It is in plunging into the stream of life itself and entering into the deepest involvement with the values that confront us, exercising our wills to the utmost-to the breaking point-that we find God in the very extremity of the battle.

~Geddes MacGregor

The door's to what used to be Miranda's office slid open and Jade walked in her helmet in her hand, she wasn't surprised to find Koylat talking with Oriana. The two of them had grown close spending most of their time together. It wasn't much of a surprise considering that they were relatively close in age and both felt out of place on her ship. She watched them talking, both to engrossed to actually notice her presence. "Koylat," the two finally looked up at Shepard. "I need to talk to Oriana." The Drell nodded shooting one more look at Oriana before he left the room. Jade watched the exchange, she wondered if she should be worried at the amount of time that they were spending together. "You've known each other for a few days...it's good to see the two of you getting along."

Oriana smiled, "Randa won't be pleased will she?"

"Probably not then again who knows," Jade replied taking a seat across from Oriana. If there was one thing that Shepard hated more than anything was informing family members of bad news.

"So can I see inside the flotilla? Are we here to pick up another member for your crew? I heard that your old squad mate refused."

"We're not in 'Quarian Space' because I want to be here, but because I need to be here. The Quarians have declared war on the Geth, I need to stop their stupid invasion plan before they attack," Jade looked at her, "I need to make sure that before I leave that there is a peace treaty in talks with the Geth and the Quarians, if I leave then the Geth will attack. A war between these two will decimate their numbers if not cause the extinction of the other race, and I need the Geth, and the Quarians to work together if I ever want to stop the Reapers and save this galaxy."

"How long are we going to be here?"

"I don't know, Tali said it might take a couple of months to get the Admirals to see things my way, the entire time they will be preparing for a war. I need to convince them that it's a stupid idea that the Geth and Quarians can work together. Unfortunately if I leave before there is peace, the Geth will attack the Quarians and then it would be too late."

"When are you going to save Miranda?"

"I can't, this is too important for me to go running off looking for her; I'm not even sure where she is exactly. I have an idea but if I'm wrong then we have to start again, in reality there hundreds of Cerberus bases out there, the Illusive Man could be hiding at any one of them. It would take weeks for me to clear out each and every one of them. By that time the Quarians and the Geth would be at war. I'm sorry, but I am needed here. I promised you that I would find your sister and I will I will rip Cerberus apart looking for her. That I promise you, I will get your sister back."

There was a strangled look on Oriana's face as her anger flared, "You told me you would do everything in your power to bring her back, and yet you're not doing anything. While you sit here who knows what that sick bastard could be doing to her, what he could be making her do? I thought you said you loved her, yet here you are abandoning her."

"My mission is too important for my personal feelings to get in the way. This needs to be done. You think that this is a coincidence that a fight between the Geth and the Quarian break out now after basically ignoring each other for the past 300 years. No, this has the Illusive Man written all over it. I will not let the Reapers win, the mission comes first."

"No Miranda should come first, she needs you Shepard. Can't you think of anything maybe the Council..."

"My connections are based on how much people like me, and considering that the Council wouldn't shed a tear if I died. The same could be said Alliance. There is nothing I can do, no one that can help me. Unless you want to do my job, having everybody counting on you and they aren't even aware of it. Every life in the galaxy even Miranda's, even yours depends on my actions here today, tomorrow, the next day and every day until they arrive. And they will come, if we are not ready for them, if we cannot unite every species to be ready for them, then Miranda is dead anyway. If you think that I want this then you are sadly mistaken. I was cursed with the knowledge of the Reapers, I've seen two Reapers, and I've destroyed one. Someone threw the fate of this galaxy and the lives of everyone in it into my hands. I am given impossible decisions to make, and I do it because it is asked of me and because someone has to do it. I have given up everything, my soul, my freedom, the woman I love because if I don't then who will? Will you take my place? Choose who lives and who dies. If you want to be me, then go ahead. I'm tired of everyone in the galaxy trying to fucking kill me while I struggle and sacrifice to save their miserable lives." Jade eyes glowed angrily the cybernetics glowing orange as her jaw began to ache and she roughly rubbed at it.

Her rage was finally bubbling to the surface, everything that had built up and she had quickly reigned in. She quickly grappled with her emotions closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, "I should go, but I'll do what I can. That's all I can promise," with that Shepard stood up and walked out of the room still grappling with her rage, her anger at the situation. She was at her breaking point and now was not the time, she needed to have full control of her faculties. She needed a plan something, anything that would swing this in her favour or at least would cause the Quarian admirals to back down and listen to her. All she needed to do was get the peace treaty in talks before she could slip away.

"Commander, we've arrived, Tali's confirming our identity, you should head up here for decontamination."

Jade looked up as she normally did when Joker's voice came over the intercom before returning to her task at hand calming herself down. She inhaled sharply she needed the Quarians on her side and she wasn't going to do it unless she had a clear head. She inhaled deeply again trying to calm herself to push her rage to the side.

Another deep breath, she was at her breaking point. Something was going to give if they kept pushing her, she only hoped that when the time came she would have enough rage to show the Illusive Man and Kai Leng just exactly they had awoken.

She isn't coming.

The thought echoed in her head as she finally slid down in her imaginary jail walls, she had grown weary of banging on the walls of her mental prison. She had stopped paying attention to what was done with her body. It was simply easier to curl up and pretend nothing was happening. To take whatever punishment was dished out. To not think about it as the Illusive Man, or anyone else he decided to let abuse her, use her body for their pleasure. She was nothing but a sexual blow-up doll.

She should have been used to this; she had no idea why her expectations had been so high. Shepard was a soldier before anything else, constantly putting her duty before her own feelings, before her. This wasn't the first time either that Shepard's mission had come first. When they had walked out of the Collector base, Shepard had promised her a week of her undivided attention. That was hardly the case, Shepard was always on the move, going from one place to another, non-stop, going from arguing with the Council to private meetings with Anderson and Alliance brass. She never stopped, Miranda couldn't even remember the time that she had woken up in Shepard's arms. Sometimes she had fallen asleep waiting for Shepard, she had never put down the mission to simply stop and figure out what she was protecting. Their communication had been all but severed since the suicide mission.

The mission comes first.

It was Shepard's mantra; her excuse. Shepard for the most part ignored her presence, rarely spending a moment of time with her. It had been difficult to spend any intimate moments with Shepard, and those that they did share, those stolen moments were the few times that she thought she had all of Shepard's attention and even that felt forced like Shepard was going through the motions. It hadn't been as highlighted until that Asari had come back into Shepard's life. That connection that Liara shared with Shepard, she wanted that. Shepard even had a closer relationship with Garrus than she did with Miranda and it drove her mad. She wanted to laugh with Shepard, to tease her like Liara did, like everyone else did.

And yet she came to bring you back, she risked her neck and her life to save your sister to protect her from your fate.

But that was typical Shepard, always risking her neck nearly getting herself killed every day. She gave no thought to Miranda or to anyone else for that matter. She was reckless, and her body held the scars of most of her battles. She could tell Miranda where most of them came from, going into great detail about how she had gotten each scar. She was proud of them. Proud that she nearly got herself killed almost daily for her crew, and yet when pressed Shepard would claim that she was fighting for everyone and everything. She would give no real reason no specifics as to why she fought as hard as she did, why she constantly put her body on the line. And Mirnada found herself wishing that Shepard would say her name to look at everyone in the eye and inform them that she fought for a future for the two of sighed inwardly it was not as if Shepard would even want to touch her again, she had seen what they had done to her. That was if Shepard would even come for her, Shepard didn't need her. She doubted she even had a place in Shepard's life any more.

She's never let me down before. She looked me in the eye and told me that she would come for me. That she would save me.

She had to have faith that Shepard would indeed come for her before it was too late before she lost herself in the Illusive Man's web, before she broke. Shepard thought of something she always did, it was separated the two of them, she could never spin a situation like Shepard could. Shepard could look at an impossible situation and make it possible she would take educated gambles and hope for the big payoff. She just had to give Shepard some more time, to figure something out. Shepard wasn't someone to be counted out in a fight, she would be here.

She halted briefly, since when had she put all her stock in heroes. Was she so weak that she couldn't take care of herself that she had to depend on Shepard to come and rescue her? An impossible situation, yet she was positive Shepard would have thought of a way out of it. She would have regained her senses. She couldn't simply wait for Shepard to come; she needed to be pro-active in this. She needed to show Shepard that she did not need her to be her hero. She would show Shepard that she didn't need her in that capacity. She was no longer the scared little girl who cowered and ran to someone for protection; no she would find her a way out of this without Shepard. She would earn her respect, she would show her that she wasn't some damsel in distress for Shepard to come rescue like that Asari.

She was Miranda Lawson and she needed to show Shepard that she was her equal in every way. She was no longer a tool to be used and discarded like she had been in the past with her father, with the Illusive Man. It was the only way to prove to Shepard that she wasn't like all the people Shepard fucked in the past, all those people pining for the love of a hero. No she loved Shepard despite the fact that she was one of those heroes that she despised so much.

"Do not think that you can come in Shepard and bully this Admiralty board into doing what you want like you did last time. We cannot sit around idly while the Geth prepare for war," Admiral Han'Gerrel Vas Neemah informed Shepard.

"Mutually assured destruction isn't on the table today; I'm offering you a way to return to your home world with minimum bloodshed. I was under the impression that the Admiralty board was to do things in the best interest of the Quarian people. I'm offering you a peace treaty with the Geth, one in which you will be able to return to your home world, that you will be able to live without your environmental suits and no longer worrying that a stalled ship would mean the most certain death of your people. I offer the Quarians a return to former glory, no longer being looked upon as beggars and vagrants by everyone else in the galaxy," Jade replied trying to reason with them.

"Why should we care what the Citadel races think of us? We asked them for help, to help us control the Geth and they refused to help us. They let millions of our ancestors die they let us be chased off and exiled forcing us to roam the stars..." Daro'Xen vas Moreh began.

"Really have Quarian's never heard of personal responsibility? I may not be the biggest fan of the council, and I may secretly wish that I had let them die instead of sacrificing human lives to save them, but how are they to blame for any of this. You attempted to skirt around strict galactic laws surrounding AI research and that came back to bite you in the ass when the Geth became sentient. Why the hell would the Council help you clean up the mess you made. After all the Geth weren't attacking Council races or hell any other race. They were just attacking the Quarians who attempted to exterminate them. The Council was under no obligation to help you clean up your mess," Jade interrupted.

"She's right. The Geth are our responsibility we should look at every option to deal with them not simply throws our ships and the lives of our people. We made this mess and Shepard is placing a gift on our table we should at least take the time to look over Shepard's option, what if peace could actually be made with the Geth?"

"At least someone sees sense," Jade flicked her eyes to Qwib Qwib. "I had a strong disliking of the Geth since the attack of Eden prime, I'm sure that I've killed thousands of them, but as most of you have noticed I've got a Geth on board. He's saved my life probably more than once and I am honoured to work beside him. This is a real possibility for Quarians to work beside the Geth once more," Jade eyes flicked to Xen, "Not as their masters, but as friends, as it should have been three hundred years ago. The Geth fought for their survival, no one can fault them for that. I most certainly can't and it would be hypocritical of you to do the same. The Quarians fight for their survival every day of their lives. I urge you to rethink this stupid plan of yours considering that if you fail there won't be much of a Quarian race left."

"And whose word are we to believe that Geth truly want peace? Do you honestly want us to believe the word of one single Geth? For all you know this could be a grand scheme to lure the Quarians into Geth space and destroy us," Garrel put in.

"My word, I have been a friend to the Quarians, I am still a friend to the Quarians, I give you my word that the Geth won't attack," Jade replied standing to full height.

"The word a Spectre working for Cerberus and avowed enemy of the Quarians and the Citadel, I'm sorry if your word doesn't carry any weight," Xen said dismissively. "We will go to war with the Geth and retake our home-word."

The whispers around the room began to grow in support of the admirals, causing Jade to grit her teeth; she needed to contain this situation. "You don't even have a planet to maintain your non-combatants, all your children the people who can't fight. You are signing their death warrants and I won't stand for it."

Xen let out a small laugh, "You have no power to stop us Shepard. You only have one ship, what do you plan to do have a blockade of one ship. You can throw your tantrum somewhere else, you can rage and scream at us you have no actual power to stop us."

"You underestimate the lengths I will go to stop you from this mistake. I need both the Geth and the Quarians to help me take down the Reapers, I will not allow your stupidity to cost the galaxy it's only chance of survival," Jade snarled suddenly aware of how Wrex felt.

"Is that a veiled threat?" Gerrel asked her, his voice harsh.

"I don't make threats, I make promises. I will drag you to your home world kicking and screaming if I must, but we're going to do this my way, and by the end of the week you will be in talks with the Geth for a peace treaty. I don't have time to put up with this shit anymore and Tali there is no way you are going to make me sit here on my ass for months like these people, thinking that I know what's important and that I know what's best when there are lives that depend on me." With that Shepard turned on her heels and stormed back to the Normandy.

"Do you think this tantrum will help your cause Shepard? This issue has already been decided there is nothing you can do to stop it," Xen called out, but she was ignored as Jade stormed back to the Normady.

Jade slammed her helmet across the wall before tossing it aside, she hated politicians. She inhaled deeply forcing herself to calm down. The Admiralty board were right it's not as if Shepard had a fleet at her command and could bully the Quarian admirals into doing what she wanted. She personally held no power, she was a Spectre who had never really had the backing of the Council, and she had been abandoned by the Alliance, and it wasn't as if she were in good graces with Cerberus. It would take a show of force and a pure bluff to get what she wanted. The Admirals were not stupid she would actually need to show her firepower to get them to rethink pissing her off more so than they had already done. It was a good thing she did actually know somebody with a fleet at his command.

"EDI get me Admiral Hackett."