But my heart was colder when you'd gone
And I lost my head
- Whispers in the Dark, Mumford and Sons
6 days later
Chase looked as Wilson unhooked the IV line and helped him with getting the black jacket on. Chase tried to stand up with Wilson's help and sat down in the hospital wheelchair. The small walk from the bed to the wheelchair drained all of this power and he hid his face in his hands. He felt a hand of his shoulder and looked up at Wilson, nodding that he was okay. He was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today was even more miserable because the reason that he left the hospital was so he could attend Jeremy's funeral and it made him feel even more horrible.
He checked himself in the mirror, hoping his black t-shirt and jacket would do as his shirt that was supposed to be with the jacket had become way to big now he had lost os much weight and made him seem even more sick than he already looked in his face.
House entered and brushed Chase's hair as Chase was too weak to do it himself. His hair was still really short as House had cut it short again earlier this week and Chase still hated it, but he knew it was better this way. As house started to push the wheelchair out of the room, Chase looked on the note on his nightstand. Don't give up.
House felt bad for Chase as he looked now with the second treatment. His face had lost all colour and his eyes and cheeks were sunken. His hair was getting thinner and Chase's hands were trembling, probably because he was cold again. He was cold all the time now. What hit House the most, was the hospital bracelet, the proof that Chase was a patient not instead of a doctor.
House took Chase to his car and Chase felt bad he was not able to walk, but House told it was fine as he could lean on the wheelchair, which made his walking pretty easy, but it did not make Chase feel any better. He wished he could walk and he tried to yesterday, but he had been too weak and he had spend his day in bed, sleeping and writing a little. The book was not coming along quickly at all as he was tired and fell asleep pretty easily. The treatment made him feel tired and sick but he knew it was worth it if he got more time. He needed more time. He had another roommate now, an annoying older man, whom kept blaming him for everything that happened in the room and House was still trying to get Chase in a private room, but Wilson wanted to keep the people on the trial together and there were not enough private rooms for that in the department.
Both Chase and House were quiet as they drove to the church where Jeremy's memorial would be held. Chase because he was too tired and upset to say something and House because he knew Chase was to tired and upset. Chase was almost crying as they arrived and House laid his hand on his shoulder.
''If you can't do this, it's okay. His family will understand it's hard on you and you are under treatment.'' He said as Chase looked like he could pass out any second. But Chase shook his head and they went inside. They went to say their condolences to Jeremy's family and his mom suddenly hugged Robert.
''Thank you for being here. It means a lot, especially because Jeremy told us how happy he was that you got good news. He was happy for you.'' His mother said with a smile and Chase didn't know what to say. Right now, he felt both happy and conflicted. He was angry that Jeremy passed, sad that he passed and he felt guilty that he got life extension while Jeremy was in a coffin. House and he went to the back of the church.
''What is wrong?'' House asked as Chase was almost crying. He was afraid Chase was in pain as he was bending his back.
''I feel so guilty. Why did I do to deserve those extra months?'' Chase sniffed.
''You are a good person -''
''Oh and Jeremy wasn't?'' Chase snarled back as he sat up again and tried to hide his crying from the other people. Chase listened to the stories his family was telling them and he tried not to cry again, but he broke when his little brother started to talk about the future he dreamed about and House rubbed over Chase's back. While most people went to the cemetery, House insisted on taking Chase back to the hospital.
''I am not going back.''
''Chase, you can't do it anymore. I can see it in your face. You are too sick, admit it.'' House said then and finally Chase agreed, maybe because he was simply too wake to argue with House. House took him back to the hospital and brought him to his room. Chase was glad his roommate was gone, for a test or so and House helped him undress and back in his sweatpants and hoodie, the only things that kept him warm enough in bed as he was so cold. House helped him in bed, stumbling because of his legs and he pulled the blankets over Chase as he laid comfortable. Chase fell asleep almost immediately and Wilson walked back in.
''Back?'' He asked surprised as he had expected them to be out the whole day but House shook his head. He had wanted to be able for Chase to have a properly goodbye with his friend but letting him stay there would have done him more bad than good.
Wilson got the IV's dripping again, but Chase remained asleep. He looked so small in the bed, so fragile and House wanted to leave as he couldn't see Chase like this. He stepped out of the room, Wilson following him shortly.
''You care too much.'' Wilson said. ''You know Chase is dying. You can't save him. You will be broken when he dies.''
House nodded as he knew that. He knew he would be broken when Chase would die but it was not a reason not to be close with Chase now. They were both lonely, with broken dreams. Wilson got paged away and House walked back in the room, sitting down by the bedside as Chase was still asleep. House knew he would be for a while as the treatment took a lot of his energy and he took a book from Chase's nightstand, reading it.
''House? Can I...water?'' Chase asked then, drowsy and House let him drink some water. Chase turned on his side and House pulled the blanket over him again.
''Here, I got you this too, for when you get lonely.'' House said then as he saw the kangaroo plushie beside the bed he had put there before one day when Chase was asleep. Chase smirked as it was the one from House's office, which he had put on a chair there to annoy Chase.
''Joey can stay on the ground.'' Chase said weakly but House put the kangaroo beside him.
''He will keep you warm. By the way, I think his name is McPouch, not Joey.'' House smirked as Chase looked at the kangaroo beside him but Chase pushed it out of bed and closed his eyes again.
''Rest some more.'' House said then and Chase fell asleep again, but with a small smile now.
NOTE: Honestly, should I continue this story? Right now, I am not sure. This story is really hard for me write and it get's hardly any reads. I guess it is just not good enough. It means a lot to me that you are still reading the story but I am not sure if I can still do it like this...I try but it doesn't seem good enough. Please tell me what I am doing wrong so I can still make this story interesting because it is a story I want to tell, but right now I just don't know anymore. Please tell me what you thought and if I should continue.