I don't believe you

by TootsieThecat

Dan does nothing but make Phil cry. Then Dan cries, and that makes Phil cry harder. Dan is a nuisance. He's holding on the a world that doesn't need him. Doesn't want him. Nobody wants him. But when did Phil become nobody? T for Suicide, depression, cutting, and language.

11. the phil to my dan

Warning: Depression, suicide, cutting, swearing, and suggestive themes.

CHPT 11

WE INTERUpt THIS FANFIC To BRIng yoU AN ImPORtanT MESSAGe
I AM WRITING A PHAN FIC ABOUT FACTIONS CALLED FACTIONS CHECK IT OUT
ALSO I AM DOING A ROCKER/ARTiST AU Dan-Rocker Phil-artist CHECKITOUT WILL BE UP THIS OR NEXT WEEK FO SHO LY BYE

I'm sorry

pain doesnt subside it gets deeper

itll go away for a while

but soon the medicine wears off

and i lay smitten

your words and your face

have kept me on longer

your laughter has caused my laughter

and i know youre the reason

weve been here before

you and me

at this place and time

where ive wanted to kill myself

and i know youre in pain

and i know that this will hurt you

youll miss me

and ill miss you

but my life isnt worth it

im slipping and falling a billion times

and its all too slow and its all too bloody

and i cant play the game where im okay anymore

ive held on

for you

but now its time for me to go

i feel worthless

i feel sad

and now im going to die

or by the time youre reading this

im already dead and gone

and youre crying

and youre sad

but please phil please

dont be sad

i love you to bits

i always will even after life

i loved you ever since your bright eyes appeared on my computer screen

ever since i hit that subscribe button

ever since i got a reply and follow from you on twitter and nearly wet myself

ever since i saw your smiling face from across the train station

ever since i kissed you on the manchester eye and you actually kissed back

ever since you told me you loved me

ever since we moved in together and decorated our flat with stupid posters

ever since we had sex for the first time

and you told me you thought it was amazing how i asked if you wanted it at least twelve times

we were meant to be

despite society

despite my parents

despite gender

and backgrounds

and looks

and despite the facts that we were so oppisite i never had ever felt more connected or similar to someone

you made me dan

and i made you phil

and the guilt i feel for taking the dan from phil

is crushing

but dan and phil isnt nonexistent

its still there

youre still phil from dan and phil

im still dan from dan and phil

were just even more different now

even more opposite

dead and alive

please phil just know that i loved you more than i knew possible

you were my sunshine

you were everything that made me happy

but i just cant anymore

theres a difference between surviving and living

and im tired of just surviving

the wedding ring on the dresser is yours

the one on my bedside table is mine

i bought that four years ago

two years after i met you

becuase i knew

and ill always know

if anyone ever asks about me

please tell them that im happy now

that im free

that im light

and im flying

and i can see straight

and breathe

and i have no guilt

sadness

nothing

and im happy

and you should be too

be the sunshine on the computer screen

be the light of the world like you were for me

phil

ten minutes

cry for ten minutes everyday

be sad for ten

ten minutes daily

and then move on

know that if i was there

that id be miserable

phillip michael lester

i would have done this back in 2009

thank you

for carrying me

thank you

for being the phil to my dan

IM AN ASSHOLE
THERES MORE THOUGH IT ISNT ENTIRELY OVER
UGHHHHH-Tootsie