Chapter 11: Haruko versus Excel!

Previously on PATH, several things happened that lead up to an intense battle between Haruko and Excel. The choices for who would turn the world gay were staggering, and Haruko and Excel chose different people.

Haruko: I will destroy you!!!

Excel: Not if I destroy me first!

Nami: What the hell are they doing?

Hyatt: This is what Senior Excel likes to call a happy yelling time.

Excel: Yeah, and you are gonna get it, you copycat!

Shinji: I really don't understand why you have to fight over this.

Haruko: So is your face.

Shinji: Dammit. Walked right into that one.

Excel: Ya know, with his behavior, it's really easy to imagine his father leaving him for an emotionless little thing like Rei.

Haruko: Where were we? (Bashes Excel's head with guitar)

Excel: (from behind Haruko) That would have worked if I hadn't eaten Goku and absorbed his powers!

Hyatt: What a twist!

Haruko: Really? Well, I… you're stupid!

Hyatt: Wow.

Naota: You know, these two suck.

Haruko: Yah! (Hits Excel with random boot)

Excel: Exterminate time. (Punches Haruko in the face)

Haruko: That's it. I didn't want to do this, but you forced me to. Megazord! Go!

(cue Power Rangers Theme)

Excel: Well well well… well. Well well. Wishing well. Wish. Fish. Anyway, I also have a giant thing! Go Evangelion Unit 02! (Jumps into Eva) Let's use the knife.

Haruko: Activate super lazers!

Red Ranger: Okay!

Excel: Hey! No fair! You have the Red Ranger.

Haruko: Your fighting object is alive so don't give me that. Mine is just a giant robot made poorly from little robots.

Excel: Can yours do this? (stabs Megazord in chest)

Haruko: No. But it can do this. (rips Eva's arm off)

Excel: Ahhhhhhh god the pain! Wait, why don't I just detach the wires that connect the pain?

Blue Ranger: That would be smart.

Excel: Thank you!

Haruko: And you wonder why people hate you, Bluey.

Red Ranger: Attack! (Megazord tackles Eva 02)

Hyatt: Go Senior Excel!

Excel: Dammit, I can't look bad in front of Ha-chan. I need to keep her in this good mood. Who knows what she's really like.

(Flashback)

Hyatt: (Dressed in a purple dress suit and a pink hat, talking to a ho) Now if you don't get out there and earn Daddy some money, I guess Daddy's gonna have to bring out the chains. (Ho stares in horror)

(End flashback)

(Evangelion Unit 02 is thrashing on the ground)

Haruko: While you were having your unnecessary flashback, I severed all of Eva's limbs! Take that!

Excel: Don't ask how, but while you were gloating, I chopped off Megazord's left leg!

Red Ranger: Dammit! That's where the balls were!

Excel: So what now?

Haruko: Well, logically, we are fighting for no reason, so how's about we call it quits?

Both: … Fuck that!

Excel: Self destruct! (Blows them all up, the entire world dies) Now how's that for Third Impact?

Will of the Macrocosem: Excel, I will restore all of the world with my magical powers just the way it was before you blew it up. Let's go!

To be continued.

Next Chapter I promise to include some Chobits and Chibi Vampire.