And I came from the dead! No, really, I'm so sorry for not updating for such a long time!

Please enjoy.

Kaoru's POV

The snowstorm had finally ended. I glanced at my phone to see that it was already very late. Hikaru and I better get back home soon, or the staff will alert the FBI to search for us. Yeah, if something were to happen to their precious masters, they wouldn't just get fired, but get a proper punishment as well. Honestly, I really couldn't possibly imagine how stressful that could possibly be.

"Kaoru..."

"Mhm?" I looked up at my twin, to feel his hand intertwine with mine in a tight hold. He looked sad, and squeezed my hand strongly in his. I blinked at him a few times to see him hide his eyes from me with his bangs, blocking me to see any of his emotions. But by the frown on his face, I could clearly see that he felt hurt? Betrayed even?

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered almost soundlessly as we got into our black car and closed the door. I gasped a little at the question, but deep down I knew, that he would ask that sooner or later.

"It wasn't anything important, Hikaru. Heck, even I didn't remember it until the thundersnow came in," I replied, his golden eyes piercing through me. He was close to me. He held my hand. He was worried, he thought about me. Why don't I feel satisfied with this? I wanted him to be with me, I wanted him to notice me, but still, this isn't what my heart desired all this time.

I guess I really love him this much...

"Young masters, we have arrived," The driver suddenly said, interrupting whatever question my twin had for my lame excuse, though it wasn't really an excuse. I did forget it for a short period of time. We got out and were immediately led to the dining room, where our dinner was already being served, hot and very delicious looking.

The supper went by silently, since Hikaru probably didn't want to discuss this matter in front of our staff. That was of course understandable, but that also why I wanted that dinner to last as long as possible. As we returned together to our room, Hikaru slammed the door shut and started to glare at me angrily.

"Tell me. Or am I not good enough to know? Why are closing yourself to me? Your own twin? We were close but as of late you have been entirely blocking me out!"

He continued to rampage all kinds of things and just what typically Hikaru would do, but... Why did I feel so shocked hearing all this from him. All the words kept echoing in my head and wouldn't just get out. He noticed my distress these past weeks? He knew about it?

"It's not like that Hika..."

I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I shouldn't and perhaps even couldn't. I wasn't a child anymore. I would soon turn 17, which means I will be an adult soon enough and I have to learn to act like one. This isn't a movie, where my reckless love confession can solve everything. But one way or another I will hurt Hikaru. If I keep quiet he will suffer like he does now, which I had no idea of or I'll tell him and he will suffer from having to reject my love.

I hate being driven into a corner.

"So what is it like, Kaoru?"

Why does he keep asking me? He's never this clingy the last time I remembered was when we were still tiny little brats. I kept averting my eyes from his, but his eyes were so enchanting I couldn't possibly look away.

"Let's go to bed. I'm really tired after today and speak of today, how did it went with Haruhi?" I said almost teasingly throwing my brother one of my best devilish smirks. That's right. If I keep up with this act and keep changing the subject, he'll eventually believe that I'm just fine. Or at least I hope so.

"I have no idea what you mean," He replied with a smirk on his face as well. Good. We continued to tease each other with comments about school, friends and all kind of things, until we got to bed. Hikaru snuggled to me and breathed in the scent of my hair. Seriously, doesn't he ever get tired of the smell of apples? Well, fruits in general I suppose, since I like to switch scents from time to time.

"Goodnight, Kao," He murmured as his breathing slowed down and his body fell into deep slumber. However, for whatever reason I could not find any sleep in the sheets of my bed. The events of that day still swirled in my head like a furious typhoon, not letting me rest. I suppose, I should do something. I wasn't stupid, what could I possibly do? I couldn't just walk up to Haruhi and tell her to love my brother. Heh, if it was easy as that I wouldn't be this miserably right now, or would I? No clue, but I'm sure that now would be pretty different if that were the case. Well, helping them out couldn't be that difficult though. Tomorrow I will come up with something, since winter break is approaching.

"Goodnight, Hikaru."

...

"Man, I can't believe this," I said almost angrily as I strolled in the corridors of our residence a cup of warm milk in my right hand. I laid there for almost two hours and still I wasn't able to fall asleep. Because of that I decided to do something, since I don't want to look like a zombie for school tomorrow. Though, it's Friday and I think Kyoya-senpai said, I didn't need to come to the Host Club after school, that he had me covered. Poor Hikaru, I didn't even want to think what our Shadow King had prepared for him to entertain our clients. Perhaps, I could join him and spare him the misery.

I opened the door and slipped in, careful not to wake Hikaru. He looks so handsome asleep and with the rays of moonlight shinning on his creamy skin. I shook my head. No, I couldn't have thoughts like this anymore. It's indecent in so many ways, not to mention sick, since he's my own twin. I dumped the milk in me and again covered myself with the blanket, Hikaru had probably threw to the ground when I was gone.

"Haruhi..."

Oh, now he was talking in his sleep as well. I sighed. True, I keep saying I'm fine and okay with my brother being in love with Haruhi and all, but the lingering feelings in my chest just won't go away, no matter how many times I tell myself the my feelings are unable to reach Hikaru. How much pain do I need to take to finally get over this ridiculous crush on my brother?

Well...

Probably a lot, since this isn't an innocent crush anymore. In the time of a year this crush bloomed into love, romantic love. Damn, why was this happening to me of all people? What did I ever do to deserve this kind of life? It's so annoying I can barely handle it as Kyoya-senpai or Yuki can obviously see.

It was no use. I really won't get any sleep tonight. I sighed stood up and walked yet again that night into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. I would need at least a dozen if I didn't want to fall asleep in school tomorrow, or more precisely today, since it was already 4 AM. Though, I must say that I see no staff around here. Shouldn't they slowly arrive and start doing... eh, whatever it is that they do, wash our laundry and stuff like that, I guess.

I decided that a visit in the library wouldn't really hurt, right?

"Operation 'bring Haruhi and Hika together'!" I said as I finished my second cup of coffee that morning. I admit, I was a little hyper at that moment, but oh well, it couldn't really be helped now could it? Actually I came up with a few pretty decent ideas. I guess, being filled with caffeine isn't that bad after all.

And truth to be told, I only came up with one single idea. We were planning with Hikaru to go skiing after winter break would begin, so we could just drag Haruhi with us. Our parents of course had not time, since their work was overwhelming them, as always. I mean, the snow and all the comfortable atmosphere has to create some romantic feelings, right? Hehe, I'm such a brilliant mind!

Then I saw water dripping on the wooden table I was sitting at. Huh?

Oh... I see now. I closed my eyes and brought a hand to my eyes. The water was coming from my eyes. I had to laugh at myself, what was I? A five-year-old? Why on Earth was I weeping like this?

I guess, it isn't as easy as I thought letting go would be. Why does realization hit me always at the most unpleasant times? Why did my heart had to hurt, when my mind knew what was the right thing to do? I dug my hands deep into my hair almost like wanting to rip them off and tried to suppress all the feelings overflowing me. I heard silent sobbing coming out of my mouth and cursed myself even more after that. Tears wouldn't stop to stream from my eyes either.

I'm so pathetic.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

And even knowing that I can't stop loving him...

REVIEW (They are always highly appreciated.)

A/N I will definitely do a spell check tomorrow morning. And do not fear the plot will progress next chapter. I guess, I'm really stuck with realism, since I keep writing about Kaoru's feelings and his psychology.