Note: I do not own Georgia Rule or Ho Hey by The Lumineers

Chapter Eleven
I've been tryin' to do it right
I've been livin' a lonely life
I've been sleepin' here instead
I've been sleepin' in my bed.

The early morning's blue glow tinted her skin while Lee rested her elbows on the windowpane. She slid her window open and gazed out at her street in the early morning. The sun was still trying to rise, and the street lamps still illuminated circles of light to brighten the road for cars that happened to be driving in the early hours.

A cigarette sat between her fingers, the thing she hadn't picked up or thought about since she moved. She hadn't smoked in such a long time that the cravings had gone away, but whenever she seemed to talk to her father she started to feel the itch.

Lee hadn't seen Harlan at all the day before, and she was surprised by it. She didn't necessarily need to hear from him, but it would have been a nice addition to her day.

When her phone rang the moment she was getting into bed, she expected it to be an unknown number—realizing now that she and Harlan hadn't yet exchanged phone numbers.

It was her father, who she hadn't talked to in a couple weeks. Not since he dropped her off at her new home.

Like all of their talks, he only seemed to talk about himself and how he was doing. He rambled on about how annoying his mother was, and how he was living off of his unemployment and food stamps. It's your fault, she kept thinking. But she still felt bad for him no matter whose fault it was.

Lee was the only one he could vent to. She seemed to be the only one to make him feel better; but if she told him what he didn't want to hear he wouldn't listen. All he needed was someone to sympathize with him, and she wouldn't do it very often, only listen.

It was about half-way through the conversation when she had remembered the pack of cigarettes at the bottom of her bag she'd forgotten about. She bought them a month before and never finished it. Now she was taking drags as she tried to air it out the window from her bedroom. Great, she thought. And I was doing so well. If I see Harlan today I hope he doesn't notice.

Then she instantly felt guilty. Harlan. She had told him all of the things she'd done in her past and that it was behind her. She wondered if it really was. But what if he did notice? What if he told her things were over between them? What if that's why he hadn't talked to her yesterday?

Lee took another long drag from her Marlboro, easing the anxious thoughts. Suddenly she thought about all the things she'd be doing if she was back in California. She'd get that tattoo she wanted. She'd get that piercing she had planned on getting. She'd do everything this church wouldn't exactly agree with—things that would express the person she was and the person she had evolved into other the past year.

The only thing she wouldn't have was Harlan.

….

Lee couldn't help it. And when she started walking to work she pulled a lighter and cigarette out of her bag that hung at her side and lit up. Dammit. She took a drag and looked down at her feet, hoping, praying, that no one would see her. That Harlan wouldn't pull up next to her and ask if she wanted a ride to work. Or her mom wasn't mysteriously in the city that day and decided to run back home. She felt like she needed it. The nicotine that she breathed in between her teeth—but at the same time she didn't want to have to explain that to anyone else. She knew no one else would understand. Not like Gemma or Nathan. Even now she thought about them. What they might be doing. Probably screwing.

She felt sick to her stomach to think about it now. She wanted so badly to run back home and lock herself in her room. She wanted so badly to break down and cry. As soon as she felt the tears coming to her eyes her lip started to quiver, and she distracted them by pushing the cigarette back between her lips, taking in another long drag that would help her to relax.

It wasn't long before she reached the boutique, unlocking the door with the cigarette hanging from her mouth. Before stepping inside she put it out against the concrete and disposed of it in a dumpster next to the building. Luckily no one had even been out this early to catch sight of her.

She went through the motions, like she always did. Log in; put on her nametag; prepare the register; set up the displays; arrange the clothes; make sure everything was in its place. When the clock struck 9:45 she was done.

Lee smelt her clothes, probably smelling of cigarette smoke and remembering there was perfume in her bag. She sprayed herself lightly to mask the annoying smell.

As she went to put her perfume back in her bag she eyed the cigarettes and lighter sitting on top of her belongings. She sighed softly to herself, knowing what she needed to do but trying to convince herself that it was alright—that she could just finish this one pack and be able to stop for good.

She shook the thoughts out of her head and grabbed them both in a fist. She made her way out of the store, hearing the bell go off behind her as she walked around back to the dumpster. Then she heard the familiar deep voice.

"Hey," Harlan said happily.

Lee tensed, gripping the pack and lighter in her hand firmly. "…Hi," she said with a small smile as she turned to face him.

"Aren't you supposed to be manning your post?" he asked.

"…Aren't you supposed to be at work?" she retorted.

"…Touché." Harlan chuckled and he eyed her closed fist at her side. "So…what're you doin'?"

"I'm…throwing something away."

"Throwing what away?"

"…Nothing…."

Harlan laughed. "Is that so?"

Lee nodded, then hesitated before turning around quickly and dunking the smashed cigarettes and lighter into the dumpster to rid of them for good.

"Right…" Harlan said, before chuckling to himself.

"Don't worry about it," Lee smiled, about to walk past him when he took her hand in his.

"I don't get a kiss?" he asked, looking at her lips.

Lee's smile widened, then she nodded.

Harlan smiled and leaned down before their lips touched—but it was all over too suddenly. "Lee…have you been…smoking?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at her.

Lee suddenly felt as if a stone sank to the bottom of her stomach and she sighed, running her hand through her hair. She turned back toward the store and walked inside. "Yes, I'm sorry. I have."

Harlan followed closely behind her. "But…why? I thought you said you weren't."

"I wasn't—I mean…yeah. I wasn't. And I took care of it. So don't worry about it."

"Why did you?"

Lee shrugged and chewed on her lip as she tried to distract herself from the conversation.

"You said you were done with all that." Harlan trailed off and Lee could feel herself getting more anxious. This really wasn't the time or the place. "I just…wasn't expecting it."

"You're right Harlan, I suppose I'll just go fuck a couple people while I'm at it too."

Harlan was silent and she felt his eyes on her as she moved.

As soon as the words came out of her mouth she regretted them. She regretted ever having the conversation with her dad the night before or buying the pack she found at the bottom of her bag.

"I'm gonna go," Harlan said firmly.

Lee heard the hurt in his voice, like he was doing it on purpose to make her feel bad for the sentence that came flying out of her mouth.

"Just…" Lee heard his footsteps getting farther away and felt the tears coming to her eyes. "Do whatever the hell you want to, Leigh-Ann. But I won't be a part of it. " She heard the bell ring and felt a tear run down her cheek to her bottom lip.

Her mind had gone blank for a moment, and for what seemed to be just over a minute she didn't move. Her mouth hung open and tears were in her eyes. She didn't even feel herself take in a breath. All at once she inhaled deeply and wiped her cheek, turning toward the front counter to reach for her phone next to the register.

First she called Jessica, wiping her nose and cheeks to try and see the screen of her phone clearly. When she heard her pick up and say hello, Lee tried her best to sound like she wasn't about to fall apart. "Hey," she forced a smile to make herself sound happier. "Look um, I just opened the shop and everything, and I'm having a real personal emergency, I need to leave. What do I do?"

"Are you okay?"

Lee tried to hold back tears and keep her cheery tone. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I just really need to leave."

"Okay, just call my aunt and tell her what's going on, I'm sure she'll be able to come in and cover for you."

"Thanks, Jess." After a short goodbye she dialed Crystal's number. As it rang she rehearsed what she might say in her head.

"Hey, Crystal, it's Lee. I really hate to do this to you, but I just opened up the shop and I really need to go—personal emergency—would you be able to come down and cover for me?"

"Sure, just lock everything up and I'll be down as soon as I can. Thanks for calling, I hope everything's alright."

"Me too," Lee admitted. "Thanks."

She was surprised she didn't have to wait for Crystal to get there, but she was also grateful. She was worried she'd be crying in the back of the store the whole time until Crystal came in to save her, and have to explain herself as she rushed out the door.

Lee grabbed her bag along with her keys and stepped fast toward the door—turning the sign from "OPEN" to "CLOSE."

…

Lee's feet hung off the dock, her shoes sitting beside her. She was grateful to have the whole day by herself down here. Otherwise she would have gone home to cry once she saw people starting to gather on the sandy shore. She couldn't seem to stop the tears and she didn't want to. She hadn't cried in so long, it almost felt good to let everything come pouring out. But, nevertheless, she hated crying. She hated it more than anything else in the world—but not as much as crying in front of others. She hated being asked if she was alright—she hated having to be comforted by someone, and she didn't want to put in the effort to explain to anyone what was wrong.

Her wet hair was up in a bun. Luckily she had brought her bathing suit into work with her, planning on asking Harlan to go swimming later in case she saw him. If she didn't she planned on going by herself after she got off work anyway.

Lee hung her head the felt like it couldn't pound any harder. She'd been crying since she left the boutique—since she sunk down to her knees at the end of the dock. Tears kept rolling down her cheek and she kept wiping them away, rubbing her cheeks raw.

She picked her head up and listened to the breeze swaying the leaves back and forth from the trees on either side of the banks of the lake. She ignored everything else around her. Not even the small footsteps coming up beside her.

She felt someone come to sit next to her and she glanced over. A little girl with blonde, curly hair sat at the end of the dock—almost imitating the position Lee was sitting in.

"Hi," she said, before looking up at Lee with a friendly smile.

"Hi," Lee wiped her nose once again, sniffing back the tears.

"You look sad."

Lee nodded. "Does seem that way, huh?" Her eyes fell on the water again as she made her feet swing beneath her.

The little girl was silent for a moment. "Why are you sad?"

"I said something very stupid to someone I like a lot," Lee answered with a faint smile.

"Was it your mom?"

Lee shook her head. "It was a boy."

"Your dad?"

Lee chuckled and shook her head again. "A boyfriend."

"Ew," the girl said, sticking out her tongue. "I don't like boys."

It made Lee chuckle. "You might wanna stay away from them for a while."

"That's my plan."

"You're smart. I wish I was that smart."

"I'm not that smart."

Lee smiled at her, wiping one last tear from her eye. "You seem pretty smart to me. How old are you?"

"Seven."

"You know what's good for you, I think that's pretty smart."

The little girl smiled up at her. "What's your name?"

"Leigh-Ann. But you can call me Lee if you'd like."

"Okay." Her smile grew and she looked out toward the water.

"What's your name?"

"Missy."

"Nice to meet you, Missy."

I promise to try and get chapters up quicker. School's been kicking my butt. But here's a nice cliffhanger for you muahahah