A/N: Here is a bonus chapter. We'll call it 'Chapter 10.5.' I had a long and thorough poll regarding the validity and importance of seeing the restaurant scene totally created in Christian's POV. (Well, okay; I polled myself and I agreed unanimously!) I hope that it does not disrupt the flow of the following chapter too much! Besides, we need more 'fallen robin Christian' as the last chapter was so little in his POV!
P.S.: Ana will find her assertion; I sick of her being worried about hurting Jack's feelings. (She confided in me that she wants me to say it to Jack for her! LOL)
P.P.S.: I hope to get this chapter out tonight; I am even willing to force myself to stay up until 10:00 tonight! (I go to bed at 8:00 – I get up at 4:30 am) I am a slave to sleep! (N.B.: Complete failure. I fell asleep at 8:15 p.m! Last night was 9:00 pm. So today is Saturday and I am eating the last of the pumpkin cheesecake from Thanksgiving dinner and am forcing myself to get this chapter out this morning!)
P.P.P.S.: We all can't wait until chapter 19 when he kisses her! That is way too long! I will have to speed things up!
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CH 10.5
Christian POV
"Knock, knock," a saccharine sweet voice said playfully from the doorway when all the students were gone. Was it too fleeting to wish it was someone else calling out to me...
"Elena," I nodded and began to put away my work and shut down my computer.
"Looking handsome as always Christian," she smiled, walking towards me in her black suit. "Are you ready to head out? Some of the teachers were talking about a place nearby," she scrunched her nose up. "I doubt it'll be very good, but I've been meaning to try it."
I sighed and stood up with my stuff, "I don't care Elena. I was going to call and cancel but it got past me."
Elena raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Did something else come up?"
More like someone else. "No, no," I fixed my tie, "I just haven't felt myself lately."
Elena smiled again, "We can fix that Christian, no need for lunch formalities."
I pretended not to hear her unspoken offer. "We can have lunch Elena, but afterward I'd like to go and rest."
X x X
"Did it occur to you; you'd have to know where a place is if you were planning to eat there?" I said through gritted teeth. I had been following Elena with my car and it seemed like she was only going in circles. You'd think she'd use the damn GPS system in her car instead of all this meandering around.
"Oh Christian, we got here eventually didn't we?" she waved it away and waiting for me to open the door.
I did and grudgingly walked in after her.
The place was too warm and dimly lit. There was soft lilting music playing in the background that was oddly soothing. I suspected that this was meant to be for intimacy but now it only made me want to go back home.
"It's not as bad as I thought it would be," Elena said surprisingly while ignoring the waiter who was standing right beside her.
"Table for two? The waiter asked warily. I didn't think he was accustomed to having his restaurant insulted nor was he impressed with being ignored.
Elena nodded and the boy began to stiffly lead us to the back.
I wasn't paying any attention – not so much to the surroundings, and definitely not to Elena who was making disparaging remarks about the place again, but something I heard snapped me back.
It was a tiny giggle. I recognized this giggle from class. I looked to confirm from where it came, and I just knew it then that she was near. I feel my heart doing the same tugging it always does when I am near Ana. I felt my breath catch and I was unsure what to do; I am here with Elena and all I want to do is go to her. And I know deep down that this lunch with Elena can be easily misconstrued. How can I convince Ana that this is not a date?
I look over and see that she was sitting opposite Jack, beside the table to where we were being led. They were sitting at a small table with crisp white linens. There was an unlit candle and a small pink peony in a water bowl vase. There was a low hanging light fixture throwing soft light down upon them. The light haloed Ana but then it seemed to cast an ugly shade of green on Jack. Looking at the décor, I can see why this place would appeal to Ana; there were soft armchairs and sofas placed about the room. There were multitudes of shelves and bookcases crammed with hardcover books. This would be her sanctuary.
I slowed and tugged the waiter's sleeve and quietly asked him if there were any other tables available. If we must be here, I think that it would be less stressful on both sides if we weren't seated so closely. The waiter blinked and looked around nervously a second before apologizing that there weren't any.
We arrived at the table and Elena was about to take her seat. "What is it, Christian? Don't like these seats?"
Instead of answering, I leaned into the waiter, "Can't we switch with someone?" My low tone must have carried, because Ana's giggles stopped, and she was now looking stiff. Her lips were frozen into a gasp and her eyes tore away as she thrust her menu up.
"Oh crap," Jack mouthed, with an almost grin. I clearly see the surprise in his eyes.
"Never mind," I grumbled, taking the seat opposite Elena, which was also the one beside Jack. Maybe this won't be as bad as it seems; I am seated closer to them now than in class. I can at least try to overhear their conversations…
I hear Jack laugh quietly and mimicked hiding behind his menu like Ana was had done. If she hadn't been hiding from me, I would have found it amusing.
The waiter left the menus on the table, and Elena eyed them distastefully. What is with Elena? She is usually a gracious dining companion and even though I do not want to be eating here with her, she is acting out of sorts. She seems tetchier than normal.
"Know what you want to get yet?" I heard Jack chuckle as he asked Ana.
"Something small, maybe a salad," she answered. Was she put off from eating because I am here? I rarely see her eat at school and I am not overly surprised that she wants something as small and less filling than a salad. But at least it's something.
"Christian?" Elena said, louder than she usually spoke.
"What?" I blinked. I focused back in on Elena, willing myself to recall what she was saying. I was all for finding a way to speed up this lunch date so I could duck out and go home, but now I find that I am all too interested in staying. After overcoming the initial shock of seeing Anastasia, of course!
"You're not even listening to me, are you?" she lowered her eyes at me. "Do you not even want to be here?"
I hadn't even realized I was ignoring Elena. "Sorry, I guess I'm still a bit distracted." Her red lips were pouting in the seductive way which I only ever saw…before.
"I'll give you something to distract you," Elena purred and nibbled her lower lip. Her hand slid under the table and stroked my thigh. I instantly grabbed her hand and gently put her hand back on the table.
My jaw tightened, don't say that here! Anastasia was only a couple feet away. What would she think of me? No more innuendo. Please let it rest, Elena. All of that was in the past.
If I wasn't straining to hear what Hyde was telling Ana, I wouldn't have heard what he whispered to Ana. "I can give you a distraction too," he said. I don't care if he was only joking I still wanted to shove Jack away from her.
"No thanks, I think I'll stick with the salad." Burn! Take that Hyde!
"Are you okay Ana? You were so relaxed a second ago; do you want to go somewhere else?" Jack inquired.
"No," she declared and that slowed the spike that just shot through my heart.
"Then maybe I should break the ice or something," Jack said mischievously.
"What? NO," Ana hissed before Jack spoke up.
"Mr. Grey, we didn't think we'd see you here," Jack said in his smarmiest tone. He seemed to enjoy this situation way too much. He faced me and inched closer to Ana at the same time and I was not impressed.
Elena looked up, her eyes disapproving. Her lips were pursed and she seemed to be including Jack in this glare.
"Hyde," I answered curtly. "Likewise." My hackles are up and I am outside the security of the school to be able to rein in my temper as easily. Why is she here with him? I guess the same can be said of me. Why am I here?
Ana blushed, hiding further behind her menu.
"Anastasia, pleasant surprise," I said softly. Please stop hiding your face from me.
I heard Ana clear her throat, and saw her lower her menu. Her eyes looked even bluer against her flushed skin. "Um. Yeah, same. I mean- It's a- a pleasure to see you too- I mean. Um…" She raised her menu a bit, looking more nervous than before. Her skin was flushed but so sublime. She was captivating and so devastatingly beautiful. She was wearing the same clothes from the school day. Her sweater was a little worse for wear, but it seemed not to detract from her beauty; if anything it cradled it. Her sweater has a low scoop neckline and the straps of her undershirt were visible. Her collarbone peeked out from its hiding place. Before I think that she could help herself she blurted out, "See anything you like?"
I smiled, "I do."
I wasn't sure how she'd be able to respond to my innuendo. Inside her head I could hear the gears and springs starting to grind and would eventually start ticking again. I was more surprised with myself that I said this for all to hear. I know that I will hear about it later from Elena, especially based on the chidings I'd received already.
She gained some composure, but deep down I sensed that she was not very comfortable. Was it because I am hindering her date? Is it because I openly flirted with her being here with Elena? I know enough about Ana that she may feel insecure because of her lack of funds and her dowdy clothing. But nothing can be further than the truth; she is beautiful in everything she wears.
Even now I gaze at her. Her hair is pulled back in a messy knot and her escaped tendrils snake their way down her neck. He porcelain neck is slender and swanlike.
…I could stroke her neck gently with my fingertips or better yet; slowly trail my nose from her collar bone to the hollow behind her earlobe. Here is where I would collect her unique scent and bottle it forever in my memory. I'd give a little nip enough to cause a small gasp or moan – enough to steal a kiss- before ending my travels on her eyes to gently kiss them closed…
Initially dreading meeting up like this I now feel it is a blessing. After witnessing the amount of boys who are vying for her attention, it is a special treat to get to see her in this intimate environment away from the confines and structure of class. Even now when I look at her, as when I saw her earlier with Jack, she looks uncomfortable. Maybe it's not me …
A song in the background captures my attention. I pause and listen to it as it is voicing what I dare not say myself…
…I may never ever find an answer
I may never ever find a cure
I may never risk another lover
Oh, believe me…
…I may never ever walk on water
I may never ever walk away
I may never get the chance to tell you
Oh, believe me.
Oh my heart, I want you to be strong, I need you to be all I believe in…
…I may never wait to see tomorrow
I may never live to seize today
I may never ever ask forgiveness
Oh, believe me…
…I may never ever rise above you
I may stumble as I lose my way
I may never find the words to tell you
Oh, believe me…
X x X
The waiter came to take our order. I was not overly hungry and chuckle as it reminds me of how Ana is with her seldom eating habits. I choose the first item on the menu. Elena chooses fish – I think- I'm not really concerned. The waiter quickly shuffled back to the kitchen.
I glanced again at Ana and tried to figure out what she could be thinking. Maybe she thinks I am embarrassed. Maybe she wished we'd leave already so she could focus on her date.
"I'm sorry. What was that? I got a little ...distracted." I heard Ana say. Maybe she is thinking of me too…
Jack shook his head, "Nothing. I'm just admiring. You're just so beautiful."
I couldn't help the derisive snort from escaping. I see Jack and Ana both turn to me with surprised looks.
Elena broke my stare with her piercing eyes. "Christian," she warned icily.
"Sorry," Another laugh escaped as I looked towards Ana and then back at Jack.
"Hyde, it surprises me the way you think Anastasia has to be told how beautiful she is." Ugh… How many times had he used that on girls? It didn't sound like he actually meant it, more like it was scripted. It was so hard not to roll my eyes at his feeble attempt. Even Ana's response was lackluster.
Ana was blushing. I loved that colour on her cheeks. If I had my way she'd blush all the time. Jack, on the other hand looked greener than that unflattering light above him was. I can only guess that he was not impressed with being called out on his foolish compliment. There was a brief flash of unexpressed emotion that crossed Jack's eyes when they flicked to Elena before it faded to a calm mask.
"Christian," Elena repeated, this time more forcibly.
I shrugged and turned lazily back to Elena, "I'm only saying I think she can do better."
"Better?" Elena raised an eyebrow, talking quieter. Her red-clawed manicure gripping the linen tablecloth betrayed her calm demeanor. It is interesting that the light thrown from the hanging light fixture does not flatter her either…
"Christian, this is not appropriate behaviour. Behave." She straightened up and calmed herself once more. "What is it with you and her? "She is a student at your school and if I am not mistaken- here on a date."
Elena and I have once had a past that was short-lived but tumultuous. We have travelled past that and I feel that she knows all of my innermost thoughts and demons. I feel I can trust her with what I desperately want to tell her. Keeping my feelings tamped in a box about Anastasia is killing me. "I feel something for her," I whisper and shake my head. "I can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do."
A volt went through Elena and she simply stared for a moment. After her pause she simply stated, "You can't be serious. She is too young—"
"And I wasn't too young for you?" I spat. I was trying hard to keep my voice low and keep these secrets from Ana. She doesn't need to hear about my demons…
Elena looked like she wanted to disagree. She was truculent. "No. You were perfect, Christian." She smiled then but it wasn't genuine. "You were eighteen. You hit your sexual peak and I was there to catch you."
My thoughts roiled. For the first time in six years I feel shame in what we did. I was a rebellious teen with raging hormones and I wanted to fight the world. I was full of piss and vinegar and was over flowing with hate and distaste.
"'You loved it Christian, you know you did. I found you in the middle of the night on a darkened side street drunk and angry looking for anyone to fight. I took you back to my place. Need I remind you what we did?"
I am so ashamed and angry. I can't seem to reconcile the two feelings. I can be angry at her words, but I am the perpetrator of these events and have to own up to them.
Elena continued on, "I took you to my bedroom and peeled off your vomit-speckled clothing. I left you in your underwear. You were in no shape to fight me off, not did I think you had the inkling to want to refuse me." Elena had her eyes closed as if she were remembering a delicious memory. To me, hearing this only made me sick. "You were so angry. I knew just what you needed… what you wanted…"
"I pushed you back on my bed. I took the scarves from my dressing table and secured your feet and wrists to the posts. You were too delirious with rage and lust that all you would do was thrash your head side to side. I brought a cold compress and wiped your face and neck. You calmed. You whimpered and asked me to help you. You knew enough to trust me…
"I stripped down to my camisole and panties. I crouched on the bed and gently kissed you from your navel to your creamy throat. I then slipped a purple silk scarf around your eyes. You were blind and gave into your lust and your anger.
"You whimpered when you knew I left the bed. I started the stereo and you stiffened. You knew something was going to happen, but the suspense in not seeing it was what terrified you. It's what also intrigued you…
"You gasped when you felt the whisper of the flogger on your chest. I trailed it from your belly up to your neck. I then trailed it down to your lower region. You were hard and straining to escape your briefs. Your open mouth and writhing body told me you acquiesced to what I was offering. There were glass and plastic beads pressing their weight upon your sweat-glistened skin. You flinched when the flogger left your crotch to be slapped against your chest. Oh, that was a beautiful sight, you know. I still think on it fondly. Your nipples were tight beads and your skin flushed a beautiful pink against your creamy pale skin. I gave you a total of five counts and you were beautiful…
I wanted nothing more than to just shut her up. If I close my eyes I can pretend that this conversation and that night ever existed. I peek over to Ana and she looks like she wants to escape too…
"I lowered down and slowly pulled your shorts down. Your cock was glistening and needed release. Your moans were a mixture of yes and no, but you didn't say stop. Yes and no to me are the same during these sessions; yes keep going, no don't stop…
"I took the flogger and ran it across your crotch. You were straining up to meet me and to beg for release. I had to put you out of your misery…
"I grasped you and took you into my mouth. Your moans were a benediction. You did not take long to welcome your release, surprising with the amount of alcohol you had imbibed.
"You and I both knew something in you changed that night. I untied you and you were incredibly subdued. I took your anger away and allowed you to feel lust. For a brief moment I took that dark passenger off your back. You found a relief that did not involve fighting. You gently wept and I know it was from the release and freedom and not from my actions upon you. I then called a cab, swatted your bottom, and sent you home.
"And now you want her? She sneered as she tilted her head toward Ana. Her face was getting red and she was having a difficult time reigning in her temper."
"That was different—" I spat and my voice raised a little. "That was before I knew that I could be with a woman without the trappings of what you call 'release'." I shook my head, "You ruined it for me, you know. I have not had any serious relationship since then. I need to try to tell her what I feel for her."
She declared, "But you always came back to me. You were addicted to me; think about that…"
"Elena, we're going to have to agree that I wanted out long ago and that I want a genuine relationship with someone and pure as Ana. I want her. I need her. She doesn't need to know all this shit. It's all history now. I can only hope that she can feel an iota of the same for me someday."
"Have you forgotten the consequences if you tell her? YOU are her teacher and she is only a teenager. This will jeopardize both your teaching career and your reputation. Are you ready to throw that away for some girl?"
"I am trying to make plans to remedy that. I have plans starting. I was going to approach you or my parents for a loan, but I think that this can wait a bit until you and I calm down and can speak more civilly to each other."
Elena softened, "She's only going to hurt you. All those women after me all did. Don't forget that." She reminded me that she was always there to make me feel better…
I couldn't speak anymore. This lunch did not go in the direction that I planned. I have no idea why Elena is dredging up the past. She's always kept that topic of conversation alone for a long time.
"Maybe we should take the food to go. We can go back to my place and eat."
Jack's statement brought me out of my poisonous reverie. My chair screeched across the tile and nearly tipped over as I abruptly stood up. "Excuse me," and I stiffly walked away.
X x X
"Leaving already?" I startled Ana as she was heading to the counter. My path intercepted hers as I waited patiently to get her alone.
I know what I must have looked like. I was frantic and I was pulling my hair out by the roots. Having heard what Jack said to Ana rocked me. I had to get out. I know I am helpless. I know what I said to Elena was of my choosing, but I cannot control Ana from seeing Jack. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I was pacing like a caged animal and my palms are sweating.
"I- I'm going to ask for the food to go," Ana softens as she looks deeply into my eyes and she is no doubt taking in my state. I must look a mess to her. This is not the cool and confident demeanor she sees at school. But as we know; we're not at school…
"You didn't agree to go to that fool's house did you?" I spat. My voice is coming out too angry but I don't want to make her uneasy. My hands were clenching and I was starting to vibrate.
"We're just going to eat," She tried to reassure me, but I saw through her bravado.
"Anastasia Steele, for an almost eighteen year old, you don't seem to know boys very well." I paused and then softly added, "Your naivety astounds me."
"Elena and I will be leaving now," I sighed. "You don't have to leave. We're sorry we interrupted your date." I know I have no claim on her and she is free to do as she pleases. But that is not to say that it still doesn't hurt…
I ran a hand through my hair, making it even more disheveled. I turned away from her and tried to hide my pain.
Can I be honest with you?" She whispered and then released the breath she was holding.
My eyes snapped back to her. I was feeling hopeful that this mess of a meeting was not all for nothing.
"I didn't really want to come anyway," she confessed. "I wish I could have said what I wanted to him sooner."
"I find that hard to believe. I thought girls your age loved to go out."
"Girls my age; I doubt that you're that much older." She played for acting affronted but her escaping smiled betrayed that.
I rolled my eyes and played along, "Of course. Either way, I thought... high school girls," I corrected, "Like to be taken out to eat."
"Maybe if it was with someone else..."
"Did you not enjoy your date then?" I hedged, sounding both teasing and hopeful.
"It was pretty uncomfortable but then you came."
My mouth opened a bit, and then I smiled, "And made it even more uncomfortable?"
She grinned, "So much more extraordinarily so."
I remember the topic of her first oral presentation and found it impressive that she could carry the reference over to our conversation. I smile at her. She made my body a bit more relaxed and my vibrations slowed.
"But also kinda interesting; too bad you're leaving," she added. She too bit her lower lip but it seemed alluring instead of Elena's over used gambit.
"Yes," I agreed. "Too bad... It really was a nice surprise to see you here Anastasia."
Ana stood quietly wearing a sad smile.
"Christian, you wanted to leave didn't you?" Elena called out. She was already standing at the door impatiently and her eyes are narrowed in on us.
"Yes," I answered. I keep my gaze fixed on Ana.
"You can go Elena. I don't think you need me to start your car do you?" I try for polite but it came out short and somewhat rushed.
Elena stormed out without another word. I heard the door slam on her way out.
"Well," Ana stuttered, "I better go and tell Jack we should stay."
I nodded and began to take a step for the door. "I'll see you at school Anastasia."
"Bye," she paused and slowly turned to walk back to the table.
"Oh—and Anastasia?"
"Yes?"
"You don't have my class tomorrow, but if you need help on any of the homework, you can come to me at anytime. Do you have any open periods? Or maybe before and after school? I hardly go out to lunch, so you can come then too." I say I never really went out for lunch, though this was a white lie I know that I can overlook it just this once.
"Thanks, I'll see." She turned and walked toward her table. I dare hope that she would do a shoulder check to look back at me. I was not disappointed when she slowed, shifted her head over her shoulder and gave me a shy smile. I did not think it would make my heartbeat go any faster.
X x X
I watched her walk back to Hyde. I felt like it was goodbye, but it isn't quite a goodbye. Was this what jealousy felt like? The fact that I always want to pummel Hyde within an inch of his life to stay away from Ana is becoming all too enticing.
Instead, I try to focus on the hope inside me. Maybe I wasn't the only one who has a heart that goes into palpitations every time we see each other.
What Elena said earlier was right, and even though I didn't like that; I wasn't going to deny it any longer. It scared me to be feeling this way, but the thought of not acting on it made me even more scared.
I held my breath and walked out of the restaurant.
If Ana feels even remotely close to what I feel, I'd surely see her tomorrow. I had offered her time whenever she was free.
I hoped she'd be there tomorrow…
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A/N: I hope it's not too long to get Chapter 11 out. I will be showing a Colombian teacher who is visiting me for 2 months around this weekend. I also work in IT and come Monday, I will be flat out until the second week of December! (Database and application server patches, etc!) Only time will tell. I hope this naughty and delicious chapter holds you until December!
Song: All I believe In by The Magic Numbers with Amadou & Mariam