AN: Sorry about the delay but this is a fairly long chapter so I hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 11: Realizations

The next day I was very reluctant get out of bed. Thankfully Danielle and Lynn were just as reluctant. We spent the day lounging around my room listening to music and talking. Alice, Jessica, and Angela joined us around two in the afternoon. I was smart enough to order more than one pizza, knowing that once they walked by the smell of greasy pizza would be too hard for them to pass up.

Alice groaned as she reached for another slice of pizza. "This is exactly what I needed."

"There is really no better cure for a hangover than a good greasy meal." Lynn nodded in agreement.

"If I would have been able to drag my ass out of bed I would have suggest a good breakfast at Chuck's down the street. Eggs, bacon, and sausage from Chuck's are always the best greasy hangover food." Alice stated and I had to laugh, she really was in rare form last night.

"Yeah Ali, you certainly didn't look like you were being very patient with Jazz last night. What happened to it will happen when it happens?" I laughed more when she actually looked embarrassed.

Before Alice could retort Jessica jumped in and asked. "Wait, we weren't there remember Angela and I went to Ben's apartment last night. What happened?"

"Nothing!" Alice answered quickly only making the girls and I laugh harder.

"Oh really, Alice?" Danielle started. "Since when do you use cleavage as a distraction when playing beer pong?"

"Or the way you and Rose were dancing together?" Lynn joined in the questioning

Once I was able to speak through my laughter I added. "I actually felt bad for Em he was just an innocent bystander. It was almost sad that it happened to be him talking to Jasper when Rose decided to help you get a bit of attention from Jazz."

Angela and Jessica were getting a pretty decent picture of Alice's antics and had joined in on our amusement. Alice finally found her voice. "Ugh, you are all so evil. It isn't funny!" She put her face in her hands. "Was I really that bad?"

"Don't worry Alice I REALLY don't think he was complaining." She glared at me before rolling her eyes at my teasing.

"You know Bells" Lynn started in a tone of voice I knew all too well. "You really shouldn't be saying anything. Some of us actually have to work to get a guys attention… unlike you."

I blushed, knowing this was a conversation I couldn't escape no matter how much I wish I could.

"Yeah Bella Edward and you seemed to enjoy yourselves last night." Alice smirked at me

"What happened with Edward?" Angela asked which surprised me she was usually the quite one, never looking for gossip.

"Nothing really, we just danced." I answered with a shrug. Honestly I acted no different last night with Edward than I would with any of my other guy friends.

"Let me just add…. Damn that boy can move." Alice looked thoughtful before adding. "He can dance, he's intelligent, an athlete, he's sweet to everyone, and his face lights up when he talks about his cousin, is there anything wrong with him?"

All of the girls seemed to agree with Alice's assessment but something she said caught me by surprise. "His cousin?"

Everyone looked at me in surprise. "Yes," she acted as if I should have known what she was talking about. "Well I was in the union the other day getting lunch and the guys were there. Edward got a phone call and his face lit up like a kid on Christmas, he excused himself to answer the phone and came back almost twenty minutes later. When Jasper asked he said that it was his little cousin and she had exciting news."

I wasn't sure why it bothered me that Alice knew about this. I guess I was just surprised that he had not mentioned her to me with all the times we talked about his family so I shrugged it off. Happy with the way the conversation had turned I decided to push things in a totally different direction. "So what was going on a Ben's apartment last night?" I gave Angela a meaningful glance. Angela and Ben been dancing around each other for months now and were finally getting to the dating stage.

Angela smile "Nothing much he and his roommates invited us over and we ended up playing quarters and I've never."

"Yeah I was surprised." Jessica giggled "Our little Angie isn't so innocent after all."

"Oh really well do tell what have you been keeping from us Ang?" I asked while everyone laughed as Angela looked like she was trying to find the fastest escape route.

"You know to be fair to Angela I think we should all share." We all looked at Dani expectantly. "Well why don't we play a game of truth so everyone has to spill a few secrets. To be fair since some of us know more than others…" she looked between me and Lynn. "Everyone write down a few questions and we'll pile them in the center of us and we'll pick from the pile, and even if you pick your question you have to answer it."

We all agreed to the game. I grabbed a notebook and gave everyone a sheet of paper. As we all started writing down questions I had to laugh slightly feeling like we were thirteen again having a sleepover. Once everyone had written down a few questions Dani picked first since it was her suggestion.

She picked up her slip of paper and read "Have you ever stolen anything?" She didn't even have to think before she looked at me and Lynn and we all busted out laughing. "Yes!" She stated firmly before explaining. "When we were in junior high we all found these rings and wanted them as friendship rings. We thought it would mean more if we stole them."

I laughed "Yeah because we were all too freaked out to do the blood brother cut yourself to bond thing. So we thought that the danger of being caught was close enough."

"I thought Bella was going to have a panic attack thinking that if we got caught her dad would arrest us." Lynn teased.

Angela picked the next question after we all stopped laughing. "Have you ever had a sexual encounter with the same sex?" She quickly looked down and answered "Yes…" I think we were all surprised by her answer because Angela is so shy. "It was nothing major a friend of mine and I decided to tease some of our guy friends and we kissed to see how they would react. A kiss turned into a bit of making out. It was a bit odd but their reaction was completely worth it."

Jessica picked next and had to tell us her strangest or naughtiest dream. I could have done without the knowledge of the working of Jessica's subconscious. Then Alice had to tell us what the most daring thing she had ever done in public. She told us that during a vacation her and some friends went to a nude beach. Apparently it was not as fun as she thought it would be since most of the people were older and wrinkled. We all had a good laugh at her attempt to explain the "less than attractive people".

I pulled a question from the pile. "What would you say caused the worst punishment you have ever earned?" I had to think about this because my mom and dad never really disciplined me for anything. When I was younger I would get sent to my room but that usually only lasted a day. Most of the things that got me in trouble were normal teenage things. Even cliff diving only got me a lecture. "I think the only time I really remember being grounded was when Charlie found out about me riding my motorcycle. He hated the fact that any one of my friends rode and strictly forbid me from getting on a bike."

"So how did Charlie find out you had been riding?" Jessica asked

I sighed and looked at Dani and Lynn. They both knew this story and were waiting to see if I would talk about it. Before I could say anything they answered "Jacob." The other three girls looked surprised and apprehensive. They all knew Jake from all the times he visited and they also knew I hadn't really talked a lot about Jake lately.

"So wait… Jacob is the one who told your dad about your motorcycle?" Alice asked.

"Yeah Ali. Jake and I had already been riding for a few months I had gotten really good at this point. At first I had a hard time keeping the bike upright but we were at a point that riding was easy. We always rode together just in case but Jake had started working at the garage and we had less time to ride together. He was at work one day and I wanted to go for a ride I took the bike out and I ended up laying the bike down." Seeing the confusion on their faces I realized they had no idea what I meant. "I wrecked. It wasn't a bad wreck I hit some loose gravel and lost my balance the bike basically laid down if that makes sense to you. I wasn't going fast enough for anything major to happen but I did get some nasty road rash on my arm and leg and a pretty bad burn from the bike. I didn't mention it to Jake because it was not a big deal but about three days later Jacob was at my place and he saw my arm and leg and flipped out." A small smile came across my face as I remember how concerned he had been. "Anyway Jake and I were arguing about me riding without him when Charlie came home."

Dani and Lynn were watching me with careful smiles. I laughed a bit to myself remembering the bomb that seemed to go off when my dad heard the words motorcycle and accident come from Jacobs's mouth. "I ended up grounded for a month and was not allowed to go to Jake's how for another month after that." Charlie assumed that after two months and talking to Billy, Jake's dad that the bikes would be sold or his preference, destroyed. Billy on the other hand was more understanding and had known about the bikes all along. "Thinking back on it now I wish we would have stopped riding after that."

I could feel the tears starting to well in my eyes and I fought them back. I hated crying, and I hated crying in front of anyone. I felt like more people had seen me cry in the last three months than in my entire life. It was quiet for a few minutes before I heard laughter from Dani.

"Do you remember the time that we were all camping out on the beach and Charlie told you that he did not want you spending the on the beach with a bunch of teenage boys." I rolled my eyes and laughed with her.

"Yes, I told him that it was just the guys and it wasn't as if we had never camped out before but he seemed to think that adding teen to our ages changed everything."

Lynn was now shaking her head "I will never forget watching Jacob climb that tree outside your window. He was insistent that you could not miss one of our campouts and he was going to be the one to help you sneak out."

The girls left later that evening and Alice and I had to go our weekly sorority meeting. I was thankful to my girls. After thinking about Jake and our bikes that helped to lighten the mood by talking about other things we did together that left me with only good feelings.

Our meeting was routine. We discussed the greek week, and the formal. The only real new business was a community service and fundraiser event in which all of the greek community would be participating. The weekend before spring break we would be helping with a benefit concert to help a local family. A father of three and the main provider for his family had been in an accident caused by a drunk driver. He was injured badly enough to cause him to be unable to work for at least the next year. His insurance was taking care of his medical needs but his family needed help with child care and household expenses. The hope is to raise funds to aid in these needs as well as awareness of the consequences of drunk driving. We would also be helping to organize a presentation prior to the concert. Pan-Hellenic and IFC are hoping to get the advisors for all social and service organizations to agree to make this presentation mandatory for members.

All of us are excited to be helping with this event. The fact that we will be helping a local family made us want to work even harder knowing we would be able to see how our efforts help them. Having the presentation added to the event will not only raise awareness but it also helps the image of the greek system. We don't deny that we party and drink but all of the fraternities and sororities on campus try to make sure we are safe which is why we have DDs. None of us are angels by any means but events like this one help to break some of the stereotypes.

The next day I woke up bright and early. I walked down to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Angela was walking in just as I walked out. "I'll be ready to go in a bit, Ang. I just have to throw on my sweats."

Angela and I workout every Monday. We both try to get workouts in throughout the week but Monday mornings are the only time we can guarantee. I put on a pair of yoga pants a tank top and a university zip up. By the time I was putting on my tennis shoes Angela was at my door. We walked down to the gym in relative silence. I hadn't had my coffee yet knowing that coffee before a workout was not a good idea. The problem with skipping my caffeine was that I wouldn't be fully functional until we got on the treadmill.

After a ten minuet warm up on the treadmill Ang and I made our way to the leg press machines. We never used a high weight only using the machines for toning. It wasn't long before we were joined by my bear of a big brother. "Hey girls, would you mind if I join you?"

"Sure Em, as long as you don't expect me to life the same weight as you." I smiled at him

Working out with my friends was fun it gave us a chance to just talk and I always felt better after. We talked about our weekend. Emmett found our little game of truth amusing. I spent a good amount of time trying to convince him just to suck it up and ask out Rose. I never said her name because Angela didn't know about his attraction and I didn't want to betray his trust. During our conversation I decided that I may just have to talk to Rose and see if I can get her to ask him out.

At the end of our usual hour Angela and I went to grab our gym bags when Emmett stopped me. "Hey Bells do you have a second?"

I turned back to face him. "Sure Em what's up?"

"It's nothing really I just wanted to see how you are. I know I said I would call you last week but I never had a chance. Then Danielle and Lynn came to visit so I knew you were busy."

I knew he was still worrying after my little assault on the heavy bag last week. I also know that worry probably increased after Dani and Lynn's visit. I sighed and sat down against the wall. "I'm okay Emmett. Some days are harder than others but I'm dealing the best way I can."

"Bella, I'll trust you on this but I can't help but worry about you." He took a seat next to me on the floor. "I talked to Rose the other day and we both agree that you're different. The same but different." I knew he was having trouble approaching this topic but what he just said made no sense to me at all. He must have realized that as well because he continued.

"Little, what I mean is you are doing all the things you used to do. Hell you've even been a lot more active the last few weeks than you were right after …" He trailed off not wanting to directly bring up either death. "but it's like you still are not always there. Sometimes I think you are just going through the motions. I didn't really see it until I saw your face when I ran into you and Cullen that day. I know what was bothering you and I'm willing to bet you didn't talk to anyone about it either."

I rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes. "No Em, I didn't. I was just remembering them there isn't anything to talk about."

"Yes little there is." He stated firmly. " You have been keeping everything inside and you haven't talked to anyone about how you feel. We all liked Jacob, he was a great guy…" I felt my heard clench at his use of the past tense. "and well I don't like what you went through with James but I'm glad you confided in me. But, you are doing the same thing now that you did then. You admitted what your relationship was like and that was that you never talked about how you felt. Now you are doing the same thing you will talk about how they died but not how you feel."

This is not the conversation I want to have why should I talk about how I feel. Everyone already walks on eggshells around me expecting me to break down. I have always been good at internally working through things. I don't want to burden my friends with how much I hurt. "Big, I love that you are here for me but honestly I'm okay. Yes, it hurts and I miss them. Yes both of them, they were so much a part of who I am I can't help but miss them. But that is the only thing I can say about how I feel. Nothing will change what happened and it will not bring them back so the only thing I can do is live my life."

"That's what I'm worried about little." He took hold of my hand. "Are you living your life? Yes you smile and laugh but you are not happy. I can see that. You have been distant from everyone. It's like you are just doing what's expected of you." He stopped and looked at me I don't know what he saw but it seemed to make him realize I couldn't have this conversation.

He stood up and helped me up as well pulling me into a hug. "We love you Bells, we're your friends we just don't want you to shut us out."

I could only nod my acceptance of his statement. I walked over to Angela to grab my bag. Again we walked in silence. I think she knew what Emmett and I were talking about and knew I just did not want to talk. When we got back to Masen Hall I only had about forty five minutes to shower and get ready for class. I could not help but think about what Emmett had said. I already knew I had been acting differently, but honestly after everything I don't see how I could be the same. I also knew that I had been distant from my friends. It is not as if I am trying to shut them out, I just don't want them to have to be burdened with my grief. I really did not have time to think about all this now, I had classes to go to. I would think about all this later if I had time.

Classes seemed to drag on. By the time I finished with my biology lab all I wanted to do was go back to the dorm and crash. It was days like this one that I wished I lived in an apartment so I could have my own bathroom with a nice big tub. The problem is that I don't have that luxury no matter how much a bubble bath would help me relax. Also, I only had an hour to eat before I had to meet with Jen, Maggie and the rest of the community service committee to start working on ideas for this weekend's benefit.

Due to my short amount of time I decided to just grab a sandwich and an energy drink. I was sitting in the union eating when my phone alerted me to a new text. I assumed it would be one of the sisters letting me know they were running late. I was wrong the text was from Edward.

Hey little girl, r u up for a study session tonight? – E

Sry, I have a meeting, for the benefit. – B

Ok, let me know when u r free – E

I felt bad for not being able to meet Edward tonight. He had been a great help with biology and I enjoyed his company. I had thought about telling him I would call him after my meeting but I didn't know how late we would be.

Our meeting started off fairly simple. Jen informed us that the sororities would be in charge of arranging the presentation and the fraternities were taking care of the concert. All we were really doing tonight was giving ideas to Jen to take back to the Pan-Hellenic committee. Jen is our PanHel liaison.

We thought it would be a good idea to hear from the family the event is helping. I also thought it would be a good idea to contact the high school and the local chapter of M.A.D.D. to see if they would like to speak. This event is as much a benefit for the family as it is to raise awareness. Kate also suggested that we make sure to contact the school and town newspaper as well as the local radio stations in order to get a larger turn out. Maggie suggested that since this was an on campus event and we were already trying to get the high school involved that we should also extend an invitation to the school to allow their students to attend both the presentation and concert. Jen said that she would bring that up to the main committee and also thought that that it may be good to suggest to the school that attending this event could count for some type of credit for their health classes.

By the time we finished with our meeting and spending a little time just talking it was around nine o'clock. It was much earlier than I normally go to bed but I could not wait to curl up in bed. I took the time on my walk home to think about what Emmett had said. I hated the idea that my friends felt like I was shutting them out. I had not been trying to shut them out or distance myself from them. Yes, I had been careful about whom I allowed into my life lately but people like Rose, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Angela, and Jessica were already a big part of my life. I know I had been closed off to new people but I was letting Edward in, opening up to him. No I was not as close to Danielle, Lynn, Quil, Embry, or even Ryan but we had already started to lose touch when we went away to college. That's normal it happens.

I still talk to everyone from home. I mean Dani and Lynn were just here to visit. I talk to my parents all the time. Even Quil, Embry and Ryan, we still talk. I mean Ryan had just called me… he had just called me… three weeks ago? Can that be right? Okay so it had been three weeks since I talked to Ryan but when was the last time I talked to Quill or Embry?

Thinking about it now I cannot remember the last time we talked. Had I even spoken to them since the semester started? With my mind on these things the walk back to my dorm was quick. I unlocked my door and found Lauren laying on her bed talking on the phone. I didn't acknowledge her just as she ignored me. I threw my bag down and took off my shoes. I did not even bother changing before I lay down in bed.

My phone ringing startled me. "Hello?" I hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID

"B, it's Dani." Her voice was shaky "Are you busy, can we talk?"

"Yeah Dan. What's going on you sound like something is wrong." I didn't like the way she sounded it was too familiar.

"B, it's James. He… He's …" I could tell she was trying to keep it together but was failing.

"He's what? No one has heard from James since he called me after Jacob…"

"Bella, He's dead." Silence, I felt like everything froze. Then I felt like the room was spinning and there was a ringing in my ears. I slid off the bed to the floor. Not again. This cannot be happening again. I couldn't breathe it was like there was not enough air in the room. No. No. No. No. No. James was an asshole at times, and he was wrong for the way he treated me but, dead?

"Bella! Bella! Bells! Are you there? B. Answer me…. Ok I'm calling Alice and Rose."

I don't know how long I sat on my floor. I never hung up the phone. When Rose and Alice showed up in my room I was in the middle of a full blown panic attack.

Alice and Rose sat with me for the rest of the night. The next morning Danielle, Quil and Embry showed up at the dorm. They packed my things and drove me back to Forks. I was in complete zombie mode. I could not believe this was happening again. How was I going to be able to do this again? I didn't want to walk into another funeral home. No, not another funeral same one that I had to go to to say goodbye to Jake. That thought alone made me sick.

Why was this happening? James had not been a part of my life for a little over a year now but it still hurt. Was this my fault? Did I do something in my life to deserve this amount of pain? I always thought I was a good person but in less than two months time I lost two people who were so important in my life. How was I going to do this? There is no way I could go through this again. If I lose anyone else…

My eyes flew open. My chest was tight, and I had tears streaming down my face. Emmett was right I had been shutting people out. My dream, the dream of the day I found out about James, brought everything back. That was the last day that I had spoken to the guys. They all wanted to be there for me. Even though they had their issues with James they knew how hard it was going to be for me and I pushed them away.

I was so afraid of losing anyone else that I pushed them all away. I went to the funeral alone, I had my dad drive me back to campus right after. Even after I started classes again I kept to myself. Everyone, my friends from home, my sisters, the brothers, I stopped getting any closer than we already were.

The more I thought about how I had been acting the harder it got to breathe. I was having another panic attack. I focused on my breathing, I had to get control. Lauren would be no help, I would not want her to see me like this anyway. I do not want anyone to see me like this ever. That thought brought on another round of tears. I have been feeling so much pain and grief that I've built up walls so that no one around me has to feel it.

Letting others feel what I feel and comfort me only lets them get closer. Emmett was right I am shutting everyone out. But, is that a bad thing? I'm protecting them from my pain, and I'm protecting myself from losing them one day.

I looked at my clock, six in the morning. Ugh, I don't have class until ten but there is no way I'm falling back to sleep now. I pulled myself out of bed. I put on a hoodie and sweatpants before going to wash my face and brush my teeth. If I'm awake I may as well do something with my time. I don't normally like to run unless I'm in the gym but right now I need to clear my head.

The campus at this time in the morning is usually quite. Being outside away from other people just me and my music is what I need. I made my way out of Masen Hall and headed straight for the running path on the south side of campus.

Now I had to decide what to do. The reality of this is that I cannot keep people out of my life. Keeping people out of my life means that I would essentially stop living. To lose nothing is to have nothing to begin with and I already had friends and family that I care about. I can live my life the way they would have wanted me to. I smiled to myself as I thought about what Jacob would say to me if he were here. Jake was so full of life and so happy, and he would have given me so much shit for allowing myself to act the way I have been.

I just need my friends to know that I do not want to talk about my feelings, I will deal with that on my own, I have to. They also need to know that there is no need to walk on egg shells around me.

After my run I went back to the dorm to shower and get ready for the day. As I was putting my phone in my bag I noticed I had an unread text.

Enjoy your run? – E

I was not sure how I felt about that text but shook it off, I would deal with Edward later.

I finished getting dressed. I still was not feeling one hundred percent so I opted for comfort instead of fashion today. Comfort for me is one of Jake's old sweatshirts it was a black Volcom zip up. I put on a plain white tee underneath and a worn pair of jeans with my favorite chucks.

Alice would probably throw a fit; then again she also may say nothing knowing it is Jacob's zip up. I went to the café and got a cup of coffee and a bagel. I actually had time for a full breakfast but I wanted to meet up with the girls.

Walking down to the quad I spotted my sisters standing in the same spot as always. I scanned the group looking for Rose. I finally saw her sitting on the bench like statue talking to Kimi.

"Morning girls." I smiled. They all smiled and greeted me in return. Before I could get caught up in any conversations I turned to Rose. "Hey big can I talk to you for a second."

"Sure little." She turned to the others. "We'll see everyone later."

As we walked away I began what I needed to say. "I spoke with Emmett yesterday. He said that you guys talked." I looked at her to see an apologetic smile on her face. "It's ok, I'm not upset. I had not realized I was pushing you all away and I'm sorry."

"Bella, we just miss you and we want to help." She linked her arm with mine.

"I know Rose but honestly I'm fine. Yes it hurts. Yes I miss them. But, I'm dealing with it and I don't want to talk about how I feel about everything. I do not want everyone to treat me like their expecting me to lose it all the time."

"Little, we just want to be there for you." She said before we stopped outside of her class building.

I leaned against the wall gathering my thoughts I did not want this to come out the wrong way. "I know you all mean well but I want to grieve in my own way and that is to deal with it on my own. All I need from everyone else is to treat me the same as they always have. I'm not saying I'm not going to have my bad days or that there are not things that will remind me of them but I need everyone to stop expecting it." I looked at her to see if she understood what I was saying.

I don't know if I explained it right. I realized during my run that in order for me to get back to normal I needed things to be normal. Everyone had been expecting me to lose it anytime Jake was mentioned. They acted like I would cry or break down and the smallest thing. I know it was as much my fault as theirs but with everyone acting like that around me it was only a constant reminder of what I have been trying to move on from.

She looked at me carefully before nodding. "Alright little I understand what you are saying. Just know if you do need to or want to talk we are here."

I smiled "I know big, and thank you for that. What I do need is for everyone to understand what I just told you. Do you think you can help me talk to the sisters? I do not want to make this into an announcement but I know people ask you how I am. When someone asks can you just let them know what I told you?" She nodded again. "Thanks, I'll talk to Ali, Em and Jazz. I owe them as much."

She hugged me and said she would let everyone know in the most tactful way as possible. As we stepped away from one another two very large arms pulled us together again. "Emmett you big fool what are you doing?" Yes, that's Rosalie for you. She can be tactful but she can also be as blunt as the dull end of an axe.

Emmett being who he is only laughed and hugged us tighter. "Well I felt left out, so I thought we could have a family hug"

"You really are a big fool." Rose laughed but hugged him back. Seeing her wrap her arm around his waist I remembered another little talk I needed to have with my big sister.

"Hey how do we get in on this love?" Jasper shouted as he, Eric, Garrett, and Edward made their way to us.

Rose and I exchanged looks and I knew she was thinking the same thing as me. Alice would love to extend an invite.

"Morning ladies, I'm glad we ran into you. This will save me a phone call." Rose and I looked at Garrett in complete confusion. "I was going to give you girls a call later, I thought it would be fun to have a few friends over on Thursday night. My apartment is not big enough for everyone but some of the guys are coming by and I wanted to invite you two as well as Alice."

"That sounds like fun." I responded "Is Kate going to be joining us?" Garrett and Kate started dating last year and were the absolute cutest couple.

"Yes she will be there." He answered before excusing himself

The others began to make their way towards their various classes. "Hold it Cullen!" I called out before he could walk too far away. He turned back to look at me "Care to explain?" I asked handing him my phone with the random text from this morning.

He started laughing. "Don't worry Swan I'm not stalking you. I was out running with the track team this morning and saw you out there."

"Wow I didn't notice anyone out there this morning." I must have been completely out of it to have not seen the track team out there.

"I would have joined you but coach would have killed me."

"Actually I needed some time that is why I was out there so early." No need to mention that I need time to work out issues after I woke up having a panic attack. His smile fell a little and I realized that what I said came out a bit cold. "Listen, I have to get to class but if you want would you like to grab lunch with me around one? I have a meeting with my writing professor so I won't be able to meet with the sisters today."

His smile returned and he agreed to join me for lunch.

After my classes and my meeting I sent a text message to Edward asking him to meet me at the Sub Station. By the time I walked across campus and to the Sub Station Edward was already there.

"I hope you don't mind I already ordered." He stood and pulled out my chair. "I remembered Alice had said the usual the night we ordered from here so I thought you would want the same thing."

"Well Cullen you thought right, thank you." I picked up the tea he had already ordered for me and took a drink. "I'm sorry if I was rude this morning." I saw that he was about to interrupt but I held up my hand to stop him. "I didn't mean to sound like I would not have enjoyed your company during my run. I had a rough morning and I don't think my brain filter was working properly."

"No worries Bella, I know how therapeutic running can be." He smiled gently at me.

Our conversation during lunch was easy as usual. He asked how my bio lab was. I told him that I felt pretty good about it but there were still some things I was not completely clear on. After we agreed to set up another study session for Wednesday evening we talked about what the guys had been doing for the benefit. Apparently Edward, Emmett, Mitch, and Jasper were helping with the set up and tear down which gave them time to actually watch the concert. I let him know what we were planning with the publicity and presentation. One thing that was never discussed was the reason for my rough morning. I was thankful that Edward never asked.

I on the other hand was a little more intrusive. "So Alice mentioned that she had lunch with you all the other day."

"Oh yeah, I didn't get a chance to talk to her much though I received a phone call in the middle of lunch." There was a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "My cousin called. It has been some time since I have talked to her."

"I take it you two are close?" I asked

"Yes, we are. She is only thirteen. Her father and my mother are brother and sister. It sounds odd but I was named after her dad. Uncle Edward and my mother were very close. Since he had no children when I was born he and his wife, my Aunt Elizabeth, were having were having trouble conceiving she asked him if he would be comfortable if she named me after him."

I could not help but smile at him as he spoke about his family. "That is very sweet of your mom."

"Aunt Elizabeth was thrilled with the idea. Her and my uncle had all but given up hope of children when they found out she was pregnant. The problem was that when Aunt Elizabeth found out about the baby Uncle Edward had just accepted a promotion that required a lot of travel. My parents helped my aunt as much as possible so I guess Nessie came to see me as a brother."

He was smiling ear to ear now. "I am guessing Nessie is a nickname."

"Short for Vanessa. She actually hates it if anyone other than me calls her that." He laughed "Anyway she called to tell me that she placed first in her latest competition."

"Competition?" I asked

"She's been riding horses for almost six years now and began show jumping about two years ago." I was amazed at the way he spoke about this girl.

He went on to tell me that she and her parents still live in California. He said that he thinks that part of his father's need to spend more time with him was because of watching his uncle have leave so often. Edward's uncle traveled less now but had missed out on a lot during the first four years or so of his daughter's life. Watching Edward's face as he talked about his cousin was indescribable. He was so proud of her and riding.

I was happy that Edward told me about her and honestly hoped to meet her some day.

"I bet you loved having her around." I commented

"Are you kidding? When I say she was like a little sister I meant it. She was the most annoying thing in my world until about two years ago." He laughed.

"I don't know I guess I always wanted siblings or someone to look up to me. I'm an only child as were both of my parents so I don't have cousins either."

"I guess I can see where you are coming from. Although it is not all it's cracked up to be." He paused. "I'm just glad she didn't have to see what an idiot I was when Chelsea was in my life."

"I'm sure she would have understood as she got older." I responded "Just think soon enough you have to sit back and watch when she hits a rebellious stage." I burst into laughter at the look of horror on his face.

"Bella that is not even funny." I could not stop laughing and I knew from this point on I had the perfect way to torment Edward.

Our lunch came to an end. Edward had to go to class and I wanted to take some time to call Quil. I missed the guys and now that I had realized how long it had been since we talked I needed to hear their voices.

Edward walked me back to Masen Hall leaving me with a kiss on the cheek. He held the door open for me as I went inside and wondered if he not only acted like a gentleman because of the way he was raised, but also because he knew he would want Vanessa treated with the same respect.

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