Ah, another reasonably speedy update! I am getting better. :D Anyway, thank you for the reviews as always, and let's get on with the show!

X =D

Disclaimer – I don't own Ashes to Ashes, but I do own the boxsets, which I plan to have a marathon with next week before I go back to school! :P

Chapter 11 – Suicide

Wednesday, 16th August, 2008

Molly was sat crossed legged on the end of her bed, the new laptop she had been given next to her, her eyes fixed on the screen when Pete entered her bedroom to say goodnight. As soon she heard her Dad enter the room, Molly jerked her head upwards and snapped down the top of her laptop.

Pete smiled at her. "Just came up to say goodnight, Molly. I thought maybe we could go out somewhere tomorrow; into Manchester maybe, do some shopping?"

"You hate shopping," Molly said, and for the first time since she had arrived, she started to feel a pang in her chest when she realised just how hard her Dad was trying to make her feel at home. She was reminded again that it wasn't really his fault that what he was trying to do was impossible. She could never feel at home here in Cheshire, in 2008, because she was sure it wasn't where she belonged anymore. She belonged in London, with her Mum, whatever year that was.

Her Dad smiled again and stood back against the wall close to her bed, one hand in his trouser pocket. "It's not that bad. I haven't had a chance to spoil you rotten and buy you some new stuff in years. Come on, how about we make a day of it? We'll go into Manchester tomorrow and do some shopping, I'll let you have a McDonalds for lunch and then we'll go the cinema later on."

Biting her lip, Molly looked downwards into her lap and considered a moment. A few weeks ago she would have scowled at her Dad, would have accused him of trying to buy her affections, of trying to make up for the fact that her Mum wasn't there to take her shopping anymore instead. But even as she thought that, Molly felt an impossible yearning to be with her Mum again – her Mum always took her on the best shopping trips. But again, it wasn't exactly her Dad's fault that he couldn't be the best – he was trying. He just wasn't her Mum. She looked up at him again. "Okay then... Sounds good. Will Judy be coming?"

Her Dad shrugged. "Not if you don't want her to. It can be just you and me if you like; she'll understand. I think she's got some work to be doing anyway."

Molly nodded, face pretty much expressionless. The prospect of going shopping with her Dad still loomed as awkward – what would they talk about? But it would be better if Judy wasn't there. When Molly was alone with her Dad, things were awkward, not much was said. But that was better than being forced into conversation by Judy's anxious small talk and desperate attempts to 'make everything alright again'. "Okay, then." She even gave her Dad a small smile. "See you in the morning."

Giving a brief grin, her Dad leant down and kissed the top of her head. "We'll have fun, Molly, and we can get you loads of new clothes and stuff. Sleep tight."

Molly watched as her Dad left the room and once he had, she breathed a sigh of relief. So... shopping. In Manchester. With her Dad. She supposed it didn't sound so bad; she might even get some stuff she wanted out of it, but... What did that matter, if she didn't want to be here long? Molly shook her head. She knew it was all alright thinking that – but how wasn't she going to be here long? She might feel more alive and more awake when she was supposedly dreaming, but that world was still only one she could access through her dreams. There was no way that she could see for her to access it permanently. And until she found a way, she was stuck in 2008 with her Dad and Judy... She was going to have to make the best of it until she could get back to her Mum and be where she belonged.

Biting down on her bottom lip again, and pausing for a second to listen out for anyone coming up the stairs, Molly opened the lid of her laptop back up and rubbed the keypad to bring the screen to life again. The BBC news page she had been looking at flickered into existence once more.

The news article was from two years ago – from 2006, when her Mum had started working on 'the book'. The news article was about a suicide – Sam Tyler's suicide. With a curious frown that slowly opened up into wide-eyed wonder, Molly read about how Sam Tyler had acted weirdly after waking from his coma. She read about how he had talked about another world, another life, about having to get back. She found out about how he had sat in a board meeting, and not even realised he was cutting into his own hand... She read how he had flung himself from the roof of New Scotland Yard, and never woken up. He had died, and no-one could understand why he had killed himself.

Except, Molly realised, he had woken up, just not in this world. He had woken up in the 70s – in Annie's world, in Gene's world. Her Mum's world – the world from her dreams. So Sam had lived here, had been born here, but he had gone to that other world, the world she was so desperate to get to. And he had done it by killing himself...

A cold chill ran down Molly's spine, and her fingers quivered on the keyboard as she felt a strange churning sensation in the pit of her stomach. Suicide. That was the only way out? She thought of her Dad, of his well-meaning efforts to help her. She thought of Judy, annoying as she was, and her constantly worried expression. She thought of Evan, who she hadn't talked to for days, and of how much that would hurt him. And last of all, Molly thought of her Mum, of everything her Mum had ever taught her. Her Mum wouldn't want her to commit suicide, wouldn't want her to die and leave everything behind...

But what if it wasn't dying? What if she killed herself and the same thing that happened to Sam Tyler happened to her? What if she didn't die, but woke up instead? She could get to where she needed to be, to the world where she belonged, where her Mum was, where she felt so much more alive. And all she had to do was...

Molly gulped, the cold feeling spreading throughout her body. She couldn't do that, could she? Just the mere thought of it made her shudder, made her hands shake and stomach churn. Just minutes ago, she had been thinking of how she would do anything, anything, to be with her Mum again. She had thought that ever since she died, ever since Evan had told her they were turning the life support off. But now, now that she knew that that anything was suicide... Could she do it? Could she kill herself, effectively, to be with her Mum again? Molly didn't know if she was strong enough. It was a hell of a risk, what if it didn't work? What if she just died, and never woke up? Who was to say that she was like her Mum or Sam Tyler? She wasn't a police officer; no-one had run her over or shot her in the head. She was making this choice for herself... But what if she couldn't get there?

With these thoughts running through her head, Molly tossed and turned in her bed all night. She couldn't get comfortable, and she couldn't think of any other solution. Her brain wouldn't be quiet, and when she did eventually get to sleep, her dreams were much more fragmented than usual – but vibrant and real as ever.

A tape squeaked as it rewound. Smoke and bright, hot, orange flames filled the air, a loud explosion sounded, a car burst apart. Someone screamed, the smell of burning ash filled her lungs, and through the mess Molly could see her Mum, collapsed on her knees, staring at the car's burning wreckage with wide, desperate and tear filled eyes. A man – Gene – ran in front of her and went to hold a little girl close, he held her hand and soothed down her blonde hair. A red balloon drifted away towards the clouds. Before Molly could even register the scene, or call out to her Mum, the blackness descended.

"We could have saved them, Gene; we could have stopped that happening to them... They could have lived. Alex Price could have grown up with her parents. They could have lived to see their little girl grow older. We could have stopped it, Gene."

Her Mum and Gene were sat together on the couch in the flat above Luigi's. Molly hovered in her usual corner, and the low lighting of the room illuminated her Mum, curled up against Gene's side, her head resting on his chest. His arms were around her, holding her close. She watched as he looked down at her Mum and silently pressed his lips to her temple.

"I know, Bols... I know." He sounded defeated too, and almost as devastated as her Mum did. "We lost this one."

Her Mum lifted her head slightly to look at him, and again Molly felt like she was watching something private, something that should just be shared between the two of them.

"I wish Molly was here, Gene... I don't want her to grow up like I- like Alex Price will." Her eyes filled with tears, and Gene pulled her closer to him, so her head was buried in the crook of his neck. Molly only just caught her next words, mumbled against Gene's skin as he rubbed soothing circles into the base of her back. "I just want my little girl back with me, Gene..."

The blackness swamped her just as quickly and suddenly as before.

The scene was Luigi's again this time – the chairs and tables familiar, the Italian music filling the air, just as it always did. Molly stood, looking on as her Mum sat and drank with Gene and her friends, the other members of CID. She looked happier now, a smile on her face at least, but there was still a lingering look of sadness in her eyes that Molly could pick up on. Then, the sound of chatter and clink of glasses and scraping of chairs that sounded in her ears faded away, and Molly heard the voice again... the Jamaican lilt was soft this time, and she had a feeling the words weren't exactly meant for her.

'Take the long way home...'

And then, the voice grew louder, and Molly felt warm breath by her ear, as though whoever the voice belonged to was stood right behind her, a warm, comforting presence. He spoke to her, the words clearer this time, and she knew he was speaking directly to her. What he said was the same as last time, and the words chimed in Molly's ears.

'When you can feel, mon brav, then you're alive. When you don't feel, you're not.'

Molly turned, eyes wide, hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever had been stood behind her. But even as she turned, she felt the trattoria around her melt away, and she was met with nothing but darkness.

And that's it for now! :D Just to warn you, the next chapter will be the penultimate one, so this story is nearing its end! Thank you very much for reading, and please review – they make my day!

X =D