Chapter 10
My Baby
"My name is Esme, Esme Platt" I said with my hand resting on my stomach the contractions had started and I was trying to breath through them.
"Are you alone?" The nurse asked.
"Yes, yes I am" I said a little saddened by that thought, I pushed it from my head, it was time, I would be a mother soon, this little life depended on me.
A wheel chair was brought to me and I was carted off the the delivery room.
As I lay down and the doctor checked me over i thought about the past months, I had taken up a teaching job. It was nice to work with kids I had always wanted to. It would be hard taking care of the baby and keeping money coming into the house. The few war widow friends I had met had urged me to remarry as they had. I was completely against that. I would find a way to make this work.
I bit through the pain of delivery holding on to the thought that me baby would be in my arms soon.
I heard the first crys of my baby was relieved.
"Ms Platt, you have a baby boy" the doctor told me. It seemed like forever until they placed him in my arms. He was so beautiful, tears streaked down my face.
"Hello baby" I cooed. "I'm your momma, everything is gonna be okay I promise" I told my son.
"Do you have a name for him?" the nurse asked.
"Yeah, David" I told her.
"Very nice, we need to take him to the nursery run some tests you can come see him in a little bit" the nurse said. I didn't want to give him up but I did reluctantly.
I lay in the hospital bed utterly alone, tired, and depressed. I wanted to be with me son.
As the time wore on I was starting to feel worse I started to get out of bed when they brought my son back to me.
"He's hungry dear" the nurse told me.
I smiled and took him from her arms nuzzling him up to my breast so that he could eat. He latched on with no problem. I smiled down at him watching him eat. I saw so much of myself in him, his heart shaped face the color of his hair. He was perfect in every way.
I spent the next few days in the hospital, today though I was dressed my child wrapped up warmly, we were going home.
I opened the door to my home, it was cold inside and I shivered through my coat. I walked into the living room David's bassinet was already there. I set him down and started a fire in the fire place trying to get some heat into the house.
It didn't take long for it to warm up enough that I could remove my jacket and a couple layers of David's blankets. He slept peacefully while I set about making dinner for myself.
That first night was the longest of my life. He woke every two hours to eat, I hardly slept. I knew this was to be expected for the first few months.
The next day I slept every chance I got only getting up to eat feed and change him before falling back to sleep. As night fell I noticed that David was having trouble breathing panicking I raced to the hospital.
I sat in the ER with David in my arms waiting for the Doctor to come back.
"Ms. Platt" the doctor said quietly. "Your son has an infection in his lungs we will need to admit him"
"Is it serious?" I demanded.
"I'm afraid so for someone his age. We will monitor him closely" the doctor assured her.
I was terrified to leave his side. I stayed with him night and day.
Three days after he was admitted, I awoke to a flurry of activity.
"What's going on?" I demanded a nurse hurried forward to usher me out of the room. "What's going on?" I demanded again
"Hes stopped breathing" the nurse said then hurried back into the room. Tears filled my face as I looked on. Each minute ticked by in pure agony. I don't know how long they tried but i remember hearing them pronounce my baby, my David dead. I remember screaming and my heart ripping in two and then nothing.
When I came too I was laying in a hospital bed. "Miss Platt" it was the same nurse as before. "Easy now" she said as I tried to sit up.
"David?" I said not remembering what had happened.
"I'm so sorry honey, he didn't make it. You passed out and hit your head. Is there anyone I can get a hold of for you?" she asked.
"No, there's no one" I sobbed.
"Oh honey, I know it hurts." the nurse said in a motherly tone. "It will get better it will just take time."
It would never get better. I had no husband, my child was dead, I had nothing I was all alone.
I was discharged later that day, it was dark as I made my way home.
I couldn't go back into that empty house. I decided to go for a walk I didn't know where I was walking to or what I was going to do, I had lost everything. Despair and pain welled up filling my broken heart tear streamed down my face as I walked. The cold stung my face and I walked.
I came to the cliffs near my house and stood at the edge. I had nothing left no one to love no one to love me. My life was empty over my baby dead all I wanted was to join him to be with him forever. In that split second I knew what I wanted to do and before I could think twice i threw myself from the cliff to my death.
Sorry this took way to long to get up I had some major writers block and I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this but here it is