Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.

11. HELP! KITTYKAT IS AFTER THE BISCUIT'S PANTS!

3:00 pm

Call-me-Jane's big surprise was a two week Relationship Refresher Retreat.

1 minute later

Flicking through the brochures that Jane gave us.

The retreat looked tres tres marvy.

Two whole weeks with the Hornmeister was definitely enough to entice moi.

I wasn't even having a nervy b. about the unusual (Ooo-err) activities in the retreat.

1 minute later

Dave doesn't think Kittykat and the Hornmeister need their relationship refreshing.

He's bickering with call-me-Jane.

'The Biscuit and his camel don't need a shrink.'

The downside to the retreat was the counselling sessions.

Jane says that the Hornmeister and Kittykat need to talk about Italy.

'Pookie... Don't be so bloody stubborn. I'm not sending you to see a shrink.'

'The Biscuit isn't going.' Rebecca smirked.

3 minutes later

Dave is being childish. Call-me-Jane has left the kitchen.

Rebecca is smiling, like a smiley thing, on smiling tablets.

'Sweetie Pie, I'm borrowing Georgia?'

The Hornmeister looked at his sister.

'Sure... Just make sure Kittykat is returned with both eyebrows.'

Rebecca laughed: moi was vair vair scared.

Kittykat is rather attached to her eyebrows.

3:12 pm

Walking upstairs. 'B, where are we going?'

'I didn't think Dave would like the retreat idea, so I've come up with a little something to persuade him.'

'And that involves Kittykat?'

Rebecca laughed. 'You'll see.'

4 minutes later, Rebecca's Bedroom

Rebecca is doing moi's hair and makeup.

'I am right in thinking Kittykat would like to go on the retreat.'

Kittykat wasn't sure what she wanted.

Her big red bottom just wanted the Hornmeister to itself for two weeks.

... But her brain was on the Hornmeister's wavelength.

It's not an easy-peasy wavelength to find, but moi's brain had found it.

Would it be an awkward fandango to talk about our mushy feelings? Hmmm.

3:21 pm

I would vair much like to know how the Hornmeister really felt.

And I wanted the Hornmeister to know the whole fandango.

The retreat would be a laugh. I wanted my Mr. Laugh back.

'You think this plan will persuade Dave.'

Rebecca laughed. 'Definitely.'

3:40 pm

Gadzooks. B has turned Kittykat into... well... a Kittykat.

Moi have Kittykat ears and eyes and whiskers.

'B? How is this going to make Dave change his mind?'

Rebecca smirked. 'I'm not finished yet.'

1 minute later

B is looking through her wardrobe.

I'm not sure if I want to know what she's looking for.

3:48 pm

'Found it.' She backed away from the wardrobe.

Christ on a bike! B was holding a black lingerie set.

It has a tail attached to it. 'Kittykat's tail.'

Moi turned into a giant red loon.

'I... I... like... erm... what I mean... is like... I can't... err... wear... that.'

Rebecca laughed. 'Come on. It'll be a laugh.'

I raised my eyebrows. Rebecca raised hers higher.

4:10 pm

Wearing the lingerie set.

Can't believe B persuaded moi to do this.

1 minute later

B's taking photos of moi. 'Smile Kittykat.'

Giving B death glares.

She laughed. 'You look purr-fect.'

3 minute later

Bending over in front of B's full length mirror.

B has gone to fetch the Hornmeister.

Hmmm. Must ask B to do my hair more often.

It is tres tres fabulous.

I even quite like the Kittykat ears and makeup.

1 minute later

The Hornmeister pulled my tail. 'Sex Kitten?' Cheeky sod.

I didn't even realise that he was in the room.

4:16 pm

Biffed the Hornmeister on the arm. He laughed.

'My Sex Kitten is such a sexy little minx.'

'And the Biscuit is vair rudey dudey.'

Dave winked at me and took hold of my hand.

He lead me into his bedroom. Ooo-err.

It wasn't like that you fules.

1 minute later

Sat on the Davey's lap. Davey is playing with Kittykat's tail.

'Has the Biscuit ever told Kittykat, why she is called Kittykat?'

'Nope.' I popped the 'p'. Dave smiled.

Dave has such a gorgy-porgy smile.

It's one of those smile, you know, with uber cute dimples.

1 minute later

Hmmm. The Hornmeister seems to be struggling with his words.

'Arrr...' I ran my fingers through Davey's hair.

Dave flushed a little red, but not in a loon-ish way.

He still looked beyond marvy.

'You don't have to tell moi.'

'But the Biscuit wants too.'

4:32 pm

The Hornmeister agreed to the relationship refreshers retreat.

Jane said she'd speak to moi's parents. We leave next week.

Dave said he'd tell moi about her nickname then.

1 minute later

The Biscuit changed topic. 'Is Sex Kitten attending Robbie's shindig tomorrow?'

I raised my eyebrows. Robbie is having a party?

Why did no one tell Kittykat?

Dave raised his eyebrow higher and laughed.

'Maybe Robbie didn't invite Kittykat, because the Biscuit is going and the Handbag Horse will be there.'

I've turned goldfish. Dave and Mas in the same room was a tres tres horrific idea.

Dave laughed again. 'Don't fret, Sex Kitten. The Biscuit won't duff up the Handbag Horse. The Biscuit will have his Kittykat by his side.'

Oh no... Why can I see fisticuffs?

2 minutes later

Going to Robbie's party as Dave's date.

It's fancy dress. The Hornmeister insist that I go dressed as Kittykat.

'Dave, I can't.' The Hornmeister is pouting at moi.

'But Sex Kitten is beee-autiful.'

1 minute later

B is going to sew the Kittykat tail onto a little black dress.

Unfortunately moi will be wearing the lingerie under this dress.

The Hornmeister gave moi the cold shoulder.

He is such a vair stubborn prat.

1 minute later

Hmmm. You can see the top of the tights and the beginning of the suspenders beneath the dress.

I look like such a tart. 'Kittykat is vair pleasing to the Biscuit's mincers.'

'The Biscuit is a cheeky sod.' Dave just winked at moi.

6:01 pm

Dave invited moi to stay the night.

B took me home to pick up a night bag.

'I swear, I didn't know about the party.'

'It's fine, B... least my nickname isn't stuffed olive.'

B laughed. She obviously didn't know about the stuffed olive.

'Dave agreed to the retreat though.' I nodded.

'Yep.' I didn't really believe that B's plan had worked.

6:24 pm, Back at the Laugh Household

Richard is home from work.

He raised his eyebrows when he saw moi.

'And what are you supposed to be?' Huh?

1 minute later

Bugger. I'm still wearing my Kittykat makeup.

Dave and B laughed.

'Come on Gee. We'll get rid of the whiskers.'

B took me upstairs to fix my makeup.

6:39 pm

No more Kittykat whiskers.

Sat down at the dining table next to Dave.

Jane has cooked dinner like a normal Mutti.

'It looks amazing, Hun.' Richard started to dish up.

Jane has cooked the Laugh families meatball casserole.

It looks utterly fab.

1 minute later

The casserole is delicious. 'Jane, this is flipping fabbity.'

Jane smiled. 'Thank you, Georgia.' Richard spoke.

'You kids are back together then, seeing as Dave didn't come home on Sunday.'

I turned into a humongous red loon. Richard laughed.

'Tom tried to cover for you, mate... But your mother caught him at the hospital.'

Dave spoke. 'The Biscuit was Cat Patrol.'

'Good to see my son is so faithful. I wasn't at his age.'

'Erlack... Way too much information for the Biscuit's fragile mind.'

1 minute later

Call-me-Jane interrupted the conversation.

'Hun, can we talk about something else? You're embarrassing Georgia.'

I flushed a deep shade of red. 'Yeah, alright. How was your day at work?'

'That patient with pericarditis came in for a pericardiectomy today. I wasn't really looking forward to the opt. I was hoping surgery wouldn't be necessary but it the pericarditis had started to become constrictive. It's a real shame to be cutting the patient open again.'

6 minutes later

Rebecca was now asking really complex medical questions.

Dave whispered to moi. 'Kittykat.'

'Hornmeister.' Dave smiled.

7:12 pm, Dave's Bedroom

Looking through Dave's many photo albums.

They're identical albums to moi's.

Full of lots of photos of Kittykat and the Hornmeister.

1 minute later

Hmmm. Dave has a surprise for moi.

4 minutes later

Awww. It's the wedding picture Mills had done of us.

It's uber fab. 'Kittykat can keep this copy.'

'Really?'

Dave nodded. 'Yep.'

7:23 pm

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

And nip libbling. Nrrrghh.

Tuesday, 3 July

9:12 am

Marvy night with Mr. Laugh.

Kittykat is still vair sleepy.

1 minute later

Zzzzz...

1:05 pm

Gadzooks. Is that really the time?

I heard Dave laugh. 'Afternoon Kittykat.'

The Hornmeister sounded sleepy.

1 minute later

The Hornmeister put his arms around moi.

'Did Sex Kitten sleep well?' I smiled.

'Yes. What about the Hornmeister?'

'Arrr... The Hornmeister always sleeps well with Kittykat's botty next to him.'

I raised my eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher.

'Stop being a loon and snog me.'

'Cheeky minx.'

2 minutes later

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

3:22 pm

Dave's costume for Robbie's party is Superman.

Hehe... The Biscuit is wearing tights. 'Naice tights.'

'Sex Kitten shouldn't be looking at the Biscuit's tights.'

4:00 pm, Robbie's Party

We haven't told the Ace Gang or Barmy Army that we're back together.

B dropped the Hornmeister and moi off in her little black mini.

Robbie caught Dave opening the car door for moi.

Robbie raised his eyebrows.

Dave offered moi his hand.

1 minute later

Climbing out the car. 'Georgia!'

Robbie looked vair much full of confusiosity.

'The Biscuit is allowed to bring a date, no.'

'Err... Yeah. Sure mate.'

1 minute later

Hang on one minute... Why the flip is Robbie not in fancy dress?

4:03 pm

Glaring at the Hornmeister.

How dare he tell Kittykat that it's fancy dress?

Dave has noticed Kittykat's death glares.

'Oops... Hornmeister away.'

1 minute later

Dave ran off into Robbie's house. I ran after him.

'DAVID! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!' Robbie laughed.

4:09 pm

Ran through the house chasing the Hornmeister.

'HELP! KITTYKAT IS AFTER THE BISCUIT'S PANTS!'

The Barmy Army all laughed.

The Ace Gang had turned goldfish.

5 minutes later

The Hornmeister has escaped.

Emergency Ace Gang meeting. 'Gadzooks Gee!'

'Mabs... I case you can't tell Kittykat isn't finding this vair funny.'

'What happened?' I sighed.

'Dave walked me home. Erm... We're official horn partners again.'

RoRo is wearing her beard. 'Arr, but why Kittykat be a Kittykat?'

'Dave told moi the party was fancy dress.' Jools laughed.

'And you believed him, you're such a loon.'

Hmmm. Jools had a vair good point.

'Georgia, isn't this costume a bit tart-ish?'

'Are you calling moi a tart?'

Jas started flicking her fringe.

'No. But... like... you can see your suspenders.'

'Why you looking lessie?' Jas turned beetroot.

4:26 pm

The Biscuit has ditched his tights and is wearing a pair of jeans.

He's coming this way. I walked off.

3 minute later

Robbie found moi hiding in the kitchen.

'Gee, the parties in the living room.'

'Indeed.' Robbie walked over to stand next to moi.

'Dave didn't mean to upset you.' I laughed.

'Me, upset?' Robbie laughed too.

'Okay. A little more than upset, but you know what Dave's like.'

'Definitely and the problem is that I love him.'

'Yeah. You've always been a bit of a loon.'

1 minute later

I hit Robbie. We both laughed like loons.

Dave walked into the kitchen.

'What you cool cats laughing about?'

I stopped laughing and walked out the kitchen.

Dave followed me. I ignored him.

4:38 pm

Giving Dave the cold shoulder.

Dave's pouting at moi. 'I sorry Kitty.'

A small smile appeared on my lips.

Dave smiled. 'Kittykat smiling.'

'Am not.'

'You are.'

'Aren't.'

'Are.'

'Aren't.'

'Are.'

'Aren't.'

1 minute later

The Biscuit snogged moi. Number 6.

4:50 pm

Can't stay mad with the Hornmeister.

'Kittykat dance with the Biscuit?'

'Sure Dave.'

1 minute later

Dancing with Dave.

Mas is giving Dave death glares, but the Biscuit doesn't seem to care.

I have also noticed that Emma is here. Emma looks kinda miffed.

5:28 pm

Blimey. Dancing is sure thirsty work.

'Dave, Kittykat needs a drink.'

'Okay. Hurry back, Sex Kitten.'

1 minute later

Walked into the kitchen to get a drink.

Found RoRo making out with Sven.

Not a naice picture.

1 minute later

Got a glass of water.

3 minutes later, Back in the Party

Found Emma using sticky eyes on Dave.

I walked up behind the Hornmeister (Ooo-err) and covered his mincers.

Dave laughed. 'Is that my Sex Kitten?'

'No.' Emma is give me death glares.

'It sounds like Sex Kitten.' The Hornmeister reached out behind us...

... And touched moi's bum. 'Feels like Sex Kitten too.'

1 minute later

Biffed Dave in the stomach.

Emma turned all huffy-knickers and walked off.

'Ooo. The Hornmeister's upset Emma.'

Dave raised his eyebrow.

'She was acting vair strange.' I laughed. 'What?'

'Emma still rates the Hornmeister.'

'Nah... That's wubbish.' Hmmm.

A.N. Gadzook... It's been a while. I hope this chapter makes up for my absence and that you all love it. I will update again when I get the time to write. That or when I should be doing work but can't be bothered : ). Again hope you love this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh x.