Hello, everyone! Let me start this chapter off by apologizing for the late update, but I've recently run into a rough patch as I'm having to readjust to a busy lifestyle again and haven't been handling that all too well. I hope to keep the bi-weekly updates steady from now on.
As a note and point of reference to my readers, this chapter of the story is either a one-third or one-half mark. In any case, hooray! Ten chapters! I hope we double that. Happy reading.
A sudden spark of warmth filled Remi's chest, swelling 'till he could feel it spilling out of his skin and soaking him like morning sunlight. Despite Joshua's blatant anger displayed in his eyes, in that sudden moment he'd taken a sharp puncture wound of relief and happiness to the warming pit in his chest, one from the sole conclusion in his mind that Joshua had made it. Made it through the darkness thrust upon him, and had seen light again as his eyes opened. Alive.
What his eyes opened to see, however, drove Remi's comforting happiness to only last a split second as a thick fog plumed over the light filling Joshua's pale irises. The sight of Remi made Graham's gaze anything but pleased nor relieved, and reflect only anger and betrayal. Disgust, even. Perhaps, rather than Remi, all Joshua saw was the face of the man who handed him and one of his valued men- his family members- to the Legion, and without even a blink of the eye, as far as he was concerned. And, as he had once learned and even taught, one never leaves a face of betrayal without bruises and scars to remind them of their wrongdoings. Lunging forward despite a shooting pain infesting his torso, Joshua took a swing at Remi's face with his right first, catching the brunette off-guard.
With a shocked gasp, Remi stumbled backward, falling onto the floor, as he jolted to avoid the attempted hit. Due to his physical condition in comparison to Joshua's, Remi sustained no damage and had avoided the punch successfully, however did receive a nasty hit to his shoulder-blades as his back slammed into the wooden floor beneath him. He grunted and writhed his spine upward and away from the splintering ground. From the floor, his pale eyes, wide and hurt, stared up at Joshua who struggled up in his bed. As he did so, Remi began to scramble from the ground, however didn't quite make it to his feet as Joshua's heavier and better muscled body tackled him back down, pinning him with his legs straddled at Remi's hips and hands curled into the collar of his shirt. A bright, though seemingly ever dimming fire burned in Joshua's irises as he stared at the man under him.
Yanking Remi's head closer up to his, the Courier held his breath as he stared down two slate eyes which made him fear more for his life than the single hollow eye of a loaded gun's barrel. Though it felt quiet behind the sound of his heart beating in his chest, he swore he could hear the faint furious growling emanating from the back of Joshua's throat. Then, in an instant, the uneasy eye contact was broken as Joshua shoved Remi backward, slamming his head against the floor, then standing and tugging him up with him. Easily, as Remi didn't resist Joshua's physical demands. He knew how easily Joshua would be hurt, however he also knew just how determined and blindly furious he must be. Better not to get him even angrier with resistance and end up breaking something else.
With eyes once again locking, Graham was met with apologetic, afraid, and sky-blue eyes matched by familiar unraveled brown hair which had fallen out of place throughout his beating. He paused a moment, as if recognizing the look in his eyes, having familiarity pierce his sternum and prod his heart, though his expression remained unhindered regardless. Nothing Remi could do would detour Joshua.
Standing now, albeit weakly, Graham struggled to hold his own weight up as even in this instant of pure anger, Joshua's legs were shaking. It came as some sort of a miracle that he was able to stand at all. Letting Remi go and shoving him back by his collar, Remi took another step toward the back wall of the shack and held out a single hand to Joshua, palm flat and facing him, gesturing for him to stay still and stop.
"Stop, Joshua, please-" he begged, beginning another plead just before Joshua lunged with his fist again, only to have his knuckles caught in Remi's palm at impeccable ease. Joshua hissed and wined under his breath, pain and frustration veining up his arm as he tried to twist his hand out of Remi's grip to no avail. He eventually let go of Joshua's hand, pushing him back, hoping to've calmed him or at least gotten the message across that there was no way he would win this fight, though came to yet another violent conclusion as Joshua took yet another swing for his head.
This swing took build-up, drawing his hand back, and as he swung forward, his body shifted with him, and he lost what unsteady balance he had in his legs and fell into Remi, managing to get a swift hit into his jaw as his body slammed into the Courier's, knees buckling. Taking the opportunity, Remi wrapped both arms around Joshua and held him tight, keeping him from falling, and despite his struggling and evident attempts at attacking once again.
"Stop!" He shouted as Joshua tried to struggle himself into a better position, attempting to switch his own and Remi's. "Joshua, please, stop, you're getting nowhere with this-"
"I'll stop once you're dead, you lying bastard," he growled in return, speaking for the first time since he's awoken, voice deeper and huskier than Remi remembered it. Those words rattled Remi's vulnerable heart just enough to allow Joshua the time to punch Remi just under his rib cage, in his gut, and escape his evidently loosened grip. Stumbling backward and nearly falling if not for a nightstand which he grabbed to rebalance himself on, Joshua stood several feet from the brunette, whose eyes seemed to have some added degree of reflectiveness to them, likely from tears welling just under his eyelids. Stone-cold as Remi was, it hurt to see Joshua treating him as another target, especially after waiting and hoping to have him back for the past two weeks; fearing for his life and longing for the moment he saw those blue-gray eyes again every second. Now, Remi had become a mark and someone he'd never think of calling ally, much less friend. It hurt to see every ounce of trust he'd earned between he and Joshua be blown away with the tumbleweeds of the Mojave in an instant.
"Please-" Was all Remi could manage past his tightening throat as Joshua, this time around, aimed a high kick for Remi's chest, missing one final, fatal time as Remi evaded the attack and grabbed Joshua by his ankle. Joshua nearly fell in that single instant, though managed to keep to his feet. Or, foot, rather.
Remi sucked in a deep, pained breath. "You're making me do this," he spat through gritted teeth, and in a single moment of his natural aggression, he pulled Joshua off-balanced, letting him fall to the floor, and dropping his leg as he did so. From the ground, Graham cursed and began to struggle going about getting back up, inaudibly muttering crude things as he did so. Once he reached the position of one knee and attempted hoisting himself the remainder of the way up, a shout of pain passed his lips, one that could be heard past the thin walls of Raul's shack, and he clutched the bandage around his abdomen, falling back onto the floor.
Remi made a quiet wince under his breath as he watched Joshua holding his wound tight and in crippling pain from the ground. This was the only thing he had feared in regards to Joshua waking up. The consequences he would have to face now that Joshua knew of every secret he had chosen to hide from him throughout their time in Zion. As he took a step closer, aiming to pick Joshua up and drag him back to his bed, where he'd at least he out of harm's way, a hand grabbed him by his shoulder and pulled him backward, preventing him from getting too close. He'd jolted at the touch after having been offhandedly beaten by Joshua. His shoulders lowered and lost but an ounce of their tenseness as he turned to see Raul's rotten-flesh bound and sympathetic face staring at him. Remi sighed, drifting his eyes back to Joshua.
"He's still seein' things as they were when he passed out, boss. Y'gotta let him be for a while, you know? He just.. Needs time to wrap his head around things." He said, speaking kindly and in his smoothest tone despite the natural raspy aspect to his voice. Remi's shoulders and back slumped even further as he heard these words. He turned to look back at Raul once again, eyes dark and blatantly hurt.
"And how long's that supposed to be, Raul?" He asked. Raul gave no reply, eyes averting. He had no answer to give. Last time he'd heard a question like that, he lost the last member of his family to Raiders before he was even a Ghoul. He couldn't reply for the fact that he couldn't lie to his friend, and the truth would hurt. He couldn't bare Remi taking that additional weight on his shoulders. After Remi looked away as well, sighing deeply and shakily, he shouldered Raul's hand from him, muttering something along the lines of, "I need to at least get him off the fucking floor," as he approached the burned man on the ground. Raul didn't try to object this time. Remi was a stubborn man, and wouldn't stop no matter what he said. After all, caring for Joshua was his self-implemented job. He would still cary it out no matter what.
Now, as some time had passed for Graham while Remi and Raul spoke, Joshua had at least pulled himself to sit up, though was steeply slouched and staring down at the bandages covering his body in patches. His eyes reflected no readable emotions, though it was possible all that had happened in the weeks he was unconscious was finally beginning to come to him. The thought that Remi has likely taken care of him, bandaged him, carried him from the Fort, kept him alive.. This all may be occurring to him, but then again, so could the thought that the mental instability and pain he had experienced back in Zion could have all been at the hand of the man he once would have gone as far as to call his most trusted, wholehearted companion.
Approaching slowly and carefully, Remi kneeled down next to Joshua, swallowing the gathering lump in his throat as Joshua's eyes side-glanced toward him, staring daggers at him. He bit along his upper lip and sucked in a breath before he spoke, reaching out a hand to Joshua as he did so, "I'm not going to hurt you. You don't have to trust me, sure, you just need to get the hell back in bed before you break something else," he said, settling for the fact that Joshua would still likely be viewing him as an enemy. A member of Caesar's Legion. A traitor.
Huffing and rejecting the idea of merely speaking to Remi, Joshua began to try to pull himself up off the ground, nearly accomplishing doing so despite legs shaking underneath him, though he evidently found his previous adrenaline-fueled strength drained to a dangerous minimum and began to stumble back to the ground, only to be caught by Remi as the blue-eyed Courier caught him by looping his arms under his shoulders, holding him up.
"Josh, I'm serious-" he grunted, beginning to drag Joshua back to his bed, where, within a few inches of, was shoved away by an elbow to the chest as Joshua lied himself back down, practically falling onto his bed as he was hardly able to stand, let alone walk. However, rather than actually lying down as he was prompted to do, he sat in a weak cross-legged position against the wall of the shack, back straight against the sheet metal and wooden walls, staring at Remi through eyes that had faded to a lifeless, tired gray. He watched closely as Remi dragged a chair from Raul's desk and slid it in front of Joshua's bed, plopping himself down in it, chair backwards, in his usual straddled position. He didn't speak to Joshua now, reflecting upon what Raul had just told him, and simply returned eye contact.
This went on for seconds, which escalated to minutes, which eventually progressed even deeper into hours. Silent, still, uneasy glaring shared between the two of them. Nothing like that they had shared back in Zion. Wordless, though without a need for words. This silence, despite his hatred for the inherit thing, Remi would bare, as he knew breaking it would bring no good. It was better to be staring in silence than to be speaking in rage. Seemingly trying to bore into one another's eyes, searching for whatever emotions or secrets they had buried underneath their natural blue and gray color. This was only broken as the Mojave sun finally rose its white flag to the moon and sank below the high canyons and mountains to the East, allowing the dark, starless sky to seep into every crack and crevice of the desert, eating away its daylight. The heavy weight of the dark enveloping the land weighted on Remi as time went on, pushing on his eyelids and his shoulders alike, and eventually persuading him into sleep.
Joshua, however, didn't sleep. Not again, not after having woken for the first time in weeks. Despite his lingering physical exhaustion, he kept awake. Reeling and pondering many things left unanswered in his mind, like just how much time he had been asleep- as he had no knowledge of this- and if Remi was, in fact, the one who had taken him all the way across the Mojave and kept his wounds from forcing him into eternal submission while he was unable to care for himself. If these things were so, he wondered on what initiative Remi had done them. Guilt, regret, care, compassion, love, mercy, impulse- There was an endless array of answers to the question, however only a small few that would be applicable to Remi and his personality and feelings in particular. He, after what had happened at the Fort, wasn't sure what handful of motives the answers were narrowed down to anymore.
In time, it may come to him. However, he found, as he thought more, he may not want to find the answer, as they would mean keeping Remi alive and staying in his company, which were two things he currently wanted no part of. To him, Remi was a stranger who had gotten him nearly killed and had Follows-Chalk still trapped in God knows where, granted he was still alive at all.
Joshua sighed and slumped his head low, holding his hands to both sides of his head. So much to think about, so many questions, yet so many limitations to what answers he could receive.
By the next morning, Joshua still sat in the same position in his bed with eyes fixated on the sleeping Courier a few feet before him. He watched him close, studying the way he moved as he slowly breathed in his sleep, the way he would occasionally jolt or twitch in his unconscious state as his dreams forced their influence into the outside world. Joshua watched with intrigue, settling upon just watching as the Ghoul at the other side of the room made any attempted attacks seem futile, and eventually finding everything Remi did oddly familiar. Nothing he did came as new to him, despite that it felt now as if he didn't even know Remi. He still knew and recognized his habits, which forced the reminder onto Joshua that this was still the same Remi he'd always known. It made him begin to ponder the possibility that Remi may have just always been a pawn of Caesar, as nothing about him seemed to've changed. Perhaps every little detail about Remi was a matter of perception.
As the sun settled in its rightful place over the Mojave, burning with life in the smoggy blue sky, Remi's shoulders raised and pushed back as he stretched his arms and yawned as he began to wake. Lifting one hand to rub his tired eyes, he sighed under his breath as his pale blues directed to Joshua, cloudy, though focused enough to settle on his unreadable face. As Joshua's slate gray irises caught Remi's, his brows furrowed, though he didn't quite look away yet. He allowed a short moment of direct eye contact pass between them before he turned his head and the direction of his gaze to the side.
Remi sat up in his chair, leaning against the back of it as he propped his elbows up on the wooden frame of his backward-turned chair. He quirked a small, subtle smile at Joshua, hopeful now that he at least wasn't swinging punches for him. "How'd I do patching you up?" He asked, nodding toward the bandages covering Joshua's abdomen as Graham passed a short glance back at him. Directing his eyes down and setting a hand gently on the wound, he let out a long exhale and slumped a bit. No reply.
Remi pursed his lips, finding it once again hard to cope with Joshua's silence. "Cause.. I think I did a pretty good job. You'd almost bled out when.. you know.. But you're a lot better now," he said, trying to sound reassuring as he tripped over the words he chose, "though I think it's gonna take a while longer before-"
"How long?"
"What?"
"How long was I asleep?" Joshua asked, voice raspy with audible exhaustion. Remi blinked with some degree of surprise as he was asked this, shocked at the notion that Joshua was talking to him at all without some sort of threat or confrontation about his past mistakes involved. Shifting in his seat, he complied with an answer.
"..Two some weeks. Almost three," he replied, watching again as Joshua shuffled in bed, adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed back. Had the thought of how long he'd been away upset him, or possibly the idea that he could, at this moment, he dead and buried in the dirt somewhere?
"And Follows-Chalk? Where is he?" He asked, eyes focused on Remi's. He watched as the look in the Courier's dewy eyes melted to something bare, unguarded, and hurt. Aside what Joshua had discovered and could've assumed, there was still a lot that he hadn't been told. Such things stung Remi and pierced his skin every day.
"I don't know," Remi said, speaking quietly and shamefully as he glanced away while the words passed his lips, unable to bear whatever expression he would receive from Joshua in return. His shoulders grew higher as he heard a long inhale pass Joshua's lips, something he usually did when angry and ready to initiate a lecture, though found himself in a place of confusion as Joshua simply exhaled. Quiet. No reply.
Remi looked up once again to see Joshua in a low, beaten position against the wall, eyes angled down at the hands which he'd set in his lap. He stared at his open palms, eyes following the length of his arms up to the bandages on one bicep and one shoulder. He did this for a time, searching over the bandages covering his body once again before looking up toward Remi, whose eyes still hadn't moved from him.
"Any harm done to him, I place on your shoulders," he said, speaking low and quiet. He paused, waiting for some snappy or defensive remark to cross Remi's lips, though when none came and he was left with nothing but Remi's broken down expression, he spoke again. "Furthermore, don't you set another hand on me. What I had done yesterday was drastic, I will admit, but who is to blame me?" He questioned, then taking a short pause. "If my wounds worsen without your medical help, so be it, I would rather be at the hand of God than that of a Legionary," he growled, tone staying steady 'till the end, where he practically spat the word relating Remi to Caesar's Legion like filth in his mouth.
He stared deep and piercingly at Remi as the Courier digested his words, continuing to do so as he averted his eyes and picked himself up off his chair, throwing it back under Raul's desk with a thud before quickly and wordlessly leaving the small shack, slamming the door behind him. He couldn't bear to be in the company of Joshua any longer. Far too much weight had settled on his chest from finally having him back and speaking such painful things, and he would rather not say any unsavory things he'd come to regret in return.
Outside the shack, Remi immediately began trudging across the densely packed dirt underfoot, pebbles crunching under his boots, grumbling and cursing under his breath as he went, hands curled into fists at his sides and warm liquid welling just under his eyelids. Having Joshua back proved to be far too much for him to take in at one time. It was like having a lost family member or love rise from their grave, roses left on their headstone in hand, and stop only to drop them and stomp each and every pedal into the dirt 'till the only recognizable piece of the flowers left was the thorns protruding from their stems.
Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, he followed up with an open-mouthed exhale and started to walk in the direction of New Vegas. Likely not headed for The Strip itself, as the "family" gangs resident no longer interested him these days, but toward one of the small-time lowlife bars lining the ragged streets of Freeside. They were a good place to get cheap drinks by the bottle and get into fights without too bad a consequence. A good punch to the jaw accompanied by murky vodka sounded good right about now; just right to quell the swelling pain in his chest.
Back within the shack, Raul sat at his desk, back turned to Joshua, who sat with his back and head against the wall and legs bent at his knees in front of him. Setting a nimble hand against his bandaged abdomen, he jolted at a momentary stab of pain, and began to slouch in his position. He sighed, staring ahead and up at the cracking ceiling of the small home, staring at the clear sky through a hole in the rusty scrap metal building up the roof of the house. Between the last sight he remembered, being within the Legion arena, he never thought he would see such a comforting thing again. He'd thought such things were all but gone to him. Despite his pain and unrequited rage, he was thankful for his life, and what mercy he found his God must have for him. After all, there must be some greater purpose for him to have evaded death yet another time, as he saw it. And, for what mercy, whether or not he wanted to admit it, such a God bestowed on him through Remi; and for what reason?