Chapter 5: Morgana
Morgana was thoroughly enjoying the betrothal celebration, even if she was apprehensive about the conclusion of it. She still felt reluctant to accept Arthur as her future husband, even though she knew that she could do a lot worse and that marrying him would mean that she would be Queen of the whole of Camelot – perhaps even the whole of Albion - one day.
She was determined to have fun and use this celebration as one last opportunity to flirt with as many different young men as possible and so danced with Arthur, Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Lancelot. She even enjoyed her time with the boys she felt no attraction or friendship towards, liking the fact that most of them were so obviously surprised and impressed at how much she'd grown up recently.
Then, of course, there was Merlin, and he was going to be great fun to tease just because he was always so easy to embarrass. She would never forget the look on his face that afternoon by the lake and the way his eyes had eagerly scanned her up and down, even though he seemed to be trying to pretend that he wasn't looking. He'd hardly spared a glance for Gwen either she'd noticed, and that had been quite surprising and also very, very satisfying.
He was looking very smart tonight, and she thought that he perhaps surprised her as much as she was obviously impressing him. Not that Merlin was the typically handsome male, but he did have the ability to draw the eye and his friendly, open, easy going nature made him all the more appealing in many ways. However, just as Morgana was enjoying the opportunity to tease her friend a little, she suddenly felt a strange warmth build deep within her just as all the torches in the Hall flared brightly. She froze, horrified; one part of her convinced that she was responsible, whilst another part tried desperately to deny it.
Magic. Was that magic?
She turned to Merlin in a panic, worrying that he might somehow suspect her, but his gaze was now elsewhere, looking towards the front of the Hall where Gaius was making some lame excuse for the torches' reaction. Why would the old man say such a thing though? Morgana was now fairly convinced that it had been her - had felt it instinctively - in the same way as she knew that some of her dreams were true visions and not random nightmares.
Suddenly Nimueh was by her side. "Come, Morgana. You are looking very flushed. Perhaps a short break from this oppressive heat?" Despite wording it as a question, her maid had already looped an arm around Morgana's and was practically dragging her out with her as she spoke.
"Nimueh ..."
"Hush, let's get you back to your chambers."
"But, what was that? Was it me?" Morgana pushed.
The lady said nothing until they got back to her room and then, closing the door with a large sigh, asked her to sit down before handed her a beaker of water.
"Now then, let's see if that helps and then we can go back to the Hall. Uther will want you there for the announcements."
"But Nimueh … I felt something when the torches flared. I felt it … inside. Was that me? Was it … magic?"
"That is not a question you should be asking," she replied urgently. "Not a word you should be using in Camelot – ever."
"But, I need to know. I need to learn … don't I?"
"There are some meditation exercises I can teach you and … some other things that might help. Let's deal with all of that tomorrow. Right now you need to try and calm your mind for when we go back downstairs and try not to talk to any of the young men when you return."
"Why?" Morgana asked, confused.
"Because strong emotions are quite likely to cause your magic to flare just as it did in the Hall."
"What strong emotions? I was only talking to Merlin," she grumbled.
Nimueh gave her a very long look "Really? And what were you thinking about when you were talking to Merlin?" she asked with a sly smile. "What exactly was going through your mind at that moment?"
Morgana was briefly confused by the question, until she remembered that she'd been quite taken aback at just how attractive the lanky boy had appeared to her in his black tunic and snug fitting trousers and that, for some mad reason, she'd been unable to stop thinking about that afternoon by the lake and how his skinny frame and pale skin had seemed to draw her attention as much as her body had interested him. It really hadn't made much sense to be focusing on Merlin quite so much when Arthur and Gwaine were standing alongside but Morgana now realised that she had committed an awful lot of his body to memory. She smiled, despite herself and a nearby candle suddenly flared and brightened. She jumped up with a yelp whilst Nimueh muttered some spell to quickly counter what she'd done and made the flame return to its usual brightness.
"Well, I suppose it's not surprising you react to Merlin that way," Nimueh said, almost to herself as she surveyed the half melted candle.
"What? Why would you say that?" Morgana was even more confused. "Merlin has a certain appeal, certainly, but there were far more attractive men in the Hall tonight."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," Nimueh replied in a bored tone, "and, Morgana, you really do need to stop thinking about this subject right now. Try to let go of all your emotions; your confusion, your anger … everything."
"That's all very well for you to say, but how do you expect me to be unemotional about something so … dangerous?"
"You have to try. The more you worry about it the more danger you put us all in. Now then, I want you to close your eyes and take a few long deep breaths. Think of your early childhood, the stream in your own little garden in the East. Think of your time here with your friends when you were children, climbing trees and rolling in the mud. Try to find something inside of you that makes you calm and peaceful and then, when you feel better, we can go back downstairs."
Already Nimeuh's soothing voice had eased some of Morgana's anxieties and the images she'd suggested did help her to feel calm and happier. After half an hour she admitted that she was beginning to feel better and the pair of them made their way downstairs and back to the Great Hall.
Morgana continued to attempt to keep herself fairly detached for most of the night, although the announcement of Gwaine's betrothal to the grand-daughter of some Western Lord had been quite a surprise for all concerned and was probably the only time she felt her emotions tested again. She made a very particular point of not looking at Merlin or any of the other young men here too much and hoped they didn't think her especially rude or inattentive and, fortunately, the rest of the evening passed without further incident.
~o~0~o~
From that day on, Morgana was an uncharacteristically studious pupil, scared enough by the thought that she could have uncontrollable magic in a kingdom where the skill was punishable by death, to work hard on her meditation exercises as often as possible. Of course, she was now set to marry Arthur who, according to Nimueh, was just as set against sorcery as his father. When she had reluctantly admitted to herself that her reaction in the Hall had indeed been a direct response to her frankly lustful thoughts about a semi-naked Merlin and what it might be like to kiss him, it dawned on her that she was now betrothed to Arthur and would be doing that and very much more with him in a few years time. It was therefore essential she developed some control over her powers before her wedding night and, although that idea still seemed strange and, frankly wrong on so many levels, it was enough of a distraction to help her through the thoroughly boring meditation exercises that made needlework seem like the most exciting sword training in comparison.
~o~0~o~
A year had passed since King Lot had died and civil war still raged in the North and the West, although it was peaceful enough within Camelot. The Quintet had settled into their new routine, similar to their childhood but with their afternoon free time now restricted to the company of the same sex. Despite having been the one that had complained most bitterly about Uther's strict new rules, Morgana was now content to accept them and allow herself a chance to develop the skills that Nimueh was teaching her. This mostly involved learning how to focus her emotions through the pendant that she now wore around her neck and creating a magical shield that would hopefully contain and control her burgeoning magical powers.
It many ways it was a good thing that she currently had no amorous feelings for Arthur, as he was one young male who she was regularly allowed to be in the company of, even though they were mostly supervised or chaperoned. Uther was now actively encouraging the pair to spend their free time together and Morgana was pleased that it was Nimueh who always volunteered to be their chaperone, just in case her magic did get out of control. In the past it was more likely that Arthur would cause her to get angry than any other emotions but, according to Nimueh, even that could be dangerous for her right now so she still had to be careful when in his company.
Luckily, it seemed the two had fallen into a strange, easy friendship in recent months with Arthur now rather more gallant and thoughtful than he had been as a child, and her now far too nervous to let her temper get the better of her. So, they would talk of the rebellion, of their friends that they were not able to see much of and, more often nowadays, about the future of Camelot and the sort of peaceful world they hoped to rule when they were King and Queen.
~o~0~o~
Morgana might well be having some success with her meditation and the pendant did now seem to be acting as an early warning sign and buffer to her more extreme magical outbursts, but neither of these seemed to be helping her with her dreams which were also becoming more frequent as she matured. However, despite her very great knowledge, Nimueh seemed at a loss on how to help her young charge with this particular problem and had eventually decided to call on Gaius for help.
"But won't he ask … questions?" Morgana asked after another terrifying dream where she had witnessed Arthur and Merlin on a battlefield apparently both fighting each other and the dragon at the same time.
"Gaius can be trusted," Nimueh replied firmly.
"What do you mean by that?" Morgana asked suspiciously.
"Exactly what I said," Nimueh stated haughtily. "He won't tell Uther and he should be able to help you."
"Do you mean he has magic too?" Morgana asked.
"That's not what I said," she replied and the girl sighed, frustrated at how magic was such a sensitive subject here that she could not even confide in those she knew that had it, never mind ask if or who else might be talented.
The old man simply asked her a few annoyingly bland questions and prescribed her a strong sleeping draught. When she complained that Alice already gave her such things Gaius gave her a long hard look, one eyebrow raised, and replied that his were considerably more effective.
Morgana was not entirely convinced of that though. For the first night or two after a new tonic, she did indeed have deep dreamless sleeps, but it seemed that her body somehow became resistant to each concoction and it wasn't long before the visions would start to slip through again. So, she would then receive another visit from Gaius where the physician would offer her a slightly different potion, and she would go through the whole cycle again; a few good nights, followed a bad one, followed by another visit from Gaius.
What with the lack of sleep, her frustrating lessons with the pendant and her general fear of the magic and what would happen if Uther ever found out, Morgana started to become quiet and withdrawn; fighting with her feelings of anger and frustration at everything and everyone, whilst the knowledge that those very emotions were making both the pendant and the potions less effective were making her even more terrified of discovery. Uther and Arthur were constantly worrying and fussing over her whenever she was in their company, Merlin and Gwaine regularly stopped her in the corridor to ask her if she was feeling quite well, whilst Gwen became her rock, talking with her during the evenings and having breakfast with her in the morning and somehow managing to make her feel better without ever knowing the true reason for her friend's distress.
"I saw Gwaine and Merlin earlier," Morgana told Gwen one evening, "and I admit that I miss the old days when we were all together in the afternoon – playing games and laughing."
"So do I," her friend replied. "I see Merlin from time to time as I'm still helping Gaius when ever I get the chance, but I see Gwaine and Arthur so rarely now." She sighed.
"Yes and it still seems all wrong, all upside down," Morgana complained, wondering whether she should dare broach this next subject. "Seeing the other boys in the corridor today well, they're growing up so nicely." She allowed herself to grin cheekily at Gwen, whilst focusing hard on her pendant and trying not to think about the lake.
"Yes," Gwen agreed quietly.
"And I realised then that, well, I get these … feelings when I see the other two. Feelings that I honestly don't have when I'm with Arthur."
Gwen suddenly looked up at her with a small frown, as she realised that Morgana was being serious and not flirty for a change. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you know that Gwaine and I were sweethearts for a short while and, I have to admit that I miss those times when I see him now … wishing perhaps …?"
"Really? You still have feelings for him?" Gwen asked.
"Perhaps. Do you not feel the same about Merlin?"
"Merlin?" Gwen looked surprised. "No, not really." She frowned, considering. "I miss those times we spent together, I admit," she continued. "The afternoons where we would just walk along the river holding hands, talking and it was very pleasant ... affectionate ... tactile." She smiled as her mind obviously wandered for a bit before suddenly shaking her head. "But now I realise that those feelings were just an extension of our friendship. 'Friendship with benefits', Merlin calls it."
"You feel differently about Lancelot though?"
"Yes ..." She replied quickly before pausing and biting her lower lip. Morgana quickly latched onto her hesitation.
"Ooh … who else? Spill, Gwen."
"W-what? Why do you say that?"
"You're betrothed to a handsome young man who you admit you have feelings for, but I recognise that look ... you're pining."
"I wouldn't say that."
"But there's someone else you like too?"
"Don't, Morgana, I'm just being selfish. Of course I'm happy with Lancelot. I'm very lucky ... It's just ..." She bit her lip, thinking. "I suppose I'm just curious, that's all. I needed to spend that time with Merlin to fully understand my feelings for him and … well, part of me can't help wondering ..." She shook her head. "I don't suppose I'm making any sense?"
"Believe me, you're making perfect sense." Morgana almost felt relieved. It was if Gwen had managed to explain just what had been confusing her recently. Perhaps now she understood that it was just curiosity about something she could never have, it would be easier to meditate on and solve and that, in turn, might mean that her dreams might become less troubling too.
~o~0~o~
Gaius now made just enough sleeping draught to last her for five nights which was about how long it took until she really needed a different concoction. It was only after Nimueh had left her on that one evening that Morgana realised that the bottle was empty and so, hurriedly putting on her stockings and boots and covering herself with the most modest of her nightgowns, she made her way along the corridors and stairs towards the physician's chamber in order to collect Gaius' latest potion which she was fairly certain he'd have waiting for her.
However, when she entered the physician's beautifully cluttered chambers, the old man wasn't there. Instead she encountered Merlin, sitting at the table and carefully pouring some recently ground ingredients into a small bottle.
"Morgana," he squeaked, jumping up from the stool as if he'd been burned; his eyes wide as he looked her up and down and he swallowed hard. She tried very hard not to laugh at his reaction, even as she found her own gaze drifting down to the open neck of his shirt - a rare sight without his usual neckerchief – and then back up to his slightly tousled hair which had her fingers itching to comb it into some sort of order.
"You're working late," she commented.
"Yeah, I like to keep busy nowadays," he said quietly and she wondered if he was still grieving over Freya. Hardly surprising seeing how often the subject of the rebellion and the attack that had started the whole civil war was brought up.
"You're not busy enough running around after Arthur? Anyone would think you were his servant, not his companion," she teased trying to provoke him into a smile.
"I don't mind."
"You need more sleep, Merlin, you look exhausted."
He raised an eyebrow at her in a rather timid version of Gaius' favourite expression. "Says you."
"Oh yes, I have these nightmares sometimes," she replied, waving a casual hand. "Gaius usually gives me a sleeping draught but I've just realised I'm out."
"Oh, I think I saw that somewhere," Merlin said, turning to a nearby table and searching a couple of bottles.
"Where is he, anyway?"
"He's gone to see a very sick child in the lower town. It doesn't look good, unfortunately, so he said he might not be back here until late."
"Oh, how sad."
Merlin simply nodded in response and started to walk over to her, the bottle firmly grasped in one hand. She moved forwards to take it and found her eyes drawn to his exposed neck again, remembering the lake and how he looked with no shirt on at all - almost nothing on, in fact. As he handed her the bottle their hands touched and she found herself gazing up at his blue eyes, surprised at how tall he was now, and then to his lips wondering, yet again, how his kisses might differ from Gwaine's and why she couldn't seem to stop thinking about it.
There was a sudden flare of warmth and light and Merlin yelped, jumping away from her hastily. It was only then that Morgana belatedly realised that, in her rush to collect the potion, she left her pendant in her chambers and that she'd just lost control of her magic again. The numerous candles in the room had all flared brightly before most of the flames quickly drowned in their own wax. She stared in dismay at the nearest one, now a rapidly cooling puddle, congealing on a pile of fairly important looking papers, only half aware of Merlin muttering something under his breath whilst the last of the candles stuttered down to their normal brightness.
"Honestly, Morgana, haven't you sorted that out by now?" Merlin sounded so casual, so matter of fact about something she's been sworn to keep quiet that she rounded on him, suddenly angry.
"What would you know about it, Merlin?"
"I was there when it happened the last time, remember?" he responded rather sarcastically.
"Y-you're not supposed to know ..." She moved closer. "If you say anything to … anyone, I promise that I will make your life a very short and miserable one."
"Calm down, Morgana. I'm not going to say anything. Why would I?" Merlin sighed as he too surveyed the damage to the papers on the table. "What a mess."
"It's not my fault," she complained. "I'm trying my best, but you've no idea how hard all of this, how difficult it is to control."
"Look … Morgana ..." he began.
"No! It's not fair and I thought you were my friend ..." Why did he always have to be so calm about everything. Treating this as something unimportant and annoying to him. She started to turn away, aware of her anger building, but Merlin was quicker, darting in front of her and trying to prevent her from leaving.
"Please, Morgana, I'm sorry I shouted … I was just surprised, that's all and ..." He paused, holding his hands up towards her. "Is it always flames with you?"
"What? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Flames? I mean ..."
"Yes, I heard you the first time." She stepped to one side, trying to move around him but he again blocked her. She was getting angry now and that wasn't going to help matters at all. She went to move him out of the way and her magic intervened a little, pushing him a little harder than was polite.
"Hey!" he complained moving towards her aggressively. "You really must try to calm down before you do some real damage."
"You don't get to tell me what to do, Merlin. Get out of my way." Again she started to push him but this time he was ready for her and grabbed her wrists, pushing back. She gave a small yelp as she found suddenly found her back up against a wall. Her anger quickly died as she felt herself enveloped by a strange, comforting warmth, whilst a strange hum seemed to pulse through her. She looked up, blinking, to find Merlin face surprisingly close to hers, his eyes bright and conflicted; anger and confusion battling for supremacy.
"You have to calm down … it's dangerous." His voice was very soft but surprisingly commanding nonetheless and, as he moved closer to her, she found her eyes again drawn to his lips. He noted the direction of her gaze and his own eyes widened nervously. "... don't ..."
This last came out in a slightly strangled tone and she grinned, abruptly stopping her pushing movement which, ultimately, caused him to stagger forwards and into her waiting arms.
She took full advantage and kissed him.
He had frozen in shock as their lips touched and she felt annoyance as she willed him to relax and kiss her properly. He then pulled briefly away, his blue eyes wide and surprised and, playing her hand carefully, Morgana pushed against him again, as if using his momentary surprise to escape. Just as she hoped, he instinctively pushed her back, his hands pinning both wrists to the wall on either side of her head but, this time, it was him that kissed her and with a great deal more enthusiasm than before.
Morgana briefly worried about her magic again but, surprisingly. it seemed to be under control. She had no idea why that could be when she she could honestly say that her emotions were now all over the place, but it felt as if she was somehow wrapped in a warm comforting blanket and it seemed that she was both incredibly excited and totally relaxed, all at the same time. When Merlin pulled away for a second time, looking rather too stunned to speak, she wriggled a little against the wall and sighed contentedly.
"Merlin … I'm impressed. That wasn't bad. Not bad at all."
He let go of her wrists with a glare at her cheeky comment and stepped back wide eyed. "Morgana … we mustn't … I'm really not supposed to ..." He shook his head. "Seeing you've calmed down a bit, I think you had better go."
"Yes," she started to walk past him. "Soon, anyway." She pounced on him again, running the fingers of one hand through his hair and allowing the other to stroke his neck as she kissed him once more. He didn't object initially, responding enthusiastically whilst apparently allowing her to subtly teach him what it was she liked. Morgana delighted in the feel of Merlin's lips against hers and that strange, comforting warmth that was still flowing through her. Then, as he held her a little closer, she felt a sudden burst of heat, something strange and hot against her chest – the sensation was almost uncomfortable and, for a moment she worried that she'd lost control again and set more candles alight.
"You really had better go now, Morgana," Merlin gasped, practically pushing her away and turning his back abruptly, one hand on his chest, apparently taking several deep breaths to calm himself. "I have to tidy up all that melted wax before Gaius gets back."
"Merlin …?"
"Please!" he begged and she decided to take pity on him and give her own confused emotions a break in the process.
"You're probably right. Thank you for the sleeping potion, Merlin and … the kisses," she couldn't resist adding as she left.
She was a little more careful from that point onwards, making sure she always wore her pendant even whilst asleep, just in case she had any 'interesting' dreams. She made a special point of practising her meditation even more enthusiastically and was especially cautious whenever she knew she was likely to be in the company of certain young men.
~o~0~o~
Almost a year had passed, and the beginning of spring saw the wedding of Sir Leon and the Lady Cali who was the daughter of one of the alliance lords Uther had struck a deal with at that festival almost two years earlier.
The ceremony was just due to start, and the couple had only just made their way to stand in front of Geoffrey, when there was a sudden violent wind whipped up in the Hall. After the screams had died down and the dust had settled, Morgana looked up to see two people standing on the dais near the thrones, a tall imposing man and a pretty fair haired girl who looked around the room nervously.
"Magic!" Uther shouted. "Guards!"
The knights moved forward quickly to apprehend the intruders, but the sorcerer simply held up a hand and they appeared to bump into an invisible wall, a slight flicker of light the only indication of the magic involved.
"Now then, Uther, is that any way to greet your future family?" The man asked with a confident smile.
"What are you talking about? Who are you?" the king demanded.
"My name is Alvarr and this is my daughter Elaine," the sorcerer said. "King Cenred and Queen Morgause have heard all about your little scheme of arranging marriages between the border and Western lords and were most put out to find they were not invited. As such I've come here with my daughter to arrange a marriage to your son."
"The Morgause would have control of Camelot," Gwen whispered from beside her.
Morgana turned towards Arthur in time to see Merlin whispering something in his ear with a grin, whilst the prince raising his eyes to the ceiling in response.
"You're delusional," Uther retorted. "I have refused even those polite visitors who have come for such an alliance. Why would you think that I would change my mind for an enemy of Camelot and a practitioner of magic?"
"Because I'm going to offer you an incentive," Alvarr said. "One you will not be able to refuse."
"I shall never do what a sorcerer asks."
"With this spell, all your children will fall into a deep sleep," Alvarr intoned, raising a hand melodramatically. "All innocents will remain unconscious until such time as I choose to lift the enchantment."
"Children? What does he mean by that?" Gwen whispered. Morgana shook her head, confused.
"Will you allow this marriage?" Alvarr asked Uther.
"No. You do not have the power to force it."
"Or to force me," the prince added. Morgana turned her attention back to her betrothed to see Merlin whispering to him again, this time more urgently. Yes, probably best Arthur didn't draw the sorcerer's attention towards him right now. No point in asking for trouble.
Unfortunately, Alvarr had already started to walk toward the prince, his daughter staying close by his side along with the shield that was apparently still protecting the pair from attack. Others in the Hall were also moving; Alator, Nimueh, Alice and Gaius. Morgana nodded to herself now feeling a little more confident. They weren't quite as defenceless as these Northerns thought, they had some magic wielders of their own, even if Uther didn't know it.
Arthur drew his sword as the pair approached but Alvarr was already chanting a spell and the prince quickly froze as they reached him. The next moment the shield shimmered once more and, after it had calmed, it was obvious that Arthur was now within it; a prisoner.
It was all happening too fast, Alvarr was now casting another spell and Morgana saw the local sorcerers pause; confusion and panic on their faces. This enchantment had them confused, the girl realised. Was there any way they could counter this whilst Alvarr was still protected by his shield?
There was a sudden cry of dismay as a child fell to the floor and her parents knelt beside her in concern. Then the other few children honoured enough to be invited to such an event also dropped to the floor, followed by others of around her own age and a few who were a little older. Next to her Gwen collapsed, then Gwaine whilst Merlin started to sway, one hand on his chest. Morgana sensed it then, the unmistakable feel of magic enveloping her and she felt her pendant buzz like an angry wasp as it apparently tried to protect her.
Now a few older people were starting to collapse, but most of the adults here seemed to be unaffected by this particular enchantment. She attempted to grab her pendant through her dress, concentrating hard and trying to remember everything that Nimueh had taught her in order to use it as a magical shield, but the Hall was beginning to blur, the voices echoing in her ears and becoming rapidly more distant and she knew she was loosing the battle.
Unable to fight the sudden feeling of lethargy, Morgana closed her eyes and crumpled to the floor, as darkness overtook her.
xoxOxox
Next time: Merlin, and the last chapter of Part 2.
22/6/12