The flight to Germany, was not really a very pleasant flight for Miles, what he first had thought to just be a mild flue was acting up as he sat in the seat, leaning his head back as he breathed in deep harsh breaths, his head was killing him, it was like a constant banging from the inside, his throat was dry and he doubted he could even speak right, his eye sight was constantly changing between fuzzy and painfully bright, and by god was it hot, Miles could not remember ever having felt so hot, he could barely lift a hand, only sit there breathing his rash unnatural sounding breaths.
"Sir." A stewardess looked very concerned on him bowing over. "Are you quite all right sir? Do you need something?"
Miles shook his head as he squinted his eyes. "Noooo." He groaned feeling the sweat running down his tendrils and his eyesight going fuzzy.
"I'll get you some water." The stewardess then told. "Try to take some breaths and relax."
"I'm not having an anxiety attack!" Miles snapped at her.
"Sir, if you would just." The stewardess tried.
"I know what an anxiety attack feels like and this is not it!" Miles groaned, boy did he know, with every earth quack and every time he had to take an elevator, this was not it, he was just, Miles groaned as a new dizzy spell hit him forcing him back into the seat.
"I'll get you that water then." The stewardess told. "If there is anything you need, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask sir." She told turning around leaving Miles whom drifted in and out of consciousness.
As he reached the German air port his legs was pathetically weak under him, trying desperately to keep himself walking he was staggering around like a drunken man.. God why was it so hot in here?
The nausea welled up in Miles and his eye sight kept growing fuzzy when he moved to quick. "Urgh." Miles groaned grabbing the front of his shirt just right above his heart.
"Mein Herr!" a young man exclaimed as he rushed to Miles's side. "Haben sie Schmerzen? Bist du in Ordnung?"
Confused Miles looked at the young man, for a moment his mind trying to catch what was so strange about these words.
"Krank?" the man then asked. "Bist du Krank?" he asked frantically.
Ah.. German.. the man was speaking German, that was why Miles understood him perfectly in spite of the words being a bit strange, he groaned as he looked up at the man, black dots playing in front of his eyes. "Ich Weiss nicht." He then told before suddenly, he felt the world going black around him and he groaned as he fell over loosing contact with the human world, the last thing he heard being the young mans yell as the darkness swallowed him completely.
"ARGH! HILFE! ICH BRAUCHE HILFE!"
"Urgh.." as Miles slowly regained conciousness he heard several german voices above him, speaking german words, Miles didn't even have to think as he switched to German himself. "Where.." he asked in German, barely thinking about it. "Where am I?" he asked.
"Ah." One of the people, a middle aged man with a brown moustache turned to Miles. "So you are awake." He sighed.
"What happened?" Miles asked with squinted eyes.
"You collapsed sir." The middle aged man told. "In the air port, you are now in the hospital, we can tell you that you are running a very high fever, plenty of bed rest would be advisable, and for you to lay still a bit longer, take your time now."
Miles gritted his teethes as he groaned falling back.
"How do you feel Mr. Edgeworth?" The man, presumably Miles's doctor asked standing beside him.
Miles opened an eye looking up at him. "How?" he asked.
"I'm afraid we needed identification to be able to get you into the hospital, so we checked your wallet." The man told. "My name is Günter Walkensprech, I'm a doctor." He told. "And it seems like you are one of the lucky few both having German andAmerican citizenship, so you are all clear to go, free of charge." He told in a encouraging smile.
Miles rolled his eyes, German hospitals were free in general, one of the things they really should get fixed in America at some point. No what really bothered him was that there had been a need to bring him there at all, then he opened his mouth but instead of words coming out came a great cough, and then another one before Miles was coughing pretty violently sitting up, then he groaned as he fell back. "Urghh.. What's happening to me?" he asked. "What's wrong with me?"
Günter looked a bit concerned at Miles. "I'm afraid I can't really tell you that, as I am not even sure myself." He then admitted. "Could you tell me if you had any recent strains?" he asked.
"Like what?" Miles asked.
"Any thing that would be a big strain on the body." Günter asked. "Hiking, long wanderings, stress on the work place, problems in the family life." He commented. "Training for a marathon without a real prober slow start."
Miles glared at him with squinted eyes. "Do I look like a marathon runner to you?" he asked in a sour voice.
Günter sighed deeply. "Mr. Edgeworth, I am only here to help you." He told. "And all I need from you, is information so I can make the correct diagnosis, thus far my greatest guess is that well, you are suffering from mental and bodily exhaustion." He told. "It might even be psychogenic feber." He told.
Miles blinked. "What?" he asked.
"You've been here for some hours." Günter told. "In that time, your fever has yet to react to any fever reducing medicine and we have yet to detect any other abnormalities in you, no inflammations no unnatural stature in the organs nor blood stream." He told.
"What do you mean you haven't.." Miles had caught himself off as he was caught in another big cough having to hold a hand in front of his mouth as he coughed, tears pressing through his eyes with the coughs, finally he fell back on the pillow. "That looks like nothing to you?" he asked.
"Mr. Edgeworth, if you would please just listen." Günter asked. "When a person has been under great stress or great pressure, it only becomes natural for the body to send a various different kinds of danger signals. This might very well be your bodies way, to tell you to take better care of yourself." He told. "Your fever is very high, so I would like to keep you for another day just to make absolutely sure there are no dangerous abnormalities, after that I highly recommend that you see a psychotherapist, just to be on the sure side."
Miles scowled. "I don't need a bloody psychotherapist, I'm fine!" he snapped.
"Mr. Edgeworth, you collapsed in a air port, with a fever burning to the touch." Günter told. "Is that really an experience you want to repeat?" he asked.
Miles hissed as he crossed his arms. "I fail to see how a psychotherapist could help me with a bloody fever, that doesn't make any sense!"
Günter sighed deeply as he refrained from rolling his eyes, but Miles knew an eye roll when he saw it! And he scuffed annoyed.
"Mr. Edgeworth.. Sir." Günter then sighed pulling off his glasses looking at Mile. "Unconscious, your body showed all of the signs of extreme fatigue without there being any inflammations, and now conscious, you are showing all the signs of stress, as well as putting up a high immediate defence to push away help. I will prescribe you a therapist for further evaluation, though of course I cannot make you meet up.. As a doctor, I advice you to do that though, if for nothing else, then to cover all possibilities, that is only logical isn't it?" he asked. "To go over every possible aspect of this case?"
Miles scoffed annoyed, Günter statement about it only being logical to go over all possibilities just hit home a bit too much, if there was something Miles had become known for it was being throughout.
But a bloody psychotherapist?! No bloody way! Miles was not that weak a person! Not him! No way! What was the worst he had done anyway? …. Carefully planned out his own suicide, left a suicide note and gone all the way alone to Germany because he could not handle being in America anymore… Oh hell!
Miles groaned falling back on the pillow squinting his eyes close.
"Mr. Edgeworth, sorry to disturb you, I'll let you sleep in a moment." Günter promised. "But before you go to sleep again, could I ask you for a contact person?" he asked.
"What?" Miles muttered.
"A contact." Günter asked. "Someone to bring you home, and to let people know you are all right in case you didn't meet up at an appointed place."
"I… Got no contacts." Miles then told.
Günter blinked. "Ah.." he then frowned. "What is your current address then?" he asked.
"My current address is in America, I just came from there." Miles told in a murmur.
"Oh I see, that makes sense then." Günter commented. "Well admittedly that's troublesome, do you have a hotel you are supposed to be at for the remainder of your stay?" he asked.
Miles shook his head. "No reservations, came here pretty unplanned." He told.
Günter blinked. "Oh, and… How long do you intend to stay in Germany?" he asked.
"I have no idea." Miles told.
Günter blinked. "I… See.." he commented. "Well urhm.. Get some rest Mr. Edgeworth, rest assured you are in safe hands, if nothing further happens you can go in the morning." He told. "And I'll.. Make arrangements with a therapist for you for further evaluation, I can only urge you to go there.." he then told. "You know, just to go over all aspects." He told. "Think of it as.. procedure." He then at last commented. "A way for us to go over every single object in our investigation as professional doctors."
"Hmm." Miles groaned his eyes closed already.
It was probably a very good thing that most therapist had long educations and a lot of experience before being sat unto a chair, because the glare Miles was sending the woman he was sitting in front of, was worth writing history books about.
She though merely lifted an eyebrow at him. "Hallo Miles, I'm very pleased to meet you." She told in a welcoming smile.
"I don't recall giving you any permission to become familiar." Miles snapped right back, then having to stop and blink as he felt himself fading out for a minor second, as his fever was still running high.
"Ah, Mr. Edgeworth then." The therapist nodded. "Or is it Prosecutor Edgeworth?" she asked.
Miles just scowled at her annoyed.
"I'm Dionne Fritzsald." The woman told. "Dionne is just fine." She smiled warmly at her, this woman was not the kind of woman that Miles would want to engage in conversation with under any circumstance, she looked kind enough, in her fourtish, blond slightly graying hair falling freely down her shoulders, none of that was the issue, no it was more that she was wearing a tunic obviously made from nature material, there were big ear rings in her ears, several bracelets with supposed 'energy stones' in them of different variety and colours and around her neck, a Buddha necklace with the eternity symbol on it.
This woman most of all, looked like an hippie, not as flamboyant as a real one, but Miles would have preferred some one more sharply dressed, and without the stones around her wrist that was supposed to give good luck, energy, peace and other really moronic stuff. Honestly that was just stupid.
"Mr. Edgeworth." Dionne then spoke in a light smile. "First of all, please let me assure you, you are far from the first man of your stature in a situation like this, the pressure in the world of law and among investigations is immense, it's extremely normal that it simply becomes to much for people in those positions. Not because they are weak, but just because those are very trying positions."
Miles ones again scowled annoyed as he crossed his arms, sending Dionne yet another death glare, yet the woman didn't seem to notice at all, just kept calm and even lightly smiling.
"So Mr. Edgeworth, why don't you tell me why you are here?" Dionne asked.
"You all ready have that on paper." Miles hissed. "I got a fever, they told me it was psychogenic, now I'm here." He muttered.
Dionne lifted an eyebrow. "And what do you think Mr. Edgeworth?" she asked.
Miles lifted an eyebrow. "What exactly are you asking about?" he asked.
"Do you think you have a psychogenic fever?" Dionne asked. "And if you do, why do you think you have it?"
Miles huffed annoyed, of course he had a bloody psychogenic fever, what the hell else would it be?! And why? WHY?!
… And why should he tell this woman? "All I want to know is what can be done about it." He snapped.
Dionne sighed deeply. "Mr. Edgeworth." She exhaled. "I can't really help you if you are not willing to accept help." She told. "it does not work like that, right now, you are putting up a barriar to keep me from priding, that shows me there is more going on here. But really, until you decide you want to work with the things that are wrong, and that includes, embracing and acknowledging all of it, then work from there. I can't help you." She told. "It is you whom has to take this decision and it is you whom must do the work, you are currently showing great signs of stress to me, the only recommendation I can give you is to take as good care of yourself as you can, remove yourself from the stress factor if possible, sort out the things that is constantly on your mind so you wont have to always think about it and find out what it is you actually want out of this." She told in a light smile. "What do you want to get from coming here?" she asked. "Forget about fever, what do you want?" she asked.
Miles bit his lip, then averted his eyes. "I don't feel like telling you much." He then admitted. "It might.. compromise me." He muttered.
"Mr. Edgeworth, may I remind you I am also a doctor and thus under oath." Dionne told. "anything said behind these walls will be strictly confidential."
Miles snorted. "Even the most confidential conversations and papers can end up getting out in the open." He stated dryly.. Boy did he know, he had brought enough of them out personally, and brought very intimidate information out of therapists just like this woman in front of him.
"So, you don't want to be exsposed?" Dionne asked.
"Of course I don't." Miles snapped. "Isn't that obvious? Who would want to be the head liner of every news paper in the country?" he asked.
Slightly Dionne shook her head. "Let me rephrase, and correct me if I am wrong, please." She asked. "You don't want people to see your weaknes." She told. "Why is that Mr. Edgeworth?" she asked.
Miles sneered.
"Are you maybe afraid you really are weak?" she asked making Miles Scowl even more. "What would that mean, if you really are weak after all."
Annoyed Miles stood up. "I do not have to listen to any of this." He told in a sneer grabbing his trench coat throwing it over his shoulders. "This was a mistake, I'm sorry I took up your time, good day." He nodded and went for the door grabbing the handle.
"Mr. Edgeworth." Dionne then called up. "If those things are of no concern to you, why then did you even react when I asked?" she asked making Miles freeze. "Listen, it's not really important that I know these things, what is important is that you can find out what is truly bothering you, and learn to accept the things you can not control, accept that like all, you are just a human being, and the one whom needs your kindness and understanding the most right now, is yourself." She told. "The situation you are in now, does not have to dictate your life, you are the key to your own life. Nothing good ever came out of punishing yourself, instead we must look to what we can learn from our own experiences." She told.
Miles was quiet as he stood by the door, his hand on the handle that he still hadn't turned.
"I will put you up for another session next week." Dionne told. "Same time and place, if that inconvenience you, you can feel free to call my number for other arrangements, any time." She told. "A Christmas call would be just fine to." She told in a voice that sounded of smile. "Oh and, if you can find some body else to talk to, some one you feel like you can truly trust to not.. Leak any information, that is very recommendable as well, I do not recommend being alone. Not even for healthy people…. Mr. Edgeworth, only you can take these steps, only you can find the answers to your current problems, only you can chose to fight and learn more about where you stand. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone."
Miles rolled his eyes, it was March, so yes indeed, Christmas was a long while away, the meaning were quite clear and the joke as not to clever, then he sighed deeply. "Thank you." He then quietly turning the door handle and walked out.
No, Miles did not feel like spewing out all his inner most thoughts and emotions to this person, in fact, he didn't want to tell anyone.
He barely managed to drag himself back to his hotel room and fall face down on the bed.
It was like any energy had left him and the fever was going strong as ever, it had not gone away at all.
Miles coughed down in his hand as he laid there groaning. "Damn you." He hissed.
He just wanted to get all of this over with, but on the same time he didn't want to get up, to go and see more people.
It seemed so.. Just thinking about it made Miles's mind go rapid into a whirlwind of fears and thoughts, immediately it all felt like far to much, and Miles groaned as he closed his eyes, only to have all of those pictures flashing before him.
"Miles." A tall man with a kind smile over his face and proud eyes looked at him, well at least he looked tall to Miles, he looked like a positive giant as he bowed down and picked Miles up so Miles was in height with the spectacled man, whom smelled like paper and tea as his black fedora sat untop of his hair.
"Dad." Miles smiled up at him. "When I grow up, I want to be a hero like you! You are like a samurai defending the people!"
And Gregory laughed. "HAHAHA! Well I'll do my best son." He told in a smile.
"Mr. Edgeworth.." a cold voice hissed and father and son turned to the darkness where a man stood rigid in the shadow.
"Da.. Dad." Miles swallowed.
"Don't be frightened Miles." Gregory whispered holding his son. "I wont let him hurt you."
In the shadow stood a proud man, firm and rigid, around his neck was a cravat, his posture was strict and rank, his finger judging as he pointed at them. "You!" he sneered. "You cost me everything! I will not let you get away with it, you will be punished accordingly!" he hissed as he reached into his jacket, finding.. a pistol, pointing it at Gregory.
Miles's eyes widened as he realised, they were inside of a tiny elevator, and it was dark.. so dark, the man in front of them were just a silhouette in the shadows. "NO!" he cried. "DON'T HURT HIM! DAD RUN!" he screamed looking up at his father.
But it was to late, the bang had sounded Gregories eyes widened and he fell to the ground, warm red blood splattering all over them both.
"NOOOO!" Miles screamed laying over his father.
Slowly the other man stepped forward, the man with the cravat and the strict posture. "Pathetic, is that all you are, a weak child crying when you could take action? You are disgusting."
"Sta.. STAY BACK!" Miles cried holding his fathers shirt. "Why would you do this?! Who are you?!"
Out from the shadow and into the light stepped that man, that tall intimidating looking man, his eyes were sharp and cold, gray in colour, his hair silver coloured, his jacket wine red, his face marble like and perfect.
Miles gaped as he saw, himself raising the gun, pointing at him as the man in red spoke. "Emotions are a weakness, that is the Von Karma creed." He told and then, his finger pulled softly on the trigger.
"ARGHHH!" Miles gasped for air as he sat up in bed, sweat drops falling all around him as he breathed hoarse breaths, then coughed down into his hand.
Dammit! The nightmares were getting worse! Weren't they supposed to get better now when everything had been revealed? WHY WAS IT JUST GETTING WORSE?!
And Miles could only cough and cough into his hand before he fell back in bed, exhausted in body and mind yet not wanting to sleep another minute.
He didn't have to much of a choice though, as his body simply was.. far to exhausted, and soon, darkness took him again, and with it.. just one more dream, as vivid like the rest, never leaving him alone.
AN; a piece of trivia, Dionne is the name of my old actual psychiatrist whom treated me for my own depression and anxiety, what this Dionne said to Edgeworth is very similar to lots of the things my Dionne said to me, and has helped me a lot, that woman is now one of my personal heroes, so this is just my little tribute to an amazing psychiatrist and human being.