Chapter 11: The Wizards Strike Again, Part 1
An unknown place
Zuo Ci: So….ahem. Sorry I'm late.
Zhang Jiao: Ah, my fellow magician!
Zuo Ci: So, umm…about this plan of yours…are you sure it's going to work?
Zhang Jiao: Of course! We have no choice! This is our only way to save this land from doom!
Zuo Ci: I know about that, but…
Zhang Jiao: What?
Zuo Ci: But, then again…considering our history, are you REALLY confident this would work? I mean, if not, then the entire land will flip out and begin to hunt for our heads…
Zhang Jiao: I'm sure! I mean, hey, at least it's not as bad as Xun Yu!
Zuo CI: Hmm…I see. Oh, and by the way, we're supposed to do this with three people, right? Who's the other one?
Zhang Jiao: Hmm…I think he will come here quite soon enough…
Shu
Zhuge Liang: Hahahaha! This is fantastic! Ooh, oh! Let me take a picture of this wonderful moment! takes a picture of beardless Guan Yu
Guan Yu: What the- HEY!
Zhuge Liang: Hahahaha! This is great! Now, I just have to do this, and….yep! Perfect!
Guan Yu: Argh! Wh-what did you do?!
Zhuge Liang: Ohohohoo….secret.
Wei
Cao Cao: has his phone ringing Hm?
Xiahou Dun: Cousin, what is it?
Cao Cao: Hmm…from…Zhuge Liang?
Xiahou Dun: Gasp! Cousin, don't open it! It could be a trap from him!
Cao Cao: Eh, no worries. He DID say that we would forget our old enmity and to focus on this problem first. He won't harm me. Now…
From: Zhuge Liang
Hello, Cao Cao! How do you like this? I'm not trapping you, just a little gift! :D
attached is a picture of the beardless Guan Yu
Cao Cao: What….the? shudders
Xiahou Dun: Wait a minute….is that….GUAN YU?! GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh my GOOODDDDD WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! My goodness, my stomach hurts! GAHAHAHAHAAA! Oh….LORD!
Cao Cao: Grrrhhh….GRWAH! slams on the desk FUCK YOU, BENEVOLENCE DICK-SUCKERS! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU FOR THIS! HYAAAAHHHH! runs towards Shu
Xiahou Dun: Wahahahahaaa…eh?! Cousin! Where are you going?! runs after Cao Cao
Shu
Cao Cao: breaks into the Shu palace GRAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOUUUU!
Zhuge Liang: What the?! Cao Cao! Why are you here without permission?! That's rude, you know!
Cao Cao: I don't give a SHIT about etiquettes! Oh, Guan Yu! My beloved! runs towards Guan Yu
Xiahou Dun: What?! Oh, come on Cao Cao! I thought I'm your favorite! whimpers
Guan Yu: G-gah!
Cao Cao: Oh no…my beloved Guannie, what have they done to your beautiful beard?! Argh! It breaks my heart! I know it breaks your heart too! I'll kill those Shu twats to kill you for this!
Guan Yu: W-what?!
Xiahou Dun: Nooo! Cao Cao, you forgot about me?!
Zhuge Liang: Argh! Oh, come on! It's just motherfucking BEARD! No need to go all salty about it! He'll grow it again in like, 5 years or so!
Cao Cao: But you STILL had the balls to shave it! That is UNFORGIVABLE!
Zhuge Liang: Gah! But seriously! We have agreed to not fight each other until we've solved this problem!
Cao Cao: Well, you've shaven Guan Yu's beard to make him a fangirl-bait, which means you HAVE solved this problem. That's it! Prepare for my punishment! HYAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Everyone: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Back to the unknown place
Zuo Ci: Hmm…it's been hours, and this third fellow hasn't arrived yet. We're running out of time.
Zhang Jiao: He WILL come here! I'm sure of that!
Zuo Ci: Really, can't we just do this with, just, the two of us?
?: Sorry I'm late.
Zhang Jiao: Hmmm…ah! You've finally appeared! At last!
Zuo Ci: Whoa….so the third fellow turned out to be YOU, Pang Tong?
Pang Tong: Yeah. So…I'm late because I was looking for a way to sneak up here. Luckily, Cao Cao busted through the palace, raging because we shaved Guan Yu's beard. I managed to find a way to sneak out of the chaos.
Zhang Jiao: Ah, very good then! Now, we shall initiate the sacred ritual! First, we'll use this!
Zuo Ci: Hm? What is that?
Zhang Jiao: Oh, it's a strand of a tiger fur, along with a strand of Sun Jian's hair.
Pang Tong: What the? How could have you possibly gained those?
Flashback in Wu (several hours ago)
In the bathroom
Sun Jian: whistling while looking at the mirror after a bath Hmm…well, damn! My white hair dye went off again?! Huff…hope I still have some of them to apply, let's see….
Zhang Jiao: teleporting stealthily behind Sun Jian, then tries to sneak up to him
Intense music plays
Sun Jian: …hmm? turns behind
Zhang Jiao: disguises himself as a ball of fire
Sun Jian: ….oh. Tch, gotta tell Ce to ALWAYS absorb that ball of fire back after playing around with it when taking a bath here! I have to ALWAYS tell him this EVERY GODDAMN TIME! Geez…
Zhang Jiao: turns back Whew! THAT was close! sneaks up behind Sun Jian to pluck one of his hairs, then teleporting back
Sun Jian: Hm? What the? turns behind …..shit. That ball of flame must've burnt off one of my hair. Wait, where is it now? Ah, weird.
Back to the present…
Zhang Jiao: …and then I did the same to the tigers as well.
Pang Tong: That doesn't make any sense. You KNOW that cats WILL try to chase you down as a ball of fire? I'm still wondering as to how you aren't dead yet.
Zhang Jiao: Aw, shut up! Well, I've also managed to do the same to Zhong Hui as well.
Zuo Ci: Zhong Hui? I thought he was kidnapped?
Zhang Jiao: Eh, ahem, my bad! What I meant is, I managed to go inside his bathroom inside the Jin palace to obtain a strand of his hair.
Pang Tong: And just what are we going to do with these strands of hair?
Zhang Jiao: Well, we will place them in this altar, and we will chant the spell!
Zuo Ci: What spell?
Zhang Jiao: Okay, guys, follow me:
O, gone were the targets of fan-ransack;
And the charm of the series was slain;
When the stream of time went back;
The old beautiful glory shall shine once again!
Suddenly, the altar flame went wild and shined brightly.
Zhang Jiao, Zuo Ci, and Pang Tong: WHOOOAAAAAAA!
After that, a great storm and earthquake happened throughout the entire land.
Shu
Everyone: HUH?!
Cao Cao: Wha?! An earthquake?! What happened?!
Zhuge Liang: Tch! S-stay calm everyone!
Cao Cao: Is this…is this the disaster that will befall on us?!
Zhang Fei: AAAAHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIEEEEEE!
Zhuge Liang: Gah! Stay! CALM!
Xiahou Dun: W-whoa!
Zhuge Liang: Tch…no…this can't be!
Wu
Everyone: What the?!
Sun Jian: An earthquake?! Gah!
Sun Ce: AAAAHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA DIEEEEEEE! smacked by Lu Meng
Lu Meng: Calm the hell down! I know you're afraid, hell, we ALL are! But you need to think with a cool head!
Sun Ce: Well…there's no such thing as a 'cool head' in Wu, ain't it?
Lu Meng: Oh, fuck me.
Sun Jian: Well, whatever it is, we need to calm down! Tch, this problem hasn't been solved yet and NOW we must face this? Hmmf….
Wei
Xiahou Yuan: Gah! W-what's happening here?!
Guo Huai: Cough…cough!
Zhuge Dan: ….Deng Ai! I know it! You've caused this!
Deng Ai: What the- to hell with that logic!
Jia Xu: W-wha?! Oh no! What…what the hell happened?!
Other
Lu Bu: Hmm?!
Chen Gong: Aaaaahhh! L-lord Lu Bu! It's an earthquake! Oh my god, what are we gonna do? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DOOO?! AAAAHHH! SOMEBODYYY! HELP USSS! smacked by Lu Bu
Lu Bu: Shut the hell up! It's just an earthquake, nothing to be worried about…..WAIT AN EARTHQUAKE?!
Dong Zhuo: Gaaahhh! What happened?!
Lu Bu: Wait a minute….A-HA! SO IT'S YOU WHO CAUSED THIS!
Dong Zhuo: What the- How could have you said so?!
Lu Bu: Well, just look at your oversized ass! I told you to just sit on that very same ass all day lest you'll cause earthquakes!
Dong Zhuo: Now that's a very disrespectful way to talk to your father! Take this! Hyah!
Lu Bu: You were NEVER my father anyway! Hyah! smacks Dong Zhuo
Suddenly, a massive lightning hit the altar and flashed brightly.
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The next day
Shu
Zhuge Liang: ….gah…..urgh….what…happened….? wakes up
Pang Tong: Urrrhhh…..
Zhang Fei: Ugh…..eh…
Guan Yu: Argh…..
Wei Yan: Uhhh…
Huang Zhong: Ummmhhh…..
Yueying: Ah! You guys…..you guys are finally awake! I'm so glad!
Zhuge Liang: Oh, Yueying! How…how long were we out?
Yueying: For a day. And…..oh my god!
Zhuge Liang: A DAY?! My goodness….what happened? What I remember was that after that earthquake and thunder, we all passed out, and….
Yueying: My goodness….my husband! You really need to look yourself at the mirror!
Zhuge Liang: Mirror? W-what's with my face? ….HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Cao Cao: WHOA! WHOA! W-what was that?! ….oh, Zhuge Liang! It's you! What's with all the screaming, anyway?!
Zhuge Liang: I…I…..
Cao Cao: Hm? Wait a minute…..OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!
Zhuge Liang: I…..don't….know….
Cao Cao: And, looks at the mirror wait a minute…..HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
To Be Continued….
Well, probably my latest update yet. My deepest apologies. Nevertheless, please leave a review and have a good day!