Disclaimer: I don't own them.
AN: First of all, a big thank you to all those who reviewed. They are much appreciated and motivate me to keep writing. Secondly, my apologies for the delay in posting...Work got a bit hectic. I hope this is worth the wait. This chapter is for T...You certainly made some of my darker days a bit brighter this past couple of weeks x. Enjoy :o)
Chapter 11
"We need the investigation results from Vegas now." Hotch turned to face the team and saw Garcia start typing on her laptop immediately.
"Got it." The blonde scanned down the document on her screen. "Cause of death was respiratory arrest as a result of a pulmonary oedema. The tox screen showed some abnormalities. There was no cholinesterase present in the sample."
The team looked over to Reid as he started speaking. "It's an enzyme that breaks down the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Without the enzyme, the nerves can't function properly. It's like someone has flipped the switch to turn them on and it's become stuck that way."
"What causes it?" Rossi asked both Reid and Garcia, being fully aware that the young agent wasn't going to be on the top of his game in light of the recent loss he had suffered.
"I have quite a list here sir." Garcia responded.
"Narrow it down to what is fast acting and could be either inhaled or absorbed through the skin." Hotch commented after mentally reviewing what had been relayed about the circumstances surrounding Reid's mother's death.
"Start with irreversible inhibitors. Foyet wouldn't want to run the risk of failing in his task." Reid added quietly.
Garcia tapped away on her keyboard for a moment before turning up the result of her search. "We have one at the top of the list, parathion. Readily absorbed through the skin and inhaled, it's closely related to sarin." Garcia looked back up at the rest of the team, her eyes wide.
"Contact all of the officers protecting our families and let them know that nothing is to be allowed to enter the houses unless it has been checked. No deliveries of any kind."
"Yes sir." Garcia left the room to make the calls.
"Please…Don't." JJ looked up into the cold eyes of Foyet. She could feel the tears stinging at the back of her eyes. She knew that by showing him the emotion she was feeling, she was giving him the power he wanted. Having read the name on the envelope, she couldn't hide her feelings. There was no way to keep her tears from falling as the images flashed in her mind of what would happen next.
"Well now Agent Jareau, the people who could have stopped this didn't make a deal." He stepped in close behind her, leaning over her shoulder so that his breath brushed over her skin as he spoke. "Are you going to make me a deal?"
JJ let her eyes drift closed, fighting down the revulsion she felt at having him so close to her. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper, knowing that she only had one option left available to her. "Yes."
JJ sat on the cold floor, her knees drawn up against her chest with her head resting against them. Foyet had left a while ago. Sitting in the dark, JJ had no idea how much time had passed since. She knew that her decision to make a deal with him would hurt the others but she couldn't just sit back and watch as he carried out his own plans. She hadn't been sure that he would even accept her deal, it had been a desperate attempt. There had been a feeling of relief that had washed through her as he had smiled at her suggestion. That relief had now faded, leaving her feeling empty. Thoughts swirling in her mind about all the things that she knew she would never be able to say or do. Knowing that her decision would cause them pain but also hoping that it would save them from losing what they valued most.
The phone in the conference room rang. "Agent Hotchner." Hotch's face darkened as he listened to the voice on the phone. He spoke as he turned to where Morgan sat, "Get the others."
As the team filtered back into the conference room, nobody needed to ask what the phone call was about. One look at Hotch gave them the answer.
Hotch pushed a button on the phone. "We're all here."
"Good. There is someone who wants to talk to you all." Foyet's voice filled the room from the speakerphone.
There was silence as the team waited. They all knew that the person who the voice was most likely to belong to was JJ but part of each of them worried that it would be someone else.
"Hotch?" The one word was spoken quietly and yet there was no fear in her voice.
"Yes, we're all here JJ."
"Good." There was a pause. "I needed to tell you all something." They could all hear JJ taking a deep breath. "I want you to know that I know you never gave up. That you would never give up…but I couldn't keep doing it."
Garcia started to shake her head at the words.
"I couldn't let him keep hurting you all because of my decisions. I made a deal with him."
"What was the deal?" Hotch asked, trying to keep the apprehension he felt from his voice.
"I traded my life for the one on the envelope." Garcia felt the tears start to fall as she heard the words. "I know that none of you want me to do this but I have to. I can't just sit here and wait as he keeps hunting your families. I…"
JJ's words stopped at the sound of a new voice. "No."
A silence filled the room, broken only by the sound of shaky breathing through the phone. "Em…Please…" JJ's voice sounded thicker, a sign that the blonde was fighting back the emotion threatening to spill over.
"No…You can't make a deal. Tell him you have changed your mind." Emily could hear her own voice starting to crack as she spoke. All her carefully constructed compartments that held her emotions beginning to fracture.
"I can't Em. I'm sorry."
"Why? We can stop him getting to anyone else."
"I couldn't live with myself if he got past all your protection."
"He won't. Please Jennifer…I'm begging you…Take it back." Emily knew she was on the verge of losing control over her emotions. She could feel the lump that had formed in her throat making it harder for her to get her words out.
"Em…Listen to me…I need you to do something. I need you to promise me one thing. I need you to look after Henry for me. I need you to make sure he has everything he needs as he grows up. That he knows I always loved him. There's a letter in the top drawer of my desk that will explain it."
"You'll be there to do that. Just take back the deal."
"Promise me Em." There was the sound of JJ's breath hitching. "Please Em, promise me. I need to hear you promise." JJ's voice was broken by the tears she was trying to contain.
Emily looked down as she felt someone take her hand. She met Garcia's tear stained gaze and knew that the blonde was trying to offer her the support to say the words that JJ so desperately needed to hear. When she spoke her voice was barely above a whisper, she doubted that JJ would even have heard it. "I promise."
"Thank you." The next sound that filled the room was the sound of JJ crying out in pain.
Garcia tightened her grip on the brunette's hand as they listened to the sounds of their friend in pain. Emily stared at the phone on the table as the tears fell down her cheeks, her whole body numb. They had no idea how long the screams lasted but finally they had stopped. Emily felt her body begin to shake as she realised that the silence could mean only one thing.
The sound of a voice broke the deafening silence that they found themselves in. "Goodbye Agent Jareau." The sound of a single gunshot rang through the room. Emily felt her legs collapse at that moment, sinking to the floor on her knees. Her hands covering her face as the sobs wracked her body.
Garcia had turned and buried her head into Morgan's chest as her own tears fell. His arms had instinctively wrapped around her, his own gaze remained unfocused.
Hotch sat frozen to his seat, his usually stony expression broken by a look of sadness.
Rossi reached over the table to hang up the phone as the dial tone sounded in the room.
Hotch stood from his seat, finding every movement felt stiff. He knelt down beside Emily and reached a hand out to her, resting it on her shoulder and hoping to offer some form of comfort to the woman. "Emily…"
She looked up at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. In that moment Hotch knew that he might have lost more than one team member in that second. "Emily…What can I do?"
"Nothing." As she spoke that one word, she knew it was the truth. There was nothing that anyone could say or do in that moment to take away the gut wrenching pain that was permeating every cell in her body. Nothing would be able to erase the sound of JJ's screams from her mind. Nothing would be able to erase the images that had formed as she had listened. Images that were a combination of all the horrific things they had seen through the years, all the victims with JJ's face. With that single gunshot, her whole world had shattered and now there was nothing but darkness.
She stood from where she had fallen to the ground and walked out of the room without another word. Garcia made a move to follow but Morgan held her back. "Not yet baby girl. She needs some time." Garcia looked over at him and saw the pain his dark eyes held. She stopped in her actions and watched Emily leave.
Emily left the room with no real idea where she was headed. She found herself standing at the door to Hotch's office and as she looked in, she saw Henry sitting in his playpen. As she met his blue eyes, she saw the silent tears that were falling from them. She went over to him and lifted him against her. As soon as he was close enough, he grabbed handfuls of her shirt and tried to pull himself closer. Emily held him close and carried him out of Hotch's office, a destination in her mind.
She closed JJ's office door behind her and looked around the room. Images of all the times that she had come to speak to the blonde flashed in her mind. The way she would lean on her desk and rub her ear when she was deep in thought about a case file. The smile that would appear whenever Emily came in with a fresh cup of coffee for her. Emily drew in a deep breath as she fought back the fresh tears that threatened to fall. She walked over to JJ's desk and sat down in her chair. She reached down and opened the bottom drawer first and took out the DVD that she had replaced what felt like so long ago. She put it on the desk before opening the top drawer and finding the letter addressed to her there.
She opened the letter first and read it. As she continued reading she glanced down at the baby curled up against her. "Your mom made sure everything would be taken care of for you Henry." He sat back slightly to look up at her. "She loved you more than anything in the world. She made me promise to make sure you grew up without wanting for anything and knowing how much she loved you. I'll do everything to keep that promise." She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and felt a tear slide down her cheek.
As she sat back she picked up the DVD case and placed it into the computer on JJ's desk. The media player opened on the screen and then the DVD started to play revealing JJ sitting on the same chair that Emily was now in. Emily watched as the video began playing.
"Hey Em. If you are watching this then I guess I never managed to get the courage to say this to you and now it's too late." JJ ran a hand through her hair as she sighed. "You remember that case in LA with Johnny McHale? When all he had left was an impersonal answer phone message? That stuck with me. We all wrote our letters but I really struggled when it came to writing yours. I think it took me about 20 attempts to get past the first line when I wrote it. As time went on I realised something and the letter that I had written for you just wasn't right anymore. We just got back from Long Island. I think you were the only one to realise how shaken up I was by what happened today. I know that I should want to go home to seek comfort but that's the problem." JJ paused again before continuing. "The one place I want to go, the one place that I know would provide me with comfort isn't home…It's with you. Still with me or have you hit eject by now?" She ran a hand through her hair again. "I really messed up Em. I'm recording this now and I hope that I'll get to throw this away and record a new one with a different message soon. I just need to sort a few things out first. I need to be sure I won't lose Henry when I break up with Will. I've got to make sure everything is sorted out because I can't lose him. I'm going to see a lawyer at the weekend to discuss custody arrangements. Things really got complicated so fast."
JJ paused for a moment as she considered her next words. "When we were in Miami and Will showed up, I broke up with him. That case just hit a bit close to home. Him being there just felt like my two world's colliding and it made it all real. Until then I could keep pretending to myself that I had what I wanted. When he was pushing me to tell you all about him, about us, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I realised it wasn't him I wanted. I was going to tell you after that case but when we stood in the station and watched him go, you told me to go for him. That comment really threw me. Everything I thought I knew came crashing down. I thought I was wrong and so I ran after him. I needed to feel like somebody wanted me. I regret that so much. I should have stopped running then but I never had the courage to tell you what I felt."
JJ took a drink from the coffee on her desk. "It's 2am and I'm drinking coffee in my office at work when I should be in the arms of the person I love. God I'm such an idiot Em. I've spent the past three years running away from what I really wanted and what I felt. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of being afraid and I'm tired of not at least being honest with you."
There was a pause as JJ took a few breaths. "What it comes down to Em is that I am in love with you. I know that you probably don't feel the same. There was a time when I thought you did but I blew it. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I never intended to do that but I was so scared of what it would all mean for me, for you and the team. I know that if I haven't got it all sorted and something happens to me this will probably hurt you even more." JJ rubbed her forehead. "I hope you never see this Em but if you do, know that I was doing everything I could to be able to say this to you in person. Remember that I love you and my vision of a future was with you and Henry as my family…If you'd have had us."
JJ reached forwards as if she was going to turn the camera off, then sat back. "I wouldn't have given up without fighting Em. I made that mistake once, I'd never make it again. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to make it back to you but I'll never stop loving you."
Emily watched as the screen went blank. She didn't know when she had started to cry but she was aware of the tears now trailing down her cheeks. She felt Henry reach his hands up and put them on her face. She looked down at sad blue eyes, shining with unshed tears. "I'm sorry Henry. I couldn't save your mom. I should have…I should have done so many things different. I'm sorry."
The brunette lost track of how long she sat there with Henry. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing. "Prentiss."
"Agent Prentiss…I have an offer for you." Foyet's voice chilled her to her core. She wanted to slam the phone down and never deal with him again but knew it wasn't going to be over until they had found him and either captured or killed him. She knew if she was the one to find him, it would be the latter.
"What?" The loathing was evident in her voice.
"No need to be rude. I know how much Agent Jareau meant to you. I can only imagine how it must have felt to hear her cries of pain and then the silence as I killed her."
"You can't imagine anything, you're a psychopath."
"You could learn a lot from me Agent Prentiss. I wanted to give you the chance to reclaim Agent Jareau's body. I have no need for such things but I'm sure you'd like to give her some form of burial."
"What do you want in return?"
"Nothing. I have already taken what meant most to you." He paused for a moment. "I'll send you the GPS co-ordinates of her body. If you tell any of your team about this conversation or come with anyone else, you'll never find her body." Without waiting for an answer he hung up the phone.
Emily looked down at Henry again and knew she had to do it. She couldn't refuse the chance to bring JJ home, even if she had been too late to bring her home alive.