A|N:
First: I apologize for the delay. RL was demanding. Not an excuse, an explanation.
Thank you for bringing LC to over 100 reviews! If anyone is still reading, you rock.
My permanent betas are wonderful. Thanks so much, Strider and jfka06.
As always, thanks for being my Twilighted Validation beta, too, Strider.
I do not own any of these characters, or the original plot to the Twilight Series. Everything publicly recognizable belongs to their owners. I am doing this only for the pleasure I gain from writing and I am not associated with anyone or anything to do with the Twilight Series. There is no financial benefit, whatsoever, though I may wish there were.
Talented
After the strange events on the stairs, I wasn't surprised when Edward wordlessly strode toward his piano, rather than to the kitchen with me. He was obviously aware of, and off put by, my infatuation. How quickly I'd messed that up. Maybe if I backed off a bit we could go back to friendship.
"See you later," I mumbled, watching him walk away.
He uttered a sound of non-commitment, but never turned. I couldn't tear my eyes from him—backing off was obviously working well—as he stepped up to the piano and lithely sat on the bench. The ease of his movements never ceased to amaze me. Quicker than usual, he was immersed in his music. As it was painfully clear that our conversation was done, I turned toward the kitchen door. Behind me, I heard a loud gust of breath.
Fighting the urge to face him, to read his body language, I forced myself to take the few steps into the kitchen. Our tenuous relationship was only confusing me, and I'd had enough for one day. It seemed chaos was all I knew. The melodic, though gloomy, sounds of the piano followed me as I slipped through the doorway. He demonstrated his emotions through music, each note wrenching my heart. As I walked through the door and let it close behind me, the music silenced. I wondered why he'd stopped playing, but I was too emotionally exhausted to look. I needed time away.
"Hey, Esme," I greeted, fighting to sound cheery. "You know, I appreciate everything you do, but you don't have to keep cooking for me." I smiled half-heartedly, but I'm sure she wasn't fooled. "I can do it myself. I'm sure there are so many other things you'd rather be doing instead."
"Nonsense," she admonished. "I love cooking, and it gives me something fun that I can do for you."
Her kind nature broke the dam that I'd been using to keep control. My roller coaster emotions took hold, finally bursting out as tears. "Thank you very much," I sputtered, my voice uneven as I tried not to cry. I was being as irrational as him. "You're so good to me."
"Bella, just like Alice and Rose, you're a daughter to me, and I take care of my children in whatever way I can." The fierceness of her voice was in direct contrast to the gentle look in her eyes. She embraced me, her body shaking as she pulled in ragged breaths. It almost seemed she was crying along with me.
I was grateful for Esme's gentle display of affection, her kind and protective gesture warmed me even though her temperature was so cold. In an odd way, the cold and hardness of their skin had come to signify safety and calm…home. Still I also felt embarrassed, uncomfortable that I was falling apart frequently and easily.
Besides that fact, he was in the next room, and I didn't want to collapse where he could hear—a little too late for that. I didn't want him to know he had this much control over me.
"I'm so sorry, Esme," I sniffed and pulled away. Fighting for composure, I reached to the counter and grabbed a paper napkin from the holder. After blotting my cheeks, I blew my nose into the already damp napkin—what a pretty sight. "I'm just really…mixed up right now. It feels like everything's…out of control, and I don't understand anything."
Bleary eyed, I stumbled to the table with tears flowing freely down my cheeks. Though she didn't touch me, I could feel Esme following closely. When I reached the table, I sat on one of the chairs. Esme was obviously concerned when I turned to face her.
"Just give me a moment," I beseeched, willing my voice to sound calm. Unable to keep my composure while she analyzed my every move, I put my head in my hands. "I just need to settle down. I'll be fine in a few."
Her cold arms wrapped around my shoulders. Once again, I looked up to meet her worried gaze.
"I can't understand everything," she said, her eyes soft and caring. "But I can empathize. If I was in your position, I'd be bewildered as well. And, I've been in…similar circumstances. I also woke up to a life that was completely unfamiliar. I'd expected to die, but opened my eyes to something far different: an eternity on the very earth I had tried to escape. I was just as lost as you are."
"What helped you to… find your way?" I asked, curiosity apparent in each word. I was hopeful that Esme's situation might lead to some answer for my own. Plus I knew so little of her past; it afforded me the opportunity to learn about her, to understand her.
She looked away, unwilling to answer my question.
"Please tell me," I coaxed.
"Well, I had Carlisle… and Edward," she replied. "But it was Carlisle who helped the most. At first, all I could focus on was the… alterations, but after a while I was able to see his true nature. Becoming aware of his love was mostly what did it. I hadn't known that type of love in my human life. It was new and in some ways, strange, but it was genuine."
"Oh," I said, finally conquering the tears. The confusion was still there, but I was thankful to have someone to empathize, even if she didn't fully understand the situation. How could she? I hadn't admitted my baffling feelings about Edward to anyone. I'd barely admitted them to myself. She only knew that I was lost, not the extremity.
Disappointment filled me as I realized that her way of coping was going to be different than mine; I had nobody in the respect that she had.
Then again, do I need someone else to give me strength?
No. I'm a strong woman. I need to be my own source of strength.
"You were lucky to have had Carlisle," I stated. "But I've got everyone here. You all help me."
"Yes, sweetheart." She squeezed my shoulders. "We'll always be there for you. I can see you don't want to go into specifics right now, but if there's anything you'd like to talk to me about at any time, please tell me."
"I will," I promised. "I'm just not sure where to begin. Everything in my head is so mixed up. Maybe when I can sort some things out?"
"I'm here whenever you need me," she vowed. "Now let's get you something to eat. You must've lost ten pounds while you were out on your own. Look how skinny you are."
She was right. I had lost weight while I was away. My depression had eaten away at me. Everything else, including food, had taken a back seat to the desire to escape into oblivion.
I wasn't necessarily heavy to begin—I was thin, though soft somehow—and even that small amount of weight loss was dramatic. All of my clothes were loose on me, and I found myself constantly pulling up my pants.
"I am hungry, Esme," I allowed, then inhaled deeply, catching the scent of whatever was on the stove. "And that smells delicious. What is it? Some kind of beef…soup?"
"Actually, it's stew," she answered. "I'm glad it smells good. I hope it tastes as good as it smells."
"I'm sure it will." I watched as she flitted to the cabinet and grabbed a bowl. "Do you want anything else with this?" She motioned to the pot on the stove. "Maybe crackers or something?"
"Sure, that'd be great." I smiled at her as she placed the bowl and crackers before me. "Thanks."
"Enjoy, sweetheart," she said sweetly, returning my grin. "I'm going to get back to some work I have. Do you mind if I leave you to eat alone?"
She must have sensed that I wanted to sort things out on my own—she was an expert at that type of thing—so she was giving me space.
"That's fine." I reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "Thank you. You really are a great mother, even if you look like my younger sister."
She laughed. "You forget. I look older than you do."
"I guess that's true," I said, with a slight, almost hysterical laugh—why couldn't I control myself? "I don't know if it's as weird for you as it is for me. I mean, you've been like this for so long. How do you get past the outside image? I know you guys are much older, but I still think of you as the age you look."
She sat down across from me.
"Well, you're right on both accounts," she began. "We're older than we appear—obviously we are. But we are also… frozen like we were when we were changed. Everything about us stops changing at that time, including our likes, dislikes, personalities. So although I've been on the planet for almost a hundred and ten years, I'm still twenty-six in many ways. And I always will be. We're all still the same age we were when we were changed."
"I understand you don't change physically," I said, surprised. "But you also don't mature mentally? Nothing changes after?"
"It's difficult to explain," she replied. "We learn, of course we do. And we don't forget anything. So there are slight changes. But we're essentially the same as we were before. We don't usually change significantly," she replied, a slight smirk on her face. "It's possible, but very rare. If a change takes place, there's no going back. It becomes a permanent part of us."
"So we're different in many ways," I mused. "I mean, humans change all of the time. Look at me." I motioned to myself. "I've changed a lot just in the last few weeks. You've all been the same for at least seventy years. That's a lot to wrap my head around."
"Well, you've brought change into our lives," she sighed softly. "Some of us have changed more than others, but you've affected us all… for the better."
I smiled, not acknowledging her statement. I didn't see how my presence had been for the better.
"When one of us undergoes a shift in personality," she continued, raising her hand to my cheek, "at least when matters of the heart are concerned, even though they may fight it at first, that change is usually for the better." Her eyes were soft as she looked into mine. Her voice filled with conviction as she resumed speaking. "And the person is always grateful for the alteration in some way, particularly when we find our match. Look at Rosalie. Emmett's changed her so much. Carlisle always mentions how both Edward and especially I did the same for him. All we have to do is stop fighting to see the beauty."
Though she aimed her passionate words at me, I had an idea she wasn't speaking only to me. At least I hoped she wasn't; her rambling wasn't making much sense. It was almost a lecture in a way. I didn't understand, but it made me feel better about my situation.
She looked to the door and back to me. I instantly regretted dragging her into another conversation. I shouldn't monopolize her time like I had been.
"I've kept you long enough," I said. "Go do what you wanted to. I didn't mean to take you away from your work."
"Like I said before," she stated, "I am always here for you."
"I know."
She quickly stood up and walked from the room. I loved how they usually kept up the human charade for my benefit. They did everything possible to make me feel comfortable.
The stew was heavenly. I was amazed by how Esme could make such scrumptious food when she had no idea how it should taste. I enjoyed every bite and even went back to the stove to grab a second bowl, which I scoffed as quickly as the first. The entire time I did not let myself think about anything but the food I was eating.
Just as I was washing the bowl in the sink, Edward walked into the room. I looked toward him, but he never glanced at me; he just stood there uncomfortably. Turning back to the sink, I shrugged. His confusing moods were really getting on my nerves. After a few moments, he spoke.
"Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and I are going hunting," he said, sounding almost unsure. "We won't be back until late tomorrow."
I wanted to ask him how late, but I realized that would sound proprietary. He wasn't mine; I held no claim, though I realized that was where my thoughts were slowly progressing.
"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow, then." I didn't want him to go, but distance would help me back off.
"No, you won't," he said flatly. I looked at him in an attempt to understand his odd behavior. "Like I said, we won't be back until late. You'll probably be asleep before then." He shrugged. I could read nothing in his body language, and for some reason, that made me uncomfortable.
"Oh, okay," I croaked. The fact that my own voice could easily turn Judas bothered me, hurting me more than his apparent apathy. Although it cut into me, I refused to show weakness. I placed my bowl in the drying rack, turned toward the door and walked away, adding a spring to my step—probably too much to feign nonchalance.
As I neared the door, I called over my shoulder. "Merry Christmas." I worked hard to keep my voice light. "See you later… and have fun."
I hadn't turned my head enough to actually see him, but his voice was off when he responded, almost strained or sad. "Merry Christmas, Bella." My heart sank to my knees, but I didn't turn.
Distance. You need to keep your distance. It was becoming my mantra.
I spent the rest of the day with Alice, preparing for the impending visit from the other family from Denali.
Though the house was immaculate, Alice made it her duty to "pretty it up" even more. I didn't know where she got all the flowers, the crystal vases or the glass bowls, but they were absolutely gorgeous. She placed vases scattered throughout the living room, arranging the stems beautifully. Then she commanded me to help, telling me where to put the crystal bowls. After, she put a varying number of floating candles in each.
"I'll put water in these later," she explained. "Then I'll light them all just before everyone arrives."
"This place looked perfect before," I said. "Like it belonged in a design magazine. Now, it looks like Martha Stewart came and finished it off." I motioned broadly. "It's stunning."
She laughed, her voice sounding like wind chimes in a light breeze. "Thank you, Bella."
"Do you do this every time someone visits?" I asked.
"No, not every time." She walked up to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. "But we have a special guest, and I want to make this visit memorable."
I couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words. "Memorable? I thought you guys didn't ever forget anything…"
She let me go and narrowed her eyes playfully. "It's an expression, Bella. Don't take everything so literally." After pulling back, she rolled her eyes. "I think we're pretty much done. Don't the flowers make everything so much brighter?"
I murmured my agreement.
As had been explained earlier, no one was arriving or returning until very late the next night. Carlisle, Alice and I had discussed the options and decided that I should probably be asleep when they came, and then I could meet the others in the morning. I worried about appearing rude, but everyone assured me that they would understand. In addition, the time alone would give my family the opportunity to fully explain my situation, and it would allow both families time for a reunion without an intruder encroaching.
*~*~*~*~*
When I awoke the next morning, Alice was sitting on the rocking chair in the corner—I had asked Esme for one, it seemed right—with a huge grin plastered on her delicate face.
"Good morning, sleepyhead. I thought you were going to stay in bed all day." She was practically glowing.
Oh, no. What torture does she have planned?
"I'm still thinking about it," I said, flinging the blankets back over my head rolling to my stomach. Her chipper attitude was undesired, especially so soon after waking.
Alice giggled, and practically ripped the covers from the bed. "You know you have no clout when it comes to me," she said, grabbing my hand and yanking me from the bed. "I always get my way. Why even try?" She dragged me across the room by my right arm and tossed me into the bathroom unceremoniously. "Take a human moment and get yourself ready. I'll grab your clothes while you're in the shower."
The door closed in my face as I was about to ask what she was planning.
Guess it's going to be a surprise.
"You're so pushy," I grumbled.
I readied myself, and emerged from the bathroom expecting Alice to be seething in my bedroom about my dilly-dallying. Against my assumption, she wasn't waiting. She had, however, left an outfit on my bed. Remarkably, it was Bella-approved, a pair of jeans and a blouse. Everything was covered appropriately and it looked comfortable. I noticed there was another not-so appropriate outfit draped across my rocking chair, but I ignored it. Since the first one I saw appeared to be much more appealing, I would be wearing it.
I dressed and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look bad. I would thank Alice when I found where she was hiding.
"You're welcome," she chimed from the hallway, just outside my door. "Knock, knock."
"Come in, Alice," I chuckled. I couldn't help but feel jovial at her presence and a wide smile broke across my face.
She entered; her eyes alight with some unknown expectation.
"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked, allowing her excitement to fill me.
"I wanted to go for a drive with you. A little 'girl time'. What do you think?" She winked at me conspiratorially.
My heart soared. I wouldn't spend all day mulling over the events to come; I allowed Alice's enthusiasm to alleviate my stress.
"I'd love to go out, Alice. I hope it's just you and me." Although I loved most everyone else, I wanted to speak frankly with her one-on-one.
"Of course, Bella," she answered. Then whispered, "I know you want to speak to me alone."
I ate and we left shortly thereafter. We drove in the Mercedes. The others had taken Emmett's Jeep, and I didn't want to use the Volvo. She drove east out of Forks. Less than ten minutes later, we crossed a small stream called Beaver Creek. Directly after, she pulled over into a wide shoulder and parked.
Across the street was a service road and the remains of some sort of excavation site, an old rock quarry Alice explained. The rusty metal looked out of place in the lush green perfection of nature.
"This may be difficult for you," Alice warned, pointing toward a down slope. "But since you're so independent, I know you'll want to try it on your own. I'll give you any help you need."
"Y-you want me to go down that?" I asked incredulously. "I'll break my neck."
She laughed. "You'll be fine. Just be careful. Of course, I could carry you, if you wish."
"No, I'll do it myself."
As we neared the edge, I heard running water. My curiosity was piqued.
"What's down there, Alice?"
"You'll see." She smiled smugly. "Don't worry. You'll love it."
It was then that I actually noticed the muddy path she wished me to take. It was worse than I'd originally thought. I tried to convince myself that it didn't look that treacherous. It seemed short, and there were roots there that I may have been able to use as a ladder.
Sadly, my first impression had been correct. Though the trail was short, it certainly was perilous. The roots that had seemed a safe ladder were slick, and I slipped many times. Luckily, Alice was there to help me.
When we reached the bottom, I looked around to see a gorgeous waterfall. Actually, it was multiple falls—two thick curtains on the sides and wispier strands in the center. It was breathtaking.
Alice spread a thick blanket on the moist ground—I hadn't even noticed her carrying it—and then nudged me to sit cross-legged amongst the greenery. The plants behind and on the sides of me were tall. Though the leaves were higher than my head in many spots, the beautiful view was undisturbed. The falls were only around twenty feet high, but they were majestic in their own right, dominating the landscape. I closed my eyes, allowing the gentle white noise of the falling water to lull me into a calm peace.
"They're beautiful, Alice," I said, reveling in the tranquility of this perfect area. After a few relaxing breaths, I opened my eyes and turned to her. "Thank you so much for taking me here."
"I knew you'd like it," she said bluntly. "Besides, you really don't get out of the house at all. There are so many picturesque things here. You really should see more…maybe it'll help with the whole memory thing, too."
"Maybe…" I rested my head on my hand and stared at the waterfall. We stayed in our comfortable silence for some time, enjoying each other's company and nature's majesty.
"So, Bella," Alice began. "I know that you have been feeling extremely uncomfortable about Tanya and her family coming to visit us tonight." I nodded reluctantly. These people were close to her, and I didn't want to insult anyone. "Exactly which aspect has frightened you? You're so at ease with all of us." She spoke with such compassion; it put my mind further at ease.
"Well, I guess that 'intimidated' is a more appropriate word, Alice." I grimaced. "I mean, I know that I already stick out in your family, but how will that be when there are even more people who are so much better than me?" I looked down, not wanting her pity at my next words. "I'm extremely ordinary, average to a fault, especially when compared to you guys." She wrapped an arm around me, and leaned her head on my shoulder. "I'll feel even more…second-rate when the others arrive. You're all so beautiful and strong and fast and just… everything I'm not. And on top of that, four of the people visiting are women. You, Esme and Rosalie already make me inferior. How will it be with four more? And then, boring old me."
And my reactions to Edward will be even more obvious and more of a joke.
I didn't voice my last fear; I worried what everyone, especially Alice, would think of me, if they knew about my ever increasing obsession. On top of that, Edward would be able to read it in her mind once I had told her. I had fought divulging that information when he had touched me, so I knew how difficult it was to control your own thoughts for only a short time. How would she be able to keep that up for any length of time? I couldn't bear the humiliation if he actually knew how I felt.
I was aware that I couldn't hide it forever. My fascination grew by the day and I would slip at some point. I was sure the nature of my feelings would terrify him when he knew the overwhelming level of my infatuation.
"Don't worry, Bella," she consoled. "There's no competition… and you are a beautiful person, you just don't see it."
I rolled my eyes. "I see myself exactly as I am. But that's not the point…"
"Yes, it is," she explained. "That's the point of everything. You, like Edward, only see your negative aspects. You never think you're good enough for anyone. But you are. You both need to realize that."
Again I got the feeling that more was being said than the actual words floating through the air.
Why can't anyone just spit it out? And why is she mentioning Edward and me? Does she see more than I do? Or am I just reading more in her words than she means?
"Okay, Alice," I said, my voice flat. "I am a beautiful person." Although I tried to hide it, the sarcasm was obvious.
She sighed. "When will you see how important you are?" she asked more to herself. "This is going to be harder than I thought."
Like many other comments, I let that one slide. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what she was trying to manipulate. It was obvious that it had something to do with me, but Alice was unstoppable when she had something stuck in her head.
I was well aware that I let her get away with too much, but it was impossible to fight her until I knew what she was trying. I would wait a little while until I had a clear view on her intentions. If her goal did not become clear soon, I would need to stand up for myself no matter how much that thought terrified me. I didn't want to risk losing my closest friend.
We spent a long time at the falls watching the steady stream flow over the rocks. With distance from the house and especially Edward, I had the ability to think with a clear head. I knew I was falling for him.
Who am I kidding? I'm gone… hook, line and sinker.
"So, Alice…" I began, fading off at the end.
"Yes, Bella?"
"Um, I was wondering, you know…why is Edward single and you guys aren't?" I blurted. "I mean, you're all gorgeous." Because having good looks means you'll find a significant other. How shallow are you, Bella? "You'd think he'd have found someone. I'm sure he's had enough interest."
She giggled. "He's had more interest than you can imagine, both human and vampire alike."
That annoyed me more than it should. Of course he'd had women throw themselves at him. How could they not? Even I'd practically mauled him on the stairs the day before.
"Really?" I kept my voice cool and even.
"Yes, even Tanya has made her interest known."
Tanya? "The Tanya who's coming tonight?" My stomach churned.
"Yep." She turned to me and quickly spoke, her eyes growing wide. "But he was never interested. He's turned her down on every occasion."
So there were multiple occasions? "Oh."
"He doesn't usually get close to anyone," she said. "He likes to keep his distance. You're really the first person who he's gotten close to, other than our family, in a long time."
Well, that was nice. At least he felt comfortable with me.
"I'm not sure that answered your question," she said. "But he's a very complicated and private person. He just needs to open his eyes to the truth before him."
I wished I could be the truth before him, but I wasn't sure if he could ever be attracted to me in the way I wanted.
We were so different.
I knew I shouldn't be fascinated with him for that reason. Like Esme had said, they were all stuck at the age they were changed. Though Edward was in many ways mature for a seventeen year old boy, he was still a kid. So being with him would be like robbing the cradle, even though he was much, much older than me in reality.
On top of that issue, we also weren't even the same species. This should be my greater worry, but the age thing seemed to override it. I knew it shouldn't, we were both in the same situation, but it did.
It was a confusing predicament, and I wasn't sure how to proceed. All I knew was that if I tried for anything other than friendship, I'd certainly lose everything I had gained: my family. I agonized about following my head or following my heart.
Just before we left, I made my final decision. I would not chance losing my family. I would not chance losing Edward. I would keep my emotions to myself and follow the pattern I'd been in. No one would know any difference.
As I was climbing back up the root ladder, I heard Alice sigh the word "no" behind me.
I turned to ask her what she was talking about, but she shot me a glare and then shook her head at me. For the first time since I'd known her, she actually seemed dangerous—she looked like a vampire. I was so surprised by her abrupt change of mood, that I forgot my question.
We walked back to the car in a strained silence—thank heaven it was only a few yards away. I don't think I could have taken hiking a long way with her mood.
The car ride wasn't any better. I kept glancing at her surreptitiously, but her features never rearranged into her normal animated excitement. Instead it seemed as if she was trying to figure out a particularly difficult math problem, lending to a very uncomfortable drive.
When we arrived home, her demeanor still hadn't changed. I thought it was probably best to leave her alone to sort out whatever issue she was having.
"I'm going to go to my room for a little while," I said, inching towards the stairs.
"Sure." She walked into front room and made her way to the room under the stairs. "See you later."
I climbed the stairs and plodded to my room. I spent the remainder of the afternoon reading one of my books with quiet classical music playing in the background.
Shortly before I'd meant to go to sleep, Alice came to my room.
"Bella, I know you don't like a fuss being made over you," she stated, her terse mood hadn't left fully, but it was obvious that she was trying. "But I really want to do this for you tonight. I don't want you to be uncomfortable tomorrow, so I'd like to start your makeover tonight. I don't think it's needed, but I hope you'll like it."
Normally I would have argued, but tonight I didn't have the energy, and I wanted to do anything to get back in her good graces. On top of that, I thought that anything Alice could do to make me look more like I belonged was for the best. I wasn't going to come anywhere near their beauty, but at least I would stand out less. I'd already be a center of attention; there was no need to exacerbate that.
In order to begin the transformation, Alice relegated me to her bathroom. As I sat on the puffy seat at her vanity, she used all sorts of beautifying treatments and salves. She took me to the bath and washed my hair with some sweet smelling shampoo and conditioner. After guiding me back to the stool, she removed the towel from my hair. She placed a dab of some product in her hand and applied it to my hair. Then she grabbed a wide-toothed comb from the counter, and gently pulled it through, starting at the ends and working her way up until she was stroking from root to tip. The feeling of each brush through my hair relaxed me. After, she dried my hair, making sure it was impeccably straight.
"There. That will stay overnight. Most anything else will need to be done tomorrow morning." I stood from the stool and started toward the door. "There're a few more things I want to do, but we'll do them in your room."
After we arrived in my room, she put some cream on my hands and feet and covered both in cotton gloves and socks. Then she put layers of goo on my face and led me to my bed. Since I was unable to grasp anything well with my covered hands, she turned the sheets down for me.
Once I was in bed, she left me with an "I'll see you when you wake up," as she rushed through the door. I wasn't sure if that was a promise or a threat.
It was a difficult night as I tossed and turned, waking up multiple times throughout. Shortly around two in the morning, my door opened and a small sliver of light spread across the room. I couldn't see who was peaking in because of the halo of light surrounding their face. I would have spoken, but the door was only open for a partial second before it closed, and I was immersed in darkness again.
I rolled over and tried to get some more sleep.
At around nine in the morning, I woke and knew that I was up for the rest of the day. As she had promised, Alice was there when I opened my eyes.
"Morning," I greeted after clearing my throat. "How's everything?"
"Great," she answered. "Everyone's eager to meet you."
I raised an eyebrow in a silent question. She nodded in response.
"Okay," I said. "Can I take a moment to be human?"
She laughed. "Of course, Bella. I laid these out for you yesterday," she said, picking up the outfit I'd noticed the day prior. "Take these in with you and get dressed. Call me when you're done, and we can finish."
"Finish?"
She raised her eyebrows at me, daring me to challenge her. I wasn't up for it.
"Sure." I grabbed the clothes and walked into the bathroom.
After I took care of the necessary business, I quickly dressed. As usual, the new outfit fit perfectly. And though it was more revealing than I wished, I felt attractive.
"Oka—"
The door whipped open and Alice peeked through.
"Ready?" she asked, placing a bag I on the counter. She pulled out various tubes and pencils and tubs, laying them out in a precise order.
"Sit," she commanded, pulling out the chair that was under the counter. I obeyed and turned to face her. "I'm going to face you this way to put the makeup on," she said, turning me around. "The lighting's better."
"Like that matters," I joked.
After a few seconds, she got to work, poking, prodding, drawing and powdering to her heart's content. I sat back and allowed her to have fun. It took about ten minutes, but at the end, she pulled back and smiled broadly.
"Perfection!" she exclaimed.
"Can I see?" I asked her, motioning toward the mirror with my eyes.
"Of course," she sang. Then she grabbed my shoulders and spun the chair toward the mirror.
My reflection was shocking. I actually looked cute. The makeup wasn't too heavy, but there was enough to accentuate my positive features.
"I really like it, Alice," I cried, jumping up and wrapping my arms around her neck. "Thank you very much."
"Ready to go downstairs?" she whispered in my ear.
I took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's go."
We walked down the stairs slowly. All the while, my pulse raced increasingly faster, and my breathing picked up pace. By the time we reached the second story landing, I was practically hyperventilating.
When we turned the corner, and the living room came into view, I saw them. There were four women, three blonde, one dark, and a man with dark hair. They were all inhumanly beautiful, of course. But the most beautiful was one of the blondes, her angular features perfect. Her hair was almost a pink color and was curly as opposed to the other blondes who had pin straight hair. Next to the striking woman, stood Edward. She had her arm wrapped around his shoulders.
The anger that shot through me at their closeness was palpable. She had no right to touch him intimately. He was mine, not hers. I hadn't considered myself particularly violent but at this moment, I wanted to rip her perfect little arm from him and tear her head from her shoulders. This woman had to go… now.
I was taken aback at those thoughts. He wasn't mine.
I didn't realize I'd been obvious in my anger until Alice prodded me in the side, possibly bruising a rib.
"Ow!" I exclaimed. "That hurt. What'd you do that for?"
All eyes in the living room turned to us.
"Oh! I need something from my room, and you need to go with me to get it." She grabbed my arm and towed me back down the hall toward her bedroom.
No. I need to get down there to get her away from him.
I tried to fight her by twisting my arm in her grip, but escape was impossible.
When we got to her room, she pushed me in and closed the door. After, she rushed to a sound system hanging on the wall across the room. She promptly turned it on and motioned for me to come to her.
What the heck was with the subterfuge?
I walked over, lifting my shoulders and arms in a question.
She rolled her eyes. "Bella, you've got to get yourself under control," she whispered.
"What are you talking about?" I asked as quietly as possible.
"You almost lost it out there," she said, her voice nearly inaudible. "I didn't know humans could growl, but you were doing a good imitation." Though it was difficult to hear her, the frustration in her voice was loud and clear
"Really?" I asked. "I did that?"
Had I been that out of control?
"What happened?" she asked.
"I don't know," I hedged, not wanting to tell her the truth of the why. "Um, I don't know how to explain it. I just started feeling really angry."
"What set you off?" she prodded.
I looked down to the floor. I didn't want her to be able to read the lie in my eyes.
"I'm not sure, exactly," I evaded. "I just got really upset... But I'm okay now. Let's just go meet everyone. They're going to think I'm crazy, anyway… the way you yanked me out of there."
He'll know I'm crazy.
"No they won't," she said. "We needed to get this." She grabbed a book from her night stand. "Let's go."
Again we walked toward the landing, a little slower than before. I steeled myself for the emotions I knew I would feel when I saw that woman wrapped around Edward. I had no right to feel as livid as I had before. It was irrational. Beyond that, it was completely unwarranted. She'd done nothing to me; I had no reason to feel this malice toward her.
Luckily, when we turned the corner to view the living room, I saw that the curly, strawberry haired woman was at the almost opposite end of the room. She was nowhere near him, and I could breathe easily.
I looked to Edward, and he was staring up the stairs. When our eyes met, everything seemed to fall into place with the appearance of his small grin. It was an odd feeling when I looked at him, like relief to pain that I hadn't even realized had been there. This disconcerted me. We'd been apart less than two days. How could I feel lost without him and found with him?
Before I could think of anything else, my mind conjured an image of my mouth against his. I could almost feel his cold lips pressed into mine, moving with mine. I knew my soft lips would mold against his; I longed for it. I violently shook my head to rid it of the errant thoughts. Nothing good could come from going down that path.
When I neared the bottom of the stairs, Carlisle walked forward and grabbed my hand. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet the newest member of our family," he announced as he led me down the last two steps.
Of course, the embarrassment at being the center of attention colored my cheeks red.
"H-hello," I said and then looked away, finding it nearly impossible to look to the crowd gathered in the room. I knew it was rude to avoid eye contact, but I couldn't drag my eyes from looking at the floor.
Esme walked over and wrapped one of her stone arms around me, pulling me close to her body, offering me her strength.
"Bella, this is Tanya." She pointed to the woman who had infuriated me before. Blondie smiled sweetly, and I nodded curtly, though I tried to stay cordial.
"Nice to meet you," I said coldly. I tried to infuse friendliness in my voice, but I fell miles short of that target.
"You, too." Her voice was kind and welcoming—all the things I couldn't feign. I still felt animosity toward her. "We'll need to spend some time together… to get to know one another." I tried to remember a cordial response but none came to mind; my possessiveness colored all thought.
"Sure." I tried to return her genuine smile with a false one of mine, but that was impossible.
Next, Esme pointed to a woman with long hair the color of corn silk. "This is Kate," she said.
I stepped toward the newly introduced woman and held out my hand. "Nice to meet you, Kate," I greeted.
She grasped my hand and squeezed gently. Then she drew back quickly, shaking her hand as if I'd shocked her. With narrowed eyes, she turned her gaze toward Edward. The look on his face was almost smug.
"Yes, a pleasure," she said when she looked toward me again. She shook her hand and rubbed her thumb along the fingertips, looking almost confused.
"Next is Irina." Another blonde woman stepped forward.
"It's wonderful to finally meet you," she said, grabbing my hand and shaking it slightly.
"Yes, it's really nice to meet you, too."
"And last are Eleazar and Carmen." She pointed to a couple across the room.
"It's a pleasure," the male, Eleazar I assumed, said.
"Yes, we've heard so much," Carmen called out as she made her way to greet me. I held out my hand to shake hers, but she pulled me from Esme's arms and wrapped her own around me. "Welcome to the family, child."
"Thank you," I laughed nervously. "It's wonderful to meet you all."
We sat down on the white couches, gathered into a conversation area. There weren't enough seats, so Rosalie and Edward stood away from the rest of us. As we talked, I noticed that Edward slowly moved closer and closer. I briefly wondered if he felt the same magnetic pull that was coming to rule my life.
"So, Bella," Eleazar said, breaking me from thoughts of Edward. "Carlisle and Edward have explained to me that you've displayed a talent."
"Um… yes, I guess so."
Edward shifted again, moving even closer.
Eleazar looked around Edward and to Carlisle. "Carlisle, I assume she's a shield."
"A shield?" Edward voiced the question in my head.
"Yes, a shield," Eleazar responded. "I can't sense her. She's blocking me. It's odd. Normally I can sense something. But I get nothing from her. It's like she's not even there."
"Hmmm." Carlisle looked to me. "Bella, would you be willing to let Eleazar touch you… Eleazar, she seems to share in other's talents, if she touches them. Do you think that might help?"
I nodded as Eleazar said, "I think it will help immensely."
Eleazar stood and walked over to the couch, holding his hand toward me. Edward hovered behind the sofa. I figured that if I reached behind me, he'd be close enough that I'd actually be able to grab onto his arm. I was acutely aware of his nearness.
Esme, who had been sitting next to me, unexpectedly stood and gestured to the open seat. "Sit here, Eleazar."
I was nervous, not due to the fact that an unknown vampire was coming near, but because I was frightened to hear just how abnormal I was. Eleazar sat next to me, and he grasped onto my exposed right arm with his left hand.
"No, nothing," he said. "I sense nothing…still. How odd."
I sighed. Even though I dreaded finding what an oddity I was, I couldn't help but feel saddened that I was unreadable. I was that broken. I felt the cushion move behind me and looked up to Edward's eyes. He placed his hand on my shoulder, easing my tension with his calming touch even through my clothing.
I resituated myself, and my hand brushed against Eleazar's bare forearm, the cold firm skin both familiar and foreign. Suddenly I noticed that Edward was immersed in a red light. But it wasn't really a light; it was more like a shell, a transparent covering. And it wasn't necessarily red. I could see him perfectly in all the same colors he'd been before. It was something I'd never seen before and impossible to describe adequately. I wondered if this was what aura readers saw.
"Yes, now I see." Eleazar turned to Edward. "Do you see as well?"
"Yes, yes I do," Edward replied. "It's only in her hands."
"Like I used to be," one of the women said. I was too entranced by the "color" surrounding Edward to turn to see who had spoken.
"So you don't hear Bella at all now, Edward?" Carlisle asked.
"No," Edward answered. "But that makes sense. I'm not touching her hands."
I looked down to my hand leaning on Eleazar's arm. There was a covering similar to the one I'd seen on Edward. It was more wispy and less defined than his but definitely there, kind of like a cloud. My fingertips had that same "red" coating, an offense I knew instinctively. As the mist surrounding my skin made its way along my hand and to my wrist, the color changed to a more purple shade. Then at my wrist, it changed completely to blue, a defense, a shield as Eleazar has called it.
I looked back to Edward, my eyes wide with shock. When I looked at him, I could see just how different the impressions of the talents were. His was very solid, molded to his body. Mine was nebulous and flimsy, though it was definitely there.
Everyone else was scattered around the rest of the room. First were Carlisle and Esme. They had this translucent, colorless shell—nothing. Next to them were Emmett and Rosalie, who both looked the same as Carlisle and Esme. Beside Rosalie was Kate, she was covered in bright red, another aggressive or offensive talent, a painful one according to the vivid shade. After her, was Irina—nothing—and then, Tanya.
Tanya was obviously talented, though it was almost impossible for me to place how. She was covered in that same translucent shell, but every once I noticed it pulse a light shade of pink. It was offensive in some way… but I couldn't figure it out.
After Tanya was Alice. She was bright yellow, a new color. It fit her sunny personality, and I could help but giggle at how appropriate it was. To her right, I noticed another red hue—Jasper. It seemed he was talented in some way.
I was shocked. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him.
"You never asked," he explained, raising and lowering his left shoulder.
"What can you do?" I was sincerely curious. I'd known this man for a while, and I'd never picked up on him having a gift.
"I can feel and manipulate other's emotions." He shrugged and smiled slightly, though it wasn't a happy smile.
I couldn't imagine that kind of talent. It was amazing. But like Edward's, it must also make everything that much harder, having to experience the varying emotion in the atmosphere around him.
"Wow." It didn't say much, but it was the only response I could think up.
I looked back down to my hands again, turning my left one back and forth. "That's incredible… and weird."
Edward laughed and squeezed his hand on my shoulder. "What do you see? I can only hear Eleazar."
"I don't know how to explain… it's like I can see… I don't know a shell, a covering." I looked back up to Edward, and he nodded. "But it isn't really there at all. I can see beyond it. It kind of tells me who has a gift. You're red?" He nodded again. "Mine isn't the same as everyone else's, though. It's less defined, kind of like being surrounded by a cloud that's colored but invisible at the same time. It's so… bizarre. Is that what you see?" I looked to Eleazar, directing the question to him.
"I can't be sure we see the same thing," he answered. "But it sounds similar to what I see. I couldn't see you until you let me under your shield by touching me with your hand. Edward, did she adequately describe what you can see?"
"Yes… and no," Edward responded. "Bella, you only see a vague impression of the person's ability. You can't actually see what exactly it is, can you?"
I shook my head. "No, I can only tell what type it is…I'm not sure how I know, I just do." Then something about Eleazar's words hit me. "Wait a minute. Edward, you can see what Eleazar sees?"
"Yes."
"So you don't just hear other's thoughts?" I asked Edward, looking for clarification on this revelation. "You can see what everyone else sees, too?"
Edward nodded. "Yes. I can see through other's eyes"
"Can you… see through my eyes when we touch?"
He shook his head, "No. I can hear your words, but I can't see what you see. Also your voice is quiet. Some of your words are more… I don't know how to describe it… muted? It's like you can hide some of your thoughts, edit them."
I breathed a sigh. Edward couldn't hear everything. That was comforting.
"Why do you think she has such a developed talent?" Carlisle asked, drawing my attention from Edward and back to Eleazar.
"It really isn't well developed," Eleazar said. "It's quite uncontrolled. I assume that she's always been a shield of sorts. From the state of her hands, the sharing ability is relatively new. Talents usually strengthen as time progresses, though under most circumstances, a human lifetime is not long enough for this to become apparent. I can only presume that when she was younger, she would have only been a shield. This modification to her shield appears to be the next step in her development."
"That's awesome," Emmett yelled. "My little sister's a powerful little human."
"Yes, she is a talented individual," Eleazar agreed. "I can only wonder what she'll be like as an immortal."
Me? Immortal? Like them?
I pulled my arm away, wondering what he was talking about. I hadn't ever thought about anything like that, and I didn't know how I felt about it. I was obviously confused…and terrified. I'd have to give up a lot for a decision like that. If my life was as it seemed, I wouldn't be giving up much. But in reality, I didn't know enough of myself to know what I'd be giving up. Besides, that was an extreme choice. There was no need to make it.
"What?" Edward hissed. "That is not happening."
My heart fell to the floor. Even if I had considered becoming a vampire, I wouldn't do it now, not when I knew Edward didn't want me around that long.
"You won't change her?" Eleazar asked Edward doubtfully.
"No, I won't allow her to be condemned to our fate." His voice was full of calculated calm.
"Isn't she your mate?" the incredulous look on Eleazar's face would have been comical if not for the heavy subject matter.
I heard a gasp from across the room, but I didn't look to see who it was.
He thinks we're a couple? And I thought Edward's repulsion was obvious.
I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry.
Edward pulled his hand from my shoulder and edged away minutely; the comfort I'd received from his touch became shame as I realized the meaning behind his actions. He was disgusted, repelled by the very thought of us as a pair. I looked to the couch, imagining a non-existent pattern into the smooth, white fabric.
"No, Eleazar, we are not mated," Edward said, his voice sounding forced. "Tanya's probably spun quite the tale but I assure you, she's incorrect in her assessment."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Eleazar turn to face the other side of the room. "Tanya has said no such thing, Edward. This was my assumption alone… the way you hover, your protective nature, her need for your validation… it all pointed to a binding." He shook his head. "Normally that's hard to read incorrectly. I apologize for my mistake."
I felt sorry for Eleazar. He'd obviously picked up on my obsession with Edward. I reached out and grabbed his clothed upper arm, looking into his golden eyes.
"There's no need to apologize," I consoled. "Mistakes happen all of the time."
Tanya laughed and pulled my attention to her. I was glad to have the reprieve, so I took the chance and turned to Edward's hard face. He was eying me, sizing me up. I felt uncomfortable under the weight of his penetrating stare, but I couldn't pull away.
"Alice and I are going to go out," Tanya said out of nowhere. "Is there anyone else who'd like to accompany us?"
Alice had bolted up and was making her way to the kitchen. Everyone answered in the negative, whether by shaking their head or uttering a simple "no," and after a few minutes, they both left, and the gathering broke into smaller groups.
I watched as Eleazar and Carlisle walked up the stairs, lost in conversation. Though they spoke too quickly to understand, I was sure they were speaking about me.
Esme, Carmen and the other two Denali women made their way into the room under the stairs while the rest went upstairs, to their rooms I assumed. The only one who stayed behind was Edward.
"Don't worry about what Eleazar said," he stated as he sat on the cushion next to me. "He doesn't understand the… situation. You're a member of this family, and you're so fragile. You've been stolen from your life and thrust into a world of monsters. Of course I'm protective."
"I didn't think anything of it," I responded. "It confused me but other than that, I hadn't taken it to heart."
Yeah, right. That's exactly where I had taken it.
"Good." He smiled tightly. "I wouldn't want your feelings to get hurt."
"They weren't." I said tightly.
Keep your distance. Keep your distance. Keep your distance.
My stomach growled and clenched, informing I was hungry. "I'd better get something to eat." I laughed and brought my hand to rest on my stomach. "It sounds like there'll be a revolt soon, if I don't." I stood, needing space.
"I can help you," Edward suggested, rising from the couch.
"No, that's okay," I said, turning and walking toward the kitchen. "I can fend for myself. Besides, I don't think I'll need help; it's pretty easy."
"Oh," he replied. I turned and saw he was following me. "Do you mind if I join you?"
Although I wanted nothing more than to be with him, it went against my decision to stay away. Still, I couldn't say no to him.
"That's up to you," I answered weakly. "If you want to watch me eat cereal, go right ahead. But I assure you, it's not the most fun in the world."
He laughed. "I think I'll be fine."
As soon as I walked through the kitchen, my impatient stomach growled again. I rushed to grab everything for a bowl of cereal and sat at the table. In my nervousness, I practically inhaled the food and wound up choking at one point. Edward nearly had a panic attack when that happened despite my numerous attempts to tell him I was fine.
The rest of the time our conversation was light and superficial. I didn't want to go into anything of importance, and I think he had picked up on that fact.
After I finished breakfast, I made a sandwich. "For later," I explained when I turned to see Edward standing with one eyebrow raised quizzically. I didn't want to tell him the food was so I could stay in my room longer to avoid him. The bread would dry out in the next few hours, but at least I could stick to my plan easier.
I covered the plate in plastic wrap and turned to face Edward. It was time to put everything into action. "Um…I'm just going to go upstairs for a while," I said. "Everyone else is doing something. Do you think that's rude?"
"No," he answered. "I'll go with you."
"Hmmm." I squared my shoulders in an attempt at strength. "I kind of wanted to be alone. You know, sort everything out on my own."
"Oh." His response was so short and his body language guarded; I had no idea what he was thinking.
"All right," I said. "I'll see you later then."
He nodded, and I raced up the stairs, away from temptation. I wasn't sure which temptation I was running from; there were so many.
I sat in the rocking chair, staring out the window. The events from the conversation repeated in my mind. My apparent talent was overshadowed by the mention of mating. What did that even mean? The only definition I could think for mating was sexual. I was uncomfortable thinking about that sort of thing and Edward together; it made my mind go down the wrong path.
Or the right one, depending…
No! Definitely wrong.
Hours passed, and I fought to keep my mind from the only place my thoughts wished to go. Unfortunately, nothing helped. He popped into my mind at regular intervals…a dripping faucet.
Edward…Edward…Edward.
Later, I finally decided to venture out of my room. It was late, and the sandwich I'd eaten for lunch wouldn't last the night; I was already starving. I tentatively walked down the hall and stairs, meeting no one. The house was silent, but that meant nothing. These people hardly made noise, unless they were purposely doing so for me.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a quick bite to eat. Still no one came to talk to me. It was odd to be alone. Usually either Alice or Edward or both were at my side. As I was leaving the kitchen, Edward was standing at the bottom of the stairs.
"I saw your bedroom door was open," he said.
"I'm sure you heard me open it," I countered. And you heard me walking…and eating, I'm sure.
"True." He nodded his head in my direction. "Are you getting ready to go to sleep?"
"No, I'm going to go over there." I pointed to the family room. "Maybe watch some TV before I go to bed."
"I'll watch too," he stated.
There was no question in his words. He would be joining me. I needed to say no, but I didn't want to. I'd missed him all day, even though he'd been present in practically every thought.
Not even twenty-four hours, and you've given up, Bella. A new world record.
"Sure," I said, disappointed in my lack of will power. I started walking but stopped short and turned around. Edward was extremely close to me, disrupting my train of thought for a moment. "Um, I want to watch a movie instead. I'm going to make popcorn first."
"Didn't you just eat?"
"There's always room for popcorn," I said, patting my stomach.
"I can make it," he offered. "You go pick out a movie, and I'll have it ready in a few minutes."
"Okay."
I watched him blur as he dashed to the kitchen. I really had failed at keeping my distance. But how could I help the fact that he refused to stay away from me? I guessed I hadn't made my intentions clear, but how did you explain to someone that you couldn't be near them because you liked them too much. It really didn't make much sense.
As I pondered my situation, I walked to the DVD collection and grabbed the first one my fingers clasped around. It was a movie from the 80s. The title didn't ring any bells, but I popped it in the player anyway.
The DVD menu was displaying when Edward arrived with my popcorn. He handed it to me, and I inhaled deeply.
"Smells really good. Thanks."
He smiled slightly and sat as far away as the couch would allow.
"Risky Business?" he asked.
"First one I grabbed." I shrugged.
Rebecca De Mornay was absolutely beautiful. She reminded me of Rosalie, just the type of girl a leading man, someone like Edward, should have—barring the whole prostitution thing.
The film was pretty good but it was late, and I was tired and content with Edward finally by my side, so I drifted to sleep an hour into it.
Suddenly I could tell that I was no longer on the couch. It felt like I was floating. The object holding me should have felt warm and soft had I still been on the couch. Instead something cool and hard was surrounding me. I cuddled into it. The object was nowhere near as comfortable as the couch but it was somehow preferable, and it smelled good…really good.
I blinked my eyes open. Though my vision and brain were foggy, I figured out that Edward was carrying me up the stairs.
"I can walk, you know," I croaked. "You could've just woken me. You didn't need to carry me upstairs."
"We're almost there," he said softly.
I was going to protest, but being in his arms felt right, and I really was tired. I closed my eyes and groaned, snuggling into him. His grasp tightened minutely and he softly sighed.
After walking into the room, Edward placed me on the bed. The last thing I remembered was feeling the soft mattress against my body and the warm blankets enveloping me as I rolled onto my stomach.
End Notes:
As always, thank you so much for reading. And for those who review, you make my day many times over. I love each and every review. Until you write something, you can't understand how important they are. It's wonderful to know when someone enjoys something you've written.
Thank you for sticking with me long enough to get to chapter 11! Wow! Chapter 11; I never thought I'd post 1 let alone 11!
This may have been a confusing chapter; there's a lot of info. Let me know any questions you may have, and I will answer what I can! :D Some girls have been discussing possible theories over at the thread, and I will answer any questions you have there:
http://twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(doc)php?f=33&t=7526
Recs:
Strange Bedfellows by the_bouquet-a great AU fic
Resolutions by DoUTrustMe-another spectacular AU fic that had me up until 4 AM reading it. There's a thread somewhere, too.
If you'd like to see the falls, here's the link (there's even a video):
http://www(dot)(dot)com/beaver-falls
On research of file to have them watch, I did a twitter poll. Another Tom Cruise movie was mentioned, but I remembered Risky Business, so I included it. I found out a few things. It takes place outside Chicago. And in the alternate ending, Joel gets accepted to Dartmouth. I like those mentions, so I thought I'd make them known! :D
Last in my epic notes:
I have joined forces with nowforruin, author of Two Forks, and bookgeek80, beta extraordinaire. We will be offering a three-shot, with the possibility for continuation, for the Fandom Gives Back auction. We have created the user nowforgeekbs. Look for us on FFnet and twitter.