Missing

by SnowGoose

Summary: Edward and Bella have been married for almost 10 years. He works too hard and too long at the company he started and though he loves Bella he doesn't know how to go back and rekindle what they once had. Bella is tired of being ignored. Will Edward find his way back to her in time to save their marriage or has he lost her for good.

11. Chapter 11

December 25 2012

Merry Christmas to all my readers. Well this is definitely a Drabble Chapter I honestly think this is the shortest thing I have ever posted (ANs Included) there isn't much actually happening but it gives you a bit more of the chaos going on in Edwards head.

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Chapter 11: Laugh or Cry, Live or Die

Edward POV

I don't want to go back to my home. I don't want to feel how cold it is without Bella. I don't want to be there without her. I can't fathom the fact that she is out of my life; gone. It cuts me like a knife in the chest.

The situation is almost laughable; here I have had her there for me for almost 10 years and I ignored her. Now that she is gone all I want to do is shower her with love and attention. Underneath my dead exterior I am in a state of extreme indecision. I have a manic desire to laugh at myself for being such a fool. What kind of idiot has the most precious treasure; a loving heart, but lets it go un-cherished as if it were of no value? I want to cry when I think of how my Bella must have felt to do something as drastic as leaving. Yet the part of me that isn't laughing and crying internally at my stupidity is wishing to end its suffering and is contemplating ways to die.

The more that I think about the little things the bigger the knife wound tears itself into a gaping hole. I keep thinking about how lonely I feel. I know that I haven't had much in the way of daily interaction with her the last few years but I knew she was there. I smelled her hair as she slept beside me. I could come home to the sound of her breathing. When I contemplate my own loneliness I can't help but think about how lonely my Bella has been in our home without me.

I keep reminding myself of what Emmett said. I have to hold on to hope that Bella and I will one day find our way back to one another. It is this though that gives me strength. I know it will be hard but I have to choose life. If I killed myself and ended my pain I would be denying Bella the chance to ever confront me for the neglect I have committed. If I Died there would be no chance to make amends to the loving hands that hold my heart.

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No Quiz today but please review and I will try to get a longer chapter out maybe by New Years. If not by then then by my 41st Birthday on the 7th.