Starsky made his way back to the hospital and was not surprised that Huggy was in the same seat. Starsky slumped down in the chair next to his friend.

"Any word? They tell you anything?" Starsky's voice was low, his eyes a deep blue with worry.

"Before Dobey left, they came out and said that Hutch was in surgery. Some internal injuries, a broken hand and a wound in his leg that needed cleaned out and stitched. That was an hour ago. Ya want somethin' to eat? Wanna go to the cafeteria?" Huggy knew the answer but he was also prepared to go himself and bring back something more than a candy bar.

"No Hug. I gotta be here when he comes out. I gotta make this up to Hutch. I failed, Huggy."

"Alright dude. Enough with the guilt. Dobey told me about the case and besides, knowing you guys, both of you played down your fear. Neither one of ya wanted to worry the other one. But it also sounds like you were both right to ignore this Kyle guy. He sounded strange but harmless." Huggy stretched out his long legs in front of him and folded his hands in his lap.

"Not this time Huggy. What I did can't be shoved under the rug. It was a mistake that almost cost Hutch his life. I shoulda insisted---" Starsky stopped speaking when he felt Huggy's dark eyes examining him.

"Listen to what you're sayin' my friend. I know you. I know both you and Hutch. You would have insisted. You would have been on Hutch like peanut butter on bread. But ya can't force Hutch to do something he don't want to do. You and I both know that. If he was confident enough to want to go camping and turn your babysitting down, then there's no way he's gonna blame you man."

Starsky turned in his seat to face Huggy. The man in front of Starsky was a close friend. Starsky knew at times he took Huggy for granted and didn't give the black man enough credit for his intuitive skills. This was one time Starsky was glad he was listening.

"I know what you mean. My brain registers the sense in that but what do I do about the love in my heart for Hutch? That love that makes me crazy with guilt every time Hutch hurts. But there's still truth to the fact that I didn't follow up on my gut feelings. Instead of rolling around in bed with Monica, I shoulda been prowling around outside Hutch's apartment." Starsky let out a large breath of air and rubbed his hands through his dark hair.

"Sure, man. And who knows. Instead of saving Hutch, maybe the both of ya woulda been killed outright or Hutch coulda still been grabbed and you would've ended up beat up or-- hell, enough with the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'!--- I'm makin' my way down to the cafeteria and grab us a couple of sandwiches. And there ain't no daily special consisting of a heaping of guilt, so stop abusing yourself. Hutch'll tell ya the same thing. Let it go" Huggy knew that it was doubtful that Starsky would stop blaming himself until he could touch Hutch and hear him speak.

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Two hours later Hutch was finally out of surgery. Starsky was given permission to visit his friend but he was warned to stay out of the way. The surgeon prepared Starsky for what he would see, but the warning didn't soften the true picture that greeted Starsky as he walked into Hutch's room.

The man in the bed was Hutch. At least that's what the nurse at the desk had told him. Starsky checked the number on the door, making sure he was in the right room. He even carefully checked the identification bracelett on the arm to be sure it said Kenneth Hutchinson.

Hutch's face was swollen so much that his normally angular features were distorted and puffy. The sight made Starsky wince with imagined pain. There was gauze and bandages in various spots all over his body. Both arms were black and blue. His legs were scratched and bruised. He had a large dressing on his right leg which was wet in appearance. The hated IV bags dripped into Hutch's veins. One was an anitbiotic, the other fluid nourishment and one for pain. Hutch was not awake but still he made small deep sounds from his throat. His eyes obviously were closed but Starsky was not sure if they were closed in sleep or closed because they were so swollen.

Starsky swung the chair next to the bed and sat. He didn't know if he should even touch his friend. So he just sat and spoke to Hutch as if he could hear him anyway.

"Hutch, buddy. It's Starsky. I'm here. I screwed up pal. I just hope you can forgive me. But it's really over this time. Kyle is dead." Starsky had been watching Hutch as he spoke. But realizing his friend was not going to respond, he rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. He pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to dam the tears that threatened to spill out.

His eyes still covered with his own hands, Starsky felt the light touch of a hesitant hand on top of his head. He let it rest there for a minute before he brought his hands away from his eyes and saw Hutch's shaky hand fall back on the bed. He knew that Hutch was offering his own brand of comfort and forgiveness.

"Starsky-- not any- nothin' to forgive." Hutch whispered and stammered, trying to speak out of his bruised and swollen lips. Hutch tried to reach out again for Starsky but his hand lacked any strength and it flopped against the bedrail.

Starsky laid Hutch's hand back on the bed and covered it with his own.

"Just rest Blondie. No talking or thinking till at least tomorrow. If that 7ft nurse comes in here and sees me buggin' you, I'll be banned from your room. I'm goin' now but Hutch, what happened to you was my fault. I didn't have your back." Starsky stood up and rested his hand on Hutch's head. He leaned down and kissed the place where his hand had been. Hutch groaned with the effort to smile. Starsky stayed right where he was until Hutch's breathing evened out and Starsky knew Hutch would sleep until tomorrow.

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With a lot of TLC, Hutch made steady but slow progress. The worst of the bruises began to fade and the swelling was much less. At least now you could tell if Hutch's eyes were open or closed. The cut on Hutch's leg had gotten infected so he was on a stronger antibiotic. The doctor felt that it had gotten infected early on because of the rat droppings Hutch had been exposed to. His legs were weak and his chest very sore from the repeated beatings.

Starsky tried again to apologize to Hutch. Hutch let him talk because he felt Starsky needed to confess what he thought were his shortcomings. But it was nothing new for the dark haired man to internalize Hutch's own pain and Hutch did not want to deny Starsky the chance to rid himself of his own perceived demons.

"Starsky, it wasn't your fault. I told you to mind your own business. I fully intended to go camping. I didn't believe Kyle was any kind of threat to either one of us. Honestly, he had me fooled too."

"But Hutch, I shoulda gone with my gut feeling. I should have followed you home anyway." Starsky leaned forward in his chair with his elbows on his knees.

"Okay, so you're a poor excuse for a detective. Your're a lousy friend and I will never trust you again. ---there, is that what you want to hear, does that make you feel better? C'mon Starsky. Let it go. Dobey doesn't blame you, I don't blame you so give yourself a break. I understand that you feel responsible and that's part of the reason I love you so much but don't do this to yourself anymore." Hutch reached out to Starsky and the two friends shook hands and Starsky hugged Hutch.

Starsky knew Hutch was right. He had known all along that Hutch would find nothing to blame him for but Starsky cared so much for Hutch that he did not want anything to break the bond between them.

One day Starsky walked into Hutch's room with a thermos, a glass and a straw. He set everything on the bedside table and winked at Hutch.

"Look what I brought ya blondie! You're gonna love this!"

Hutch could not eat solid foods yet because his face and mouth were still painful and his stomach was just too tender to hold much of anything at one time. He was getting bored with the milkshakes that everyone insisted he drink. So he glared at Starsky and just rested his head against his pillow and closed his eyes.

"C'mon Hutch. You'll thank me when you try what's in this thermos." He poured some into the glass, inserted the straw and handed it to Hutch.

"What the heck is this?" Hutch picked up the glass in one hand and examined the contents with a wary eye.

"Nope, I'm doing to you what you always do with me when ya make me drink your concoctions. Just drink it, it's good for you." Starsky mocked Hutch's serious tone.

As Hutch was sucking the liquid up, Starsky watched intently for the blond's first reaction.

After the first few sipfulls, Hutch sucked longer on the straw and managed about half the glass before he set it down next to him.

"Okay, I give up. I admit that whatever's in here is pretty good. But confess, mushbrain, where did this come from?"

"So ya like it? You really, really like it?" Starsky encouraged Hutch to take another sip before he sat in the chair next to Hutch's bed.

Hutch set the glass back on the table and glared at Starsky.

"Yes I like it but where did it come from?" Hutch tried again.

"I made it!" Starsky waited until he saw the warning finger appear before he continued.

"No really. I wanted to surprise you. So I went over to your place, put a little bit of all your usual stuff in there, added bananas and strawberries and one more secret ingrediant."

"I'm impressed Starsk. You really have been paying attention all these years to my health drinks. But what's the secret ingrediant?"

"Okay, I'll tell ya but promise you won't let the nurses get anywhere near the thermos? --- It's rum! I figured you could use a little kick of something to brighten your day. It ain't enough to get you plastered, just enough to keep it from being boring!"

Hutch had been sipping more of the drink until Starsky revealed the secret incrediant. At the mention of the rum, the straw came up out of the glass and since it was held between Hutch's teeth, the air that Hutch expelled at the mention of rum, caused the remaining liquid in the straw to splatter pink dropletts over Hutch and the hospital gown.

"Jeez, Starsky, you're gonna get me in trouble! Especially with that amazon of a nurse that'll be in here shortly. You know what'll happen? She'll insist on giving me a sponge bath since I got dirty and sticky. Now that my friend, is definatly something you can feel guilty about. It's your fault and there's no way you'll make it up to me this time.!"

Hutch squirmed with the thought of a sponge bath and Starsky's face grew pale as he remembered how thorough those sponge baths could be.

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Evil may be inherited and serve no purpose other than to cause harm and pain, but the truest expression of love is when we only want to protect our loved ones from that danger. Then our legacy of guilt takes over. The guilt is built on love and the desire to preserve the bond that holds us together.

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This story is now complete until my imagination pokes at my brain with another Starsky and Hutch adventure!!