Chapter 11

I move back into Weasley and Fleur's apartment the next day and I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like there's a point to anything anymore. I'm counting down to when I know that McGonagall and Shacklebolt will come in and tell me that I have to give Dora up.

I don't look at her anymore and Fleur gets up to feed her and change her and I know she's worried, Weasley too but I can't muster the energy to care.

It's Wednesday afternoon now and I'm sat on my bed, I can hear Dora crying in her crib but I don't move. I just stare ahead, unseeing. I could end it all now, I probably should. There's no point in waiting till McGonagall comes, she's probably just thinking of the best way to break it to me.

Fleur comes in and picks up Dora, I know she's talking to me but I don't hear her, I'm not trying to. The door opens and Hermione walks in, she must have a free period. I think she's talking to me as well, she probably is.

I close my eyes against the noise, I pull my knees up to my chest and hug my legs, stare at the duvet.

A slight unbalance tells me that someone has sat on the bed but I don't turn to see who it is

There is a loud bang and it makes me jump and turn. McGonagall is sat on the bed, her smoking wand in her hand, and Weasley is standing behind her, I didn't even realise they were in here. It's hard to pay attention again so I try. I feel I need to unload the burden of telling me that Dora will be taken from me from McGonagall, so I start.

"I know, you don't have to tell me."

"What do you know?" She asks.

"I have to give her up."

"You won't be giving her up, unless you continue with this… listlessness in which case Madam Pomfrey will be forced to give you potions and we will take care of Dora until you can."

"I have to give her up." I repeat and Weasley sits at then end of the bed and looks at me.

"Lavender, you don't have to give her up, no one wants that." He says firmly but I still don't allow myself to hope.

"We'll never be safe together."

"There will always be… a risk." McGonagall says, selecting the last word carefully.

"Pretty big risk. Do you really think I'll be able to get a job? Work at the Ministry? Walk in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade? And still be safe. I might not be as smart as Hermione but I'm not stupid."

"No, you are not stupid, Lavender. You are brave."

"They're not mutually exclusive."

"Listen to me." She says and I look up at her but then chicken out at the last minute and close my eyes. "You will not have to give up Dora. We are working on keeping you both safe. Have you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Yes, Dumbledore started it." I reply, remembering a newspaper article I read in the summer.

"He did, it is for people who fought against Voldemort."

"I know, what's that got to do with me?"

"The people in the group, those of us who survived of course, can be trusted."

"So?"

"We have called a meeting, you will be protected by the Order."

"For the rest of my life, don't you think that's a bit ambitious?"

"The protection will be adaptable depending on how things develop. We are still working on the technicalities. It is likely that you will have to change your name, adopt a new identity, and perhaps move abroad for a while but we will put the plan into action after you have left Hogwarts."

"You still think I should finish Hogwarts?"

"I think it would be unwise for you to abandon your education."

"Lavender, you need to take one step at a time, don't think too far ahead." Weasley says and I look at him although I'm still not hopeful in the slightest.

"And you really think I'll be able to walk through the corridors, have lunch in the Great Hall, go to classes, and still be safe? How many people's fathers have I incriminated? How many Uncles? How many brothers?"

"That is where the DA come in." McGonagall says, sounding proud.

"You've got it all figured out, haven't you?"

"We are trying, Lavender." Weasley says and I look at him again.

"Don't you see the big problem?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll enlighten us." I've always rather admired McGonagall's wit but now it just annoys me.

"I don't want anyone else to die for me! It was bad enough with Tom, and Pike and Parvati- she was my best friend and I never even forgave her, she died and I still hated her… I still hated her." I can't even mention Flo because it hurts too much.

"You had every right to still be angry with her, but you both knew that you still loved each other. She knew you just needed time and space."

Dora starts crying again and I look over to the crib but don't move.

"She needs her mother." McGonagall says and I actually look back at her and straight in her eyes even though it still hurts.

"You're really not going to take her away from me?"

"No, go to her Lavender." I nod and move over to her. Her eyes have opened more since I last held her and she looks at me and stops crying. I pick her up anyway and bring her back to the bed and lie her in front of me.

"Lavender, you need to be keep strong now." I look up at McGonagall and I notice it doesn't hurt as much as I expect it to.

"I don't know if I can."

"Women are like tea-bags, they never know how strong they are until they get into hot water." McGonagall and I both turn to Weasley in surprise.

"One of my mom's sayings." I smile and he does too. "She's always right, Lavender." I nod and then look back at Dora. The water is hot, boiling even, how strong will I be?

I dress almost mechanically for Parvati's funeral. It's to be held at a Wizarding church near the Patils' home in the Midlands. I wasn't expecting to be able to go but McGonagall insisted and the Order will accompany me.

Pomfrey has agreed to watch Dora who has been a bit grouchy overnight, she can't seem to settle. I read one of Ron's mother's books and I suspect she has colic. I pick her up and carry her out of the room. Weasley and Fleur are sat having tea, it's a Saturday so neither has classes and I think they are both coming to the funeral.

"Morning Lavender, rough night?" Weasley asks, pouring out some tea for me. I move and sit on the armchair.

"Yeah, she won't settle." I reply. As if to emphasize my point she starts crying and I bounce her slightly to try and entertain her. "I think she's got colic."

"Well, Poppy will know. She could always give her some Remmington's. Gin had really bad colic when she was a month old, Dad was nearly tearing his hair out and Ron got upset every time she cried, couldn't wait to get to Hogwarts that year!" I smile and then the door opens and Mr Weasley walks in with McGonagall and Hagrid.

"That sound takes me back." Mr Weasley says, smiling at Dora. I nod and then Fleur offers to take her so I can drink some tea.

"Right well, the plan is simple. You will stay close to Hagrid, Arthur and Hermione, is that alright with you?" I nod and McGonagall moves into the small kitchen and talks to Weasley. I suspect they're talking about me but I don't really care.

"Alright, Lavender?" Hagrid asks.

"Yeah, you?" I reply. He nods but does not elaborate; it's the day of a funeral and no one is really alright.

Hermione comes in next with Pomfrey who sweeps over to Dora and takes her off Fleur.

"Now, we'll have none of that today, young lady." She taps Dora lightly on the nose and she stops crying instantly.

"How did you do that?" I ask, amazed. "She's been crying all night." I am a rubbish mother.

"She'll start again soon, it sounds like colic though, I'll go through the treatment later." I nod and then Pomfrey and the now sleeping Dora leave.

"You had a bad night with her then?" Hermione asks.

"Yeah, barely got an hour."

"If you need a break just let me know."

"Thanks Hermione." I pause and then realise that everything has been about me lately. "How are you?"

"Me, I'm fine. Luna's in the hospital wing now as well, she should be awake soon."

"Good. Have the nightmares stopped?"

"Mostly." Hermione looks around to check that no one is within earshot but they are all in the kitchen, "I've spent most nights with Ron… we're not… doing stuff it's… it's just I find it easier to sleep when I know where he is, when I can hear him snoring. That sounds pathetic doesn't it?"

"No," I laugh slightly, "you spent a whole year together listening to him snoring, of course you miss it. How do you get around the charm though?" Hermione pauses, as if she's going to correct me but then she closes her eyes and her face changes.

"I'm not Head Girl for nothing, Lavender." I smile even though I'm wondering what she stopped herself from saying.

"Have you spoken to Padma?"

"Briefly, she wants to talk to you." Fear grips me.

"Does she?"

"Yeah, I think she might try today, thought you'd appreciate a warning." I nod and then we don't speak until it's time to leave.

We floo to the church and when I land Hagrid is waiting for me. I move towards him and he gives me a sad smile.

"It will be 'right Lavender, don't worry. Just say goodbye to Parvati, don't worry 'bout anything else." I nod and find myself quite comforted by his words.

Hermione and McGonagall arrive next and McGonagall goes straight up to the Patils and talks to them. Mr Weasley comes to stand with me and Fleur and Weasley walk over to the other Gryffindors.

"Let's sit down, at the back." Mr Weasley says and I nod. We sit on the back row and I am in between Hagrid and Hermione. Mr Weasley sits on her other side with his wand hand inside his cloak. I feel for mine automatically and find it where it should be.

In the row in front Neville sits with Dean and then Mr Ollivander slides in next to him and they greet each other warmly.

The service starts and I struggle to follow the words of the Minister. How can Parvati be dead? She was only seventeen and the war was over! I feel Hermione shaking slightly next to me and I see she is crying. I don't think I'm crying but I'm not entirely sure.

Padma walks up to the front of the stage and I try to force myself to look at her but I can't so I stare at the coffin, wrapped in a Gryffindor flag. Finally I can look at Parvati again, although admittedly she is in a wooden box.

"When Parvati and I first went to Hogwarts I was sure that we would be in the same house, we were identical." Padma pauses and looks at the coffin and takes a deep breath. "When she was put in Gryffindor I was surprised but I thought we would stay close… best friends. We didn't." I look down and feel the tears on my face. "Parvati died for someone she loved, and that is the bravest act. The most Gryffindor act. She was still my sister though, and I know she loved being in Gryffindor as much as I love being in Ravenclaw. She's still my sister." Padma walks down and sits next to her parents. I look at my hands, the guilt over-whelming me. Hermione squeezes my hand.

Mr Patil starts to talk but I don't follow what he is saying. I can see the grief etched on his face and I think how painful it must be to lose a child, it's against the natural order. I was planning to kill myself if Dora was taken away, she is my sole reason for living. I hope that the Patils' have more reasons that me.

The coffin disappears and people start to move out of their seats. Mr Ollivander turns around and looks at me.

"I knew that there was a reason for the wand, Miss Brown. Wands rarely make the wrong decision." I nod and then he leaves.

"What did he mean?" Hermione asks.

"When I got a new wand he was worried because it's a hawthorn and they are supposed to be given to witches and wizards who have proven themselves. He thought it was mistaken and it would backfire." Hermione nods but does not comment.

"Lavender?" Her voice is so similar to her sister's and I try to look at her but fall short and look just past her. "My parents want to talk to you." I nod and Hagrid stands up to let me out. The Patils are standing about ten feet away with McGonagall. I walk over to them and I can feel Hagrid and Mr Weasley walking slightly behind me, close enough to act, far enough for privacy.

"Hello Lavender. How are you?" Mrs Patil asks, wrapping me in a hug. I stiffen initially but then all the emotions pour out and I sob, she holds me tighter. She's always been a hugger; Parvati and Padma used to moan about it but I've always loved the warmness with which she greets me. I can't remember ever being hugged by my mother.

Mrs Patil sniffs and then holds me at arm's length and looks at me as if she is x-raying me.

"Don't blame yourself Lavender, please." She says, with tears threatening to overflow her eyelids.

"But it was my fault…"

"It wasn't, none of this was your fault. None of it."

"I didn't forgive…"

"She understood, she still loved you otherwise she wouldn't have been out there. No one could have held her back, she was stubborn. She was a Gryffindor and she knew that you still loved her." I shake my head because it hurts too much to hear these words.

"Lavender, you were best friends and she thought you had betrayed her when it was the other way around, she knew why you were angry." Mr Patil puts his hand on my shoulder and I look up at him. "If it wasn't for you she could have been in that room, or Pads. We owe you our girls."

"She knew you would forgive her, she told me." I look up at Padma in surprise and then look away and gasp.

"Lavender?" McGonagall asks, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm… sorry I'm fine."

"She explained to me about the charm, she understood why you couldn't look at her, why you stayed with Hermione Granger. She wasn't mad at you, not at the end." Padma finishes and I nod.

"Thank you."

"Keep in touch, Lavender. If you can." Mrs Patil looks up at McGonagall.

"We will find a way, Mrs Patil. We should get you back Lavender, more people are arriving for the wake." I nod; the funeral guests had been screened but McGonagall couldn't guarantee the allegiance of all the guests.

Hermione comes over and talks to the Patils and McGonagall walks me over to Hagrid and Mr Weasley.

"Ready ter head back?" Hagrid asks.

"Yes, you certainly need a sleep Lavender." McGonagall says and I nod because I am exhausted.

"What's happened to Flo's… to Flo?" I ask, looking at Hagrid.

"We've kept her, we can bury her, if you want?"

"Yes… it wouldn't feel right otherwise."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, come on other guests are due." McGonagall's eyes sweep the room and I keep mine down. We walk over to the fireplace and floo back to Weasley and Fleur's apartment.

I thank them and then walk into the bedroom and climb into bed, still fully clothed.

I'm only asleep for thirty minutes before a nightmare wakes me up; Parvati is screaming at me and I can't look away from her face.

It's Mr Weasley that wakes me up and I'm surprised he's still here before I realise the time and see that I've not been asleep long.

"Minerva gave me a potion for you." He passes it to me and I take it with a shaking hand.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, get some rest Lavender, Ginny had colic for four months!"

"Four months?" I ask, pausing before I take the potion.

"That's unusual apparently. I'll ask Molly if she knows any tips." I nod and take the potion. Mr Weasley smiles and leaves the room. I sink back against the pillows and it only takes a minute for my exhaustion and the potion to team up and pull me under their spell.

When I next wake it's nearly dinner time and I walk into the sitting room and see Weasley reading one of the baby books while Fleur changes Dora on the rug.

"Studying up, Professor?" I ask and he looks up and smiles.

"Got lunch at home tomorrow, I know Mom's going to quiz me."

"When is it due?" I ask Fleur, sitting down, she passes Dora to me and she seems calmer than this morning.

"End of Avril."

"How are you feeling?" I ask, trying to mentally block out where I was at three months; in the townhouse throwing up all the time.

"Just a bit tired, I miss wine as well." I smile and Weasley puts down his book and looks at me.

"Lavender… is… is there anything I could have done that would have made you tell us that you were pregnant?" I look at him and wonder if this has been eating away at him; it's his first two months in the job and he's had to deal with me.

"No. I was just concentrating on… hiding it. That's why I wouldn't let Madam Pomfrey examine me, I knew she would figure it out."

"Maybe if I'd spent more time…"

"No, honestly Professor, you probably could have followed me around all day and I still wouldn't have told you."

"I told him, he iz a worrier." Fleur says, looking triumphant.

"You could have just told us you were pregnant and not mentioned last year?" He presses and I laugh slightly.

"And have Seamus think I spent the time sleeping my way around South America, I don't think so. Look nothing could have made me tell you, I just pushed it away. Please don't blame yourself, it probably would have been worse if McGonagall was still the Head of Gryffindor, I can't even look at her."

"Okay… thanks." I nod and Dora makes a slight gurgling noise and I look down at her.

"I can't believe it's only been two weeks, it seems like forever."

"We were thinking that actually." Weasley says, picking up the book again.

"It will not be long before we have our babe Bill, and then we shall blink and it will be at 'ogwarts."

"I know, I feel so grown up."

We spend the evening talking and laughing. Bill reads the baby book, Fleur knits a blanket and I flick through one of the catalogues and point my wand and any items I want to buy. When I go to bed I feel good and I'm surprised by how much my mood is swinging; life is strange.

A/N So we say goodbye to Parvati, what did you think?

Next chapter; Lavender has a nasty surprise for McGonagall, and Lavender decides to have a funeral for Flo.

Thanks to mozie for beta-ing!

Guest- You'll find out if Lavender will get another house-elf in the next chapter.

witchprincess33- I know, reporters are mean! At least they didn't accuse Lavender of making it up though, it could be worse.

LUG-14- Lol, don't worry I won't kill Luna. I'm having the operation on Wednesday so hopefully they'll fix me properly this time!