Day 133
The situation was worse than Lexa had anticipated. During her escapade three days ago she had only seen small ice nation patrols. But instead of a few hours it had taken them three days to reach Aizer and find Lincoln's friend.
"Shit they're everywhere…"
"Clarke, it is not too late, you can still-"
"NO Lexa we already talked about this"
Clare was pacing in the small room Anton had lent them for the night. Octavia and Lincoln were sitting on the small bed and Lexa on a chair. They were all really tense. They would have to set off again in the early morning and they still didn't know how to avoid the ice nation warriors that were keeping watch on every single citizen. Anton had told them that any crime was now punishable by death (and by crime he meant what ice nation's warriors called 'crime') and that all the children older than 5 year old had been taken to the capitol for who knows what.
"They're taking children Lexa…" The blonde was pulling at her hair and biting her lower lip nervously.
"I know Clarke. But pacing and tiring yourself will not help any one of them" Lexa on the contrary was calm. Well she appeared calm. There was a voice inside her telling her to run to the queen without waiting and slit her throat. What was keeping her from listening to it was the tiny hope that Clarke and the others would be safer with Luna than in Trikru territory.
"Right" said the blonde, letting herself collapse on the ground "Yes you're right." But of course, even with her butt on the wooden floor, her lip was still stuck between her teeth and her foot was tapping the ground at a steady, exasperating rhythm.
The door opened and everyone, ready to fight whoever it might be released a breath when they saw Anton.
*I don't have much time* whispered the man *I went out and gathered some information. And it seems you're in danger*
Lexa stood, followed by Clarke *What is it ?*
*You* he motioned to the blonde *They're looking for you*
Clarke frowned *Wait, it's impossible. They can't have discovered our plan in only three days !*
*Shhhh… If they hear you, It's over. I don't think they know about you going to Entis. Nor even you being alive*
*Then why ?* Lexa was so tense her teeth were grinding and her nails digging in her palms. They should've stayed into the house. She should have known. It was too dangerous for Clarke.
*I think the Ice queen is just supposing that the leader of the skaikru is still alive somewhere. They have been searching for you for a while apparently*
The blonde released a breath *Then they don't know for sure that I'm alive… Good*
*How could they recognise Clarke anyway ? They have never seen her face* Octavia placed her daughter in Lincoln's arms and stood, stretching.
*They've been arresting every young woman with blonde hair and blue eyes*
*If it's just that then…* Clarke rapidly tied up her hair in a single big braid then grabbed her dagger. Lexa extended an arm to stop her but too late. The blonde had cut the braid and let it fall on the ground. Everyone watched in awe. It wasn't rare for warrior women to have short hair but Clarke was not a warrior. Clarke had beautiful, long, golden hair. And Clarke had just cut it unceremoniously. She had just thrown away a part of herself without hesitation. "Lincoln, I'll need your help to shave the rest"
Lexa's eyes opened wide "Clarke-"
"Lexa, I know what I'm doing ok ? I can't do anything about my eyes but if cutting my hair can help us I will do it without regret. Plus, hair can grow again but if I get caught I might never come back. Knowing that, the choice is an easy one"
The commander was amazed. Clarke was strong, Clarke was generous, Clarke was caring, Clarke was intelligent, Clarke was beautiful and Lexa admired her. *Anton, can you find us some soap or something, she wants to shave her head* said the brunette, earning a grateful nod from the blonde.
*Yes I have some, wait for me* and the man exited the room.
Octavia tiredly tried to save what was left of Clarke's femininity "Ice nation people have blonde hair and blue eyes. Couldn't you try to fit in ?"
"I can't talk Icelandic and nobody could prove I am indeed an ice nation citizen. Nobody would recognize me Octavia"
With a sigh the brunette returned to the bed. Clarke was far ahead from her. As always. The girl had thought about everything before everyone else.
Lexa knelt down and picked up the braid. Heartlessly she said "You shouldn't let that behind you"
"You're right. We should burn it. No traces left"
Lexa nodded. As much as she had wanted to keep the braid with her, she couldn't. If she got caught with it on her then it could be a clue that Clarke might be alive, or worse, connected to her in any kind of way. The ice queen was cruel but intelligent. She knew. The Queen knew all the efforts Lexa made to discretely help the sky people after the mountain, knew that even if she wasn't showing it, Lexa cared for those that fell from the sky. But most of all, she knew Costia, knew Lexa's weakness, and heard the whispers about her potential link with Clarke.
Lexa wouldn't let Costia's tragedy happen ever again. With nobody, not Clarke, nor anyone else.
Day 137
Once again it took them days to reach the next town, Urel. They could have used trees to travel without being seen but with the horses it wasn't possible. At least they knew their cover would work. They had met an ice nation scout squad and they let them pass without asking questions. It had reassured Lexa but she had insisted that they made a detour to avoid meeting any other more vigilant ice people.
*knock* *knock*
*Yes...?*
*It's me Annah, please let us in*
When the door opened, an old petite woman appeared and threw a suspicious look at everyone, analysing them one after the other. Then her gaze fell on Lexa and her eyes opened wide in shock *Comma-hmfff*
Lincoln had put a hand on her mouth and pushed her back inside, the three girls following, then closing the door.
*C-Co-Commander… Is it you ?* she whispered, extending her hands to touch Lexa's face. The brunette let her cup her cheeks and nodded. *You- You're alive…* Stated the old woman in a breath, her eyes watering.
Lincoln kneeled down *Listen Ann, we're on a run right now. Could you hide us until tomorrow morning ?*
Trembling in emotion, the woman nodded a few times *Yes, YES ! Of course anything for the C… For you young lady* She grabbed one of Lexa's hands and kissed it respectfully then she turned to Lincoln. The shift in her behaviour could be compared to Lexa's. The woman, until then surprised, happy, moved, was now deadly serious, determination showing in every wrinkle on her face. *It seems you have a lot of things to tell me child*
They all sat at the kitchen table and the man told everything the woman needed to know.
*Do you think it's possible ?*
*I think the odds are high. This nation is waiting for someone to save them* Annah turned to Lexa *We all thought you were dead and that it would be our turn soon but if the people know you are alive, they'll follow you for sure*
Lexa, both touched and somehow uncomfortable said humbly *Thank you*, bowed and stood *I need some air. Can I use your backyard ?*
*Of course child*
The backyard was more like a personal tiny field, delimited by some barrier. Lexa sat on the bench leaned on the house's wall. The sun was setting and everything was silent. She closed her eyes, wondering if this plan could really work, if the people would follow her and die for her even after she'd lost, even if she was weak. Something kept tugging at her guts but she couldn't decipher what. She had never been so anxious before even if she had been in worse situations a few times. She didn't know what but something was off, something was coming.
"Are you ok ?"
Her eyes stayed closed "I am good Clarke"
"Then what is THAT" Lexa felt a cold thumb pressing between her brows and her eyes opened to see the blonde standing in front of her "The frown doesn't suit you Lexa"
Clarke sat next to her and closed her eyes, mimicking Lexa's previous position, head back leaned on the wall. Then Lexa looked at her. Her face, so peaceful. How ? How could she be so relaxed ?
Lexa's starring was insistent so the blonde, uneasy, faced her and asked "What ? have I got something on my face ?"
But Lexa didn't answer. She was too absorbed by her thoughts. What if something bad happened to Clarke ? What if her beautiful face got cut like her own ? What if her hands got stained again ? What if… what if her blue eyes turned grey… Without noticing it, Lexa had been tracing Clarke's features with her finger the same way Selina had with her own. After a moment, the blonde finally gently grabbed Lexa's hands and brought her back to reality.
With a concerned look and a voice full of worry she asked "Lexa, you sure you're alright ?"
The brunette took a few breath *I was thinking…*
*Yes ?*
Without breaking eye contact, Lexa opened her mouth to talk but closed it an instant later. The same thing repeated a few times until she finally swallowed thickly and said "Can I… Can I touch your head ?"
Clarke frowned. Lexa knew she hadn't fooled her but she hoped that somehow the blonde could just drop it and surprisingly she did "Of course"
Clarke sat closer so that Lexa could touch the entirety of her now bare scalp. The brunette extended a hand and hesitantly her fingertips finally touched the sensitive skin. It was colder than Lexa had expected. Then with a lot more insurance she caressed the back of Clarke's head with her palm. So cold. She added a second hand, covering as much skin as she could. The blonde then closed her eyes, silently enjoying the touch. Their faces were inches apart and Lexa felt the urge to kiss her. A desperate pull from deep inside her, an almost instinctive move, something that seemed natural, right, but for some reason so hard to do. She wanted to kiss her just like that, to somehow confirm that the girl in front of her was real, that Clarke wouldn't vanish. Or maybe it was just a possessiveness drive, the need to make Clarke hers so that she could protect her, and who knows, maybe the blonde would finally accept to listen to her orders. Her left hand dropped and her right one came down to gently rest on Clarke's nape. Lexa closed the distance slowly, then… then stopped. She pulled back and Clarke released a breath Lexa didn't noticed on the moment. The brunette stood and turned her back to the blonde *I do not know if the frown suits me Clarke, but I do know that on you it's ugly* It was almost harsh. Why those gentle words she had had dancing on her tongue for the past few minutes decided to come out like that ? So cold and violent… She walked to the door and opened it. Eyes fixed on the ground she added "We both need sleep. Let's go back inside".
Day 140
Finally, Polis. It was a big city, not so different than the last time Lexa had seen it. The ice nation warriors and scouts were everywhere in town but this put aside, the capitol looked normal. Lexa couldn't help but tense though. Here anybody could recognize her. She had released her hair from their customary braids, pulled them in a ponytail and masked her face from her chin to her nose but she feared it wouldn't be enough.
The amazed, enthusiastic, delighted blue eyes scrutinizing everything, taking in as many things as she could were both amusing and hurting for Lexa. It was true that compared to the other towns Clarke had seen, the houses' structures were strong, the ground was cobbled and there were shops everywhere. The brunette could only try to imagine the joy and amazement that must be for the sky person.
*Lex- Lorna, Lorna, Lorna ! What's this !?*
For the first time in days Lexa laughed. *What is what Gaell ?*
The blonde was literally jumping and trying to look at everything at the same time, making it hard for the brunette to know what the hell she was talking about.
*This town… This whole town is like magic !*
Lexa smiled. *We will be stuck here for a while. Maybe I can give you a small tour later*
The brunette could swear Clarke's face was shining *Really ? Oh my god I'm happy !*
Lexa shook her head. Too bad the blonde's cheerfulness wasn't contagious. *Lorna, where are we going now ? What are we even looking for ?* asked Octavia, obviously tired, a sleeping Selina on her back.
*To an Inn that neither me nor Lincoln have ever visited*
Octavia rolled her eyes *Great !*
Twenty minutes later, they finally found what they were looking for. The Inn was relatively small and isolated. They paid for their first three nights. They had just enough for two double rooms. They would have to sell a horse or two quickly if they wanted to go any further. Indeed, the Innkeeper had told them the queen had restricted the exchanges with the boat people and that the next boat that could carry the five of them and their horses would leave the port in two weeks. Of course they had thought about selling all their horses and leave sooner but they had to stay under cover for as long as they could.
"So we have two weeks to spend here huh ?"
Lexa sighed *Cl- Gaell could you please use trigedasleng ?*
Clarke turned to Lexa that was lying on the bed, and eagerly asked *And now ? You take me to town ?*
*Like you said Cl-* The brunette clicked her tongue in exasperation. She didn't like Clarke's new name. She would've chosen her a much better fake name but the blonde had insisted they used her mother's to create a new one. *Like you said Gaell, we have two weeks. So now we rest*
Clake, dejected, sat next to Lexa and removed her shirt and pants, leaving her in her undergarments and bindings. Lexa then stood and walked to the door.
*Where are you going ?*
*I'll take the first watch, you can relax and sleep*
Lexa heard Clarke stand and walk in her direction and she sighed at what she knew was coming.
*You're not going anywhere. First this bed is large enough for the both of us. Second I'd feel better if you stayed by my side. Now you either undress by yourself or I tie you up and do it for you.*
When she turned back, all Lexa saw was an almost naked, formerly blonde girl, arms crossed, eyebrow defiantly raised and a smirk barely held back. She sighed tiredly and removed her shirt letting it fall unceremoniously on the ground before taking off her boots and pants and slip between the covers.
*Good.* said Clarke, joining Lexa in the bed. But when she lied down, the brunette turned around, showing her her back.
A minute or two passed and Lexa couldn't close her eyes. She had way too many things on her mind. Questions as 'What if Luna can't help us', 'What if the queen find out ?' or 'What if Selina catch a cold ?'. For as long as she could remember she had never been so nervous, so insecure. She jumped when a hand touched her back.
*You're so tense… your back is all knotted. Stop tightening your muscles so much*
*I can't. I can't relax Cl- Gaell*
*You're scared. Don't be. Everything will be alright* Lexa's back relaxed slightly under the gentle soothing touch and the soft voice but it was barely noticeable. She could feel the blonde trace every little scar, old or new, like it was a precious fragile thing. The brunette liked that. She liked the feeling of Clarke's hands ion her back. Even when the blonde was stitching it or changing her bandages, she just liked that. Then the blonde touched the large scar with her full hand and whispered "Does it hurt ?"
"Not anymore"
"Good."
And Lexa felt Clarke's arms wrap around her and pull and the brunette tensed again *Cl- What are you doing !?*
*I know what you were planning to do. You were waiting for me to fall asleep to leave this bed and go take a nap in a tree somewhere just because you think that feeling comfortable makes you weak. But I have a big news : it doesn't* silence fell. Lexa knew it wouldn't lead her anywhere to deny it. *I knew it ! You're incorrigible !* Clarke tightened her grip on Lexa's waist and added in a breath so that even the best Azgeda spy couldn't hear her "Good night Lexa"
A few minutes later, in a quiet voice Lexa said "Thank you Clarke"
The brunette thought the blonde was asleep so when a mumbled-more-than-talked whisper brushed her ear, she almost jumped "You welkme"
Lexa smiled. Ah, Clarke and her will to have the last word.
Day 148
*Stop worrying like that, you're depressing*
*Okteivia.* Lexa bowed her head to greet the brunette that had just entered her room.
*Come with me for a minute* seeing that Lexa wasn't moving she rolled her eyes and added *Lincoln is in the room next door. He's awake, if something happens he'll know what to do. Come on we won't be far*
Throwing a last look at the sleeping Clarke in the bed, Lexa stood and followed Octavia just outside the Inn.
*I am listening, what do you want ?*
A shaky breath escaped Octavia's mouth *It's Lincoln…*
Lexa frowned, her worry growing with every nervous blink of the girl next to her. Octavia's complexion was blank, she looked weak and small *What ? What is it ?*
*He thinks I haven't noticed but… I saw him spit blood the other day and a few bruises started to appear without reason last week…*
*You think he's sick ?*
*I…* She held back a sob *I don't know but… I don't know… I wish it isn't what I think*
Lexa felt like everything was going from bad to worse. First, ice nation everywhere, second, Clarke was in danger and now ? Her best friend, the boy she grew up with was sick. Honestly she was tired. The exhaustion had seeped so deeply into her bones that she couldn't even tell if she had been there for a few hours, a week, a month or if she had ever left Polis it in the first place. Because of her tired state and the excruciating waiting, her mind was running wild constantly and she felt like every single person in this town was dangerous. The feeling of something bad coming had settled so well in her stomach that she could barely eat. They needed to leave this town. And fast. For Lincoln's sake and her own.
In a sigh, her eyebrows knitted she asked *Why telling this to ME ? Maybe Gaell could-*
*No !* she almost yelled then her voice soften and she explained *If we tell this to Gaell and that Lincoln really is sick, she'd totally be able to make us stay here until he gets better, or worse, that we should split*
Octavia was right. They couldn't tell Clarke about Lincoln before they had left the port. Another head over heart choice. Lexa could feel her old self, cold and stoic coming back with her responsibilities and power of decision and she'd lie if she said such a change was welcome.*Why telling me that Octavia ?*
*Because…*she sniffled and straightened her back *Because I wanted to ask you to not listen to me*
Lexa's brows furrowed even more in confusion *What ?*
*I love Lincoln. With Selina he's all I have. I'm so attached to him that my judgement might be biased. If at some point you know this or that decision concerning Lincoln is the best then make it. Even if I don't like it, even if I end up hating you again, if there is something you HAVE to do, do it*
Lexa rubbed her tired eyes with the back of her hands, a childish motion that translated way more than a simple lack of sleep. Octavia looked alarmed. Way more than what seemed necessary for some blood and bruises. *Octavia, is there something you're not telling me ? Do you know Lincoln's illness ?* The girl stepped in front of Lexa and grabbed both of her hands. Her eyes were pleading, imploring Lexa not to ask, not to force her to say the words.
A few seconds of Lexa's silence later, the girl voiced her plea. *Please Le- Lorna promise me, I trust you*
Lexa took a deep breath and freed her hands from Octavia's grasp only to put them on the girl's shoulders *I promise you that if there is something I feel like I HAVE to do at all costs, I will do it even if you disapprove*
Octavia nervously wiped her eyes *Thank you*
Day 155
*Gaell are you ok !?* Octavia was concerned by her friend's sickness. Which couldn't be so bad because Lexa was oddly calm while Clarke was emptying her stomach on the ground.
*Rebind be-* the blonde's body tensed again an a small amount of bile joined the group's last meal on the ground *Rebind be to neber eber step on a boat ever again*
*You will feel alright in a few moments. Not everyone can deal with boats travels*
Their boat had finally reached Entis after an hour of agitated water and strong wind. Clarke had been sick the whole way, Octavia oddly content, Selina had managed to sleep despite the agitation and Lincoln seemed more tired than never. His illness got worse and if she hadn't been so sick, Clarke would've noticed.
Lexa had never felt so relieved to leave Polis. Here in Entis, the people knowing her face were rare and the ice warriors even fewer. She was concerned by Lincoln's health though. They needed to find shelter and ask for an audience with Luna as fast as they could.
*Lincoln, you should go to Gladys' Inn. Take Octavia and Selina with you and have some rest* Lexa turned to Clarke that was now back on her feet, wiping her mouth *Gaell, come with me. I need you to ask for an audience*
The blonde nodded weakly. She mounted Silver. Or tried. If Lexa hadn't been there to catch her she would've fallen on her ass. Lexa sighed. As much as she wanted Clarke to relax and rest, they couldn't waste any second. *We're taking Feisripa. Come on Clarke I'll help you.* The blonde obeyed and Lexa managed to sit her on the saddle. She mounted too and sat right behind Clarke. *Octavia, give me Marguerite and Dandelion's reins please.*
The brunette frowned *Why ?*
*It's a gift for Luna. I have little hope but maybe they'll let us enter directly if we have something for her*
Lexa grabbed the reins Octavia gave her and she kicked her mare's side, walking as fast as she could in the crowded streets. Clarke was leaned into her, eyes closed, asleep. The calm expression on the blonde's face appeased her. Lexa allowed her cheek to rest on Clarke's bare head. She focused on Clarke's even breath and tried to mimic her. Little by little the rhythm of her own heart calmed down, her muscles relaxed.
"That's how I like you the best"
The familiar but half asleep voice startled Lexa "Clarke, you weren't sleeping ?"
"Not really. Your mind's screams were too loud" The blonde leaned her back even more on Lexa "Are we there yet ?"
"In a few minutes"
A low, contented moan escaped Clarke's throat as she stretched and adjusted herself against the brunette "You're comfy Lexa"
Lexa smiled "You are just tired"
"You're warm and soft"
"Beds are warm and soft. You just need sleep Clarke"
"I love your smell. You smell like earth"
The brunette raised an eyebrow "Earth ?"
"When I fell on earth, when the ship opened for the very first time, smells grazed my nose. Somehow, you smell the same. You smell like earth."
Lexa could feel Clarke wait. The blonde was waiting for something coming from her, expecting something. At that time Lexa didn't know what.
If she could do it again she would ask : What do you mean ?