Author's Note: Ahh this chapter was super fun to write. I didn't expect there to be so many chapters before the introduction of Misa, but I guess there are.

Thanks to UmiNight Angel Neko and Guest for your reviews! Guest - you totally blew my mind. I was just talking to someone about gaslighters the other day, and I didn't even realize that was how I was writing Light. He totally does gaslight her! Ugh, I missed a prime opportunity to call this story "gasLight."

Chapter 11

April 23, 2004

I can't believe I was in his hotel room! I feel so…strange, almost like I was doing something wrong. It was kind of thrilling. I think I'm a little too sheltered.

I'm so nervous to ask dad... Especially since he's been in such a bad mood this week. He got my latest lab report. My markers are exactly where they were last time. They're going to up the chemo to six hours and adjust the regimen again.

L replayed the tapes for the third time in a row, analyzing the victims of the Sakura TV tapes in great detail. They could hardly be considered criminals. The first had a minor mention in a tabloid article, something about him being a pain in the ass to work for. L couldn't really remember. He snickered to himself. By that standard, he would definitely be on Kira's shortlist. L scratched his head and leaned back in the chair, arching his back to stretch it out a bit. He kept his eyes on the screen in front of him as the images continued to play. The second victim stormed off a daytime talk show interview after exchanging unpleasant words with the host. L smirked, wondering how far up his name really would be on Kira's list. This pattern of killing wasn't just out of Kira's normal behavior as Eva had mentioned. It was an intentional act.

"If I were going to act in favor of Kira, but independently, I would select victims that I knew for a fact Kira wouldn't be focused on killing. Still…I'd pick people who behaved badly in public so that there's some plausible deniability." L mumbled to himself as he stacked a tower of sugar cubes. He frowned at the tower in dissatisfaction and added another three cubes. "Someone ideologically aligned with Kira…someone who admires Kira…but someone who doesn't know who Kira is." He checked the clock on the wall. Just a few more hours before the taskforce would meet. "Light Yagami is Kira…." L mumbled under his breath again. "No, Light Yagami is the first Kira. This is the second Kira. Capturing one could lead us to the other." He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before exhaling. "It makes no sense to pursue them one at a time…." L turned his eyes to the tower of sugar cubes. "I could have Light join the investigation. That would give me the opportunity to observe him under pressure." He frowned. "No…he's too careful. He's too calm. I'd need to catch him off guard." L thought for a moment. The only time he'd seen Light come slightly close to losing his cool was anytime Eva was involved. Would it be wrong to exploit that? Would it be wrong to exploit her? It wasn't very becoming of a hero. I have no doubt that L is as flawed as any other human being…but that's not why he's my hero. He shook his head. Why was he suddenly thinking about her words? Why did he feel like he could suddenly smell her perfume? I have no delusions about meeting a perfect person who has everything figured out. I just hope I can leave some good behind in this world like he will. Why was her gentle smile and melodic laugh still so fresh in his memory? "Well…as long as she has no delusions." L reached out to the table and flicked his finger against a cube in the middle of the tower. It flew out from between, taking the structural integrity of the tower with it. L smirked at the sight. He liked watching things crumble, especially when he was the one to make it happen.

Eva's heart raced as she followed this stranger to a hotel suite tucked away around the bend of the hallways. Every time she passed a reflective surface, she took the opportunity to check her hair and makeup, straightening herself out little by little. The old man in front of her knocked on the door.

"Come in." she could hear someone say from the other side. The man held the door open for her, and when she walked through it, he closed it behind her, leaving her alone with L.

"Wow…so that's Watari, huh?" She felt silly, but she wasn't sure how else to break the silence.

"Yes." L replied plainly. "Please remove your coat and turn off your phone." Eva nodded. When she slipped her arms out of her coat and noticed L staring at her, a sudden shyness took over. She felt exposed. It was silly, obviously she wasn't. She still had on a full-sleeve blouse and pants. She hadn't even removed her flats. But there was still something so intimate about the moment. "Are you ready to begin?" Was she? This was all so sudden. Admittedly, she had been the one to jump at the opportunity when L asked her to come over and help with the investigation, but she suddenly realized how dangerous this all was. It was like the seventeen years of parental cautiousness that Eva had rolled her eyes at was beginning to kick in all of the sudden. L had started off their relationship on a lie. He had pretended to be some shy, polite pre-law student. He wasn't that at all. In fact, ever since he had exposed his identity to her, he had barely seemed more human than the initial scrambled-voice broadcast that she had heard. Maybe this was a mistake. After all, she really didn't know anything about this man. No one did.

"Why did you want my help?" she suddenly asked. The tone came out more accusatory than she meant for it to, but the fear was beginning to take over. L didn't even flinch at her question. "I'm not…I mean…I see why you would ask Light. He's a genius. I'm just some random pre-law student. What could I possibly have to offer your investigation? I'm not anything special." L's face remained just as stoic as before and Eva bit her lip as she averted her gaze to the floor.

"I disagree." L replied in a very matter-of-fact tone. "Your analysis of the broadcast was quite good." He shuffled awkwardly to the TV and began lifting up tapes, inspecting the labels on them. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the two that were never publicly broadcast." Eva stared at his back in disbelief. Suddenly, all of her fear was gone. This was L again, the man that she admired and looked up to, the one she wanted to emulate as closely as possible. She wasn't in any danger. In fact, she was exactly where she wanted to be: alone with her hero.

Static replaced the images previously on the TV and L clicked it off with the remote in his hand

"Well?" he asked, cocking his head toward Eva. Her eyes seemed vacant as she continued to stare at the black screen. It was like the girl he had been interacting with had gone away, leaving only anxiety in the shell that imitated her body.

"Hypothetically," Eva began her sentence in the same manner that L had during their first engagement in that coffee shop nearly a month ago, "say you're Kira. Given all that's happened, would you trust L to stop pursuing you?"

"Not at all." L replied plainly.

"Neither would I. In fact, I would try to create a situation in which L's death was certain, no matter what the other parties decide." He could see her knuckles turning white as she tightened her grip on the edge of the couch. It was as if simply acknowledging that reality put her in an unbearable amount of discomfort. "A name and a face…that's the running theory, right?"

"That's correct."

"But this Kira was able to kill almost instantly…. How could he have known who would respond? Even more, regardless of what the police decide, he asked you to appear on TV. If this Kira just needs a face, then this is the ideal situation. Your life is forfeit no matter what." Her voice broke a bit, and she lowered her head and sniffled. Though L couldn't see her face, he was sure she was struggling to hold back tears. He leaned forward for a moment, wondering if he should get up and comfort her, but he wouldn't know how to begin.

"I won't go down that easily." he assured her.

"How can you be so sure?" Eva asked, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her blouse. L stood up and she followed his movement until she was staring up at him. He gave her a mischievous smile.

"I still have a few tricks up my sleeve." L wasn't sure when she stood to hug him. It all happened so fast. Her arms snaked around his waist, the smell of her perfume drifted up to his nose, and he could feel the gentle scrapes of her fingernails through his shirt. There was that sensation again—the one he swore he would discuss with a doctor. What was it? And why did it make him so nervous?

"I want to join the investigation!" Eva said, pushing the side of her face against his chest. "Please…I'm in the best position to do the front-facing work." There was a slight pause. "My life is going to end no matter what. I just want to make a difference before it does." L suddenly felt guilty. He shouldn't have dragged her into this. Her intelligence had blinded him to the reality of the situation: she was still very much a child. He pulled away from her and she stared up at him in confusion.

"No matter how gifted, you alone cannot change the world." he began to lecture.

"What do you mean?" Those damn puppy dog eyes again. L turned away from them, distracting himself with organizing tapes and stacks of paperwork. "I've never subscribed to that belief." He stopped and glanced at her over his shoulder. "Either I'll be able to lay a foundation for someone else more capable than I, or I'll be able to stand on the shoulders of giants to accomplish something previously thought to be impossible. Either way…I'll be leaving being something good in this world. And someone will be able to add to it with their own good deed until there's real change." It was happening again. She was leaving him speechless, and L found it both incredible and incredibly frustrating. He finally smiled at her. He had to admit when he was backed into a corner.

"Considering you're still a minor, you'll need your parents' consent." L replied before popping a tape into the TV and resuming his position on the couch. "Thank you for your analysis. I found it quite helpful."

"O…you're welcome." Eva said with a smile. She waited a moment longer, unsure of what to say before taking her leave. When she noticed L deeply involved in his work, she opted to say nothing.

"Please do let me know what your parents decide as soon as possible." L called out to her as she neared the door of the suite. And though her back was turned, and L would never see it, she still bit her lip to try and hold back her massive grin.

"I will." The door of the suite shut, leaving L alone with his thoughts. Was it right to use someone's admiration for him as ammunition against a suspect? He had always been perfectly willing to lie, cheat, and steal in the past to solve a case. Why was he suddenly getting cold feet?

April 24, 2004

He really doesn't get it! He doesn't get how important this is to me.

I swear, no matter how many chances I give him to get to know me, to understand me, he pushes them all away. This is just like the transplant list! He knew I didn't want to buy a spot at the top. He knew I believed in need-based prioritization, and yet he still chose to go against my wishes.

Sometimes I wonder if it's better for me to just leave and start a new life away from my parents.

But where would I go? Maybe England.

"No! Hell no, and that's final!" Ben exclaimed, being sure to cross his arms across chest several times so that his body language didn't betray his words.

"Dad!"

"No, Eva! What the hell is this guy doing that's making all the women in this family abandon safe, normal, healthy lives for high-risk, late night investigations?" Eva rubbed her temples, feeling a migraine coming on from the frustrating conversation.

"God! This is so like you!" Eva raised her voice at him for the first time, letting all of her frustrations with their relationship spill out of her. "You've never once asked me what I wanted to do! You didn't care that I didn't need to be on the top of those donor lists, you just wanted me there because it made you feel better! You didn't care that I didn't want to sue that doctor or that hospital over their error, but you wanted to, so you went ahead and did it!"

"Eva!" Liliana suddenly spoke up, trying to calm her daughter.

"No!" Eva yelled through tears. "This is what he always does! I'm going to die, dad! There's no amount of money you can throw at that to make it go away!"

"You don't know that! This regimen could work!" Ben shot back.

"There's been no change in my markers! Zero! And this is my third regimen!" Eva suddenly felt her energy fade and she wiped away her tears. "You just…whatever. You don't care." she mumbled before storming up the stairs. Ben watched his daughter retreat and ran both his hands through his short, blond hair. He gripped it hard, nearly pulling it out of the roots and groaned in frustration. He turned toward his wife and frowned.

"Thanks for all the backup!" he spat.

"I know you're not mad at me right now." Liliana retorted in just as venomous a manner. Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You're right…I'm sorry. I wasn't—I just don't know how to—ah!" He kicked the drywall in the living room in lieu of finishing his sentence. Though Eva had never levied the accusation against him, he felt single-handedly responsible for her cancer. He had been the one to rush the doctors. He had been the one to make demands and threaten legal action, and when mistakes were made, he had opted to shift the blame to the hospital.

"Maybe we should think about letting her pursue this." Liliana said.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"I'm serious. It might be better to nip this in the bud. We could let her do it, but decide the parameters. It's better than her deciding to pursue it on her own without our oversight. What if she does something dangerous?" she reasoned with her husband. Ben's frown intensified. "It's not uncommon for a girl in love to go AWOL."

"That's not a good reason to tie her up in a ribbon and send her off to a mass murderer." Ben mumbled.

"Look, just think about it. L's doing some investigative work tonight. I'll call him tomorrow morning and just get some basic information. If he can keep Eva out of harm's way and she's satisfied looking at a few police documents one night a week, I don't know what it could hurt."

"Yea, I guess." Ben agreed weakly. "I still don't like it."

"I know." Liliana sympathized, wrapping him up in a tight hug and planting a soft kiss on his lips. "But you have a very strong-willed daughter who takes a lot of pride in her ideals." Liliana gave Ben another kiss and he rested his forehead against hers. "I hated seeing how miserable you were back then—when she wouldn't even look at you."

"Yea…." Ben agreed. "But I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I don't for a second regret putting her at the top of those waitlists. I'd do anything to keep her alive, even if it means she'll never talk to me again."

"She loves you, Ben. She's just as stubborn as you are. C'mon, come watch a movie with me. We'll talk to L and Eva tomorrow."

Eva leaned against the door of her bedroom, waiting to hear the TV downstairs. When it began to play, she moved away from the door to the opposite end of her room and dialed his number.

"Did you get an answer?" L asked, jumping straight to the point. Eva swallowed the lump of nervousness forming in her throat.

"Yea, they said it's fine for me to join the investigation." she lied as she stuffed pillows under her blanket and tried to shape them into the form of a body.

"I know it's a bit short notice, but would you be able to come over within the next hour?"

"Yea, I'll be right there."

"Excellent." Eva hung up the phone and slipped it into her pocket. This was the first time she had ever done something like this. She slid open her window and slowly lodged herself between the wall of her house and the wall of Light's house. She slid the window pane down until it was just barely open. After all, she would have to be able to get back into the house. Then, slowly but surely, began to lower herself down the walls. Eva suddenly found herself thinking about L's admission of employing dishonesty in pursuit of victory. She held back a laugh.

"I guess I hate to lose, too, L." she whispered to herself as her feet hit the ground.