The Legacy of Sacrifice

by Moonhun7er

Post-ME3 fanfiction following M!Shenko pairing. Now that the war is finally over, things begin to get better for our duo as they, and the galaxy, try to pick up the pieces. However, a stunning revelation shows Kaidan that now he has to be the one to pick up Shepard's mantle, bringing together his friends in order to save his love. Full length, 240k word novel. NSFW content.

11. Chapter 11: Lost Among The Crowd

Kaidan had a plan.

He cast a quick glance behind him at Shepard who was impatiently fiddling with some of his armour mods at the console near the back of the cargo bay. Every so often, Shepard would look up with a curious and unusual look on his face at the group clustered along the front of the cargo bay, just off to the side and out of the way of casual foot traffic and the Kodiak's movement path. Kaidan could still hear the echoes of conversation that had just happened only a few minutes back and several metres above them. Shepard, his head not only filled with Prothean lore and culture, but the very essence of the Prothean people themselves, all trapped in his head. It made him wonder if that was the reason for Shepard's... erratic behaviour. It would be difficult to find one soul, lost among the crowd, and a thousand years worth? Maybe, just maybe.

But a tiny, annoying voice at the back of his head kept bringing him back to the transcript that Admiral Hackett had shown him. Stepping into a Reaper, willingly, and god only knew what had happened while Shepard was in there before the Crucible had shut down Harbinger once and for all. He still had so many questions, so many considerations about everything that was going on and he didn't know where to turn to or what to do for answers. It was bad enough that he had to keep Shepard in the dark about so many things, and it hurt to think that the man's trust and confidence were dwindling with each occurrence.

"The Rachni Queen, Doc? What are you, loco?" James practically shouted, breaking the confounding silence that permeated the air since Liara's pronouncement. The sudden outburst opened the floodgates as everyone poured out their own opinions at the same time.

"He is right, Liara. The possibility of the Rachni being traceable while simultaneously calculating for-"

"Wait a minute there, Liara. Just because Shepard rescued her once from Noveria and a second time from-"

"The Rachni were a plague in my cycle, they should have been extinguished as well as-"

"I mean, hell, I'm all down for saving Loco's sanity, you know? But how do we even find-"

"Can't even think of where to beginning searching for-"

"Alright, enough!" Kaidan broke through, shouting everyone else down.

"Major, I mean, there's just no way Alliance'll let this one slide. Yeah, we used them on the Crucible but desperate times and all that. No way Hackett'll let it slide..." James said, voicing out Kaidan's fear about the subject.

"I'll... deal with it. Talk to Hackett, just maybe..."

"It's alright Kaidan," Liara said soothingly as she shut down the holo, "I mean, it was something I was considering anyway. They're probably right, it might not amount to much..."

"Still, I'd appreciate it if, uh, you could maybe send me the data you have on the Rachni?"

"Of course, Kaidan."

"-with your permission, Major Alenko?" EDI's voice broke in, startling him out of his thoughts.

Everyone was looking expectantly at him and he tried desperately to recall what his sub-conscious might have heard about what they'd been discussing. Oh, that's right. They were going to start up the beacon and run a diagnostic on its capacity to identify indoctrination. With a last quick glance at Shepard behind, he nodded his assent and EDI paused for a moment as she diverted power into the device and let the sequences run.

A small, green orb emerged out of the surface and seemed to scan all of them before coalescing into a larger, more chaotic shifting orb of green streams. It seemed to regard them quizzically for a moment before it hovered in place and addressed them.

"Obtaining chronological marker. Timescale established. Post-Prothean cycle, confirmed. Searching for the presence of-"

"VI," Javik said, stepping forward, "Cancel initializing sequence. The war, it is over."

"Hold," came the response, "Order confirmed."

Kaidan watched in wonder as the random bits of translucent green pieces began to whirl and shape themselves, affixing pieces on to limbs and a torso that was smaller, but recognizably Prothean. It stood there patiently and if it seemed to recognize Javik as a living Prothean from its era, it gave no sign.

Kaidan noticed a slight tightening in Javik's expression before he stilled it, stepping forward and addressing the VI directly.

"What are you called?"

"I am called Ward."

Javik nodded in response. He cast a telling glance at Kaidan then at Shepard. Kaidan understood what he was trying to imply and nodded silently in response, "Ward, run protocol thirteen-two," Javik spoke and lowered his voice as he continued, "Complete scan for indoctrinated presence."

"Scanning..."

Everyone seemed to hold their breath at the same time the device concluded its scan and voiced its findings.

"Indoctrinated presence... not detected," and the collective whoosh of breath that emerged from everyone sounded very much like a breeze as it echoed off the metallic walls of the cargo bay.

Kaidan grinned with relief as Steve said, "Well, that's that I suppose."

James had other things on his mind however as he blurted out, "Wait, wait. That's it? We're just supposed to accept that that's enough? Can't we just," James cast a wary glance back to where Shepard appeared to be engrossed in his armour mods, "Can't we, you know, run some scans on Loco or something? I mean, we did say that this might be a... different type of... indoctrination. Or something." the last word almost a barely heard whisper.

Liara bit her lip as she turned to look at Kaidan. "He's right, Kaidan. We know that this isn't enough to discount anything, except that it helps us at least identify that we aren't indoctrinated. In the normal sense anyway," she added glumly.

Kaidan had known, had been the one to bring it up, but he didn't want to kill the small burst of hope that had appeared after the VI's pronouncement. Still...

"Javik," he said, turning to the Prothean, "Do you think that maybe, the beacons have some kind of... biometric scanner? Can they, uh, can we use it to scan Shepard?"

Javik narrowed his eyes as he snorted disdainfully, "This is an encapsulated VI program meant to convey information on our cycle, human. Why would you think it would need a medical scan program installed. It is a stupid concept."

Kaidan raised his hands in defeat as he tried to calm Javik down, "Alright, alright. So maybe not the best idea, but I wonder..."

"Kaidan?" Liara asked curiously.

Ignoring her for the moment, he turned to address the VI as it neutrally stood there, watching everything unfold.

"Um, VI- I mean, Ward. Can I ask you a question?" Kaidan asked tentatively.

"What question?" It responded. Well, that was a good sign, he supposed.

"Can you... uh, can you scan for other forms of... indoctrination? Do you have information, any information, whether other forms of indoctrination exist?" Kaidan rushed out.

The holographic image of the VI stared at him and seemed to blink through the query as the translucent particles shifted and re-aligned.

"Scanning data banks and searching for relevant information on subject: indoctrination. Hold."

Muted conversation was starting up again as the silence dragged on and Javik and Liara seemed to be having a heated discussion about something while James and Steve were speaking softly to one another. Kaidan continued to stare at the VI as it seemed to return the gesture.

"Scan complete," it concluded, drawing everyone's attention back to it, "Information on indoctrination protocols, two. Information on indoctrination, one."

"Two?" Kaidan blurted out but Javik overrode him and spoke up to the VI.

"Two indoctrination protocols? Ward, why are there two protocols for indoctrination? This is something even I was not aware of..." he demanded.

"Protocol thirteen-two. Preliminary scan of cranial synaptic response mapping and system in order to identify rudimentary concept of indoctrination caused by Reaper electromagnetic field generation and infra/ultra sound influences. Data founded and collated by-"

"And the second protocol," Javik insisted, teeth bared.

"Protocol fifteen-one," the VI replied coolly, "Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the occupation of Tarr'Grish, multiple exponentials of said phenomena were recorded by Master Riaton, drawing concern to consideration that possibility exists for indoctrination system to be altered or improved. Studies show examples of individuals who have obvious symptoms of indoctrination while maintaining independence and unique characteristics. Study one, original study opened and created by Master Taras, shows-"

"Enough. End your pointless ranting," Javik said, biting off each word crisply.

"Understood," came the VI's reply and it whirled back into stillness.

Everyone seemed stunned by the revelation, but Kaidan didn't feel weighed down by the additional information. On the contrary, he felt the tiny seed of hope expand as it grew wings and soared within him.

"That's it," Kaidan breathed, eyes shining, "Even the Protheans realized that other forms of indoctrination existed. It- Maybe, it could one of those. Or maybe another form that has never been encountered before. If we know that then we could cure John, or..."

"Kaidan..." Liara began, stepping toward him, but he moved away and approached the VI.

"VI, I mean, Ward. Run protocol fifteen-one," Kaidan said.

Javik had opened his mouth and was about to say something when the VI spoke, silencing him. "Protocol fifteen-one. Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the occupation of Tarr'Grish-"

"Wait, what? No, run protocol fifteen-one. Scan for other forms of indoctrination."

"Unable to comply," came the polite reply and Kaidan wanted to grit his teeth.

"Why can't you run protocol fifteen-one?" Kaidan snapped out. They were this close to finding answers, reliable, solid answers and the only thing standing between him and that was a recalcitrant VI.

"Not enough data available," it said simply in response and Kaidan wondered if hitting the beacon would make the thing work properly.

Javik stepped up and placed a hand on Kaidan's shoulder silencing him with a look and making him step back.

"Prothean technology requires a delicate hand, human," Javik almost smirked and Kaidan almost contemplated punching the smug alien in the face. Almost.

"Ward," Javik opened, "We require more information. Expand upon limitations for protocol fifteen-one."

"Not enough data available," the VI responded patiently and Kaidan had to fight back a smirk as Javik rose threateningly up to the hologram.

"Ward," Javik practically hissed, "why is the data insufficient? Expand you stupid VI. We require more information."

"Memory loss detected. Re-routing inquiry. Protocol fifteen-one. Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the-"

"Enough!" Javik roared as he whipped around and addressed Kaidan, "This construct is obviously faulty. It must have been damaged during the war. We will throw it out the airlock. Now."

James snorted from behind Kaidan as he quipped back, "Yeah, and watch as it falls, smack onto Thessia. What was that you said about 'planetary bombardment' EDI?"

"Lieutenant Vega is correct, Javik. During the war, Thessia suffered massive orbital attacks from Reaper Destroyers. It would not be recommended to compound the damage done to the planet by-"

"You are all fools," Javik declared, "Machines are a waste of time and effort and the only thing that compounds itself is the stupidity of primitives too blind to see-"

"Javik. Please," was all Liara said as she directed a sharp look at the Prothean and it cut through the tirade like a knife.

"No, T'Soni, you must understand..."

Kaidan sighed as the frustrated bickering continued. He could understand now why Shepard had had so many sleepless nights and stressful moments just handling the coalition that he had painstakingly gathered together and wondered, not for the first time, if even that would have been possible if the threat of annihilation hadn't hovered over everything like a bad smell. As

his thoughts returned to Shepard, he cast a look back at the armoury bench and saw that Shepard was no longer there. He sighed again in resignation, wishing that he could just come clean with his lover. Perhaps it would help the situation, or it might damn them all if Shepard went over the edge, he didn't know.

"EDI, has Shepard..."

"My scans have indicated that he left the cargo bay approximately seven minutes ago and has only just recently entered the Starboard Observation section."

"Thank you. Liara could you..."

Liara turned at the sound of her name and gave him a quick nod. "Of course. I'll let you know if anything... changes."

With a grateful nod in return, Kaidan turned towards the elevator and strode away from the group as he tried to come up with what to say to Shepard about everything that had been going on.

Shepard paced relentlessly, thankful that his enhanced healing had allowed him to exert himself more forcefully without any serious consequences. He kept his eyes down onto the metallic floor of the room, refusing to look up for fear of spotting something that would draw his attention to it; he didn't want to unnecessarily shred something that he'd miss later on or that they would have great difficulty in replacing.

Just as he was about to give up on another empty circuit and consider destroying at least one cushion, the door to the main hall swished open and Kaidan stood tiredly, framed against the door. Shepard cast a quick look at the man and resumed his fevered pacing, refusing to look the other man in the face.

"John..." Kaidan began but Shepard didn't look up, couldn't look up, for fear of breaking down and venting his frustrations on someone who probably didn't deserve it.

Shepard paused as he felt his head collide with Kaidan's chest and before he could turn around and walk away from the obstacle, Kaidan grabbed both of his arms in his hands and tried to move him to look up into the other man's eyes.

"John, please..."

Shepard half-heartedly tried to pull back, aware that his physical enhancements made him much stronger than any normal person should be, and even with Kaidan's added muscle over the last few years and Shepard's recent deterioration, he knew he could have easily broken that hold on him if he tried.

Kaidan let go when he was sure Shepard wouldn't move away once they broke contact and stepped back as Kaidan watched him. Shepard found himself shifting under that stare, always so deep and meaningful that seemed to search for things within himself that he didn't even think existed.

"What do you want me to say Kaidan?" Shepard said hoarsely, throat obstructed with emotion.

"I don't know John, what do you want to say?" Kaidan said softly as he continued to watch.

"Me? So now I get a say in all this?" Shepard snorted at the absurdity of the situation, "I mean, when I told you that I understood what you were doing, it didn't mean I was okay with you shoving me on some shelf like an old Blasto stuffed-toy."

"Okay, yeah. Well, John, what did you expect me to do?" Kaidan said hotly, "To say? Didn't you think that I wanted you with us, with me? Hackett's orders were that-"

Shepard closed the gap between the in an eye blink, coming up close to Kaidan and making the other man step back in shock. "By-the-book Kaidan? I thought we left that all behind when we started something between us. So I guess that just doesn't mean anything to you, or at least it doesn't mean the same thing that I'm holding on to..."

That was all Shepard could get out, still very much aware of how much his words could hurt Kaidan if he applied them correctly and he didn't want any irreparable damage done to their relationship if he could help it. Kaidan flared hotly and stepped up to the statement, rare anger burning through his control.

"And what is that supposed to mean, John," Kaidan growled through gritted teeth, sending a thrill of attraction and anger at the man's tone and words.

"You know what it means, Kaidan," Shepard snapped back, not backing down now that he had the opening to voice his thoughts, "I'm fine, everything about me is fine. I-"

"Not everything, John," Kaidan said with quiet intensity, "Have you already forgotten? On Earth? What you did, or were planning to do to that doctor?"

"Of course I've forgotten! I can't even remember what happened, how the hell am I supposed to remember something like that? I told you, I told Hackett. It doesn't stop me from being useful, from being a soldier..." Shepard finished bitterly as he turned away, finally letting his closely guarded fear out as the anger quickly drained away.

Shepard tensed as he felt strong arms fold over his chest and arms from behind, felt Kaidan press himself up against his own tight back, as he stared forward at nothing.

"John? Is that what all this is about?" Kaidan whispered soothingly into his ear, diminishing the shame and anger that had been burning in him, "I... I didn't know."

"A ship without its engine isn't much of a ship, huh Kaidan," Shepard muttered quietly as he felt Kaidan's breath twine around his scalp and ear, "I'm a fighter, I'm Alliance. What the hell can I even do now? I don't even know what's wrong with me, where to start, how to even begin looking for answers. I hate being in the dark like this..."

"No, John," Kaidan said as he pulled Shepard in closer, "That's not all you are. I mean sure, that's a part of what made you a legend, a great soldier. But there's more. Mentor, friend... lover."

Shepard felt another thrill move through him at the words, comforting, reassuring words.

"Kaidan, I..."

"I'm sorry, John. I never meant to keep you in the dark. Look, I- I'll talk to Hackett when I report in, see if we can convince him to, I don't know, give you more free reign? Listen, John," Kaidan said, releasing his hold and turning Shepard around to look at him, "I- I want you to know... I mean, you are so important to me, and once, I let so many things get between that. Between us..."

Shepard watched as Kaidan trailed off, gathering his thoughts, face partially scrunched up as he wrestled with his thoughts.

"John, I'll tell you everything, everything I know, about what's going on alright? I mean, let's... let's just settle stuff here on Thessia first and see where we're heading off to. I... I promise, I'll fill you in on everything. Tonight. Alright, Shepard?" Kaidan said tiredly, as if reaching the decision in his mind had sucked away the last of his strength.

Shepard opened his mouth to speak but EDI's voice broke through the air, interrupting him.

"Shepard. Major Alenko. We have concluded most of the investigations into the beacon. Liara is outside the Starboard Observation entrance requesting entry. Shall I allow her in?"

"Ah, actually EDI, I'll come out. Tell Liara to hold on," Kaidan said before quickly turning to him and whispering silently, "Later John, I promise. Wait for me?"

Shepard pressed a quick kiss on soft, warm lips before pulling back and staring seriously into Kaidan's eyes.

"Always."

Kaidan stepped out as the door to the Starboard Observation slid shut. Liara was leaning casually against the wall, tapping some points into her omni-tool and Kaidan wondered again if she had been waiting outside the entire time and had listened to their conversation so that she could leap in with a well-timed interruption. Probably not.

Liara looked up, slightly worried, as he approached.

"Kaidan, is Shepard..."

Kaidan leaned against the wall opposite from her and scrubbed at his eyes tiredly. Thank god the encounter hadn't left him with any headaches, but even if it had, he'd have been glad for it, finally cracking through Shepard's thick wall of indifference and getting to the heart of the matter. That, more than anything else, had decided it for him.

"He's fine. Probably just a little pissed-off about the whole thing, but... I think we're good. We're good." Kaidan said, letting a little relief tinge his words, "So, how's the beacon? Thrown out the airlock yet?" Kaidan asked innocently, hoping to change the subject.

Liara gave a light, musical laugh in response.

"Now most of you understand how... frustrating it can be working on Prothean relics sometimes. In any case, it probably wouldn't have been the wisest action."

Kaidan ventured a small smile at that. "Yeah, you're probably right. So did we manage to pull anything else out of it?"

"So far, nothing too concrete," Liara said, bringing up her omni-tool and letting the expanded holo-screen play out in front of him, "I tried to investigate the other entry about... indoctrination and it turned out it was a compilation of already known facts and case studies that were documented on different worlds."

Kaidan snorted in response, "Yeah, um, so nothing extra, I guess."

"Well, we wouldn't expect all the answers to appear right before us would we?" Liara sighed.

"So, I- What do you think should be our next step in... all of this?" Kaidan posed the question to her.

Liara paused thoughtfully for a moment before venturing an answer.

"I suppose our best bet would be to hunt down any remaining Prothean beacons and to retrieve the remnant codes from the geth. I can send you the list, though the most easily accessible seemed to be in... familiar places. Omega, Tuchanka and Rannoch. We could perhaps leave that for last, so that we could retrieve the codes from the geth at the same time... I'm not sure."

"Yeah, alright. That sounds like a plan at least... Better than anything else I can think off," Kaidan muttered wryly and Liara picked up on it almost instantly.

"Goddess, how dense of me. This must be very difficult for you, Kaidan, especially after everything you've been through with Shepard. And I didn't even think to ask, how you were doing..."

Kaidan forced out a small smile at her concern. "I'm... I mean, it hasn't really been easy, you know? But Shepard... well, he's doing alright, for now at least. I just... I don't know Liara, how much more he'll have to go through and whether it'll break him or... I- I'm just not sure."

"Yes, Shepard has always been so strong. Always our guiding light in the darkness of space, and now, with everything that's going on... But anyway, I'd much rather prefer to know how you're doing, Kaidan."

Kaidan breathed a difficult breath. He wasn't a prime example of a social creature and he'd only been able to come out of his shell recently with Shepard, despite all the time that they had spent together. Even though Liara and Garrus were the next closest friends he had, it was still difficult to lay out his emotions to anyone else but Shepard.

"I'm... I'm doing fine I guess. I was just hoping, you know, maybe after everything was over, all the things we've seen and done, the universe would give us a break. Or just let us live our lives in peace. God, I can't even... I mean, I don't even know what to do sometimes. With everything. How do I even... I guess, what I'm trying to say is, it's tough. But I'll manage somehow."

Liara beamed a smile of confidence at him and he blushed slightly under her scrutiny.

"Oh Kaidan, you've become so much stronger and capable. Even Shepard has seen how much you've grown. It'll be fine, you'll see. With Shepard and the mission. I seemed to recall telling you once before, they don't call it falling in love for nothing. You fall, and you hit hard enough to see the stars."

Kaidan smiled in remembrance, faint memories tugging against him. "Uh, yeah... I remember something like that, once, a long time ago when you were just an innocent, young archaeologist and I was the nervous, train-wreck serving with the infamous Commander Shepard," Kaidan turned a cheeky look at his friend before continuing, "So, uh... You and Javik huh? I guess you both fell pretty hard too. Or did he throw you out an airlock?" he teased.

"Kaidan..." Liara said, blushing, "Well, it was a very... educational experience getting to know the Protheans on such a personal level. And despite all his short-comings, Javik is... difficult but very caring. And perhaps a little over-protective."

"Um, yeah, that sounds like an understatement."

"Anyway," Liara continued, pointedly ignoring him, "It was difficult for him too, after the war. A soldier that lacked purpose."

Kaidan felt the hair on the back of his neck stand. Had she been listening in on them?

"I suppose that many people will feel the same, after all the events that have occurred. It would be difficult to continue living unless they had something... or someone to fight and live for. Javik had intended to... return to his people, but I... I guess I gave him a reason to stay a little while longer. Besides," Liara added, blushing even deeper now, "It would make sense that I could, perhaps, give Javik something akin to family, since... well... as an asari, I can..."

"Well. Wow, I mean... So what, there'll be a lot of little Javiks running around huh? That'll be... unnerving," Kaidan said disbelievingly. One Prothean was bad enough, but a host of asari with Prothean bluntness ingrained into them from birth? A truly uncomfortable notion.

"It is as the Goddess wills it, Kaidan," Liara concluded airily.

"Yeah, let's hope so. Alright, let me, uh, give me some time to get my report straight for Hackett then we can all be off to... Maybe, I don't know, we could try-"

"Kaidan..." Liara said hesitantly and Kaidan immediately trailed off at the sound of his name. Watched as Liara refused to look at him and dry washed her hands in front of her, shifting from foot to foot. Then it hit him.

"You... You're not, coming with us?" Kaidan asked, trying to keep out the hurt and disappointment from his voice.

"I'm sorry Kaidan, truly, but there is just so much for me to do with... on Thessia," Liara ventured quietly, no doubt moving away from talking about establishing her Shadow Broker connections. "With my people scattered across the night winds and with very little government left, I... someone has to step in. And I think I've had enough wandering around the galaxy to satisfy any two asari maidens."

"But Liara, I... We need you. Can't I convince you to..." Kaidan began. He thought she'd have jumped willingly at the chance to help Shepard, at the chance to right the wrong that was done to a person that the galaxy owed so much to.

Liara shook her head slowly. "No, I'm sorry Kaidan. Javik and I are needed here on Thessia, and wherever else asari have begun to rebuild. I will of course, establish a secure connection between myself and Normandy so that you can always ask for my help on matters," she added quickly, "but other than that, my place is no longer on the Normandy," she finished sadly.

Kaidan nodded quickly, trying to keep the rasping edge from his voice, but failing miserably.

"Garrus, he..."

"I believe Garrus would be willing to accompany you," Liara said quietly, "From what I've discussed with him at least. You could speak to him later, if you want to understand more of his reasons or... Anyway, I'm truly sorry Kaidan. I wish I could do more but..."

"No... I- It's alright, I understand. You've already done so much for me... for Shepard. I just thought... Never mind. We should be leaving pretty soon, if you need us to drop you off somewhere or..."

"We'll find our own way, Kaidan, but thank you for offering. Once I've completed gathering the data from the beacon, I'll be leaving with Javik."

Kaidan nodded sadly at the thought of having one of his oldest friends moving on with her life, away from the Normandy.

"Oh, I almost forgot... I, uh, I wanted to ask you something, if you happen to know that is..."

"Anything Kaidan."

"I... I have a friend, I think, that came back to Thessia before the... well, before the Reapers hit. Her name is Masyra. Do you... do you happen to have any information on her?"

Liara shifted her omni-tool up and typed in some data as she searched through what looked like a remote access to the Shadow Broker's personal files as well as some compiled asari military records. A brief moment, and then...

"Masyra Rirrari," Liara confirmed and Kaidan nodded in agreement, "Stationed on Thessia during the war. Killed in action. Body recovered. Goddess, I'm so sorry Kaidan," she said sadly.

Kaidan felt a tight squeeze within his chest, it was a long shot but he had hoped that maybe his old friend had survived the war. Guess there weren't happy endings all the time.

"Yeah, me too Liara. Me too."

"Commander Alenko, I hope you have good news," Hackett's voice came through the QEC.

"Sir, we've completed our mission on Thessia and we're about to approach the mass relay. We'll be heading towards Omega next, sir."

"I've received your report on the Thessian incident. Cerberus and the Reaper technology, working hand in hand, this... Memory Pylon that's in Shepard's mind and the indoctrination protocol found in the Prothean beacon?" Hackett said, seemingly quoting from memory, "It sounds almost impossible to believe, Alenko. At least it's confirmation enough to know that there is still some Reaper activity going on in the galaxy, though not enough to say who's pulling the strings."

"Um, sir, honestly? I mean, we've already seen pretty much some of the craziest stuff this side of the galaxy. I'm pretty sure it'll be difficult to top that... Sir." Well, maybe he was a little defensive about his report.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I disbelieve your report. I was just hoping for something a little easier to stomach," Hackett replied, rubbing absently along his forehead. Kaidan wished he could do the same with the slight throb that was starting to grind its way through his head.

Kaidan waited as Hackett rubbed his chin, then stopped as he lowered his hand and looked up at Kaidan.

"So, Omega's first? Are we sure that the beacon is still there?" Hackett asked curiously.

"From what information we managed to gather, it seems that the beacon is still there. Liara's contact assured us of its presence on the station, uh, sir. It'll be the easiest to retrieve in any case," Kaidan summed up.

Hackett nodded in approval, "Alright, Alenko. You're calling the shots on this one. Let's hope you're right. How's Shepard holding up? Any incidents since you left Earth?"

"No, sir, not since we left Earth," Kaidan said truthfully.

Hackett nodded at that. "Alright, at least we've gotten some good news. It's a shame you couldn't get Dr. T'Soni to come along with you, she'd have been a great asset on the mission."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan said in agreement.

"If there's nothing else, Commander Alenko..." Hackett concluded, and Kaidan hesitated a moment before continuing.

"Uh, sir, how's everything back on Earth? Admiral Anderson, and... well, the reconstruction?" Kaidan put simply. He was hoping to dig up some good news to pass to the rest of the crew.

Hackett sighed as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So far, everything seems to be going smoothly. Most of the major cities have been working around the clock to establish basic infrastructure and some have already begun sending aid to their outlying areas. Food and clean water aren't much of a problem for now, but eventually our supplies will be stretched pretty thin. We're hoping the Citadel reconstruction will be completed soon enough that we can begin to ask some of the asari and salarian engineers there for assistance."

"That's good news, sir," Kaidan said with relief.

"So far as we know, the big picture is getting clearer by the day. It's the little ones that are starting to become a problem. Anderson's doing well, despite everything he's been through. Not everyone is lucky enough to have multi-billion credit Cerberus tech wired into their bodies," Hackett added pointedly, "And none of us are as young as we used to be. Still, we're making progress. All of us."

"Thank you sir, um..." Kaidan replied, saluting the Admiral.

"Yes?"

"Sir, I was wondering if, maybe it would be a good idea to let Shepard know, about his... situation I mean, sir? With the limited resources that we have and-"

"I think that's out of the question for now, Commander. You saw what he was like when he tried to recall what had happened during the war. Without knowing for sure, I'd say the risk is too high to consider that an option. We don't need this situation worse than it already is, I'm sorry, Alenko, but I can't allow that. If there's nothing else?"

"Yes, sir. I understand," Kaidan said gloomily, "Nothing more sir."

"Hackett out."

The holo fizzled and winked out, giving Kaidan enough privacy that he could slump down tiredly. It wasn't really the physical exhaustion that Kaidan felt so strongly, more the mental and emotional burdens that were weighing him down. How the hell had Shepard managed to do this for as long as he did, over the course of three years?

Kaidan let his mind wander as he walked out the QEC and through the makeshift conference room that Shepard had set up during the war. So many memories, bad and good, crowded the relatively small frame of the Normandy. Making his way through to the CIC, he thought about the familiar yet unfamiliar shifts in certain areas, areas that he'd always associate with the first Normandy and with his initial time with Shepard, the friends that they'd lost. Huh, letting his mind wander like that, guess they really had become old soldiers, like he'd mentioned to Shepard.

"No new messages for you Comman- Major Alenko," came Traynor's call as soon as he approached her.

"Thank you Traynor," Kaidan replied formally, glad to see that a few of the crew members were breaking away from the habit of calling him 'Commander'. He checked the shipboard time on his omni-tool before back tracking towards her.

"Um, Traynor... Isn't it a little, uh, late for you to be working on... Well, whatever it is you're working on?" Kaidan asked in puzzlement.

"Oh, it's, um, it's really nothing, Major Alenko," Traynor started, clearly surprised that he had come back to check up on her, "I was just going over the communication encryptions that Dr. T'Soni sent to us. It's really quite advanced, and I was wondering if it would be possible to extrapolate the-"

"Traynor," Kaidan interrupted firmly, but not unkindly, "I really don't think it'd help to have you falling asleep during our run to Omega," he smiled slightly to take the sting out of his words, "Get some rest, we'll have plenty of time to, uh, extrapolate Liara's encryption."

"Yes, right. Of course, Major," Traynor said clenching her jaw as she tried to stifle a yawn, "I'll just close this up and head on down."

Kaidan nodded as he moved back toward the elevator, watching as the doors closed shut over the quiet CIC and barely blinking lights. He hoped that he hadn't come across too authoritarian toward the brilliant comm specialist, but Shepard had been adamant during their first night together aboard the Normandy that one of the most important things a Commander had to do was to go around, speaking to the crew and making his presence known. Getting to know ship and the crew and to feel the different variances in their attitudes and performance. Kaidan understood the concept, had seen the man often enough doing it over the years, but he knew that he was a little awkward at social interactions.

Still, it had been worth a try, setting his plan into motion.

The lift stopped at the Captain's Cabin, and as he stepped out, EDI's soft voice filtered through the air.

"We are approaching the mass relay, Major Alenko. We will be beginning the transmission momentarily."

"Thank you EDI. I'll be retiring, uh, let us know when we reach Sahrabarik."

"Of course, Major," EDI replied and as Kaidan turned and stepped into the cabin. He hoped that he was ready for this.

Kaidan walked over to Shepard, who was casually lying along the couch, reading through a data-pad that was in his hand as he slouched against the comforting back rest, N7 hoodie carelessly opened, hinting at tantalizing bits of skin underneath and wearing nothing but the standard regulation-issue boxer shorts. Kaidan unconsciously licked his lips as he stared. Shepard looked up with a welcoming smile as Kaidan's footstep drew nearer.

"Hey, Kaidan," Shepard said, leaning in for a kiss.

"John," Kaidan began, trying, and failing, to keep his carefully phrased words formed in his mind, "Are you even wearing anything under your hoodie?"

"Mmm... Would you like to find out?"

Shepard carelessly tossed the data-pad away, drawing Kaidan in for a deeper kiss, practically pulling him on top of the barely dressed man under him and Kaidan could feel the heat radiating from Shepard and was surprised that the man had even bothered to wear anything with that much energy coming off of his body. Shepard began making a slow progress, nibbling his way across Kaidan mouth and jaw, up to his ear and down along his neck and Kaidan gasped as Shepard's teeth nibbled harder against the tender skin just over his pulse point.

"John," Kaidan gasped out, grinding his hips and his erection down into the man, wanting nothing more than to strip off all their clothes and just forget about everything that had happened during the last few hours. Or had it been days?

"No, Kaidan. No yet," Shepard whispered in his ear as his hands started moving across his body, achingly slow, teasing him into higher peaks of arousal as Shepard found his sweet spots and pinched and rubbed them in just the right way.

Kaidan's breath was becoming laboured now, a guttural gasp, as he felt Shepard kiss and lick his neck while rubbing he rubbed his fingers softly against Kaidan's sensitive left nipple. Breathed even harder and faster when Shepard thrust up his own thickness against Kaidan's pants and Kaidan burned for the touch of skin-on-skin, wanted nothing more than to feel that hot, hard heat pressing up against him and-

"John... Bed..." Kaidan barely managed to get out and before he knew what was happening, Shepard pulled away from him so fast that all Kaidan could do was lever himself up on his hands and blink confusedly and stupidly up at his lover who was already sitting on the edge of the bed. Kaidan was about to follow suit and, in the process tear of his uniform, when he noticed the serious cast to Shepard's face.

"Um... John, what-"

"You promised, Kaidan. I need to know what's going on with me. So, I'll make you a deal," Shepard said neutrally like they were discussing the weather instead of on the edge of making passionate love to one another.

"Ah, alright, John. What deal?" Kaidan said warily, erection still straining against his pants as he moved over to Shepard so that he could at least recapture some of the mood from before.

Shepard held up his hands and kept him at bay as he grinned a truly wicked smile. Oh that wasn't good at all.

"It's simple. You tell me what's going on and you stop trying to distract me with sex, and I'll let you have your way with me," Shepard concluded simply.

Kaidan's mind blanked at the thought. If Shepard were willing he'd... Then the rest of what he said finally processed through and Kaidan felt the hot desire burning within him fight with the cold anxiety about telling Shepard the truth and Kaidan didn't know what to do. Which he supposed was Shepard's plan all along, unhinging his balance to the point where the man would be able to easily manipulate him into a confession. Well, he decided to play the game anyway, since he'd already made up his mind to come clean with Shepard, direct orders be damned.

"Uh, I... I don't know John. It's a serious topic. I don't think we're in the right... frame-of-mind to talk about something so, um, serious. Why don't we just, you know, get this out of the way first..."

"No, Kaidan. You're not getting off that easily. I've had enough of your disingenuous ramblings. If you persist, I will have to use-"

"Wait, what? Disingenuous ramblings? What are you, twelve, John? That may work on Kahlisah-Bint-what's-her-face but we Alliance types-"

"Come on Kaidan," Shepard practically whined, changing tact so fast it made Kaidan's head spin, "I really need to know, please?" God, he looked like a puppy that had been kicked for fetching a ball back for its master. And Shepard's hands were definitely not helping the situation, moving their way across him and keeping him hard like that.

Kaidan shook his head and tried to shake off Shepard's caressing hands at the same time, though with little effect. "Sex first, John. Then we'll talk."

"Can't we talk while we're having sex, Kaidan?" Shepard asked innocently, blue eyes still as wide as they could go. Damn but he was quickly losing ground.

Suddenly, the mood tensed and shifted, all sense of humour and playfulness vanishing like a dream. Kaidan had hoped he could lose himself in just John, just spend another average night with the man he loved so much, but he guessed it was about time to get a few things off his chest, off both their chests. Though there were some things, only he should be aware of.

Shepard seemed to catch the shift in mood and his humorous expression vanished just as quickly as Kaidan's, replaced with the serious Commander-on-duty look that had awed so many across the galaxy.

"What do you want to know, John?" Kaidan whispered hoarsely, hands fiddling in his lap as he stared hard at the floor, mapping his way through the planned conversation.

Shepard moved up and sat right next to him, moving his hand into Kaidan's and stilling the nervous fidgeting.

"Everything, Kaidan."

With a heavy sigh and a resigned nod, Kaidan told Shepard what the man had wanted to know.

The Normandy shifted slightly as it entered the Sahrabarik System. Cortez only knew that because he was so used to the slight shifts between FTL and jumps between the mass relays and regular space. Something that had been ingrained into him after years of flight travel.

He fiddled absently with the Kodiak, making sure that the every last final setting was adjusted to his perfecting standards and prepared himself for the inevitable hubbub of the crew waking and going about with their duties, though he relished the quiet moments of waking early and having the cargo bay all to himself.

Strong, muscular arms wrapped themselves gently around his waist from behind and he felt a warm kiss press itself against the back of his neck at the same time. Well, almost all by himself, though in this case he didn't mind the company.

"Working early, Esteban?" James said playfully as he nipped along the skin on Steve's neck.

"Well, you know me, Mr. Vega. Never enough to be done on the Kodiak."

James huffed a quiet breath onto his skin in reply. "Huh. You know, I don't know if I should be jealous of a space shuttle. I don't see you waking up early to work on me..."

Steve chuckled and turned in James's arms as he looked into the younger man's eyes. "Are you complaining, Mr. Grizzly?" Steve said, adding layers of huskiness to his voice and feeling the effect it had as James pressed up against his thigh, all hard muscle and something else, even harder.

"You got outta bed pretty early this morning, Esteban," James growled, "So call me curious. Besides, I was thinking maybe I've got some 'callibrations' for you to work on." James finished, pressing up against him again and Steve could feel his own ardour rising.

"If that's all you wanted, Mr. Vega, you could've asked Garrus. I hear he's the expert on that sort of thing."

James pulled Steve away from the Kodiak, off to the side, near the main cargo bay doors and behind some crates as he muttered, "Yeah, no thanks, Esteban. Not really my kinda thing, mi amigo. Besides, I got my own damn specialist right here."

"Well, I'm glad to see you have your priorities straight, Mr. Vega," Steve said as he leaned in for a passionate kiss, tasting the sweet softness of James's lips. It was a sensation he could happily drown in.

They spent minutes just kissing and fumbling, secreted in the quiet, private corner of the cargo bay when James broke away and distastefully eyed the Prothean beacon just a few metres away from them.

"You sure you wanna do this here, Esteban? I mean, who knows what the thing will do when we... um..." James hesitated.

Steve playfully ran his hands over the packed muscle of James's torso as he tried to undo the man's belt. "What's the matter, Mr. Grizzly? You scared of a little Prothean tech?"

James shook his head vehemently as Steve removed the belt and started work on the buttons along his waist. "Nah, Esteban, I mean, I'm cool with that but..."

"Really? A little bit of a exhibitionist are you, Mr. Grizzly."

"Argh, you really know how to get me all confused, Esteban. Dammit, that wasn't what I meant-"

"Hmm. Well, maybe this will straighten things out."

Steve was just about to pull down James's briefs to expose the huge erection throbbing at him when a very familiar sound echoed through the cargo bay. What the hell...

Steve placed a finger onto James lips and tilted his head off to the side, indicating that someone else had just entered the cargo bay with them and James nodded in assent before Steve inched quietly along the crates, barely peeking his head over the side as he turned to see who had come down at this early hour.

Steve watched as Shepard stepped away from the bastion of armoury consoles and looked about before shifting towards the Kodiak, fiddling with the locking mechanism. What the hell? Things couldn't get any weirder. Steve watched with apprehension as Shepard fiddled with the system more and more, tapping along his omni-tool and doing... something. James was making questioning noises behind him and he quickly raised a hand without looking, shifting it to silence the younger man as he continued to watch.

Suddenly Shepard glanced up as the elevator doors shifted open again, and Steve watched with shock as EDI's mobile platform approached the man. Waited as they had a discussion of some sort that he couldn't hear. EDI seemed to turn her head in their direction and Steve ducked back into cover, heart thudding in his chest at the idea of being caught. It took a few moments more before he had the courage to look over the boxes again and when he did, Shepard and EDI were no longer in sight. Okay, now he was officially getting creeped out.

"Lieutenant Cortez," came EDI's soft voice in his earpiece and Steve almost jumped out of his skin at its sudden appearance.

"I... uh, EDI? What-"

"It would be recommended that you and Lieutenant Vega should strap yourselves into the safety harnesses along the sides of the cargo bay. Despite the blue-shift shielding that will maintain appropriate levels of atmospheric pressure and breathable air, it would lower the risk considerably of either of you falling out the cargo bay doors while it remains open."

If EDI had told him to slap on a bright, pink asari gown, he wouldn't have been more surprised. He snapped back and pulled James to the wall, ignorning the questions that were pouring out from the marine's mouth.

"Strap yourself in," Steve said urgently as he pulled on the safety harnesses, watching to make sure that James was doing the same, all the while muttering Spanish curses.

He touched the earpiece again and comm-ed EDI. "EDI? What the hell is going on? What are you doing-"

"Do not worry, Lieutenant Cortez. I have everything under control. The Kodiak will be returned in its exact condition."

"Wait, but what is-" His question barely made it through as he heard the last click of the safety harness being locked in and watched in horror as the huge doors just next to them begin to lower itself down. Watched as the Kodiak shifted along it's moorings and slid silently out into the darkness of twinkling lights. Some part of his was terrified at the thought of falling out into the empty void, another part elated at being so close to the vast, quiet emptiness of space. It was beautiful, calming and exciting all at the same time.

The magnificent view winked out as the door slid shut and everything returned to normalcy, well as much as it could with the big empty space staring at him where his pride and joy used to sit.

Steve slowly unbuckled himself and stared with a wordless and stunned expression on his face and wondered if he looked as confused as James did.

"Shepard and I," EDI began again in his earpiece, almost causing him to stumble into the cargo boxes, "Would be most grateful, Lieutenant Cortez, if this... occurrence would be kept between ourselves. There will be no reason for undue physical and mental stress and rest assured, we are still within Alliance flight regulation parameters. I apologize for the suddenness of my request."

"It... It's alright EDI," Steve said faintly as he rubbed a soothing hand against his chest.

He turned to look at James as he said, "Esteban. Can you explain to me, what the fuck just happened here?"

Steve was wondering if he could have asked someone else the same thing and he hoped EDI and Shepard would have a pretty good explanation for all this when they came back.