It was two longest months in Nathalie's life. Recovery wasn't going too smooth, over the time her health got better and worse but in the end her wounds healed and she was ready to go work out to build up her strength and stamina. Even while she was still in the hospital Nathalie did some exercise despite the doctor and nurses telling her not to push herself too far. Silver was determined to get her revenge on Makarov and anyone who sided with him. She wanted to live up to the name Karma, give those who hurt her same. That was one of the issues that troubled and made her visit in hospital longer. Psychiatrist didn't let her leave with symptoms of depression and boiling rage for the revenge, especially when he didn't know what was the reason behind them. Endless times they had séances their chat would end up with Nathalie bursting out in anger and frustration. She didn't have any intentions of telling an unfamiliar man all that she lived through. And even though she was finally healthy to leave the hospital she wasn't allowed to.
There was supposed to be another meeting and Nathalie waited for a nurse to tell her to go to doctor's appointment but even after three hours she didn't show up. Silver was stubborn and had her principles, she didn't go and ask why or when she had to meet the doctor, she couldn't care less about it. The only thought going round through her mind was how she could get out of there as soon as possible.
Another half an hour later, it was a late afternoon, a nurse walked in the room carrying a backpack. She put it on the end of the bed next to Nathalie's bare feet. She seemed interested in what nurse have brought her since for the two months she wore hospital's pyjamas.
"It's your lucky day. You're finally being released." Said the nurse and smiled to the female soldier. She was older than Nathalie and a little taller, with darker skin tone. Her blonde hair was put in a tight bun that Nathalie also had to wear during her service. The smiling wrinkles around her eyes were present but other than that she had no other marks of age. Nathalie took a liking to the nurse because she would always share her knowledge. It was a good practice for Silver to remember some things she had learned over the studies and years of her life.
"I thought I wasn't allowed to leave until I get the doctor's approval. What made him change his mind?" Wondered Nathalie while looking at the clothes that the nurse was taking out of the backpack. They were her old clothes that she left at Colchester when going on a mission. Nathalie smiled thinking of getting in her own clothes after spending all the time in those uncomfortable pyjamas.
"I don't know for a fact but I've heard the man that came to pick you up had a long chat with the doctor." Nurse shared her rumours with Nathalie. "I think he convinced him in some way... Maybe bribed. Who knows?"
"Well, that's interesting." Mumbled Nathalie picking clothes to wear. She was frightened by the thought of a man coming to pick her up. He could have been anyone, from Tyler to Makarov, and either way the meetings wouldn't be too pleasant. "Did you see him? Can you tell me anything about him?"
Nurse shook her head and laughed. "The sooner you go to the shower the sooner you will see him." She waved to Nathalie and walked outside leaving her to get ready for a meeting with her saviour.
Silver jumped off the bed and rushed to the bathroom for a quick shower before she got her freedom back. It was a dream come true, something she wanted more than anything since she left the base at Colchester. After the quick shower Nathalie dressed up in the clothes she picked out and braided her dry and splitting hair. She desperately needed a hair makeover and not just because of their condition but also because it was one of the few things she had in common with her father. The dark brown colour, very close to black was just like Vladimir's. The other thing that they had in common was eye colour but there was no way to change it.
When she was done inspecting her looks in the mirror Silver walked back to her ward and took out the pair of sneakers and put them on. She packed the rest of the clothes and things she had brought to her by the nurses, like newspapers and journals. Nathalie put on the bag on her shoulder and left the room behind. Walking down the hallways she rolled up the sleeves of her yellow sweatshirt that she matched with black skinny jeans. When she reached the reception the same nurse greeted her with a smile. She reached out some documents and said "Just sign here".
Nathalie signed the forms and waved to the nurses goodbye. She walked to the exit confidently even though she felt unsure how the situation will roll out. Leaving the hospital and taking a few steps to the ground Nathalie was attacked by the dog leaping right at her. She barely managed to catch him and put him down without falling herself. The beast started whining, jumping, and frantically running around her unsure what to do with his feelings.
"Hey there, buddy." Nathalie said to the dog that couldn't contain himself. She crouched and put her arms on his sides pulling him closer making him calmer and easier to interact. Soon he was in her arms happily licking her face. "Hey, my little Blue." She whispered to him gently rubbing his belly. Enjoying the first meeting with her dog Nathalie didn't notice how the man that brought him there got closer to her.
"Silver." She heard him say and immediately looked up to see who he was. Nathalie wasn't surprised to see a familiar face; it would be far more surprising if someone she didn't know would come to get her out of hospital and also having Blue with him.
"General." She greeted him and let go of her dog. Nathalie quickly stood up afraid she said it too casually and wanted to apologise but MacMillan interrupted her. "Please, you're not at the service. Call me Mac."
"Just like that? Mac?" Asked Nathalie a little scared to actually do it. He was her superior and by the rank he was higher than she could ever achieve. General simply asked his Lieutenant to call him Mac. It was too mind tumbling for Nathalie when it seemed very simple and completely understandable why he asked her to do so.
"Just like that." Repeated MacMillan with his arms crossed on his chest. He was waiting for the moment Blue saw Nathalie knowing that it would be interesting to watch them meet. He was still smiling from seeing the two so happy and gently put his hand on Nathalie's shoulder. "Why don't we go somewhere nicer? We have a lot of talking to do."
"Yeah, alright." She said and Mac led her to his car parked further away from the hospital. Blue walked right at her side just like she trained him with his leash dragging on the ground. Nathalie pulled it from the ground and carried it in her hand even though she didn't need that to keep him there beside her. They went to MacMillan's car and after a while of driving they stopped by a small cafe. Nathalie gave him a questioning look and he just waved his hand for her to get out. She took Blue with her and they walked to the table outside the cafe.
"What would you like?" Asked MacMillan.
"Black tea, please." She said and sat down with her pit sitting right beside her. A couple of minutes later her superior came back carrying two cups. He sat down and put her cup in front of her. Nathalie leaned on the table and pulled the cup closer feeling a little awkward.
"I managed to make a deal with the doctor to release you with one condition that you will talk with me." Began MacMillan looking at Nathalie who was avoiding eye contact. He didn't want to be straightforward and push her to where she doesn't want to go like the doctor did. "Whenever you feel ready you can tell me why you got so obsessed with revenge."
Nathalie lifted her eyes from the cup to take a quick glance at MacMillan but then again she lowered her gaze. She couldn't think of a soft and careful way to approach the topic. Spilling it out wasn't good since he could've understood it wrong but going too much into detail wouldn't be too pleasant for her.
"If you don't feel ready, we can skip it today. I will drive you back home and you will be allowed to visit me at Hereford when you feel so." Explained Mac and began drinking his coffee. Whether she wanted to share or not she wasn't ready to go back to the training and military life and there was no need to ask her for too much. She had enough time to get her thoughts straight.
"It's a really tricky situation. I don't know what turn my life will take when you find out everything." Mumbled Nathalie feeling her mouth getting drier. She took a sip of her tea and noticed that her hands were shaking when she picked up the cup. Her heart rate sped up but she decided it was time to come clean.
I guess I will go to the very beginning of my story. You already know that I started my military career in Russia and got transferred here after I chose one of the two nationalities I had but all that was before is secret. No one, not even MacTavish know it all to the fullest detail. I'm afraid that it will not end well if anyone knows it all; it ends badly even when people find out a few details of my life. Anyway not to beat around the bush I guess I should start with what I really have to say.
As you might have heard my mother was a British soldier just like I am now, and she was sent to a mission to Russia, just like me. Her team was captured; she fell in love with one of those men that held them captive. Eventually when they were free she chose to stay with him, she let her team go back home and she stayed there. Year 1990 they brought me to this cruel world which at first did not seem so bad. I had two loving parents that cared about my well-being, I was always well dressed, well fed, and had plenty of toys. I have spent endless hours playing with them.
It was all until my mother died. She left me with two nationalities and a Russian version of her last name Serebrova because they weren't married and that was the only thing that saved me after all those years. Those years of pain and torture I suffered being raised with the terrorists. My god damned mother left me there to be raised as a killer, a murderer. And that's because I didn't know that different life existed. Like any other kid that was born to those ultranationalists I was raised to believe I was doing the right thing, I believed it was okay to do what I did. It was until the point that I couldn't keep going anymore, I broke down when I realised that it wasn't right at all. I was killing innocent people, those who didn't know how to protect themselves.
I couldn't do it anymore, everything that I was taught was wrong... The skills that I have, the insane killing machine I am is all because terrorists taught me. I, of course, tried to escape that hell I was brought into. I have tried many times but I was pulled back over and over again. My father manipulated me back into it until I decided I had to end it... by ending myself. I tried to kill myself a couple of times that were all unsuccessful because he would always bring me back, there is no doctor that wouldn't save a life, especially when my father held a pistol right at the back of their heads. When I had enough of that bullshit I found men that opposed ultranationalists, the so called loyalists. They helped me find a man that I would want to call my father more than anything, he saved me when I was a teenager, helped me get an education, supported me when I decided to be a soldier, and only because of his hard work I ended up being here in UK.
Now even when I am already here my father tries to bring me back to him. Force me to do his dirty work, kill innocents, sell people to slavery, sell drugs and weapons. I don't want that anymore, I didn't want it years ago, but as always he finds a way. Taking my team as hostages and threatening to kill them after he tortures them for endless hours. I know that well enough, I did it all myself, I have felt it all on my own body. I even know all those stupid tricks that help avoid bruises or any sorts of markings on skin.
It's one big hell. Sometimes he knows how to show his fatherly love but then again it is all just because he needs something from me. It was never honest and for all that he did to me I wanted to take my revenge. Unsuccessfully of course, it cost me a lot to try and kill him. In the end I suffered the most, which is not surprising. But this time it was... it was. It was something I wanted to protect my teammate Smith from. Those men don't care what they are doing as long as they are having fun themselves.
All that happened was his fault and he has to pay for it all. I cannot leave him to continue his world destruction plans. He has to die. I need the government to allow me to assassinate him. I don't care if they are afraid to start another world war by sending a secret assassination mission but if they don't he will be the one to start the god damn war. It will take him time to recover with the wounds I left him but he will do it. I am not obsessed with revenge; I am determined to do justice.
Nathalie looked away with tears in her eyes. It wasn't an easy thing for her. Her life was filled with suffering and sharing it all with someone else. MacMillan took a napkin out of his pocket and offered it to her. Silver took it and wiped off her tears. Feeling nervous and weak she finished the whole cup of tea waiting for General's response.
"So Makarov is your father?" Asked MacMillan concerned. He let out a deep breath thinking of the situation they were in at that moment. It was difficult to believe her words but it all somehow made sense.
Nathalie nodded still looking away. Whatever General decided to do about her and relationship with Makarov could change her life completely. It wasn't like she didn't care at all about her future but she simply saw it very sad and pessimistic, gloomy.
It took MacMillan a couple of minutes to process it all. "It's a strange situation you got yourself into..." he said trying to approach her carefully. She suffered enough throughout her life, the story she told barely had any light moments. What disturbed the most was the last thing that happened. MacMillan didn't dare to ask her directly if he understood it right and kept the discussion very calm and short. "I want you to stay home for a while now. I hope you don't mind that I won't bring you back to Hereford immediately."
"Hereford?" She asked as she finally began feeling calmer. General wasn't going to kick her out or declare that she wasn't trustworthy. Nathalie looked up to him with still wet eyes and rubbed them trying to stop self from crying.
"I made a deal with Colonel and I got you back to Hereford. Decided it will be the best way to make sure you don't slip into Makarov's hands. I can't afford getting one of greatest soldiers with such set of skills get killed or worse." Explained Mac looking at Nathalie who was sitting in front of him staring at him shocked. She seemed stressed but also somewhat relieved. It sure was a relief for her to know that she will be safe and back in service. "I want you to stay at home for a month or two. Try to exercise more to go back in the shape and we will settle everything else when you're back."
Nathalie nodded looking at her superior with a slight smile shining in her face. Those were some good news for her. "Can I change how I look?"
"You want to change your looks? Why?"
"To make sure I have no resemblance to him. I have been thinking about it for a long time now." Said Nathalie and looked at her hair that weren't in the best condition. Overall her looks suffered quite a bit: her skin was dry, nails were chipped, and hair felt like a bunch of straws.
"Well I guess it won't hurt to let you change a little bit." Smiled Mac and noticed how much she matured over those few years he didn't see her. Not only had her appearance changed but her personality too. Nathalie looked worthy of the rank she was given before and even more than that. They sat there for a little bit longer having a nice chat until MacMillan finished his coffee. Afterwards he drove her back to her home in London and left her there to settle down.
Nathalie stood in front of a mirror extremely excited unable to contain her joy. It was the time for her to change her appearance and in a way to begging her life again completely clean from the past. Just in a few days she was supposed to go back to Hereford and she was completely ready knowing that Makarov had no place in her life and heart anymore, if a year ago she didn't dare to think of killing him since he was her father, then she knew that she was ready to cut his throat at any given moment. Just for that she decided to get her a couple of new knives to begin a new collection. One, a butterfly knife, was just for fun, playing around and tricks and two, real combat bayonets, were the ones that had to do the job.
Nathalie took bayonet with black blade and lifted up to her neck slowly rotating it in her palm looking at the sharp edge in the reflection. One slip of her hand could end her life but it wasn't a moment for that. Silver took a few strains of hair and dragged the blade through them. And again. And again. It all lasted a couple minutes until all of her hair that used to be right at her lower back barely reached her shoulders. Parting her hair on the side she used the knife to cut the hair on the side even shorter. She finished the job with the machine to have a clean shaven side that looked like half-done death hawk. Nathalie giggled at the thought of looking like MacTavish. For a minute there she stood there wondering if he would ever forgive her for what she has done. When she felt sadness slowly creeping onto her she shook her head and began the difficult part of her change - bleaching her hair. It took her a while but she managed to deal with the dye without damaging her hair more than it was damaged before.
There she was, the new Nathalie ready to take anything life was going to throw at her. The marks of past were healing nicely and she knew that all of the pain that she went through only made her stronger and it was no time to give up. Some of the wounds left more of a mental distress than the actual scars and Nathalie was ready to fight her fears.