Three years had passed since the war and the dynamics of Team 7 had changed drastically. It all began when Kakashi-sama, as a Hokage, jailed and punished Sasuke for his crimes. Naruto and Sakura had been furious when Kakashi-sama sent four squads of ANBU to capture and sedate the surviving Uchiha. Not only did Kakashi-sama jail Sasuke he also executed Orochimaru, much to the displeasure of Tsunade-sama. Even to this day Naruto would come to Kakashi's office daily to demand the Hokage release Sasuke.
"Kaka-Sensei release Sasuke."
"No," Naruto is about to retort when Kakashi-sama interrupts him "And you know the reason Naruto. This is not up for debate, now leave before I assign you all the D-ranks on my desk."
"It's been two years he's paid for his crimes!"
"No."
"But Sensei, what about community service? Anything to get him out of that prison!"
"You are dismissed Naruto." Kakashi-sama replies harshly
Naruto just glares at Kakashi-sama and stomps out. The Hokage leans back in his chair, I can literally see the stress surrounding him. This argument with Naruto and Sakura has taken its' toll on the man. Kakashi-sama knows that the moment Naruto is placed as Hokage Sasuke is free, but the man is unwavering. The only reason Kakashi-sama gave me was that it was in the best interest of everyone if Sasuke was locked up. The Hokage suddenly stands up, waves goodbye and disappears in a transportation jutsu. It's a bit inconvenient that he leaves so suddenly without any notice…granted his reasoning isn't illogical just, how does Shikamaru-san put it? Ah yes, troublesome. Before I can continue that train of thought the door to the office is forced open.
"Ino stop pushing! We can't make it through the door at the same time!"
"Oh yeah? Then why can't you be a gentleman and let a lady through?"
"I would if there were any lady present!" Shikamaru-san quips as he pushes through the door first. There is a look of satisfaction on his face until he realizes Kakashi-sama was not present.
"Arrgh! Ino this is your fault!"
"How is this my fault you jerk!?"
"Because you hindered me, I missed the only time the Hokage is actually in his office."
"Well, maybe you should keep better track of him. You are his assistant…advisor or whatever."
The only response Shikamaru-san gives is silent frustration. He grumbles a bit and Ino looks a bit unsure of something.
"Yamanaka-san was there something you need from the Hokage?" I ask, attempting to put that friendship book into use.
Ino-san gives Shikamaru-san a dirty look before addressing me. "Yes, actually I have some psych evaluations that my father left that Kakashi-sama needs to look at."
"Wasn't your father retired from doing psychological evaluations?" Shikamaru-san asks as he glances at the folder Ino-san is holding.
"Yeah, he was, which is weird that he had such extensive documents pertaining to a patient." Shikamaru-san raises an eyebrow waiting for her to continue. Ino-san glances around the room and the shut door as if to make sure no one else was around. "It's about the Hokage."
Shikamaru-san and I stiffen, if this got out it could mean a whole lot of trouble. The Nara holds out his hand for Ino-san to hand them over. With no hesitation, Ino-san hands the thick folder over to Shikamaru-san. The advisor places the folder on Kakashi-sama's desk and opens it. Quickly he reads through it, but pauses as he on something.
"Ino, did you read this?"
Ino-san swallows and bites her lip. "Yes, I did."
Shikamaru-san's lips curl with…determination? If that folder holds the information I think it holds then something must be done about Kakashi-sama. Beyond that conversation in his apartment, I don't know if Team 7 has done anything about Kakashi-sama's suicide attempt.
"Sai what do you know about the information in this document?" Shikamaru's eyes are still glued to the pages and pages of the folder.
I need to choose my words carefully. As well-intentioned as Shikamaru-san can be, he tends to get caught up in the big picture. "May I see the folder?" Shikamaru-san nods and moves to allow me to read. My eyes catch the personal notes of Yamanaka Inochi.
Kakashi has admitted to being consistently suicidal for at least 24 years. He does not have sufficient coping mechanisms. He has also admitted to harming himself (Take note this was already on record from Maito Gai, who voluntarily gave this information). Also, note Lord Third had pulled Kakashi from the S-rank and unranked missions in order help Kakashi mentally.
During the evaluation, I asked if Kakashi had any other intention behind trying to save Genma. Vocally he denied alternative intentions. I believe that survivors guilt and depression are clouding his judgement. While I have no hard evidence of this, I also believe Kakashi never moved on from the trauma of his fathers' suicide.
"Shikamaru-san and Ino-san, please keep this information to yourself as you would with an S-rank mission." I receive two nods from them.
"Do Sakura and Naruto know about this?" Ino-san asks, her eyebrows furrow together.
"Yes, they do. We were all informed a week or so before the war after an incident. But it seems they have forgotten about it." I can't hide the contempt from my voice as I recall how Sakura and Naruto have treated Kakashi-sama since he took office.
"An incident?" Shikamaru asks pointedly.
I don't answer. They don't need an explanation. Right now, I need to talk with Naruto and Sakura. If Kakashi-sama is still suicidal they need to grow up and help him.
KHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHKHK
"You need to talk Kakashi."
"Hmmm."
"Kakashi, there needs to be a discussion about the war."
"…check."
"Did Naruto come today?"
"Doesn't he always?"
"Did anything happen?"
"I threatened him with D-rank missions and he scampered off."
"Have you talked with Sasuke lately?"
"Yes."
"What happened on your last visit with him?"
"I think I'm getting to him, but you know Sasuke; you never really know what he's getting out of the conversation.
"Has he sworn loyalty to the village?"
"Yes."
"But not to the Hokage?"
"I'm grooming him Gai and he knows it."
"And what would you be grooming him into?"
"My second in command, beside my right hand."
"You mean you want Sai and Sasuke to work together?"
"Yes."
"…"
"…"
"Kakashi have you moved on from what happened with Obito in the war?"
"Checkmate."
The discussion was over just as the game was won. But at least this time I was successful in getting some information out of him. This was how it was after the war. The two of us would play Chess and have a discussion until the game was over, then he would go back to work. After three years, I've barely been able to help him. This was the first time in months he's actually answered some of my questions. I gently wheel myself back a bit to face a window.
I can still vividly recall Kakashi's panic attack when Obito revealed himself. I'm surprised he didn't throw up…hell, I felt sick to my stomach. While Obito did apologize for blaming Kakashi for Rin's' death, I don't think the pain of the words has left Kakashi. That pain, coupled with Sakura and Naruto's abandonment of Kakashi has not made things any better for him.
The night after the war had ended there were celebrations for the death of Obito and his master plan. Those ignorant people shouted and rejoiced for the death of Kakashi's dear friend. For Kakashi and I, there were no smiles, celebration or happiness. Instead, I spent the entire night with a man who was basically in comatose. The only movement he made was with his eyes. Every couple of hours or so he would switch from staring at the tent wall to me. And every time he glanced at me I felt deeply unsettled to see his matching eyes. Sometimes his breathing would get raspy and short, but he would quickly calm himself.
I don't know whether to thank Naruto or curse him for giving Kakashi the second eye. Even today Kakashi still has issues with depth perception. I never comment on the mistakes, but they happen frequently during our chess games. Nobody else comments on it either, probably because they expect him to be accustomed to having both eyes available. I urged him to have Sakura help him, but then he imprisoned Sasuke, leaving that option unusable.
I wish Naruto and Sakura could see Kakashi is trying to help the Uchiha. But I can guess Kakashi hasn't told them anything about his purpose behind Sasukes' imprisonment. I find it frustrating that they can't try and sympathize with Kakashi. It's as if they forgot about the attempted suicide when the war ended. Like they just wanted to ignore the bad experiences in life and pretend that the high of winning will last them through the rest of their life. I wish they'd grow up.
Kakashi hasn't changed since the war. He's a refreshing if not terrifying constant. I wonder every time he leaves after our game if it's going to be our last. I think he also wonders that because of his expressions during our games. It's as if he's memorizing my face and while we never say it I can tell every time he smiles at me he is telling me he loves me and goodbye.
I can't handle the emotional strain…it's too heavy, but I must. I need to be strong for Kakashi. But sometimes I wish Kakashi would make his choice. Die or don't die! And each time guilt rushes over me. I deserve some type of punishment for thinking such a thing. He's already struggling so much, how can I demand he fix himself? No, I can't. There is no one else to help…I am alone in this war. I must survive, no matter-no matter…the cost.