DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER

A/N: Thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine...you are amazing! My girls, thank you for always being there for me!

~XXXX~

EmPOV

I love Rose's ass. It's like the perfect ass. I wonder if she'll hit me if I bite it…just a little nibble.

"Ow! Fuck, Rose! What the hell was that for?" I rub my head where she hit me, wondering if I was talking out loud or something.

"You are such a jackass, Emmett. I have been talking to you and you aren't even pretending to listen."

I drag my eyes upward from her ass, trying to focus on her face as she looks at me over her shoulder "Sorry, babe, but you know it's hard for me to concentrate when you are laying here all naked. What were you saying?"

I can tell by the smug look on Rose's face I'm forgiven. She loves when I worship her body.

"I was talking about Bella."

I am definitely listening now.

"What about Bella?"

Rose narrows her eyes at me and I can tell she is thinking about whether or not to tell me what's on her mind.

"Come on, babe, you can talk to me."

I'm distracted for a minute as Rose turns over and I get a good view of her boobs. Mmmmm…boobs!

Crap! I better pay attention before Rose gets pissed at me again.

"I'm worried about her, Em."

What? Bella seems fine to me, better than I've ever seen her, actually.

"She seems fine to me."

"Emmett, she is lying to herself. She is not dealing with her issues. She's hiding."

Man… I don't want to argue with Rose, but I should say something.

"Rosie…I know you think you failed Bella, but give her a break, maybe she just needs to work this stuff out on her own."

I start stroking her thigh, hoping to comfort her and move things in a different direction. I really don't want to talk about Bella while I'm naked in bed with my woman.

"That is just it, Emmett. She can't do this on her own…she needs help."

"Well, babe, then we will help her all we can."

I'm more than ready for this discussion to be over. I can barely talk with Rose just lying here in front of me like some naughty buffet.

Haha…naughty buffet… I crack myself up. I am awesome!

~xx~

BPOV

I snake my arm through the crook of Felix's arm as we walk behind Demetri and Jane on a rare sunny day.

"So how are things, crazy bitch?"

I can't help but laugh. Felix always makes me laugh.

"How are things going with your man?"

My man? Hmm? Surprisingly, I really like the sound of that.

"We're really good, Felix. Thanks."

"You miss him don't you?"

God! I miss him so much it hurts – and it has only been a couple days. Gah! I am so utterly pathetic.

"Umm…yeah…I do miss him…a lot actually."

Felix stops me and looks down at me with a serious face. "Bella, you look worn out. Are you feeling okay?"

I honestly did try to sleep, but I was finding it hard to sleep without Edward. I missed his warmth and feeling his heart beat under my cheek as my head lay on his chest.

We had spent every night together from the first night we made love till he left.

"Oh…umm…I haven't really been sleeping well."

Felix's eyebrows furrow with deep concern at my words. "What is bothering you, Bella?"

Wow! Felix must be really concerned; he never calls me Bella. I feel bad for being so mopey. I can't believe Edward's absence is affecting me so much. Color floods my face as I start to think of some of the specifics of why I miss sleeping next to Edward.

Felix throws his head back and howls with laughter. "I know what your problem is, girl! You are missing your man's loving!"

"Don't say that!"

Felix eyes me, exasperation spreading across his face. "It's only an expression, Bella."

What a stupid expression! Edward can't love me…he just can't. I feel a little queasy. I'm just overreacting…right?

Yeah, that must be it. I just miss Edward, which is normal, right?

He is my boyfriend; it's okay to miss him, and he definitely doesn't love me. He just can't. I won't let him. I argue with myself while Felix watches on, impatience evident in his stance.

"Yeah, okay. Sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

Hesitation is written across his face. "Bella…," he pauses to look in my eyes. "I'm going to tell you something you may not want to hear. I don't know everything about your past, and I'm not asking you to tell me, but I do know you were hurt by people you loved and trusted. Bella, not everyone is like that. You know there are people that care about you."

Nodding my head, I drop my gaze and continue to follow Demetri and Jane, Felix falling into step beside me.

I hear his words, I even understand them, but that doesn't mean I believe them.

I just want to shrug this conversation off, pretend it never happened. I want to enjoy this rare sunny afternoon.

"Janie…come with Auntie Bella and I will push you in the swing."

I take the towheaded youngster into my arms and walk to the playground with her, leaving Demetri and Felix to sit and gossip.

I don't want to hear what they are saying…ignorance is bliss.

~xx~

"Come on, Emmett… What is bugging you?"

He shrugs his meaty shoulders, not meeting my eyes.

My punch lands square in his gut.

Wow! Something is really eating at him – I never get a hit this easily.

I immediately stop my circling and give Emmett a concerned look. "Is everything alright, Emmett?"

Emmett lets out a huge sigh. "Well, Bella…you are kinda the problem. Rose is really worried about you. She thinks she failed you."

I can feel the anger bubbling under my skin, coursing through me like fire, threatening to erupt like a volcano. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean!"

Emmett takes a step back and raises his hands in front of him. "Don't start this with me, Bella. You asked me what was wrong…so I told ya."

The volcano is erupting. I can't stop myself, even if I want to.

"I don't need Rose to save me, Emmett! I don't need anybody!

I can see the hurt and anger in Emmett's face, and I know I have gone too far, but I can't bring myself to apologize.

"I am so sick of this shit outta you. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you all the time! People care about you, Bella…whether you like it or not and you need to fucking figure that out before you drive away everyone in your life.

I can't move. I just watch Emmett in stunned silence as he throws his boxing gloves to the ground and stalks off to the locker room.

Not once in the time I have known him has he ever yelled at me.

I feel the familiar hurt start, it's a clawing ache in my chest.

This is it…this is the reason not to let people into your life…in the end they will all betray you.

Fine. If this is how he wants to be, you won't see me crawling back and begging him or Rose for their friendship.

~xx~

Tuesday just fucking sucks!

I drank so much last night I passed out on my kitchen floor.

The throbbing in my head is compounded by the shrill ringing of my phone – which I cannot find.

I stumble my way into my living room, fumbling through my purse as I search for my phone.

"Hello." My voice is scratchy and still a bit slurred.

"Bella? Is that you? Are you okay?"

Oh God…it's Edward.

I don't want him knowing that I practically drank myself into a coma. "Umm…yeah…hi. I'm just not feeling well."

"Go get some rest, baby. I'm sorry you're sick. Do you want me to call my mom, have her come check on you?"

I try and keep my voice calm; I don't want a witness to my drunken stupor. "Thanks, Edward, but I'm okay. It's just a headache. I'll be fine after I get some sleep."

"Ok, baby, if you're sure. I miss you… Call or text me when you get up."

I feel the concern in his voice, and I feel bad for making him worry, not to mention lying to him. The hate I feel for myself grows a little more.

"I will. Miss you, too. Bye."

I crawl gratefully into my bed, looking forward to sleep taking me, to forgetting everything that is weighing on my mind.

"Mom…please! You have to help me."

I know James will be home any minute, and I know he'll be mad.

He hates hot weather, not that it happens often in Seattle.

"Please, Mom, please! I'm begging you."

"Isabella! Get a hold of yourself! You are overreacting. You're always so dramatic."

Why won't she listen to me? Why won't she help?

"But, Mom…he'll…he'll hit me."

My back still stings from the last time James got angry. God, of all the days for the air conditioner to stop working…it's the one hot day here.

"Isabella, need I remind you that this family does not air its dirty laundry in public. You and James need to work out your problems in private."

I look at the clock in a panic…almost five-thirty…he'll be here any minute.

"Please! Can't you just ask Dad to talk to him."

"No! I will not bother your father with your problems, and you will never speak of this to me again.

The phone feels like a dead weight in my hand as the line clicks on the other end and goes dead.

I'm alone.

There is no one I can call.

I have no friends, and I won't burden Renee and Charlie with this.

I take the familiar walk to the liquor cabinet, grabbing the bottle of vodka.

Not bothering with a glass, I just chug it directly from the bottle. I savor the burn of the clear liquid, knowing it won't take away the pain that is coming. But at least it will dull my mind, making it all seem less real.

And then I hear it…the garage door opening.

I sit on the couch, waiting. There is no point in hiding, it will just make him angrier.

"Why the fuck is it so hot in this house? Isabella! Get your ass in the bedroom now!"

My chest is heaving, and the sweat is poring off of me in buckets. My heart is beating so hard it feels like it is going to burst out of my chest.

It's been a while since I had a nightmare my parents were in.

I'm not even sure why this one is bothering me so much. Compared to the ones I usually have, this one is nothing.

I scrub my hands over my in effort to remove the images from my brain – as thought that will help.

My heart aches, and I can feel the tears threatening to pour from my eyes. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling weak.

Right now I wish, more than ever, that Edward was here with me. I miss him, and I want nothing more than to be able to bury my face against his chest and feel his arms around me.

I stumble my way to my kitchen, needing some coffee to clear the sleep and hangover and nightmare from my brain.

Opening the cupboard filled with spices, coffee, and filters, I'm surprised to see a small note taped to the edge of the shelf, just below my spice rack.

You spice up my life, is written in Edward's elegant script.

My heart squeezes in the most delightfully painful way.

What is this man doing to me?

I search for my phone – I need to say something to him.

Edward's phone rings and rings before finally going to voice mail.

"Hey, it's me. Thank you for the note you left me. It was just…just…perfect. Thank you. I'll call you later. Bye."

I miss him so much right now. The strength of the emotions welling inside me now are so confusing. I want him near me every second…but I am so afraid.

I fear the emotions I feel stirring. I fear I'm starting to really care for him, and that thought scares me more than anything.

Thoughts and feelings swirl around me like a vortex.

I need to clear my head and do some deep thinking.

I make my coffee and drink it slowly, picking through the thoughts in my mind.

I know what I should do. I should do the same thing I did with Jasper. I should let Edward go.

Just the thought of doing that sends a stab of pain right through me.

I'm in such unfamiliar territory. I feel like there are two sides of me at war with each other. There is the fearful side…the side that wants to run from Edward, to protect myself from the hurt that he could cause me. Then there is the side that wants to cling to Edward, that wants to care for him and let him care for me.

As much as I hate to admit it…I need someone to talk to about all this.

I flip open my phone and quickly find the only name I can think of.

~xx~

RENEE POV

"Bella! You sound awful, sweetie. Is everything alright?"

"Umm…is it…I mean do you…do you have time to talk with me?"

"Of course, honey. Talk away."

Poor girl sounds miserable. I hope it isn't anything serious.

"Actually, do you mind if I come to the house?"

"You are always welcome here, Bella. I'll see you in a bit."

I hang up the phone, wondering and worrying. Luckily I don't have to wait for too long before a knock sounds at the door.

"Come on in, Bella. I'm in the kitchen," I call.

Oh…that girl! I think frantically when she comes into view. My God, she looks even worse than she sounded. I really hope she hasn't broken up with Edward. That boy is good for her…whether she knows it or not.

"Hey, sweetie. Why don't you come sit down and tell me what's on your mind." I watch Bella as she moves gingerly to take a seat at the table across from me. I can tell by the way she's squinting her eyes she is hung over. "So what was it this time?"

Bella eyes meet mine and they are filled with confusion.

"Don't give me that look, Bella, like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know you. Now who or what made you so angry you drank yourself into a stupor?"

I watch Bella's face turn bright red. Well at least she is ashamed…I guess that's something.

"Ummm…Emmett said some things that pissed me off."

"Now was he being a jerk…or was he telling you the truth?"

The way Bella shifts her eyes to her lap tells me all I need to know. I love this girl to death, but she really frustrates me sometimes.

"Emmett isn't the reason I came to talk to you…I want to talk about Edward."

I can barely form words; I am so shocked. Not once in all the years that I have known Bella has she ever wanted to talk about a boy. I hope this is a good sign. I wait in silence for Bella to start talking.

"I'm…confused…about Edward."

"You are going to have to tell me a little more than that, Bella."

My heart goes out to Bella. I can see she is struggling with whatever is in her head.

I reach across the table and pat her hand lightly. "Just tell me the best you can, dear."

"I don't…know what to do. I'm scared."

"Of Edward?" Oh, God, what did he do to her?

Bella looks at me in confusion for a moment before her features turn to a look of shocked horror. "No! Nothing like that! I'm scared of how I feel for him."

Relief washes through me; the last thing Bella needs is more abuse. "I'm not sure I understand, Bella."

She twists her fingers in her lap. Wow…she is really bothered.

"I want to trust Edward…and I want to let him in…I…I just don't know if I can."

"Bella, when are you going to stop punishing yourself for everything that happened with James? He is a sadistic son-of-a-bitch. Nothing that happened was your fault."

Bella continues to twist her fingers in her lap, and her rejection of my words is written all over her face. She still believes she is partly to blame.

"Is Edward good to you, Bella?"

Bella's voice is sure and strong as she answers me, "Yes! He is wonderful, actually…like a dream."

"How do you feel when you are with him?"

I'm surprised to see tears fill Bella's eyes. "I feel happier than I ever have every time I'm near him."

"And how do you feel now…when he's gone?"

"I miss him…a lot. I feel anxious, and I wish he was back here."

I stand up and walk to Bella's side, wrapping my arms around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against me. "Bella, have you considered you might be falling for Edward?"

"I can't…that…no…no…I won't allow that to happen!"

Big tears roll down Bella's face.

I pull her even tighter to me. "You are a good person, Bella. You deserve someone good in your life."

I hope Bella is taking my words to heart, though I have a feeling she won't.

~xx~

BPOV

Wednesday dawns with the chilly gloom that is typical of Seattle.

I am totally not in the mood to see Alice, but I don't want to disappoint her, so I drag myself out of bed and head for the shower.

My phone is ringing by the time I step from the shower.

"Hello, Alice."

"You're late, Bella."

"I know. I'm sorry…I was having a hard time getting started this morning."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Swan. Are you dressed?"

"Umm, no. Why?"

"Well, don't. I'm on my way up. I'll pick out an outfit for you."

"Alice…"

"Not another word, Bella. I'm picking out your clothes, so just deal with it."

Ugh…Alice is in dress-up mode. Why can't she just get damn poodle or something? I hate being her fucking Barbie doll, but I'm in no mood to argue. I'll be good and wear whatever she picks out.

I swear it isn't five minutes before I hear frantic knocking heralding Alice's arrival.

I slip into my robe before twisting the deadbolt and am met by the tiny, whirling dervish that is Alice.

"Oh, good, you're not dressed. I'll pick out an outfit that will make you look fuck-hot!"

I roll my eyes at Alice. She is over-the-top insane.

I stand in my room, wrapped in my bathrobe, as Alice begins digging through my closet, throwing constant insults at my choices in clothing.

After much deliberation, Alice decides on a dark gray pair of pinstripe trousers and a pale lavender cashmere sweater. She tosses the clothes in my direction along with a heather gray push up bra and matching undies.

"Alice, what is the point of this outfit? Aren't we just going shopping or something?"

"We are going shopping and we're getting mani-pedi's, and I'm tired of being seen in public with Bella the Hobo. Now get dressed!"

I scowl at Alice, letting her know I am not happy about today's planned activities. She answers by poking her tongue in my direction as she spins on her heel and leaves me to dress.

~xx~

I relax into the feeling of pampering while Alice and I sit side by side, enjoying our pedicures.

"See, Bella. Now wasn't that fun?"

I pull my head off the back of my chair to shoot daggers at Alice.

"I don't know what planet you come from, Alice, but there is no way that spending hours at Nieman Marcus is fun."

"Whatever, Bella, you know you worship me, just admit it."

I laugh; I just can't be mad at Alice.

"How are things going with you and Jasper?"

Alice blushes slightly. That is unexpected. I didn't even think it was possible to embarrass Alice.

"Ummm…great! Everything is great."

I shoot Alice a quizzical look.

"Bella, you don't seriously want me to sit here and gush about Jasper, do you?"

"Alice, I don't mind if you talk about him…seriously. It doesn't bother me at all."

Alice's face goes from uncertainty to elation in a matter of seconds. "Oh, Bella, I can't thank you enough for setting us up! God, he's perfect! I mean, really…absolutely perfect! He's smart and funny and sensitive and, Bella, I think I love him already."

Shock is the only thing in my mind right now.

Love? How can she…I mean they just met! My thoughts are scrambled as I try to work this out.

"Aren't you scared, Alice?"

Alice looks at me with genuine confusion, and I know I need to explain myself.

"To…love someone – aren't you afraid?"

Alice's face eases into an indulgent smile and she shrugs. "Oh…I suppose there is always some apprehension with new relationships, but that feeling of wanting someone so much and needing them so much…it's just the best feeling in the world. For me it just drives any fear out the window."

I consider her words before I speak again. "Aren't you afraid he will betray you or stop loving you or something?"

Alice laughs at this point. "Bella, you are such a pessimist. If you never risk anything, then you will never gain anything."

When did Alice become so philosophical?

"How do you know, Alice?"

"Know what?"

"When you love someone."

Alice's face is aglow with an excited kind of wonderment.

"You just know, Bella. You can feel it…deep down inside you and all across your skin, and when you are with that person, everything in your whole world is right."

Alice has given me lots to consider. I lean my head back onto my chair and let my mind drift, tumbling over my jumbled thoughts.

~xx~

I settle back into my pillow with my phone pressed to my ear, waiting for Edward to pick up.

"Hey, baby! How are you?"

"Tired. Alice had me out shopping half the day."

"Did you buy anything sexy?"

"Hmmmm, maybe I did and maybe I didn't."

He groans into the phone, and, I swear, that may be the sexiest sound I have ever heard.

"What are you wearing, baby?"

"Who says I'm wearing anything at all?"

"Are you trying to kill me here, woman!"

I laugh out loud because I can practically feel his desire through the phone.

"I need to let you go now, Bella. I have to be back up in a couple hours, but I just had to hear your voice. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Edward."

"I'll call you tomorrow, Bella. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I miss his voice the second I pull the phone from my ear.

I snuggle down under my covers, closing my eyes and let my mind drift. It drifts to one place…Edward.

I think of the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, the way he touches me.

I'm drifting off to dreamland, where there is only Edward and me.

~XXXX~

A/N: Thanks for reading, please leave me your thoughts!