The Banana Slug: I, for some reason, see the Mad Hatter a lot like an evil Pops from Regular Show. Hell, I even imagine the two to sound alike.

I don't know why, but the Mad Hatter's whimsical nature is a lot like my favorite character, Pops.

SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE: That Trucker Guy from Dumb & Dumber (Seabass I believe.)

You Got Batrolled!

By The Banana Slug

CHAPTER 11: White Rabbits and Goings On

Mad Hatter's Mad Day

It was 8:03 AM, the setting was a small dingy studio apartment with different memorabilia of the book Alice in Wonderland. My name is Friday.

In a small bed was Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter. A delusional madman that steals women and uses mind control techniques to get what he wants. He was laying down as he snuggled with a stuffed rabbit doll.

On the nightstand was a heart-shaped alarm clock, ticking and tocking with life. When the arms reached 8:30 AM, it began to ring and shake.

The Mad Hatter smiled and opened his eyes, tapping his palm on the clock and setting it to sleep. He got up, stretched and yawn, and jumped from bed with a giggle.

"Time for a stroll in Wonderland!" giggled the Mad Hatter, "But first, I shall get myself ready!" As he was still in his red and black striped long johns…with the butt-flap out for all to see his white pasty ass.

He skipped to the bathroom with glee, and brushed his teeth thoroughly. He stripped to his b-day suit, and quickly took a shower, singing delightfully as he scrubbed himself thoroughly.

After his short shower, he scrubbed himself dry, and put on his clothes, including his token top hat, all with a nice yet creepy smile, showing his large overbite.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket watch, which was broken and covered of butter stains. He looked at the unmoving hand and gasped, "Oh dear, oh dear, look at the time, it stopped! I've murdered it!"

He giggled as he threw it at the wall, clapping at it broke and scattered across the dirty floors. He skipped to the door and walked out the apartment, locking it behind him as he slid down the staircase railing.

He walked out to the streets, breathing the fresh air and waving his arms in the air in front of the crowds of people, walking by and not noticing the weird man with the overbite and large top hat.

"What a beautiful day in Wonderland!" he cooed, laughing out loud and putting his hands to his mouth.

He began to skip across the sidewalk, people ignoring the man, busy with their own lives to care for a demented mad man who thinks he is a fictional character.

As he walks he sees a girl tapping her foot as her mother was window shopping. Mad Hatter walked to the girl, the girl looked at him, and the Mad Hatter looked back. They soon began to dance in place, both smiling widely. Hatter moon-walked away, waving at the girl as she waved back.

The Mad Hatter walked into a small restaurant and greeted loudly, "Hello, fellow citizens, what a glorious morn to have a good eat, hm?"

"Shut up!" yelled a man from the back, throwing a pie at the Hatter. Tetch quickly ducked and stood back up, looking back at the man, who was the trucker from Dumb & Dumber, sitting down with his friends."Oh dear, we have a ruffian in our midst!" announced the Mad Hatter as he straightened his hat. He then stomped proudly to the trucker with a frown as the man got up and looked down the Mad Hatter.

"What the hell you want, freak?" growled the trucker.

"I request you apologize this instant!" ordered the Mad Hatter as he poked the man's chest, "I do not want to be so forward, but the pie-throwing incident is inexcusable and quite uncivilized!"

"Kick his ass, Seabass!" yelled one of the trucker's.

Seabass chuckled at the Mad Hatter, who then flicked the hat of the madman with pride. BIG MISTAKE! Anyone who is a Batman nerd should know that if you touch the Hatter's Hat, you are deep in the creek, buddy.

Jervis repositioned his hat and glared at Seabass, who looked at him with a smirk. "I'm afraid you forced my hand, and you will ultimately regret this unwise decision!"

"Go on, little man!" laughed Seabass, "Make your move!"

With a grin and a laugh, Mad Hatter grabbed a 10/6 card and swiped it onto the rim of Seabass' hat, who lost his tough exterior and seemed dead to the world.

"I am sorry, Mr. Hatter, please don't beat me up," moaned Seabass, his friends looking at him with surprise, "I am no match for your manly good looks, your impressive strength, and your fearless and intimidating appearance that even Batman would be afraid of, now leave me alone so I may finish my tea…no, you aren't supposed to say that, that either! Leave! Now!"

Mad Hatter just glared at him as Seabass stood there with a blank expression. After a long pause, Seabass turned around and returned to sitting at the table with his friends.

"Uh, Seabass? Are you alright?" asked one of his friends.

"Yes, I do believe I would like some tea," replied Seabass.

The friends looked at him and at each other, then nodding and agreeing with him. The Mad Hatter sighed and went to sit down at a table in the farthest side of the diner, ordering tea and biscuits from the waitress…named Alice…

…

Actually, I'm yankin' you, her name is Phyllis.

Two Hours Later

The Mad Hatter walked out of the diner after having his fill with tea, walking down the street with a grin, showing off his massive overbite. In the diner as he walked out, was a man pretending to be a goose, another man pretending to be a rabbit, and a woman named Phyllis pretending to be Chuck Testa...setting up dead animals everywhere.

...

Yeah...

The Mad Hatter walks to the park and begins to skip down the cobblestone path to the wooden bridge. He started singing out a happy, "La-La-La!" and not noticing the Batman in front of the bridge, with Robin and Batgirl next to him.

Without knowing he was there, Jervis bumped into the Batman, who glared at the Hatter as said Hatter yelped and jumped back, but quickly regained his composure and dusted off his jacket with a smile.

"Jolly good show, Batman!" laughed the Mad Hatter, "You sure do know how to sneak up on little ol' me! AH HA HA HAA! Good show!"

Batman just gave a scowl as the Mad Hatter laughed and clapped. Apparently, he was not amused.

"Jervis, you do know that I am a crime-fighter, correct?" interrogated Batman.

"Oh, yes, jolly good show!" laughed the Mad Hatter.

"Yes, and you DO know that you have stolen money from ten different banks, correct?" interrogated Robin with a frown.

"Oh, yes, it's all part of the show!" laughed the Mad Hatter, "I needed that money to fund my research, and my little gizmos and gadgets, you understand, correct?"

"How about the kidnapping of women named Alice?" growled Batman, clenching his fists.

"Oh, I thought they were MY Alice! A common mistake!" defended the Mad Hatter, "And in the…um…violent aspects, I had to make them pay for lying to me! Lying is a very rude habit."

Batgirl, silently staring at him, just uttered, "…Pedophile."Mad Hatter's attitude turned from sunny to stormy as he fumed out loud, "Why does everyone keep saying that? I am not a pedophile! I wish someone would stop them from saying such slanderous bile! I am not a PEDOPHILE!"

"Come on, Batgirl," groaned Batman, "Hatter's a lot of things, but not a pedophile!"

"Grant Morrison," added Batgirl.

"Okay, I know Grant is very creative, but he CAN be wrong about a lot of things, no one is perfect, dammit," argued Batman.

"I mean, you can hate Rob Liefeld without restraint, but he DID help create that one popular character that looked suspiciously like Deathstroke the Terminator," defended Robin. The Mad Hatter looked at all of them, obviously the three were distracted with Grant Morrison and Rob Liefeld. He grinned as he walked back slowly.

"Haters," added Batgirl with a glare.

"Look, I liked his rendition of me, and me going through time is really badass," argued Batman intelligently, "But please…Batman Incorperated?"

"What? I thought that was pretty cool," defended Robin, now siding away from Batman.

"No, no, saying Bruce Wayne financed me for years, that is really dumb," argued Batman, poking Robin's face."It would be a perfect alibi, since in actuality, you're really Bruce Wayne!" Robin ranted angrily.

"That's were you're wrong!" growled Batman insanely as he grabbed Robin's collar.

"Hatter!" pointed out Batgirl, and then Batman and Robin quickly looked to find Mad Hatter gone. The two turned back at Batgirl with a glare.

"Nice goin', Cassie!" growled Robin.

"You let him get away, derpy!" berated Batman.

Batgirl just glared at them and muttered hatefully, "Assholes."

Ten Hours Later

After outwitting the Batman and going to see that new Tim & Eric movie, and then getting a few groceries…for free!

Anyway, after all that, he decided to return home, with three free bags of groceries in his arms. He hummed happily as he marched up the stairs, skipping to his apartment door.

He pulled the key from the rim of his hat and slid it into the hole, turning the key and unlocking the door.

He opened it with a smile, only to be greeted by the BAT-FIST! It rushed at his face, a trail of blood from his huge nose as he fell onto the floor, water escaping from his eyes.

"HA! No one escapes from the Batman!" he gloated with Robin and Batgirl walking to his side from inside the apartment.

"I think you may have hit him TOO hard, Bats," cautioned Robin with concern for Hatter.

"Nah, he can take it," gloated the Batman, posing a proud pose. Instantly after that, Mad Hatter began to bawl loudly and excessively, like a looked guilty, looking at Robin and Batgirl's faces, ashamed at Batman for his disregard for excessive force.

"What?" groaned Batman, "I do this all the time!""Not with Mad Hatter," berated Robin, "He's special.""Shame," sighed Batgirl."Fine!" groaned Batman in frustration, "I'll make it up to him." He then knelt down in front of the bawling Mad Hatter, pushing his hat over his head.

"Hey…uh, Hatter…I'm…I didn't…" stammered Batman, who was still new to the apology deal, he then asked with a forced concerned voice, "Look, how 'bout we get you a milkshake before I take you Arkham?"

"Milkshakes?" asked Mad Hatter curiously and in fear, then adding with a gleeful tone, "Milkshake is tea in ice cream form! Good show! Good show!"

He quickly got up and smiled at the Batman, who just groaned and told, "Follow me, Jervis."

The Mad Hatter followed Batman and his group of teenage warriors to the Batmobile, and before you knew it, they all had a nice milkshake. And they all lived happily ever after…except for Seabass who was still at the diner…mind controlled…starving…to death.

The Banana Slug: Short chapter it was, I just pretty much wanted to make a short one-shot of one of my favorite villains, the Mad Hatter.

And yes, I do not, I repeat, do NOT believe he is a pedo, that's too obvious! Next chapter will have another Grant Morrison creation, guess who!