Accepting help is sometimes more difficult than it should be. It can be even more difficult to accept when that help comes from a smug apostate elf.

She had been quieter than usual today, avoiding him as much as possible. He should simply let her, but he could not. The more he learned about her, the deeper the mystery grew. He was certain she had lied about her memory loss, yet there were many things which surprised her. She looked at the world around her as if for the first time, and yet she was completely at ease in the wilderness. Her hunting and tracking skills rivaled those of Dalish hunters, yet she made no connections with the Dalish scouts in the Inquisition. She seemed to avoid anything elvish and often seemed more human than elf. It was as if she was torn between two worlds.

Her combat skills confused him as well. There was a formality to them. They were nearly identical to skills taught to warriors in the days of Arlathan, and yet there was an incompleteness to them. They were unrefined, untested in battle-and it showed. Her instincts were uncanny, though, and she seemed to know how things would unfold. It gave her an advantage while fighting, but afterward, she would nearly fall apart. She was both young and old at the same time.

She sat alone near the edge of the fire's glow. There was enough lighting for him to see the expression on her face. It was the same expression she had anytime he questioned her about the past. Something in her memories frightened her, and he had added to her fear by confronting her on the lack of control she had over her magic. He had been content to allow her to use the few skills she was comfortable with, but when she woke as a wolf he realized how lacking her control was. Eventually, she would call a spell she could not control, or harm someone unintentionally. Now she was angry with him and afraid of her own talent. She kept glancing back at the fire, and then out to the forest; she was contemplating whether or not she could simply disappear. If she did, it would be his fault.

Cara thought about running. If she left, she wouldn't have to face him. She wouldn't have to tell him anything about her dreams. Her secret would be safe. She would be safe. She watched them quietly from the edge of the camp. Mia and Maxwell were playfully bickering as only close siblings could. Varric and Iron Bull were discussing the Arishok. The newest one and the old one, which made her wonder if the Silent Grove series happened just before the Conclave. It must have for Varric to have met Sten. Occasionally they would look over at her and grow quiet. As if they wanted to say something but didn't know how she would react. If only he would stop watching she could slip quietly out of camp. It would be easy to change into a wolf and disappear into the night.

She knew where they were, and knew if she continued south would hit the Korcari Wilds. If she traveled east she would find the Brecillian forest. She stared off into the forest. She could easily avoid people and disappear. She could, but she wouldn't. If she left, she would still have to face the consequences of his plans. If she stayed she might be able to sway him. She would stay. She would face him, and would deal with what might happen. Cara wouldn't volunteer anything without him asking specifically, and hopefully, he would understand why she kept her secret from him for so long.

She jumped when he spoke.

"Thinking of running?" Solas asked. He'd waited until her attention was no longer on the camp.

It irritated her how he knew what she was thinking. "I was," she said, "but you needn't worry, I won't. I made a commitment to Mia and I will stick it out."

"I can't imagine that your past is so terrible that you are afraid to tell anyone."

"It's not that it's terrible, it's just…" Cara sighed in frustration. She was tired of him asking about it. "I don't understand, so how can I expect it to make sense to anyone else?"

"Perhaps a new perspective will help?" he asked.

Cara knew he was trying to help ease her fear but it's not as if she can just say. "By the way, I'm probably an ancient elf who was sent to another world before you created the veil and destroyed all of Elvhenan. Which also severed that world from this one for thousands of years. Until recently, I didn't realize this world even existed. Then somehow, the Breach created a connection between them and here I am." She wasn't ready to accept it, so she knew he wouldn't be.

"Why don't we start with me learning to control my talent, and I work toward trusting you with the rest, okay?"

"Might I suggest a compromise? You should share any memories involving your magic with me. It will aid my understanding of what you know and where we should begin."

"Then you may as well start at the beginning. The few skills I have, I've pulled out of thin air with no idea if they would work or not. The only book I remember reading is the one we have already dismissed as being completely useless."

It was his turn to sigh in frustration. "I have never taught someone before. Most of what I have learned was self-taught. If you had time to learn on your own, I would not interfere. Traveling and fighting with the Herald takes that luxury from you."

"I get it. I know I don't have the time to learn on my own, but I hate needing to rely on anyone."

"Sometimes we must rely on the help of others whether we wish it or not. Let us start with summoning a flame and learning to control it."

She snorted."I'm not sure fire is the best thing for us to be messing with."

He gave her an irritated look. "You need to use an element you are not comfortable with. Fire seemed the logical choice."

"Perhaps, but it isn't exactly your strongest element either. You did set your coat on fire earlier."

"Merely a figment of the Fade."

"The singe marks on your coat say otherwise."

"It did go out eventually. It was not worth mentioning."

"It was, it really was." She couldn't help but tease him for it, and gave him a mischievous smile.

He chuckled. "Then we will both benefit from the lesson. I often forget fire is susceptible to changes in wind direction and fail to account for it."

"Alright, where do we begin?"

"We should find an area with less plant life, near the pool perhaps."

Cara motioned for Remus to stay at camp and they moved to the small pond below the lake. He found a spot he was satisfied with and sat against a round boulder. Cara moved to sit next to him, but he pulled her over to sit between his knees.

"Is this really necessary?" she asked. She really didn't want to sit this close to him, and certainly not in such an intimate way.

"It will be simpler to pass the flame between us, and I can dispel it swiftly if need be."

Easier for him maybe, but this was closer to Solas than she wanted to be. Cara closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willed her heart rate to slow to normal, and forced herself to focus on anything but him.

"Well done. You have already mastered the first step." Smug bastard-he'd done it intentionally. "Now summon a flame, a small one."

Cara let out a half breath and thought of fire. It was heat, energy, light, but it was also alive. It needed fuel and oxygen. Fuel could be liquid, solid or even vapors. Since she didn't have gasoline, a piece of wood, paper, or cloth, she had to pull elements from the air around her. Small amounts of the atmosphere were made up of flammable vapors. In small quantities they weren't dangerous; combine enough of them, and she could create an explosion or sustain a flame. Slowly, she pulled them to her; a flame appeared in her right hand.

"Now pass it to your left hand and then into mine."

It flickered as she passed it to the left but didn't go out. As soon as she passed it to him, he leaned closer, she wouldn't have thought it possible.

His breath was warm against her cheek as he spoke softly in her ear. "Focus on the flame as I pass it back to you. Keep the flame the same size."

Cara bit the inside of her jaw. She needed the distraction from him pressed against her back before she took the flame in her left hand. Then she moved it to the right, and then to his. She was relieved when he flicked his wrist and the flame went out.

"You learn quickly, the flame flickered only once."

Cara moved away from him as soon as he lowered his arms.

"So now what? I can control it while I'm awake, but what about in my sleep? That seems to be where my weakness is. That is where the memories are stronger than my control."

"There are wards that would wake you in the event of using magic, but…" He hesitated and she understood.

"Great, I get the idea. They are used for children."

He nodded.

Just fucking wonderful: wards to wake you if you use magic accidentally, like those alarms parents can buy for kids to wake them if they pee the bed.

"There is an alternative."

No. Absolutely not. She was not going to let him into her dreams. Most of the time she had control over them, but there were enough times she didn't. She couldn't risk letting him see something from her world.

"No. Neither option is acceptable." She began walking back toward camp.

"Now you are being childish. You cannot simply ignore this."

"I won't. I will figure something out that doesn't involve childproofing my sleep or allowing you into my head." She left him standing there shaking his head. Dammit. She was not going to voluntarily let him in her dreams.

"Trouble in paradise?" Iron Bull asked.

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Bull. It was just a magic lesson." She was not in the mood for his shit either.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" he asked.

Cara turned to say something to him but was interrupted. "You alright, Violet? You don't exactly sound like yourself." Varric asked.

He was right. She wasn't herself. She was pissed. How dare Solas call her childish because she wouldn't allow him in her head?

"I sound like a child, which apparently I am." She really didn't care if she sounded childish or not. "Do I have watch tonight?" she asked.

"No, Chuckles and I have first watch. Rosie and Max have the next, and Tiny the morning watch."

"Thanks. I'm calling it a night." She was in no mood for company. She hadn't been since the fighting at the Storm Coast. She was not handling the after-effects of killing as well as she had first thought.

"Cara, can I come in?" Mia asked.

Cara pushed open the tent flap. "Sure, come in. You are welcome in here, Solas is not." She saw him at the campfire. His shoulders relaxed when he saw her. Did he really think she would run because he'd made her uncomfortable? Avoid him yes, run away no.

"Are you alright?"

"Honestly? No, I'm not. I'm a mess."

"Do you want to talk about it? If I didn't have Elaina back at Haven to talk to I think I would go mad with all this."

Cara took and then let out a deep breath. "So I'm sure you noticed that I don't use a lot of magic when fighting."

"I had assumed it was because you preferred other methods."

"Kind of. The truth is, I have almost no memories of using magic. Solas confronted me about it earlier. He's concerned that I lack control."

"Ah, and he's his usual know-it-all smug self about it."

"See, you know him so well." Cara laughed. "But yes, he gave me two options since I lack control over my magic at night. Neither one is acceptable, then he told me I was acting childish."

"You would think, as smooth as he is, he would know to never call a woman childish." She shook her head, and Cara snorted at her comment. "But none of this would be a big deal if not for the rest."

"Right, I'm used to solitude. I don't mind company during the day, but I need a certain number of hours alone to recharge. Being around people is draining. I can't get that with him constantly following me around. Again, as if I'm a child."

"We are all worried about you," she said. "No one can go from near panic to everything is fine in one day of fighting. You have to figure out how to let go of it."

"Oh, I'm not holding it in. Well, I'm not trying to. I was just lucky no one saw me retching behind the building while you found the dead scouts. I know I'm a bit over emotional right now. I always was a bit of a drama queen as a child."

"Just know you aren't alone in dealing with this. If you ever need to talk, I'm available."

Cara took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I appreciate it. You wouldn't happen to have extra paper and something to write with?"

"I do. I'll be right back."

Mia left the blank journal with her. Cara contemplated sneaking out the back of the tent and finding her way to Calenhad's Foothold for a quiet place to think. It wasn't far from camp, but it also would have been reckless and childish. She really hated all the turmoil in Thedas. She was used to riding out alone and connecting with nature to unwind. She couldn't do that here without an escort.

She sat at the window, looking out at the night sky. The soft blue glow of the lights around the garden below shed enough light to illuminate the grounds, but not enough to drown out the stars. Ripples of colors moved through the sky, and she felt the tingling of the Fade along her skin.

She looked behind her at the room and saw ornate decorations. Gilded framed mirrors, crystal columns which spread like tree branches at the top and held up a ceiling of glass, mosaic tiles on the floor, and a canopy bed draped in translucent fabrics like the one she had woven with magic.

She turned back to the window and looked out over the garden below. Trees in pinks and reds dotted the landscape while flowers of all kinds and colors lined paths and filled cultivated beds. As she looked over them names came to mind, and she realized that she knew what each of them were even though she had no memory of seeing them before. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fragrant breeze as it wafted through the open window archway.

"I thought I might find you here." A deep male voice spoke, as warm, strong hands rested on her shoulders. She leaned back against him and he placed a kiss on her temple.

"Join me. The garden has visitors lingering still," she said. He settled behind her and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. All of it felt right. She knew him, knew what he looked like without turning. She settled against him and sighed.

"Feeling refreshed yet? I know today was taxing."

She smiled and nodded. He understood these quiet moments were important to her. She enjoyed social events but needed time alone to recharge.

"There is talk of sending colonies out to the other places," she said. "They want me to lead one."

"We will go together." His arms tightened around her. "You won't face it alone."

"I know. It's just…this is home. I can't imagine being anywhere else."

"Our word is dying, love. If we stay, we perish with it. Home, for me, is wherever you are." He turned her to face him, and she looked into his golden eyes. She reached out and brushed away the wisp of black hair which always fell across his forehead. Then traced her fingers along his temple toward his pointed ear. "You are trying to distract me," he said with a smile.

"Is it working?" she asked as she threaded her fingers through his hair, cupping the base of his skull.

"It always does," he said before his mouth slanted over hers. His tongue ghosted over her lips, a gentle request to allow him entrance. She parted them, and his tongue darted past seeking her own. She sighed and melted against him. His hands burned a trail over her skin through the thin gown. When she was breathless, he broke the kiss, lifted her up and carried her to the bed. We stood next to it, her hands lifting his shirt while his worked the ties of her gown.

Then the sound of wolves howling filled the Fade, and the scene vanished. Cara stood there a moment, catching her breath, and realized the Dread Wolf had been watching her dream.

She woke with a start and sat up in her bedroll. Solas was sleeping nearby in his own. Damn him! He'd invaded her dreams after all, and she couldn't confront him without giving away she knew who he was. Not only had he watched, but he had also ended it before anything more intimate happened. Why? And how much had he seen?

There was one thing about the dream she could no longer deny. She had been here. This was her home at one time. The warrior she had dreamt of was someone she had loved. She wondered what had become of him. Had he survived? The last memory of him was his capture.

It was still dark out, but she knew she wouldn't fall back to sleep. Cara dressed quietly and slipped outside. The first rays of light were beginning to gather on the horizon. Pink, orange, red, gold, and purple reflected against the clouds in the east. Iron Bull was the only one at the fire; the early morning watch had started about an hour before.

"Morning," she said as she sat across from him. She reached for the tea and began preparing a cup. "Would you like a cup?"

"Yeah, I would, thanks." He watched her make it in silence. When she handed it to him, he spoke. "Are you doing better this morning?"

"Some. It's still a lot to take in all at once. Three battles, two rifts, dragonlings, and a giant, all in one day."

"Yeah, the giant was awesome! Too bad the dragon got away. She sure was a beauty."

Cara shook her head at his enthusiasm. "Before then, the most I had done was knock a guy on his ass and bloody his nose."

"Anytime you need help letting off steam, let me know." Surprisingly, there wasn't a leering look on his face.

"And exactly what are you offering?" she asked.

"There are a number of things. Meditation, drinking, sparring; I know an exercise that helps work off stress and a few breathing techniques. I prefer sex, but it's not everyone's thing. Usually, the best things are those that make you cut loose in a way opposite from the norm."

"I was going to keep a journal. Sometimes writing out what is bothering me helps. Especially troubling events. I write them out and then burn them. A kind of symbolic way of getting it out and then destroying it so it can't haunt me. It doesn't always work, but it usually helps."

"Yeah, Stitches does that. He's the company healer and hadn't seen combat until the Blight."

"Thanks, Bull. I'm going to go sit by the pool and watch the sunrise before I miss the rest of it." He nodded as she stood, and she walked off with her tea. She walked around the pool of water to the edge of the cliff and sat with her feet dangling over. Remus curled up beside her. Sunrise was one of her favorite times of the day. Soaking up the sun's rays was almost like recharging her internal batteries. At home, the kitchen and breakfast nook faced east, while the bedroom and private garden faced west. She enjoyed the sunrise each morning and the sunset each night.

"If you're looking for Cara, she's at the pond." Cara heard Bull say.

Solas must have woken. Worried she had run away, he went looking for her when he found her absent from their tent. If not for the water he had to walk through to reach her, she wouldn't have heard him approach. But then, she could also walk just as silently when she wanted to.

"I'm not a child who needs looking after, Solas."

"No, you are not. It was inconsiderate of me to imply such a thing last night. Ir abelas, lethallan."

"Thank you, but it is not entirely your fault. I have been on edge since the first fight on the Storm Coast."

He sat beside her. "Are you feeling less on edge this morning?"

"Some. Having pleasant dreams helped."

"Oh?"

"Nothing worth mentioning. I'm sure you would find it rather boring." She almost laughed at his look of disappointment, but she dared not. She stood. "Well, I suppose I should help with breakfast."

"Then I shall take Remus hunting."

Remus jumped up excitedly.

They would return to Haven today. The advisers had sent a raven yesterday requesting the Herald return to Haven to attend to important matters. Either they had enough support to approach the Templars and Lord Seeker Lucius, or they had received an invitation from Magister Alexius. Either way, she could offer insight, though she was afraid to tell anyone she had knowledge of any events to come.