WARNING: THIS CHAPTER GETS HEAVY.

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PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.

Cheers eh!

Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.

Heavy In Your Arms

Chapter 11:

Fleur and Kenzie had painted each other's nails while talking about cute boys in her class. I didn't like the subject one bit as I started to notice how Fleur kept growing right before my eyes. Before I knew it, boys would be at my front door asking her on dates and I didn't think I could handle that. Not after what had happened to me.

Lauren had walked behind me calming my distress with a simple touch of my shoulder and a smile as she passed me by to help Ryan with the food. Now that we were all being civil she had found Ryan quite the intellectual and they kept bantering about some kind of physics that went over my head.

Ryan had bought pizza and nachos as promised and once their nails were done we were joined at the table by the two divas. I watched as Lauren passed a plate she had fixed to Fleur and then surprisingly did the same to me. As I thanked her with a small blush our eyes met. Dinner was amazing and it turned out Ryan had gone to Fleur's favourite pizza place for the orders.

I insisted on cleaning as Ryan bounced on his heels excitedly after we had all stuffed ourselves. He wanted to take Fleur on a tour of the house. I knew it was so it could culminate in Fleur's room and found it incredibly endearing. As Kenzie and Ryan took Fleur towards the back of the house to start the tour I suddenly felt very dark and down.

I felt the weight hit my shoulders and the wind being knocked out of my sails. It was as if a brick wall had hit me as I realized exactly all the time I had missed out on Fleur because of my mess. I gripped the sink white-knuckled as the overwhelming sense of dread filled me and I breathed heavily looking at the water swirl down the drain. In seconds I felt Lauren's arms wrap around me from behind and I braced myself to feel trapped and more anxious, yet I didn't.

Her warmth engulfed me as her chin laid on my shoulder and her voice tickled my ear. I realized she could now read me like a book and I felt so protected in her arms right now that I wanted her to never let go. I didn't know if I would ever forgive myself for missing out on Fleur but right then and there I decided I wanted Lauren to forgive my weakness and the state in which I gave her our daughter.

"I don't want you thinking about whatever it is you're thinking Bo." She kissed the shell of my ear before giving me a gentle squeeze and pulling back joining me side by side as I had done to her this morning.

"Think of other things like how happy your daughter is today… how happy I am today… we made a big breakthrough with Fleur's case Bo." She reminded me gently as she cupped my face gently.

"Are you happy Lauren? Even though I'm in your life now?" I asked dejectedly, I knew Lauren could do so much better and I wanted the very best for her. She deserved someone whole, someone who could offer her peace of mind instead of constant worry.

"I'm happy because you're in our life Bo." She explained looking gently into my eyes. "You make my daughter happy and therefore myself. You've been there in times when I've needed you the most."

I heard the knot in her voice as I bit my lip nodding and understanding she meant this from the bottom of her heart. Before we could say anything else we heard Fleur's squeal.

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE MY ROOM!" she yelled and Lauren and I exchanged glances and we chuckled all dark thoughts out of my mind for now.

I could hear Ryan's laugher from above me as he was laying down on the couch and I was propped against it on the floor. We had decided to throw all the plush pillows, blankets and duvets we had to make a sea of comfort in the living room. Kenzie was tangled up with Fleur as she patted her hair back lovingly both of them super focused watching the movie they had picked together. I realized that Lauren hadn't returned from the bathroom for quite a while and I decided to try and go find her.

I ran my fingers against the light blue walls of the hallway as I passed the open door of the bathroom. As I reached Fleur's door I noticed Lauren was leaning against the door frame looking at the room with an awed smile. She hadn't noticed my presence and I enjoyed watching the expression on her face a bit longer. Her beautiful blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun as she wore a faded Evegni Malkin shirt I had lent her. She had complained it wasn't a Habs shirt as I laughed. I was suddenly engulfed by a warmth feeling at the fact that she was wearing my clothes. I decided to steel my nerves and wrap my arms around her waist as she had done to me. I was slightly hesitant at first but she put her hands over my own reassuringly while she leaned back into my touch. I leaned my face on her shoulder as she side glanced at me with a small smile and a sigh.

"This is beautiful Bo. Ryan went above and beyond for Fleur." She whispered and I nodded.

"He's a very good man, my guardian angel." I confessed as she got a mischievous glint in her eyes turning around to face me.

"He called me Doctor McSteamy." She teased and I blushed hard knowing I had been caught.

"I…" I chuckled embarrassedly. "Maybe"

"I think maybe is quite a yes." She giggled and my heart felt so light at the sound that I gently closed the gap between us and kissed her lips.

Our kiss was gentle and playful at first as I felt her arms wrap around my neck while my hands settled on her waist. I enjoyed how we fitted against one another as our lips picked up a soft but steady rhythm. It was as if she was peeling parts of the walls I had so painstakingly built around myself and I felt oddly comforted despite being exposed. I attentively ran my tongue over her bottom lip and with a gentle moan she opened her lips melting in my arms. As soon as our tongues touched the other a moan escaped my throat as I felt my heartbeat quicken at her warm mouth.

"Bo!" I jumped away from Lauren as my heart hammered in my chest. I looked at Ryan like a deer in headlights and I could see Lauren blushing against the doorframe with her head down.

"Fucking… fuck, shit cocksucker!" I blurted out as Lauren laughed heartily.

"I can see you're eloquent as ever!" Ryan laughed as well. "I didn't mean to interrupt but uh…"

His smile made me blush hard and I knew he thought things were getting heavy when they weren't. I shot him a small glare as he raised his arms in self-defence and smiled.

"Alright, alright but the kiddo was about to come looking for you two, just be glad it was me." He smiled before turning around and leaving.

Lauren's laughter snapped me out of my anger as I caught her shinning eyes while she bit her lip looking me over.

"I was right, that's quite a temper." She mused as I gave her a rueful smile.

"What can I say… I hate being interrupted." I teased as Lauren raised an eyebrow playfully.

"Ditto." She muttered and with that she pecked my lips one last time before turning around to leave. "I was really enjoying that moment."

As we went back to the living room I couldn't stop smiling.

When I woke up Fleur was tangled all up in my legs. She had insisted Lauren take her bed 'cause she didn't want her to go home yet. After Kenzie and Ryan had gone to bed I had taken Fleur and Lauren to my room to watch some Naruto as I had promised Fleur. Sometime in the night I had fallen asleep and it looked like Lauren had excused herself to Fleur's room.

I was ready and full of energy for my day. For some weird reason I was all hyped up and ready to rock and roll. I slipped out of bed carefully trying not to disturb Fleur as I padded down the hallway for the bathroom. When I got to it Lauren was just coming out in all her morning glory. She gave me a bashful smile looking down with rosy cheeks.

"Good morning Bo." She whispered shyly.

"Good morning." I smiled "I hope you slept well."

"I did, Fleur's bed is very comfortable." She noted and I smiled.

The way my body was tensed up and wound up I knew I had to spend some of this energy I had in me. I took this chance to make sure Lauren would not escape with the dawn and I asked quickly before I lost my chance.

"Do you think I could use your gym in the mornings? I don't know if this is too forwar-"

"Not at all! I'm heading home right now would you like me to wait for you? Fleur will be out probably until the afternoon." She chuckled and I smiled.

"If you don't mind waiting, I'd like that." I admitted and excused myself towards the bathroom.

Inside I refreshed myself and put my workout clothes on quickly. I didn't want Lauren to wait long for me, I already felt like I was overstepping by asking to use the gym yet I knew I needed to spend the energy. I had loved Lauren's little gym and had wanted to use it again. When I exited the bathroom Lauren was waiting for me leaning against the wall. She gave me another smile and I just about melted.

We walked through the yard silently enjoying the morning breeze on our skin. The smell of the leaves made me happy to be outside and I could feel the sun beating down on my back. For the first time in a long time despite of everything my heart felt content with what was going on in my life.

I was looking forward to reporting to work today in my first assignment in Toronto. I wanted to get rid of all this energy so I could perform well on my job. After we took turns giggling as we jumped the fence we walk the short distance of Lauren's yard and I swung open the back door holding the door open for the gorgeous blonde.

"You know where things are, as always make yourself at home, I'm going to shower and get ready for my day." She instructed with a smile as I nodded.

With that she disappeared behind her bedroom door as I stared behind her. She looked particularly gorgeous this morning and I couldn't help but stare after her. In seconds I could hear her horrible music and I chuckled at her eccentric taste. Sleeping with Fleur safely in my arms last night had given me a new perspective on certain things like small moments of happiness like this and I intended to enjoy each and every one of them.

I made my way downstairs and felt strangely at home even though I had only used the gym once previously. I took my shirt off once again and started with my workout with a smile feeling like I could conquer the world today. As my muscles protested from exertion after my workout I pulled away from the punching bag and drew in a sigh with my head thrown back. I looked up to the stairs pulling out my ear buds and noticed Lauren at the steps with a mug of coffee. I gave her a shy smile as I saw a blush creep onto her cheeks. She extended her hand offering me a bottle of water and I nodded at her in thanks.

"I'm sorry for barging in, Fleur's upstairs whining that we left her behind." I braced myself so I wouldn't feel the sting and drank some of the water to brush it off without alerting Lauren. You've left her before Bo.

"I didn't know the kid could whine, seems so below her." I smiled trying to imagine her doing so.

"Well, I was a bit of a softie when she was younger so when she really wants to work me up all she does is whine." The blonde confessed blushing. "I'm off to work soon but I was wondering if you wanted to do something later…"

"Ok." I quickly responded with a smile.

"I… um… remember you have no shirt. Dyson might come by sometimes." She added as I chuckled.

After a while Lauren had left for work and after I had taken a shower and borrowed some clothes. I curled up in the couch with the grumpy pre-teen who was pouting at me. I chuckled and opened my arms as she laid her head on my chest tucking it under my chin.

"You and Momma disappeared." She grumbled and I smiled even more at her cuteness.

"She wanted to get ready for work and I had to do my work out… you know how I get." I kissed her temple as she sighed and un-paused the TV.

"I set up a stream for us, is this the episode we were in?" she asked as I looked up surprised she had loaded an episode of the anime we were watching last night.

"This is exactly it. English subs?" she nodded "good girl."

"Who's your favourite character?" she asked as the opening credits rolled.

"Naruto of course… besides him I absolutely adore his mother and father." I confessed as I teared up a bit feeling the irony.

"Did you watch this when you were little?" she asked innocently and didn't notice me tense up at the question.

"Not exactly baby girl." I whispered and she sighed.

"I really like you Bo." She kissed my shoulder and I couldn't help but smile.

We stayed tangled up in each other watching episode after episode getting caught up in small chit chat about the series. I enjoyed how her fingers played with my hair and how her small body was warm against mine. It made me feel like in a way I was holding her as I would've held her when she was a baby. As we watched I received an e-mail from Dr. Marquise and decided to read it.

Bo,

Sorry I haven't been able to relocate as soon as I wanted to. I hope you're doing well since I haven't gotten any phone calls from you. I should arrive in Toronto at the end of the week and I would love to see you right away. I hope Fleur is doing better and remember I'm always just a phone call away.

Dr. Marquise.

I quickly typed a quick reply to let her know I was alright but most importantly happy that Fleur was on the mend. I made sure to let her know I would call soon and let her know of all the things I had not been able to speak to her about yet. When our stomachs started grumbling around Fleur giggled and we set out to find some food in the house. I found some Japanese branded noodles and smiled remembering Fleur commenting about wanting to try ramen while we watched Naruto. She confessed her mother ate it a lot for lunch but she had never tried it herself. I made a mental note that Lauren liked ramen and set out to make our girl a fan too.

I grabbed some green onions, eggs, bacon and leftover chicken from the fridge ready to show Fleur my culinary skills. She took a seat on the bar stool and watched me prepare the meal. Lauren had insisted once more to make myself at home and with Fleur it was very hard not to. I could feel my love for the child grow exponentially.

"Do you like cooking?" she asked curiously.

"I do, I actually love cooking but didn't have a great kitchen in Ottawa. The one here is gorgeous so I plan to teach you a thing or two young lady." I winked at her as she smiled wider.

"Momma likes cooking but she has no time for it." She lamented and I looked up at her.

"Your Momma will find time to do many things with you after she finds the cure ok?" she nodded at my assurance and her smile grew slowly.

"Do you think my Momma is pretty?" she seemed casual, yet I could feel the underlying meaning of it there.

"I think your Momma is very pretty just like you." She blushed and brushed a strand of stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you two like each other now." She smiled "I like having two moms so far, you're very smart and know a lot of things that my Momma doesn't."

I tensed slightly at the mention and I looked at her with soft eyes. I was overwhelmed with joy at her pureness and let out a small sigh.

"You… you think I'm your mom?" I knew it sounded silly since she knew yet this sounded like something more.

She looked up smiling brightly capturing my heart in her hands. Her soft brown hair framing her face as her big brown eyes stared at me with so much love I knew I didn't deserve.

"You're so funny sometimes you know? One moment you're making a completely rational statement and then you're not making sense. Of course I think you're my mom, you are." She giggled and I could hear Lauren's smarts come out of her mouth.

"I…" I didn't know how to explain so I busied my hands with the cooking.

"I don't want to push things, because my Momma says that sometimes other people are not ready for things that I'm ready for, if that makes any sense…" I gave her a small nod and she continued "I really like spending time with you, and I know you love me because… because I love you too… you are my mom and when you're ready for that we'll still be here."

The knot in my throat was hard to push down and I set my knife aside to not cut myself on trembling hands. I instantly walked over and pulled her close into my chest with a sigh.

"I love you too Fleur, I'm really happy you're letting me be your mom." I choked out after a while.

After fits of giggles and a lesson I provided her with chopsticks we sat down to watch more anime curled into each other in hushed whispers of character lives and giggles. This was something I had never shared with nobody, it seemed silly, but the series had helped me through my depression so to be sharing it with Fleur was deep for me.

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We had fallen into a very steady rhythm during the last week that I was starting to enjoy. I would get up early cross the yard and jump the fence, Lauren had given me the code for the back door so I would generally let myself in and go straight downstairs to workout. Generally the three of us would have breakfast together before Lauren and Fleur would leave for work and school. I'd go back home, get changed and go to work. Today however I was late and knew for sure that Fleur was at school already.

I had waited until everybody left for work before coming over wanting to be alone. Truth was I was very rattled by a nightmare that had woken me up drenched in sweat. I didn't want to admit it before but now in the silence of the gym with only the treadmill running I admitted that this nightmare had taken me monumental steps back in my recovery. It had plagued my mind since the early hours of the morning and I had laid in my bed not catching a wink of sleep even when the sun rose. I wanted to come here earlier to clear my head but I couldn't face Fleur this way, it was too painful and the rat was biting the cage in my head begging to come out.

I took off my shirt like I usually did and popped my earbuds in starting my circuit. I went through the motions aggressively wanting to erase the memories in my head but not quite being able to. I was truly disappointed that besides taking the edge off my workout was not calming me as best as I wanted it to. With how I was feeling I didn't want to go and eat a cupcake, I wanted to have a clear mind for today but it was proving extremely difficult to push my feelings and memories away.

After I was done with my routine not only did I feel drained physically but mentally as well. I couldn't stop thinking about the images in my head that came so vividly again with the dream. I sat on the second step of the basement and covered my face with my hands before I started crying softly feeling lonely, broken and hopeless. I was so overwhelmed with the feeling I felt like I was drowning and I didn't know where to turn to find relief.

It was maybe three to four heartbeats before I felt protective arms wrap around me as I heard Lauren's soothing voice reach my ears. I cried harder realizing I had longed for her, yet I felt so open and vulnerable I wasn't sure if I was ready to open this door to my past without hurting her or Fleur.

"It's alright Bo, I've got you" she cooed in my ear as I let out a heavy sobs knowing I should've come by sooner.

After I had calmed down to barely hiccups she looked into my eyes with her beautiful caramel colored ones. She gave me a sad smile and I returned it as she wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"I didn't think you'd be home." I confessed as she gave me a sad look.

"I'm glad that I was. I thought it odd you hadn't swung by and it worried me so I stayed back to catch you." She explained as I internalized what she was saying, she was worried about me. "I'm glad I did, it would've broken my heart to know you were by yourself feeling like this."

I let out a huge sigh I was scared, I was scared of being so close to Lauren because I liked it and it calmed me to no end. Last night's nightmare made me feel like a ticking time bomb, something I would not be able to out run. I hated how most of the time I watched Lauren walk on eggshells beside me. For once in my life frustration got the best of me and I wanted to spill it all, lay it at her feet and let the cards fall where they may.

I tugged on her hand as I stood and without a word she walked behind me following me back up the steps to her house. I pulled her into her bedroom not caring about the boundaries, after all, she had told me to make myself at home. We sat by the back balcony which overlooked the balcony in my room. Lauren had followed me wordlessly, yet I could feel her hand gently in mine indulging me in this small little walk. Truth was I was stalling trying to think of how to explain to her what had happened, how could I possibly make her understand?

I pulled the chair closer to hers and motioned her to sit down. I didn't even care that I had no shirt, all I needed was to talk to the blonde and bare my soul. I ran my hands through my hair trying to calm myself and find a way to begin the conversation. My leg bounced up and down anxiously and Lauren gave me a concerned look. I had to admit my actions weren't very confident this morning. I took a seat close to her and she held my hand once more reassuringly being her beautiful patient self.

"I want to talk to you about my past…" I blurted out as Lauren looked surprised. "I had a dream last night and…unfortunately it took me back to the state of mine that I was in when… when I had Fleur."

"Oh Bo" she whispered with comfort dripping from her tone.

"I thought after a good workout I'd feel better but I need to talk to someone." I finally admitted as she looked into my eyes touched.

"I'm here for you Bo." She explained as I met her eyes sadly as I nodded.

"I know and I thank you." I admitted as I looked over the yard.

"You can tell me anything Bo. I won't judge you…" she whispered and I wanted to believe her and take this plunge.

"I'm scared" I whispered as my voice trembled.

"I know, but I also know I've seen you somewhat happy these past few days. I have been nothing but happy to see how you and Fleur just grow closer with each passing second. I'm not going to let you fade again Bo, so talk to me please." She pleaded as I took a long sigh. "Trust me Bo."

"I guess that if I'm going to tell you these things I should very well start from the beginning." I let out a shaky sigh as Lauren waited patiently for me to gather my nerves.

"I'm sorry if I can't word things properly… truth is my secrets are burning a hole through my heart, and my bones catch a fever…when it cuts you up this deep, it's hard to find a way to breathe…" I closed my eyes and started with the basics "I was never in a real home."

Her eyes met mine as I started. There was something hidden behind her eyes that I couldn't quite place. I gave her a slow sad smirk before I continued. If I fretted too much I might not even tell her my horrific story.

"I assume my parents died when I was less than two but I cannot be certain. Everything from back then is very fuzzy and I cannot remember details very well but long story short I ended up in the system. I went to two good foster homes before I ended up in what I still remember as hell." My voice was bitter as I recalled living in that home the venom that poured out of me was fueled by years of resentment.

"Wow…" I heard the blonde exclaim before I nodded and stood overlooking the yard as I continued.

"Hector and Patricia were the kind of Foster parents that would collect the kids for the paychecks. I had about eight other foster 'siblings' if you want to call it that. I was six when Gregory moved into the house. He was 11 at the time and I couldn't really put my finger on what was that even at that age I didn't like about him." As if sensing the tension in my body at the mere mention of his name Lauren reached out and stood beside me steeling my resolve.

I closed my eyes tightly the pain of all those years washing over me. How much could I tell her? How much did I dare to bare before her? I looked up into her eyes and saw sadness and worry but also sincerity. I knew I had to tell her, she needed to know why I was as broken as I was. Lauren deserved to know why I couldn't give her the life her and Fleur deserved.

"The… the foster parents would use kind of a buddy system. Older kids to younger kids in an effort to ditch their own responsibilities. I was terrified of my environment at first, even though I kept thinking I'd get used to it I never really did. I would get two meals of porridge a day and would go hungry at night, as my foster parents indulged in alcohol and fine dinners and all the trimmings. One day I was so hungry that I took a piece of bread from the table. I must've been eight by then…"

The way my voice broke in the end must've alerted her to how painful this really was for me. I clenched my jaw as I tried hard not to cry again. I had decided long ago I was done crying about this, but this time I felt like I would break.

"Bo you don't have to…" she whispered but I nodded insisting.

"I do though… I need to tell you. I'm not brave enough to face my past, it would kill me Lauren." I whispered as I saw her jaw clench and she pulled me close.

"Then don't. I don't want you to ever have to see these animals again." She whispered in rage and I shook my head.

"You won't be saying that once you hear the whole story." I promised sadly.

I knew where the nightmare had come from. Lauren had me over for dinner the past few nights which Fleur absolutely loved. However when Fleur was excused and went to her friend's house to spend the night last night, I remember talking into the wee hours with Lauren. I had such a good time getting to know the things she liked and the things she didn't. The conversation would flow easily between us and even though I tried to encourage her to drink her wine with dinner she refused out of respect for me.

It wasn't until we moved to the couch that Lauren had received a call from the lab alerting of some findings Tamsin had made. Apparently Tamsin and Lauren had a small falling out and even though they were working together to solve Fleur's mystery they were doing opposite schedules to avoid one another. I had excused myself to the bathroom as she took the call, I guess I came back faster than expected because I could hear her bellowing into the phone in a firm angry tone.

'Absolutely not Tamsin, I don't care what the findings say… I'm not putting Bo through that… NO! You cannot look for the Father either! I swear to you if I so much hear you did this behind my back we're done.'

The thought of Tamsin speaking the truth while drunk had dawned on me rapidly. With Fleur's sudden recovery and her endless energy I had easily forgotten to ask Lauren about my fears. As I laid last night to sleep it weighted heavily in my head. When I woke up breathless and drenched in sweat I knew why that was.

"My 'buddy' sibling was in charge of punishing me for stealing the bread." I continued as her head snapped towards me in fear. "It was Gregory of course."

"Hector and Patricia had taken two of the kids with them to the store, the rest were in school and in the end Gregory and I were left behind…" my hands shook as did my voice and I could practically feel myself being thrown back with force into the moment so many years ago.

"Bo…" she whispered but I was hell bent now into telling somebody… anybody what had happened once and for all.

"I have to…" I whimpered my voice sounded as broken as I was. She nodded and I took a hard breath before I continued.

"He took me to the attic announcing he was to punish me now and made me sit on the floor…" tears rolled down my face as I found I had lost my voice to explain what had come next.

My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. I wanted to speak with all my heart but I was physically unable to. Lauren's voice shook as she spoke. It was covered by horror but I could also hear the tension of anger.

"Bo did he…?" her voice was firm and carried a fire like quality that I couldn't place, yet I understood the question suspended in the air.

I could only nod my response as a small sob escaped me as I vividly relived the moment. I felt my knees buckling as the memory crippled me and before I could hit the ground I felt Lauren take me in her arms strongly. I had started to cry uncontrollably as Lauren pulled even closer to her. I could feel her tears fall as well as I watched her jaw clenched hard.

"It went on for years after that…And last night I dreamt about it again." I admitted by the time I had calmed down.

"In my dream… time stood still the way it did before it's like I'm sleepwalking…"

"It's over now Bo… They can't hurt you. I won't let them." Her voice was so fierce and determined that I almost believed her.

"I thought it was over but it's not." I confessed as I pulled away searching her eyes.

She looked confused and angry and even in her fury I could not stop myself from admiring her beauty. She was this fierce for me. She had not run or yelled or accused me of being a slut as many had before. I had been led to believe that I had caused this somehow, earned it with my actions. My foster parents had insisted it had been my fault for acting like a child around a teenaged man. At the time I didn't understand, I didn't comprehend that what had happened to me was wrong, I thought I had caused this somehow like the people in my household accused. Yet Lauren still didn't know what the worse part was.

"I heard you talking to Tamsin last night." I confessed and her eyes grew wide while her face paled.

"Bo, I don't want you to think about that-"

"Do Fleur's chances improve if you have information about… that guy?" I countered quickly, I needed to know. "Please I need to know the truth."

She looked panicked into my eyes, searching for the right thing to say. I wanted the truth even though I already knew it and deep down I felt myself breaking into a million pieces once more. I was beginning to think I wasn't meant to feel whole ever.

"It would. I could probably cure her with his genetic information." She confessed in a low defeated voice and she looked down to the ground ashamed.

I felt my whole world close in on me and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself from the impending panic attack. I couldn't keep doing this to Lauren, I needed to be strong for her and Fleur even if I thought it'd be a losing battle. I threw my head back and looked into her eyes.

"I will never call him her Father, he doesn't deserve that." I spat suddenly angered and enraged myself. He didn't deserve to know Fleur, to meet such a beautiful smart and amazing child. "He should still live in that hell-hole I crawled out of with such difficulty."

She looked at me with a mixture of confusion and fear as I could see the wheels turning in her smart head.

"Gregory…" I bitterly mentioned and her eyes grew wide as I saw realization cross her eyes horrified by the confirmation.

"No Bo. It's out of the question!" she roared suddenly as she let me go and paced rapidly the length of that balcony with such fierceness. "Not one of these people is ever going to see you or talk to you ever again! It's…it's absolute horseshit!"

I was taken aback with her reaction, I had never seen Lauren so livid. She had been cold and distant when we met, yet this was a whole other level that blew anything else out of the water. I could see her knuckles white from the fists she was making as she muttered angrily under her breath while she paced faster. I normally would recoil from reactions like this, my upbringing had a lot of violent moments and it usually triggered me off. However looking at Lauren's ire I felt absolutely protected and whole. For a few seconds I could amaze myself with her and forget anything else. This woman was enraged for me. I had never experienced this before and it stunned me.

"I'll come up with another way. I'll do anything to keep you away from those barbarians!" she declared protectively.

I crossed the distance between us in a few short strides. The wind was now picking up making me chilly, yet the heat inside of me growing under Lauren's hot stare kept me put. I watched as her hair danced in the wind, her lips held in a tight angry scowl and her brow furrowed as she searched my eyes. Her caramel orbs held mine with such gentleness that it took my breath away and I grabbed the collar of her leather jacket pulling her to me quickly. I needed Lauren in this very second, it was something that grew inside me strongly. The way she had been moved, angered and hurt by my story was something I had not experienced in my life. The only other people that knew about this was my foster parents and Gregory so I had only received rejection and guilt.

I wasted no more time and brought our lips together kissing her fervently as she was careful not to touch my topless torso. I parted her lips expertly with my tongue as it danced with her own sending a shiver down my spine. I needed her closer than she already was and I grabbed her firmly and pulled her closer as she whimpered at my gesture. I groaned as I deepened the kiss and lost myself in her and her sweet grass lavender smell. Her arms finally wrapped themselves around me and I was now all too aware of how her fingers felt against my skin. I moaned loudly and suddenly I pulled away.

"I understand." She whispered looking into my eyes with conviction. "Don't be afraid, I'm still here. I won't go anywhere Bo, I'll be as careful as you need."

And she was. She had not run away from my broken self. She had picked up my burden to carry with me now. I couldn't explain how I knew this but how I felt lighter with Lauren knowing and yet staying which was extremely important to me. I needed to let her know how I felt, how she made me feel but I needed her to let go.

"I know with my past it's hard to be with me but sometimes I don't want you to be careful sometimes I just want to be normal… you make me feel…" I shook my hands not knowing how to word things.

"Tell me Bo, however you can, just tell me." She insisted.

"Your eyes are swallowing me, they're like mirrors that start to whisper where my shadows start to sing and my skin's smothering me I need you to help me find a way to breathe" I whispered with a smile as I melted into her caramel eyes enjoying feeling anchored in such a way for the first time in my entire life. This was the first time I had admitted to someone I needed their help, that I wanted it.

"I'll hold your hand and heart safely with me Bo. Thank you for letting me in." she whispered.

I boldly took a step forward feeling empowered by our sudden closeness. I remembered last night as she had covered my lips with her own leaving me breathless and consumed by her. My smile grew and I could see her staring at my lips wanting me to close the gap between us. I pulled her towards me wanting her to make the move and not be hesitant with me anymore.

"You're like a fallen star that has left me blind." she smiled almost bitterly. "you've left me in the dark"

"I don't understand."

"Thing is Bo… with you, with how things have gone down around us it's been so difficult to make heads or tails of anything." she held my hands gently and looked at me intensely. "With your condition it's like there's no dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight. In the shadow of your heart"

I looked down ashamed knowing this was the other shoe dropping. Maybe she had considered what was at stake. I wasn't stable and now she knew I would forever be broken. After curing Fleur even more so than before. I felt her finger hook underneath my chin as she prompted me up to look into her eyes.

"And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat, I tried to find the sound but then it stopped, and I was in the darkness, so darkness I became…" her words washed over me as I understood what she was saying, hope grew in me and before I knew it her lips were on mine soft and smooth almost curing my heartbreak.

I was taken aback but my arms wrapped around her as I felt myself get lost in her lips, in her kiss, in her scent and her words. This woman kept picking up my pieces and putting them together even after the hundredth time I had been stretched too thinly. I let out a soft sigh for the first time in my life feeling the profound peace of someone knowing what had happened without pointing the finger at me. She pressed her forehead against mine and stared into my eyes so deeply I felt she was looking into my soul.

"…Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too, so I stayed in the darkness with you." She whispered as I closed my eyes a tear escaping me as her words touched my heart.

"You're amazing Lauren Lewis, how was I ever this lucky?" I admitted.

"We were brought together by the one thing we loved the most." She squeezed me as I smiled thinking fondly of the girl.

"Fleur." I whispered her beautiful name.

"She's the real mvp here as she would say." She joked and I giggled.

"There's my beautiful girl" she whispered as I felt my blush reach my cheeks.

"You're an angel." I breathed as she chuckled shaking her head.

"Just a scientist who will do everything in her power to protect the ones she loves." She whispered as she pulled me close wrapping her leather jacket around me.

I let her lead me into the house, in reality I was stunned. Directly or indirectly no matter what I had just told her Lauren had just told me she loved me for the second time ed. I felt stronger almost renewed and I couldn't have imagined myself feeling anything like this last night or even twenty minutes ago. She had pulled me from the darkest place I had and yet here we stood stronger.

Somehow with all the talk of it I found comfort in the fact that Lauren had been able to pull me from my past. I felt like now that I had confronted my demons and Lauren had not run for the hills I could push to confront them face to face. I needed to help Fleur and do my part in her recovery, it was my job as her mother and I would do my duty as such. I didn't want to broach it again, I already felt like we had dealt with enough heaviness for one morning so I kept these thoughts inside for another time.

Lauren led us to her beautiful black marble bathroom adjacent to her room and I threw her a glance. Inside I was scared, not of Lauren, but of the intimacy of the situation. I didn't want her to think that I didn't want to be close to her, because I did. However I wasn't exactly ready to bare my body as I had my soul. Somehow everything with Lauren felt important and I wanted to do things right. Even with the emotional drain placed on me I could admit it was hard not to give into the small part of me who wanted to shed my clothes off and lure Lauren into this bathtub and ravish her hard and fast until we both forgot our names, yet now I could see I couldn't do that. Not to Lauren; ever.

She had sat me on the closed toilet and I watched as she precisely sat at the edge of the bathtub and started a bath. She put a couple of drops of something in the water and it turned purple. I could smell her beautiful lavender scent engulf the whole bathroom and it calmed me immediately.

"I'm running a bath for you to relax. Just lay in here and let everything fade away Bo, when you come out I'll be in the kitchen making us breakfast. There's some of your clothes in the basket by my bed from when you came by the other night to watch TV with Fleur." She instructed gently as she held my eyes.

"You don't have to cook for me." I whispered shyly, it was so strange yet so comforting that she was taking care of me like this.

"I want to." She admitted.

"Thank you Lauren… for everything." I meant it with all my heart.

"Please do your best to put this situation out of your mind. Trust me, I'll find a way… you have to trust me though so don't go running off on me trying to play heroine. I know Fleur gets that impulsiveness from you missy." She chastised and I chuckled lightly thinking of the girl fondly.

I knew what she was asking me and as much as I now wanted to act and get Fleur better I decided that Lauren knew best. After all, Lauren was my pillar, my rock now and without her I couldn't go and face my demons even if I wanted to. I needed her to know though it wasn't about trust.

"Lauren… I have never told anyone what I just told you… you're the first person outside the household it happened in to know." She eyes bore into mine with realization "I trust you with all my heart Lauren. I have bared my heart for you, please take good care of it."

"I promise." She assured me with a truckload of conviction.

She kissed my forehead and walked out of the bathroom closing the door gently behind her. I looked at the door longingly before standing up and taking my clothes off slowly. The water was perfect and I sighed as I lowered my body into it and leaned my head back. As my eyes closed I saw Lauren's beautiful face as I tried to do what she asked and relax.