A/N: Here's the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it! Also, this chapter mentions Emma's birthday coming up and I just realized that I skipped her birthday in future chapters going from a few days from when this chapter takes place to Thanksgiving. Do you guys want to see something with her birthday (Emma hates celebrating and really wouldn't be doing anything because she already knows that at 18 she'll be technically out of the foster system but Granny is keeping her)? Or is it okay that I've skipped it to Thanksgiving that will involve the Jones brothers? I want to be able to do what you guys want. Let me know! Thanks so much for all the support! It means so much to me. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Song: watch?v=pFjryf8zH_M (add / to the start. I can't figure out how to put links in).

Warning: This chapter mentions abuse and self-harm.

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma tossed her book bag behind the counter in the Diner, shoving it with her foot into the cubby near the floor. She had an hour to work before leaving for Mary Margaret's archery competition. Emma still felt a bit annoyed at her friend for trying to force her into talking about music school but things had gotten better. Mary Margaret and Regina went back to focusing on themselves and not Emma's flailing future. They didn't talk about Emma unless she wanted them to, which meant they never talked about her. And as much as Mary Margaret seemed to want to they certainly didn't talk about Killian Jones.

People were starting to notice that Killian was angry and aloof to everyone but Emma. That's not to say he was friendly to her, but he would greet her, maybe make a few quips in chemistry class before going back to glaring at anyone else who dared look his way. Emma didn't know what to make of him. They weren't friends. They just didn't hate each other. Emma was thoroughly confused by Killian Jones.

Killian refused to let Emma use the Bunsen Burner and if she started tapping or hitting her fingers he'd say something to startle her, mainly because she never heard his voice enough in class to get used to it. Killian never made a big deal about her self-harm or that he would try to stop it every time, as if he truly cared about her. When he smiled that tentative little lost boy smile, filled with both a timid hope and disbelief Emma didn't want to ever see anything else. But then he didn't search her out or talk to her any more than he had to. In English class he sat at the very back of the room, scowling and was always packed up and gone before Emma could even stand. When he got angry with her she wanted nothing more than to let the pit in her stomach swallow her up instead of getting angry right back and fighting. It all just left her so confused, because to be fair, Emma didn't really know what she wanted from Killian other than maybe to stop making her feel so unsteady.

The Diner door dinged open but Emma didn't bother looking up, going back with a sigh to the counter she was supposed to have clean for people to eat at.

"Emma!" Emma glanced up when she heard that funnily accented voice. Liam, smile bright, hurried towards her. The door opened again and Killian entered, much slower and hesitant, eyes sweeping the empty diner before landing on his brother, and then Emma.

"Emma!" Liam called again, scrambling up onto the stool in front of her. Emma had to smile despite the thoughts she'd been having earlier. Despite everything that little boy had gone through he still wasn't letting it ruin him. If only Emma had been that resilient at that age.

"Hi Liam," Emma returned, trying not to pay attention this brother. She didn't know what to think of the way she felt his eyes on her. She also didn't know what to think about how that made her feel. Emma snapped her fingers against the lip of the counter. Killian coughed, bringing Emma's eyes up to him, fingers stilling. Killian just raised an eyebrow and Emma looked away quickly.

"We're here for pie," Liam informed them. "Killian got a job. We're celebrating with pie." Killian groaned at his brother's blunt statement. Emma felt pride fill her for a moment and she gave a small smile at Killian. Now it was his turn to look away, the tips of his ears reddening as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I guess I better get you some pie then."

"Apple please," Liam requested. "Killian likes cherry."

"I can speak for myself Lee," Killian grumbled. When he noticed Emma pause at the counter he shrugged. "Cherry's fine. Lee wasn't lying."

Emma snorted but went to get the two slices of pie. Granny already had them waiting for her in the kitchen. "I see the Jones boys are back."

"Killian got a job. They're celebrating."

"Celebrating the older boy forgetting how to blink when he looks at you," Granny muttered. Emma grabbed the plates, ripping them away and marched out of the kitchen. She tossed the pie down onto the counter in front of Liam and Killian before grabbing her wash cloth and moving to the other end of the counter to clean.

"Killian's job's at the docks." Emma looked up when Liam had moved down to the end of the counter with his pie to once again sit in front of her. Obviously the kid didn't get the mood Granny had just put her in. Killian was still sitting where she left him but watching her and Liam closely.

"That's good," Emma answered, continuing to scrub at the counter, scratching at a bit of dried ketchup.

"We like the water." Emma hummed in response, secretly filing away that little tidbit about Killian for later, but unsure what to do with it. "What do you like Emma?" Liam asked around a mouthful of pie.

"Lee," Killian put in, standing, sharp tone a warning. Killian crossed the floor to stand behind Liam. Emma looked down at the counter to avoid the way Killian was watching her with such a gentle carefulness. That unsteady feeling ran through her again.

"Sorry," Liam answered, bowing his head. Emma's heart twisted. The boy wouldn't have been reprimanded if Killian didn't know Emma's issues.

"You know what? I've never been sailing," Emma answered, drawing the conversation away from herself but allowing Liam to have his moment. Liam picked his head back up, eyes bright.

"Really? It's awesome! I'm a really good swimmer. Can you swim?"

Finally a question about herself that she could answer. "Of course I can," Emma answered with a relieved smile. "All good members of Storybrooke learn how to swim at the beach." Emma caught Killian's wry twist of a smirk as he caught the irony in her words. She rolled her eyes upwards when Killian raised a brow.

"Did you grow up here then? It seems like a nice place to grow up." Liam's tone was far more wistful than she would have expected out of such a young boy.

"It does seem nice, doesn't it?" Once again Killian caught her voice, perhaps a bit of wistfulness coming through her own tone. But it wasn't a longing to have grown up in such a stifling little town. It was a longing to have grown up in a stable environment, to not have moved around every few months as a child, never getting to measure her growth on a doorframe or make memories in the kitchen, commemorated in brownie batter stains on the ceiling. That was what Emma longed for.

Emma turned away from the counter. It was time for her to leave if she was going to make Mary Margaret's competition on time. When Liam saw her put on her coat he scrambled off his stool and rushed over, all innocent hope. Killian growled, slapping a few dollars down on the counter before following his energetic brother.

"Where are you going?" he asked, bouncing a bit on his toes.

"My friend has an archery competition."

"Like Robin Hood?"

Emma snorted. Regina liked to call her boyfriend, Robin Lock, Robin Hood, delighting in the coincidence. She drew the line of him ever dressing up as him though. No green tights. "Actually, yes."

"Can I come?" Liam asked, looking up at her with those big eyes that were at once questioning but also pretty sure she'd say no. Deep in his gaze was the look of a child who had continually been told no, past the point of neglect, no matter what his confusing older brother tried to do to make up for it. Emma found her lips sealed shut. She just couldn't say no to the little boy with the giant cut hidden under his sleeve, with the pale anemic looking skin and disheveled hair. No matter how much she'd prefer to be left along (or pretended to prefer that).

"It's up to your brother."

Liam gave a little whoop while Killian looked at her in surprise. He'd obviously been expecting her to be just another no on Liam's long list. Or maybe he'd wanted her to be. Maybe he was feeling just as unsteady by her as she was of him. Probably not.

"Please Killian?" Liam asked as he turned towards his brother. "You said we can't go home for a while yet anyways." Killian's eyes flicked up to Emma, checking to see if she'd caught that little bit. She did but she pretended to be oblivious.

"Fine." Killian sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "Let's go." Liam gave a dazzling smile, one Emma caught herself wishing she could see on Killian. She pushed the thought away, turning and marching out of the diner.

"Is this your car?" Liam asked, as Emma led them to her Bug.

"Yeah," Emma answered, running a loving hand over the door. "She's mine."

"You're so lucky!"

Emma nodded. Yeah, she was lucky. She was lucky she had Ruby. Ruby had bought the car for herself on her sixteenth birthday but had given it to Emma several years ago when she moved away, buying a more reliable car for highway driving. For Emma though, this car was more than enough. She sometimes wondered if Ruby had given her the car as an olive branch of sorts after being left behind because Emma adored the car and despite the creaky window and sometimes broken radio, Emma couldn't find the faults in the car that Ruby had.

Killian slid into the passenger seat while Liam got into the back and Emma in the driver's seat. Emma tried not to look at Killian in the edge of the rear-view mirror as she backed out onto the road. Killian was currently sitting very stiffly, leaning towards the door and away from her. She tried not to let that hurt her. It wasn't like she was giving him any sign she wouldn't mind if he leaned closer (if she even wanted that at all).

"How old are you, Emma?" Liam asked from the backseat where he was sitting on his knees so he could see out the window. Emma realized belatedly that he probably should have a car seat and pressed the brake, slowing them down. Liam didn't seem to mind though, or notice anything awry. Maybe he didn't actually have a car seat? Maybe they didn't actually have a car?

Emma stopped to think of the date. It was October 17th. Shit, it was nearly her birthday, nearly the time when she'd be an official adult. "I'll be 18 next week."

"You're so lucky," Liam sighed, repeating the words for the second time. Emma glanced at Killian who'd bowed his head in defeat that his brother would be able to keep anything close to his chest, before looking back at Liam.

That got Emma thinking. Some people wouldn't consider her lucky. She did get a pretty shitty turn in life. But to Liam she was beyond lucky. Maybe she was lucky beneath all the hurt? She had a home she could go that was safe. Granny would always give her a meal. She was lucky enough to have a car to get her where she needed to. She was nearly eighteen, nearly a legal adult with all the privileges that would bring to someone who needed to get away from a poor home situation. And if she really wanted to dig down and accept it, she was extremely talented. If she wanted to she could pursue music as a career. That was if she could ever get past all the scars and pain the idea of being a pianist held.

Maybe Emma's lot in life wasn't as dichotomously black and white as she assumed. Maybe it wasn't about declaring yourself unwaveringly unlucky because of one major event that had shaped everything. But it could have been worse. Granny could have said taking in a child as a foster parent when her own parent's renounced guardianship without warning was too much work. She did already have Ruby to take care of after all. No one would have blamed her for not wanting the angry and hurt teenager. Granny could have sent Emma to a group home. Or become angry and resentful and abusive of Emma for taking up space and resources in her life. She could have told Emma she had to earn her room and board instead of being allowed to save any money she earned at the Diner, usually to put gas in her car. Granny wanted what was best for Emma, even though Emma was too scared to want that for herself.

Maybe Emma was lucky. But what did that mean for her then? Did that make her a bad person for wallowing all this time? No, not really, because there were things to be upset about. She was still abandoned by the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally. She was still traumatized by that and suffering the consequences. She still self-harmed because it was the only solution she could come up with to protect herself from sitting at the piano or accepting that she was throwing her future away. By having injured hands no one could get mad that she wasn't playing piano or pursuing her dream of being a principle pianist. She wasn't throwing her life away but instead limited by damage to the skin and joints of her fingers. Then she wasn't doing it because she was just too scared and broken. But maybe just only dwelling on what was bad was doing more damage to her than actually protecting her. Maybe.

"Swan, we're here." Killian's softly lilting voice cut through her thoughts. She glanced over, realizing that she'd driven in a fog to the school. Liam was already out of the car, watching the two of them through the windshield.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry," Emma replied, giving her head a little shake.

"What's got your attention?" Killian asked carefully, looking worried. "Was it what Liam said?"

Emma nodded and Killian cringed. "But it's okay. I'm not upset. Just-" she floundered for words.

"Unsteady?" Killian asked, looking at her with a strange little cock of the head. Emma felt her jaw drop open a bit before she caught it. How did he know how she had been feeling all day? Had he been feeling it too?

All Emma could do was nod and add that curious thought to the list of things the Jones brothers gave her to work through next time she got brave.