Marissa stared out of the window of the car, not really noticing the beautiful scenery passing by. They were now heading back home from thier dinner with Jason and Amy, and Ryan had yet to speak a word to her. No, not really. Actually, he had been the perfect gentleman saying all the right words, at the right time and she doubted whether Jason or Amy would have even noticed, but she knew him better than that, and his current mood indicated that something was troubling him... a lot!She had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, something was very, very wrong...

As soon as they entered thier home, she watched as he made his way over to the sofa and sat down on it, placing his hands on his knees and looking down. Slowly she made her way towards him, sitting down beside him and placing her hands upon his, intertwining thier fingers...

"okay... so what's the matter?", she asked softly.

"is it that obvious?", he asked looking up at her and giving her a half smile...

"well... seeing as you haven't made a single pass at me yet, i'd have to say... yeah...", she teased, and for a moment both of them smiled.

"common Ryan, you know you can tell me anything...", she said softly.

He got up from his sitting position and knelt down in front of her, looking deep into her eyes, eyes that at this moment seemed very confused. He had no idea how he was going to tell her what he was feeling. He never had to, before. Normally she had just understood, and the things that she hadn't had just been left obscure between them...

She frowned, getting more and more nervous as he didnt say a word.

"The things between us have happened so fast that somehow we havent got a chance to actually talk...", He finally said.

"Talk...?", she said stupidly, blinking up at him, not getting what he meant.

He instinctively looked down, hiding his vulnerablity, "I saw you with your friends today...", he mumbled, "and i saw how happy you were and how well adjusted you were, and how comfortable you felt with them, and it made me realise that somehow they knew you better than I did...".

"Ryan...", she said, running a hand through his hair and making him look at her, "i doubt if anyone can know me better than you. You are like my other half. Sometimes i think you know me better than i do! I love you, okay, and i love you because you know me with all my faults and still manage to love me back. I feel so secure when i am with you, like nothing could ever hurt me. They just know stuff that i have told them and yeah, they mean a lot to me, basically because i wouldnt be here today if it wasn't for them, but you've lived with me that whole stuff, how can anyone compare to that?".

He smiled at her, seeing the reassurance that he needed in her eyes.

"Thanks, i needed that",He softly replied, "but thats just it, Riss, you have no idea how much you have changed or how proud i am to see what you have made of yourself, and a part of me realises that it had to have been done alone, but the other part of me wishes that I had been there all along with you and though, i will always be glad that you had someone with you,and as stupid as this sounds,it pains me to know that it wasn't me...", he paused looking at her, "now i'm not making a whole lot of sense, am i? i am rambling like Seth...", he said looking down.

"no, it makes perfect sense", she whispered softly, giving him a shy smile.

This was the first time he had opened up to her so much, allowing her to see so much of himself, and also the fact that he was proud of what she had made of herself meant more to her than even he realised. Ever since she had met him, she had always seeked his approval,in all the things that mattered, consciously asking for it or subconciously seeking it, and now when he'd said that he was, her happiness knew no bounds. A few years back he never would have shared his insecurities with her this openly. But now he had, and that made her realise that slowly they were learning to work together, trust one another.Together they were growing, from thier past, into the present and maybe into future.and sure they had a lot to talk about, and a lot to catch up on, but that could wait a while.

She softly kissed him, needing the contact with him immedietely, "If you want to take it slow, we'll take it slow. Infact...", she said in between kisses, "we'll take it really, really slow..."

He smiled back at her, relieved that she had understood exactly what he had wanted to say. But then again, when had he ever had a problem with that?

"you know, we never had that first 'best date ever' back in highschool. Maybe we could redo it or something", he smiled mischieviously, in between kisses.

"oh, i think we are way past that now...", she said kissing him back.

Their kisses soon grew more passionate, their desperation increasing with each stroke of thier lips. Gently Ryan pushed her back on the couch, his lips following hers without breaking contact. At that moment his phone rang. Neither of them noticed it, neither of them cared. But the ringing grew more and more insistent.

"Take it", Marissa gasped, "before it disturbs us even more".Her breathing was very shallow and she wasnt sure she could take it if it was even one second late.

"ughh...", he said, reluctantly, picking up his cellphone

"Hello", Ryan said angrily, his voice having the strains of the passion he had just shared.

"Uh hey... it's Jason", Jason said, unsure of whether to proceed when he heard the angry reply. "Sorry for calling you Ryan, its just, i didnt want to call Marissa directly because i wasn't sure about telling her over the phone. She's really sensitive and vulnerable and I wanted you to be there with her when she heard this news" Jason's voice sounded hoarse, like he had been crying.

"Whats the matter?", Ryan asked immedietely ,now getting a little worried.

"We were in an accident...", Jason gulped, tears falling down his face freely now as he told the one thing that had,just like that,shattered his life, "Amy... she didnt make it".

"Oh my God...". was all Ryan could say, before the phone clicked shut at the other end.

Marissa had initially frowned when she looked at Ryan, then she had become worried looking at his concerned look, now she was almost sitting on the edge of her seat, on tenterhooks.

"Ryan, whats the matter? what happened?", she asked immedietely.

"There has been an accident...", he said softly, looking into her eyes. Immedietely her eyes connected with his, wanting the reassuarance, a reassuarance that he was'nt able to give and just like that she knew. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Summer?... Seth?... Jason?... Amy?"

She saw the answer in his eyes.

"oh my God... Amy?", She screamed, tears falling down her face. In one moment, her life had shattered.Without thinking, Ryan went and hugged her as she sobbed on him till her tears ran dry, and just like that he knew, that she was never going to be the same again...

(a/n- i am really evil, aren't i? for making them go through this again? but, really, i just wanted them to face everything, so they could emerge stronger... that is my ultimate goal, anyways... so tell me what you guys think? any critisicm is welcome too...)