pretty shocking swerve in the direction of things. Your dear sister hasn't had this much character development in a week since coronation day." Elsa stared off into space. "I miss her," she marveled. "I miss her so much. Isn't that crazy? We've been dating for all of two days, I just saw her last night before bedtime, and yet… I miss her. I'm gonna go find her." She departed without another word.

"What happens when she sneezes?" Rapunzel inquired.

"She creates life," Anna said gravely. "It's pretty much like when God sneezes."

"Wow."

"Yup."

"So, talking of character development… you're losing your virginity tomorrow." Rapunzel's fingers skipped up and down the neck of her guitar as she played a rapid sequence of chords. "How's that feel?"

"Scary," Anna admitted, plucking a single string which was plainly out of tune.

"Naturally," said Rapunzel. "What else?"

"Exciting," said Anna, biting her lip eagerly. "I mean, I'm so ready for this."

"I know you are," said Rapunzel, as she launched into playing an actual song.

~0~0~0~

"Oh, there you are," said Elsa, finding Merida coming down the hall from her guest room.

"Yeah," said Merida. "Late start. I was up late reading this crazy-good book." She held up a fairly thick red-and-gold volume. "Went into town very early in the morning yesterday to hit a bookshop… this was before our little snog that morning, naturally. If I'd known you had a castle library I wouldn't have gone that far… but, anyway, I started reading it last night and I couldn't put it down."

"A Man of Iron?" said Elsa, glancing at the title. "I think I've heard of it. What's it about?"

"Well, it's about this super-rich bloke who makes and sells magical weapons," Merida said, thumbing through the book's early pages. "'Til one day he heads into this warzone, gets himself captured, and finds out the bad guys use his weaponry too. He crafts an enchanted amulet and implants it in his chest, and uses it to power a suit of knightly armor to make his escape. Now he's back home in his workshop makin' a new set… I'm thinkin' he plans to battle the opposition personally."

"That sounds… thrilling," Elsa said in a hushed voice. "And that spot you've bookmarked… that's a pretty long way into the book for having picked it up last night."

Merida beamed. "Well, I was eager to have a chance to talk about some real reading with you."

"Oh?" Elsa said playfully. "Taking an interest in my… interests, I guess? How very courtly of you. I'd say that's earned you a kiss."

She cupped Merida's face in one hand and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I do like to earn it," Merida said smugly.

"In all fairness, it doesn't take much," said Elsa. After a moment, her contented smile was replaced by panic and she looked wildly around. "Oh, God, did anyone see that?"

"Elsa, relax," said Merida, taking her by the hand and gently stroking it with her thumb.

Elsa took a few calming breaths and settled down, looking down at the hand Merida was gently cradling in her own.

"This is nice," Elsa said quietly. "I don't care if anyone sees this."

"I don't care if the whole world is watchin'," Merida replied tenderly.

Elsa adjusted her hand, interlacing her fingers with Merida's. They looked deeply into each other's eyes for several minutes.

"God, you're good-lookin'," Merida breathed. "You know that? It's actually ridiculous."

Elsa nodded shakily. "I don't know if you're actually the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, or if I'm just… 'into' you. Either way, you're a joy to look at."

"A joy," Merida repeated. "Hehe. Always figured I was nice to look at, but…"

"No," Elsa said firmly. "A joy."

Merida grinned. "You're too kind, your majesty."

~0~0~0~

"Wheeeeee!"

Anna skated around the castle courtyard under a starry sky. Elsa had covered the area in ice as she often did, and illuminated it with great orbs of ice that gave off a warm bluish-green light.

"What a lovely evening!" Anna sang, turning her face to the sky and her arms spread wide. "And Kristoff comes home tomorrow and you know what that meeeeeans…"

She came to a stop in front of Elsa, Rapunzel, and Merida, who were leaning against one wall, the rest of the courtyard largely empty but for a few unobtrusive guards from all three nations, keeping a watchful distance from their charges.

Elsa smiled at Anna and took her place in the rink, taking advantage of the unoccupied space, skating in her normal shoes as she always did. Anna slipped out of her skates and joined the other two leaning against the wall.

"I think your sister's been missing the obvious hints of what it does mean," Merida said dryly. "You want me to tell her?"

"Meh, I'll tell her after," said Anna. "It's good she hasn't caught on… I want her to stay focused on you for now."

Merida winked. "I won't tell her you're boinking your boyfriend tomorrow if you don't tell her I'm madly in love with her."

Anna squealed. "Are you really? Oh my gosh! You've got a deal…"

"When are you going to tell her?" said Rapunzel.

"The morning after," Anna said decisively. "I'm sure I won't be able to keep it secret for even a moment."

"Not you," Rapunzel said seriously, staring pointedly at Merida.

Merida shrugged. "The time will come. I have to take things slow with Elsa. I'm not complaining."

Elsa finished her lap around the courtyard and skidded to a stop. "Take things slow?" she inquired. "I appreciate that, you know. I appreciate you very much. And I don't want to frustrate you…" Her eyes darted all over Merida's body. "It frustrates me too. Hrmm, do you suppose we could dismiss our guards? Have a chance to talk about this openly in this nice secluded area? And… other things?"

"On it," said Rapunzel. She turned and called across the courtyard, "Gentlemen? You're dismissed for the night."

The Corona guards looked at each other in surprise. "Dismissed, Princess Rapunzel?" one of them said uncertainly.

"And that goes for you too," Merida added. "Don't ya fret. You've seen Queen Elsa's magic, I take it? She can protect us. Get yourselves to bed."

"I insist," Elsa concluded, her voice quieter than the other two but even more carrying.

"Well, all right," the Corona guard said, shrugging. "Stay safe, your highnesses… your majesty."

The guards, slightly under a dozen of them, turned and headed into the castle.

"Merida, kiss me," Elsa ordered.

"Right away, your majesty," Merida said sweetly, sauntering over and wrapping her arms around Elsa's waist, giving her a rather loud, wide-open-mouthed smooch. "Mmmmm," Merida moaned.

"Mmm!" Elsa squeaked back.

When they parted, Merida tilted her head in curiosity and gently brushed Elsa's face with a finger. "Is this a tear?"

"Um… yeah," said Elsa, looking firmly at her own shoulder. "It happened the first time we kissed too."

"Passion," Rapunzel whispered.

"Either that, or the haggis on your breath."

Merida snorted so hard that she actually expelled snot from her nose, wiping it on her sleeve as she laughed uncontrollably. "That was… unexpected," she choked out.

"I actually have no idea what haggis is," Elsa admitted. "Could be perfectly delicious for all I know."

"It's… it's all right, I guess," said Merida. "You'll have to try some when you find yourself in my kingdom."

"I look forward to it," said Elsa, producing a handkerchief from within her dress and finishing wiping Merida's nose. She gazed up at the sky. "Mmm… you were right, Anna, it is unusually nice out this evening. Excellent for spending time with… with your friend, and… and… and my sweetheart."

Merida waggled her eyebrows at her.

"This is nice and all," said Elsa, poking Merida's nose. "But we can't just hang out and flirt all day. At some point, we will have to return to our royal duties."

"Meh, I hate those," Merida grumbled. "But such is life. How's my face?"

"Clean."

"Fantastic." She kissed Elsa tenderly.

"Booger-breath," Elsa teased.

"Yeah, well, you're… cold," Merida countered, giving Elsa's breasts a quick squeeze and withdrawing her hands before Elsa could move to stop her. "Yup. Cold as… well, pretty much exactly what they are."

Elsa laughed. "I'm not a witch."

"Cold as a… sorceress's…? Meh, that's not as catchy."

"Psst!" Rapunzel hissed. "Lay off on the insults. That's not flirty."

"They're not insults!" Elsa said defensively. "It's just… it's just playful ribbing."

"Yeah!" Merida said brightly. "Ribbing." Her hands thrust out unexpectedly and began tickling Elsa's ribs. Elsa shrieked and frantically batted her away, laughing hysterically.

"You're naughty," said Elsa, poking her nose again. She tickled Merida back, and got no reaction. "And apparently not remotely ticklish."

"Nope," Merida said proudly, thrusting out her chest. "Not a bit."

Leering suspiciously, Elsa drove her hands upward into Merida's armpits.

"Eep!" Merida squealed, fighting back through uncontrollable giggles. "Okay… okay… quit it!"

"Just had to find the right spot," Elsa said smugly.

"Just… don't disparage each other so much," Rapunzel cautioned. "Granted: major 'pot calling the kettle black' moment, considering all the ribbing that goes on in my marriage, but… this early in the relationship, you run the risk of undermining each other's confidence. Just be nice to each other, okay?"

"Hmm," Elsa said thoughtfully, glancing at Rapunzel then turning back to Merida. "Do you think that's true?"

"I like our little jokes," said Merida. "But maybe she's right. It's nice making you laugh, but I think I'd rather build you up."

"I agree," said Elsa, her eyes traveling up and down Merida's body again before lingering on her face. "Swirly tongue kiss?"

"You bet," said Merida, grasping Elsa by the back of her head and kissing her passionately.

~0~0~0~

~0~0~0~0~0~

AN: I am running out of things to say, I hope somebody catches up so we can interact in these… ooh, I know, I'm gonna tell the authors of the Elsa/Merida fanfic "Love Will Thaw" how much that work inspired this one, and see if they're interested in taking a look.

Hmm. Two years since the last activity on their profile. Dang it, I hate when that happens. One's inclination is always that a new fanfic you've found is, in fact, new, then you notice that not only was it actually written some time ago, but the author hasn't been seen in years. Well, I'm gonna try it anyway. Can't hurt. I regularly send a message out to Nina-D-Lux, author of the most famous of the many, many stories titled "Disney High", telling her that even though it's been well over three years, I'm still holding out hope that she returns to finish the story someday. She's so close to the ending. So, same principle here by reaching out to Sy Itha. Only a bit more self-indulgent.

Ugh, "Love Will Thaw" has ten times as many reviews as it has chapters, and "Disney High" has thousands. What have they got that I don't got? With every story, I struggle to get my review count to equal my chapter count. With every art piece, I never get one single comment. I know I don't deserve it, I know I don't suck that much, so why am I still the schmuck of the whole world, lucky to get a tenth as much feedback as literally everyone else gets? Agh, sorry. Very old resentment. Haven't had these thoughts in ages, but I see they still exist.