The Voice of Reason
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-thank you for the awesome reviews! Kudo's to Aprilshowers82 who guessed correctly! Well done honey!
Chapter Eleven
Bella was finding it difficult living without the voice of reason in her head. She didn't realise how much she would miss her guidance and advice. She had become like a friend. Even though they had clashed constantly in the beginning, Bella had come to rely on her. Now she felt bereft. Often she would pause when making a decision, waiting pensively, expecting to hear the voice reappear in her mind. But the silence was deafening. It was difficult to believe but Bella slowly had to adapt to living without Reason, to once again rely on her own judgement. She spoke about it with Jacob one day, comparing her situation with his when he had to take orders from Sam.
"What's it like not having Sam's voice in your head when you're human again?" Bella asked curiously.
Jacob looked thoughtful as he pondered her words. "It's a relief actually. It's nice having my privacy back, you know."
"I suppose." Bella agreed. She chewed on her bottom lip. "But isn't it hard to adjust to having to rely on yourself again."
"I don't know. I mean Sam may be the Alpha but I don't always agree with his orders. We disagree constantly. Like the time he ordered me to stay away from you." Jacob shook his head at the memory. "We really clashed about that. It was hard but I managed to find a way to circumnavigate his order so I could come to see you that night, even if I made no sense when I tried to tell you about the wolf thing."
"I remember." Bella whispered.
"It's lucky that you're so stubborn and insisted on still coming to see me even though I pushed you away." Jacob smiled. "Otherwise Sam and I would have ended up fighting."
"Am I stubborn?" Bella didn't associate this trait with herself.
"Hell yeah." Jacob laughed. "But then so am I. Dad insisted he was going to bang our heads together when we kept passing those childish notes to each other."
"I suppose." Bella was beginning to feel better. It was funny but she was glad that she had stubbornness in common with Jacob. It made her feel closer to him. "We both tend to clam up and run away from our problems too."
"That's true." Jacob agreed. He wasn't insulted by her assertion. "But I can't run very far."
"No, you're too responsible for that." Bella smiled at him affectionately.
"You make me sound boring and predictable." Jacob teased.
"Uh huh." Bella replied. "No, you can be very unpredictable. Sometimes I don't know what you're going to do next."
"Like now." Jacob's eyes gleamed with mischief as he began to stalk Bella. She retreated, guessing by the wicked grin on his handsome face what he was about to do. She spun around, ready to run, but Jacob was too fast for her. He grabbed her from behind, hoisting her upwards as he began to tickle her mercilessly.
After a moment Bella collapsed against him in a fit of giggles, begging for him to stop. "Enough, Jake." She gasped.
Jacob laughed loudly as he eased his grip on her and spun her around in his arms. He smiled tenderly at her flushed face and glistening eyes. She was so beautiful, now he was the one having trouble breathing. "Can I kiss you right now?" He asked, his expression turning serious.
Bella, caught up in the intensity of his gaze, nodded. Jacob drew her closer as he leaned down to kiss her.
School was where she missed Reason the most. Edward, Alice and Jasper still attended every day without fail. Bella just couldn't avoid them. They were everywhere. Edward was in all of her classes. He would sit as close as he could to her, not in the seat beside her like he used to, but as near as he could get. Bella would feel his golden brown eyes boring into her back as she tried to concentrate. It was awful and she began to lose concentration as she lagged behind in her lessons. During lunch and break time either Edward or Alice would ambush her and try to initiate a conversation, but Bella always managed to surround herself with other people to thwart them. But it was taking its toll. By the end of the fifth day without Reason's internal support Bella was exhausted.
"Bella, we need to talk." Edward was suddenly in front of her.
"No, Edward. Leave me alone." Bella said faintly. She changed direction to get away from him, angry at herself for getting caught by Mr Varner at the end of class. He had given her lecture about concentration and she was issued yet another detention.
"This is important, Bella." Edward said with a severe expression. He grabbed Bella's upper arm without preamble and dragged her back into the now empty classroom. He shut the door and turned Bella to face him. "You have to listen to me."
"No, I don't." Bella replied angrily as she pulled his hand off her arm. He let go reluctantly. "How dare you drag me in here?"
"You gave me no choice." Edward's teeth clacked together in frustration as his jaw flexed. "Your life is still in danger, Bella. I made a vow to protect you and I will despite any protests of yours. I love you and I will do anything to keep you safe from harm."
"Shut up, Edward." Bella hissed in aggravation. "I'm in school, in a public place. Victoria cannot touch me here. Jake picks me up after school. I stay on the reservation until dad comes to get me. The pack guards my house during the night. I am well protected already." She jabbed a finger at him accusingly. "If you want to keep me safe then why aren't you out there searching for Victoria instead of hanging around the school? Help the pack hunt her down instead of bugging me constantly."
A stricken expression crossed Edward's Adonis like features as he gazed at Bella, hurt. "When I left you I did nothing but search for Victoria. But she seems to possess a special ability to evade capture. It is not easy. And my family and I haven't been idle. We have been keeping watch. It's not my fault the damn wolves won't let us near you."
Bella sighed and gritted her teeth. She could almost hear Reason berating Edward for his whiny excuses. "I can't talk about this with you anymore, Edward. I need to go."
"To Jacob." Edward said miserably. "I've seen the dog picking you up every day. Are you together now? How did he manage to worm his way into your heart?"
Bella's eyes roamed Edwards face. He was staring at her sadly, his golden eyes dark. He wanted her to feel guilty. He wanted her to feel bad for his pain and suffering. "What I do or who I see is none of your business anymore, Edward. When Victoria is captured then there will no longer be a need for you to stick around. Until then I would like it very much if you stopped coming to this school or following me around."
Edward's nostrils flared as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He sucked in a sharp breath. "Things have escalated." He finally revealed. "Alice has finally gotten a glimpse of Victoria's plan and it's worse than any of us imagined."
"What do you mean?" Bella's heart clinched with fear.
"She's building an army of new born vampires, Bella. She's planning to come to Forks mob handed to finish what she started." Edward stated baldly.
The next few days passed in a haze. Bella was forced to tell Jacob and his pack the devastating news. It meant that the wolves were going to have to form an alliance with the Cullen's. Neither of them could face the newborns alone. They needed each other. Tensions were rife as the wolf pack and the Cullen's met up one night to discuss their next move. Bella had insisted on attending the meeting much to Jacob's concern. But he couldn't deny her request. This was about her after all. Why should she be kept in the dark? So on the night in question Bella arrived at the meeting place surrounded by the wolves.
In the distance she saw Edward and his family on the other side of the meadow. Bella wondered whether he had chosen this location deliberately to make her feel uncomfortable and remind her of their shared past. The meadow was no longer full of the pretty wild flowers that had grown there during the numerous times she and Edward had visited the place. The long tall green grasses were now dull and lifeless, turned to straw by the harsh winter that was approaching. Bella felt Jacob's warm hand engulf hers and as he strode proudly beside her. He had no idea that this had once been her and Edward's special place like the Taj was theirs, and she wasn't about to mention it to him now, not with tensions so rife.
It was in that moment that Bella wished she could hear Reason's voice in her head. She longed for some clarity on the situation, for some support. Each day since Edward had told her about Victoria's insane plan she had doubted herself. She didn't want the wolves to have to fight the newborns. She didn't want them or Jacob to risk his life. She had told him this, had begged him in a moment of weakness to not get involved. But Jacob had reminded her that he and his pack were built for this. He shrugged off her concerns, not intimidated in the least by the enormity of what they were facing. She envied him his inner confidence even as she longed for him to be more wary, more questioning. Something was nagging at the back of Bella's mind. Something was wrong.
There they were in the middle of the meadow, Carlisle and Sam, facing each other, talking, planning. Bella couldn't hear what they were saying. Jacob was still beside her but his hold on her hand had tightened. It was only when she followed the direction of his gaze that she noticed the reason why. Edward was staring with narrowed eyes at Jacob. Jacob stared back, his expression impassive. He may not be showing it on the outside but Bella could feel the tension wrapped around Jacob like a cloak. Edward was deliberately making a show, just to bait him.
"Jake." Bella whispered, bringing his attention back to her.
Jacob's gaze snapped back to hers. He smiled, entwining their fingers, understanding what she was trying to do. His shoulders relaxed and when he next looked in Edward's direction it was as if he was looking right through him as if he didn't exist.
Bella continued to strain her ears and eyes. Carlisle and Sam had parted now. The meeting was over. The wolves were getting ready to leave. Sam signalled for his pack to move. Carlisle had joined his family, going straight to Edward and whispering in his ear. Bella frowned, wondering what they were discussing. Her eyes travelled over the rest of the Cullen's. Alice was pensive as she held onto Jasper. Esme stood near Carlisle, her expression anxious. Bella's eyes flicked back and forth, her brow furrowing as she sought Emmet and Rosalie. The cool blonde and her playful mate were missing.
"They are not all here." Bella said quietly to Jacob.
"The head vamp told Sam that some of his family had gone to Seattle to scout around. He must have meant them." Jacob replied without a hint of concern. "Come on, honey. It's time to go."
Bella looked desperately toward the Cullen's again as Jacob began to lead her away. Carlisle and Edward were still talking, their heads close together. The others were waiting for them, Alice and Esme anxiously, Jasper impatiently. Once again the same nagging feeling that something was amiss niggled in Bella's brain.
"Now I aim to finish what I started and remove the wrong that I inadvertently caused you."
Bella replayed the last words that Reason had spoken to her. It hadn't made sense to her at the time. None of it had. Why had she turned up so unexpectedly after Edward had come back into her life? Why at that point and not before. She had mentioned that she had been trying to make herself heard before, but Bella couldn't remember hearing anything until then. Unless Reason meant that she had physically tried to talk to Bella face to face. Bella tried to focus, tried to think as Jacob tugged on her hand, wondering why she was frozen in place. She was still staring at the Cullen's, her eyes darting from one to the other.
"While I reside in your head I connect with who you are. I become a part of you, but when I disconnect I am just me and now it's time for me to go."
"Oh my god." Bella's hand flew to her mouth as Reason's words resounded in her head. Of course she was real. She wasn't just a disembodied voice in her head. She was a real person.
"Bells, what is it?" Jacob was gazing at her curiously.
"I know who she is." Bella said brokenly as she tore her eyes away from Edward and the others and looked up at him.
"I don't understand." Jacob was shocked at the tormented look on her face. "What's wrong?"
"It's Rosalie." Bella whispered. "She's going to do something stupid and I have to stop her."
"You mean the blonde vampire?" Jacob questioned in confusion. "I don't get it."
"Rose was the one who made the call to Edward telling him I was dead." Bella rushed to explain. "That call started the train of events which led him to seeking redemption from the Volturi and forcing me to leave you that day to go with Alice to stop him." Tears spilled down Bella's cheeks as she put all the pieces of the puzzle together. "She's been the voice in my head. I don't know how she did it, maybe she has a power of her own that she kept hidden. But she's gone, Jake. She's missing."
"What voice in your head?" Jacob was trying to make sense of it all.
Bella felt her throat tighten as she realised she was going to have to confess about what had been going on in her head the last few weeks. She hoped he wouldn't think she was crazy. But this was Jacob. He loved her. She trusted that he would understand no matter how insane she sounded. Taking in a deep quavering breath, Bella began to talk.
A/N-thanks for reading!