A/N: credit to Garowyn again for the terrific beta-reading.
Athrun, Day 10
-I'm just gonna be quick and ask you these questions. Where do you sleep at night?-
"The couch."
-Have you shagged?-
"Nope."
-Have you given up yet?-
"Never."
-Do you know I could give you living hell on PLANT?-
"Been living there ever since I met you, Yzak."
A heavy sigh. –Let me make this clear. She doesn't want to reconcile, yet you do.-
I nodded.
-She wants you to pretend that you're getting back together so we'll get you out of there, so you do it anyway, but half-assedly.-
"Sort of."
-So, basically, you're just wasting your time, her time, and our time for nothing. Am I right?-
"...Yeah."
-Do you still love her, Zala?-
"..."
Yzak groaned in frustration. -The answer is just simple, yes or no?-
"Why do you think I'm doing this then?"
-Yet you're not doing anything! You need to fight for her, damn it! Grow a spine, for God's sake. It's been more than a week! Make up your mind. And don't you even think of defecting, twice is enough. You're gonna--wait, you already have a horrible resume.-
"I feel like all my efforts are for nothing. It's like...this sort of gap just appeared between us. And I don't know how to cross it, let alone trying."
Yzak was quiet for a long time, and for a minute, I thought he has grown tired of my story and logged off. -My mother once told me,- He said after what seemed like forever, in the calm voice I've heard him using on very rare occasions, -That sometimes love is not just all about give and take. Sometimes, it's about building a bridge of chance for the one you love.-
I kept my gaze on the ground, not very sure on what to say or do.
-If she still loves you, even just a tiny bit, I'm sure it'll turn out just fine.-
I took the chance to grin at him. "Never knew you were the romantic type, Yzak."
-Go to hell, Zala. And send my regards to Satan.-
"Maybe I just didn't want to meet an acquaintance two years from now, who told me that Cagalli dumped me. I'd hate to be in Dearka's shoes, you know, listening to his ex saying that she practically dumped him."
A ruffled sound came from the loudspeakers, and ironically, Dearka's voice boomed out. –What?.!-
I almost ran out of there. "You're here."
-I'm always here. What did you say about me and my ex just now?-
"Nothing," I replied, adding a compelling smile that always worked like a charm. "Don't listen to me babble, Dearka. How're you?"
-Athrun, if you don't tell me the truth right now, I swear I'm gonna call Meyrin and say that you have the hots for her. Might tell that to blonde princess too.-
"Milly said she dumped you," I answered instantly.
I thought he would be saying another 'What?.!', but Dearka's reply was a heavy, long sigh, and muttered, -So she said that, huh?-
"Not really, I heard that from Murdock. It's been six years, Dearka. Don't tell me you actually--"
-Don't tell me what to do, Athrun. Think what Cagalli will say if she finds outs who's the master mind of this 'Operation: Peace for Two'.-
"Hey..."
-If she knows that it wasn't Yamato who actually planned all of this... Hooo boy, I hope she has a gun.-
She has one. And frankly, I don't know what happened to it or where it could be. Just as long as she didn't point it to anywhere on my body was enough. I listened to Dearka griping about his past with Miriallia for the next thirty minutes, and was bloody concerned with the gun's whereabouts when I reached home. The afternoon sunlight poured from the windows while I was rummaging the house's drawers and cupboards, searching for a tool of murder as I munched on a sandwich. It really was a perfect day to go out and have a tan, but I was too focused on finding the pistol. After all, the knife was still safe in my shoe, so it was impossible for her to hold to it...
A cylindrical, yellow bottle rolled to my feet as I ransacked through the bedroom's drawers.
"Athrun, can you get that for me?" Cagalli's voice rang from my back.
I picked up the bottle that appeared to be a tube of sun block, and the first thing I noticed from the corner of my eyes was her bare feet. Looking up very slowly, I inspected her ankles, up to her thighs which were also bare, to a red thong, up to a red bikini. She's wearing a red (Red!) two piece bathing suit that left much too little to a healthy, straight young man's imagination. To quote Dearka: 'When bikinis were invented, sunshine just forced their way through the clouds.' I hate to admit it, but I have to agree with him on this one.
Cagalli blinked at me. "Aren't you gonna eat that sandwich?"
"Huh?"
She pointed to my feet, which seemed to be a heap of ham, cheese and bread. Apparently the sandwich had voluntarily fallen out of my mouth when I was unabashedly gaping at her...with an open mouth. Shame on you, Athrun Zala! "I'll just make another one," I answered hastily, kneeling down to clean up the mess. "You're going out for a swim?"
"The weather's really good today," She bent down to pick up the pieces of sandwich fiasco, giving me a really good view of her cleavage.
I stood up so abruptly that I was suffering vertigo from the instant blood rush to my head and to different other locations. "A-anyway, it's okay, I'll clean up here."
"You're not joining me?"
Normally, I'd never say no to such an invitation. After all, a vacation's not a vacation unless you're having a good time. "Later."
"Okay," She draped a wide, fluffy white towel on her neck, and went to the front door. She paused there, eyes lingering on me.
I gave her a look. "What?"
"Hurry up," She pursed her lips, "I need you to apply sun block on my back."
-
Or so I thought. Just when you're finally relaxing and your mind was also on vacation, a bad thing just happened. She whipped out this handcuff from the under the towel and instantly locked me to the pole in front of the house. Then, the dreaded gun was also pulled out from under there, and she pointed it at me.
Cagalli clicked the pistol's trigger, and once again, stared at me with this cold indifference I've never seen. She's always passionate about everything and it kind of kills me when she gives me that look. It'd be better if she's angry, yelling, or pulling my collar. Certainly feels like déjà vu up to this point...How many times has this situation happened?
"So?"
"So," I echoed her.
"Aren't you going to tell me?" she asked, walking closer, getting to a range where the bullet will be unlikely to miss.
"Where did you get this handcuff?" Not a really good question, but I was curious. She did come with just that gun, right? "Does Orb Law allow the Head Representative to arrest law violators now?"
"I should ask you that," she said, eyes fixed to my face. "There's a box in the closet, filled with a whip, stilettos, black boots, black leather body suit..."
My eyes widened at her explanation. I had no idea there were such things in the closet.
"Never knew you're in to that stuff, Athrun," Cagalli clicked her tongue in shame.
"I have absolutely no idea about those things."
"Ah. Deny, deny, deny. Is this what they teach you in 'Chairman's Challenges 101: how to convince the idiotic citizens that you're not into genocide'? That's not gonna work on me, you know."
"I said-"
"I'll skip this subject, since we'll get nowhere at this rate," Her voice rose to an impatient tone. "I'll just ask you once: did you or did you not conspire this forced vacation beforehand, and pretended that you didn't know a thing about it?"
Crap.
"Well?" she asked again, pistol poised to the point between my eyes.
"I have no-"
She cut me mid-sentence, stomping her foot with irritation, one of her hand raising a letter that was signed and sealed by our friends. "Did you or did you not convince the people who wrote this letter to help you desert us in this island?"
So she found out. The criminal mastermind of this plan was neither Yzak nor Kira. It was me, who had this planned for months after excessively convincing friends that were too reluctant at first. I was afraid that by answering the truth, it'd cost me my life. But by lying, I'd be losing it as well. I nodded, slowly waiting for a bullet to dislodge chunks of my flesh.
Much to my calculation, she gradually lowered her gun, and pulled her bath robe tighter around her. "Good. Because I heard you talking to Dearka this morning, and if you insisted on lying, I'd have to shoot."
"...When did you find out?"
She didn't answer, and was down on her knees. High above our heads, gray clouds quickly covered the sky, and impending thunders roared. Ironic how such a good mood could get ruined so quickly. "Why, Athrun?" she said, voice shaking.
I could only look at her, half wondering if the guilt was already showing on my face.
"Answer me, damn it..."
"You should know," I said finally.
She stared at me in doubt. "After all these years...?"
The only thing I could see in front of me was a girl, heart broken beyond repair, her eyes shining with imminent tears. The tough, stern Head Representative façade was gone in an instant as she reached over to pull my collar, shaking me. "Why? It's been four years! I've made my amends, I cried over you till I was suffocating! And now you said that you want to get back together?"
"Cagalli, don't..."
She slapped off my hand that was trying to wipe the tears off. "Getting over you was the hardest thing I've ever did. And now you said you want to get back together?.!" Rising quickly to her feet, she walked off to the house, but I succeeded catching her wrist on the way.
"Let go, Athrun," she said in a dangerous tone. Yet, I knew deep in my mind that letting her go would be a big mistake.
"Don't."
"I said let go."
"Don't, Cagalli."
"Don't what?.!" She flailed her arms around indignantly, trying to release herself from my grip. "Damn it, Athrun, stop talking like you're a stupid parrot!"
"Don't stop loving me."
As the rain started to fell on us, I couldn't make out if she was crying or not. A small key fell out of her fist, and she looked at me in anguish. With one last not-so-violent yank, she finally wriggled her wrist free and slammed the front door on her way in.
I tried reaching over for the small key, and my mind recalled a long-distance conversation I had with Kira months before this.
-
Raising one of his eyebrows in disbelief, Kira shook his head and stared at me. "You want me to what?"
"Don't make me repeat this again, Kira."
"No, I need to hear that again. I don't know if it was my hearing starting to fail me or your words were too absurd that I chose not to believe it."
Sighing heavily, I looked up and stared at his face in the monitor. "I want you to help me reunite with Cagalli."
Kira blinked. "You've got to be out of your mind."
"What? Why? I know I've made mistakes-"
"Mistakes? See, there's no way I'm helping you."
"Kira! I'm only asking a favor! I never asked anything out of you before, so I'm begging you -just help me this once. This will be my first and only request to you."
"First and only request? Wait a minute...remember the First Bloody Valentine War? You asked me repeatedly to join ZAFT! And then, in the Second War, when we met at Crete, you asked me to stop piloting Freedom and go back to Orb! And now you said this is your first and only re-"
"Fine, fine, fine! So I've asked you to do many things before. But I'm asking you just this one thing for one last time as your friend. "
"...Why did you leave my sister like that, Athrun? Was it because she's not girly at all? Was it because you can't get her into a dress? Was it because she's not so pretty? Was it because she's not the brightest tool in the shed?"
Now he's starting to make no sense. "Kira, none of those really matters-"
"Or was it because she chose her country over you and almost married Jona?"
"That-"
"The way I see it now, you're just getting back at her by being a Chairman."
"Nonsense! I-"
"I said no, Athrun. I don't want to get the two of you together and risk the chance of getting Cagalli heartbroken again. Sh-She was a mess for months, and I think not seeing you this last few years really helped her recovery."
"..."
"Even though she never told me, I could see those tear stains every morning. I really hated how she tried to deny it every time I asked...and I just couldn't bear to see her put up so much hardship for you again. You understand, right?"
"...No."
His voice cracked noticeably. "What?"
"I want to understand, but...I don't want to lose her more."
After what seemed like hours, Kira finally shook his head thoroughly and spoke up. "...You already lost her, Athrun. It's already too late to be selfish or for anything at all."
At that moment, something inside me snapped.
He sighed and looked at the screen calmly. "I think this conversation is over. Please don't mention it anymore and--"
"I LOVE HER, KIRA! Can't you understand that?-!"
I hated how I sounded desperate enough to scream.
He stared at the monitor for the longest time, and the look he gave me was skeptic enough to throw my confidence off-balance. "...If you really love Cagalli, you won't hurt her."
The line was cut off.
When he called me back several days later, I have to convince myself repetitively it was Kira's face in the screen. I had tried calling him back repeatedly after that, only to realize that he wouldn't take another call.
"...What is it?"
"Tell me, Athrun...would you like to pick bits of happiness along the way, or...strive until the end to acquire the perfect bliss?"
"The answer is obvious."
"Will you promise to make Cagalli happy?"
"Yes."
"You won't break her heart anymore?"
"I won't."
"Keep those words, Athrun. Promise me--just promise me that you won't fail Cagalli anymore."
-
I didn't ask what made him change his mind back then - I was too glad at having my second chance. The heavy shower intensified, and the noise it made of the roof drowned the voice from inside the house. Everybody deserved second chances. Then I remembered Raww Le Klueze, Gilbert Dullindal, Rey Za Burrell, and the Extendeds, realizing that the war was started by people that were only wishing for one more chance.
I stopped trying to reach over for the key. It was out of my reach, just like she intended, just like her. I had promised that I would never fail Cagalli ever again.
Inside of me, a voice chided, you already did.
You already did.