Chapter 11 ; The Pain of Being Protected
It probably is not until late afternoon when Rin finally rouses, hair tousled and mascara running down her cheeks. She looks a mess from crying so much the night before, but she feels strangely refreshed. Comfortable despite her own misfortune... Although her clothing is pretty torn and tattered.
A look around the room tells her that this is definitely not her house. Of course, she has a vague memory of waking briefly the night before to see Shizuo and an unfamiliar surrounding. But it is surprisingly clean and empty, far from what she had expected. Her gaze flits across the dresser and nightstand, really the only other objects in the room. Then she spots, in the corner of the room, a few small posters of athletes drinking milk. Since she knows that Shizuo is not the type to show particular admiration toward athletes, she silently suspects the point of posters is the milk...
In the background she hears the sound of the phone ringing, drowned out by the sound of pattering footsteps. Then the house is silent. Rin wonders who is calling and who has picked up the phone.
Since it is already daylight and she can hardly wear what she has on, she chances a peek in Shizuo's dresser. Although it seems strangely inappropriate, humiliating, embarrassing – any and all of those things, really – she borrows a shirt and pants. Fortunately she finds a belt in the closet that she uses to cinch the otherwise too baggy and big jeans around her waist. The shirt is almost equally baggy. Suddenly she feels like a kid again, trying out her daddy's clothes. The memory elicits a small giggle.
And then she hears the door creak open. The person that peers in looks strangely unaffected by her presence. He has a deadpan look on his face. "My brother just called," he says in a monotone voice, "He's at the police station."
"W-Wha...?" Her jaw drops in disbelief. If it is not enough to take in the events from the night before and the fact that she is dressed in her student's clothes, in her student's house, then hearing that Shizuo has apparently been arrested certainly tops all the aforementioned. Especially in terms of her capacity to deal with stressors.
The boy, Shizuo's brother, apparently, just stares at her. He seems to be a person of even fewer words than his older sibling. But he does say one thing. "I'm going back to school." At which point she notices that he is, indeed, wearing a uniform. Rin wonders to herself if, by "back," he means that he came home from school to check on her. Then again, that does not exactly seem likely, considering that if anyone would need to come check on her, it would be Shizuo.
But now he's at the police station...?
She places a hand on either side of her head and ruffles her hair in frustration. "Agh! Why is this all happening at once?"
The middle schooler just stares at her for a couple more moments before turning around and shuffling off. He does not seem the least bit fazed at the news that Shizuo is at the police station – which worries Rin that, perhaps, such a thing is commonplace for the Heiwajima household.
Regardless, although she still feels a little shaken up by what happened, there is no time to loiter. She searches Shizuo's house for the bathroom, where she cleans off her face and locates a brush for her hair. And although she is reluctant to do so, she borrows his toothbrush – at least, she hopes it is his. Frankly, Rin is so frazzled by everything that is happening that she has little time to be self-conscious.
After locating a rubber band, due to lack of a hair tie, she pulls her hair back in a low ponytail and stalks out of the house. Since she left her purse at the school, flagging down a taxi will just end up with her getting an earful and then she could possibly find herself joining Shizuo in the slammer. No, better to walk, although she swears beneath her breath the whole way, stomping her feet exaggeratedly.
When she arrives at the station, Rin pauses before entering. She takes a deep breath, holds her head up, and composes herself. On with the facade of the fearless and bold teacher. She marches in with her shoulders back and menacing scowl on her face.
It is easy to spot Shizuo, sitting across from an officer. If his hulking figure isn't enough to draw attention, then his bleached hair certainly is. Rin makes a beeline toward him, bumping shoulders with a few people that try to stop and confront her – although the death glare she gives them ends any attempt at that immediately.
"Heiwajima," she says in a chilling voice – filled with enough venom to kill anyone else instantly.
But the ever unaffected Shizuo just peers up at her with those dark chocolate eyes of his. "Takemori," he acknowledges, belatedly tacking on the ending,"-sensei." It is more than perfectly obvious to her that he does not consider her a teacher. Nor does he seem too pleased that she is the one coming to the station. "Where is Kasuka?"
"He went to school and sent me instead."
Then his eyes move downward. "My cl-"
Before the sentence can get out, she slaps her hand over his mouth. "There are some things better left unsaid, Heiwajima."
"Excuse me, ma'am, who are you?"
"This delinquent's teacher. So tell me, what has he done that warrants these handcuffs?" Rin sneers at the officer as she points to the metal cuffs hooked around Shizuo's wrists.
"Ah, well the school reported him for vandalism and assault on another student."
Dumbfounded, Rin drops her jaw. "Vandalism?" Immediately her mind replays the image she has seen at least dozens of times, of Shizuo ripping a stop sign out of the ground. She supposes that could be considered vandalism. "And assault?" Then she imagines Shizuo swinging at ten guys that are charging at him, knocking them all down like bowling pins. It certainly is believable. Only, it is has never warranted a visit to the police station before.
"Someone broke into the art classroom at Raijin last night. Haven't you heard, if you say you're his teacher?"
"I called off today," she bites back. Although that isn't entirely true, and Rin is pretty sure she will get an earful when she does get back to the school for work. "Anyways, what is this about assault? Who do you claim he assaulted?"
"Another student," the officer responds calmly, although he does not specify the name. "Apparently he was also involved in the vandalism. But Heiwajima-san attacked him early this morning over a dispute."
Firstly, Rin knows that Shizuo had no involvement in vandalism – although, she supposes, he did tear up the classroom when he went after the students. But she also does not think that a punishable act. "They're kids. They beat up on each other sometimes."
"Enough to send him to the hospital in critical condition? I don't think so, Miss."
Although Shizuo probably doesn't notice, the subtle 'miss' instead of 'misses' really grates on Rin's nerves. Immediately her mind jumps to the conclusion that the officer just assumes that she must be single because of her weight, because she isn't that attractive. She grits her teeth. "What makes you so sure Heiwajima did it? Since I was there last night-"
"If you were there, then you should know it, too. Miss, Heiwajima-san has already admitted to doing it."
Rin gapes at this. "Admitted?" Then she turns to look at Shizuo. "What did you admit to?"
He averts his gaze from her and does not answer.
"Did you vandalize my classroom?"
For a moment he hesitates and it seems as though he is ignoring her. Then, at last, he seems to look up at her with some measure of resolve. To Rin, it looks more like resignation. "Yeah."
"Did you attack someone maliciously enough to send them to the hospital in critical condition? On purpose?"
"Yeah."
Although Shizuo admits to it readily, Rin does not believe it. Not even for a second. It smells suspicious, especially given Shizuo's behavior. She can testify herself that he was not in the wrong. So why is he openly claiming fault?
"In addition to his admittance of guilt, another student came in this morning and gave a statement saying that he saw the assault personally. He spoke with Heiwajima-san briefly and convinced him to confess the truth. Initially, Heiwajima-san denied the allegations. Anyways, Miss, as you can see-"
"Wait. Another student?" Of course, this only seems to confirm her suspicions. "Tell me the name."
The officer hesitates for a moment, but then he looks down at his paperwork. "Orihara-san. Izaya Orihara-san."
Just hearing the name sends chills down her spine. It is enough to make her feel nauseous. Rin wants to throw up because of the memories it brings back from the night before. Her stomach twists into tight knots. But depsite her fear and anxiety, she turns to leave, with every intention of confronting the bastard.
But Shizuo catches her by the wrist with both of her hands. When she looks back at him, he shakes his head at her, with a look in his eyes that seems completely out of place. He is not his usual self. Something is holding him back. "I confessed," he tells her in a heavy voice. "I did it."
She knows there is probably more he wants to say, to convince her to not go and seek out Izaya. Not after what happened last night. Even Rin does not want to see the slimy weasel again. Alas, it seems that he is the person behind this entire incident – orchestrating it from the beginning. She also suspects there is good reason as to why Shizuo is trying to stop her.
"You'll be expelled." Although Rin is pretty sure he already knows the consequences of admitting his guilt, she reiterates it to him. He won't be able to graduate if he doesn't recant. "Is that what you want?" It seems a cold-hearted question and she knows that she is pushing him for an answer he probably does not want to give.
Whether the consequences affect him at all is not evident. He just frowns and releases her wrist. "It's fine." When he speaks, however, there is a gleam in his eyes that betrays the calmness with which he speaks his words. He is lying, and Shizuo Heiwajima happens to be a terrible liar.
Rin can easily surmise the situation through what the officer has told her as well as Shizuo's behavior. "Are you trying to protect me?" Her hands curl into tight fists.
His eyebrows raise in surprise, but Shizuo's face quickly turns deadpan once again. "No." He is lying again.
"If you think I will be grateful because you are sacrificing yourself then you're wrong, Heiwajima. I am not the kind of person who wants to be protected by someone else. Especially not my student. I am your teacher. Tell me the truth. What is going on?"
The harshness of her words probably stings, but Rin chooses to be bluntly honest regardless of the repercussions. Unfortunately, although she was hoping to make some progress by saying that, it only seems to make Shizuo clam up more. He purses his lips and averts his eyes from her, having no intention to tell her anything.
Since it is obvious that she won't be getting any answers from him, Rin turns to leave again. But she hesitates. Just thinking about Izaya leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Maybe it is because she feels like a hypocrite, preaching about how any student can be "reformed," how everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Yet she finds herself reluctant to even approach him, as if he is some kind of fearful enigma, instead of a misguided student.
"I'll be back. Officer, Heiwajima..." She gave a polite bow toward the both of them, making sure to cast a final glare at Shizuo before marching out of the station. Rin is sure her anger is a little unfair, because as far as she can tell, he is doing this for her sake. But the pain of being protected at someone else's expense is not something she can bear.
So she makes the long trek to the school, where the final bell of the day is about to ring. Rin struggles to clamber up the stairs, all the way to the head's office. There, as expected, she gets an earful about her not calling in and skipping work. Regardless of what excuses she could come up with, Rin tells him the truth – she overslept, and she is very sorry. It does not go over well but her honesty leaves him at a disadvantage, and so he begrudgingly accepts her heartfelt apology. Then there are questions about the art room, which was apparently "vandalized" – Shizuo's handiwork from the night before, sending Rin's assailants scurrying off. That part she is not so honest about. In fact, she uses this to her advantage.
"Actually, in regards to that, I would like to speak with one of my students, Izaya Orihara. I hear that he was eyewitness to the attack this morning. So there are some things I would like to confirm first."
Not that he seems to entirely believe her, but there is little the school head can do in objection. He gives her leave to speak with Orihara, with the catch that she reports her own eyewitness account by tomorrow – to both the school and the police. Rin makes the agreement then hastily leaves as she hears the final bell. Down to the teacher's office, where she makes use of the PA system to call Izaya to the art room.
And somehow this feels like it will be a very uncomfortable confrontation. Even as she makes her way, just the short distance that it takes, back to the art room, Rin can't help but feel uneasy. Stepping into the room, which has seen more damage than she remembers Shizuo doing, the flood of memories from the night before temporarily overwhelms and paralyzes her.
The knots in her stomach seem to twist that much tighter, until she can really feel the lunch that she never ate coming up. And maybe it is because she has not eaten that she feels so nauseous. Either way, she takes several deep breaths in preparation.
After about ten minutes of waiting, she hears footsteps approaching from behind her. Rin turns to meet those amber colored eyes, and that triumphant smirk that Izaya seems to be wearing on his face. But like a good student, he gives her a polite greeting and a smile. There is nothing warm about the way he addresses her, though.
Much to her satisfaction, he cuts the innocent act rather quickly. "I admit, Sensei, I must have underestimated you a little. That you're able to come back here the day after without any trepidation. But are you really unaffected? Or is it eating at you? Do you feel any fear just looking at me?" He tilts his head questioningly with a knowing look on his face.
"Heiwajima," she says with determination, ignoring his inquisition. "Why is Heiwajima accepting those false allegations? Why is he admitting to them?"
He looks at her with mock surprise. "Sensei, you suspect I am behind it? I thought you always preached about innocent until proven guilty? Yet you already think that I have something to do with this? And it doesn't even occur to you that maybe he is admitting of his own free will?"
"No, I know Heiwajima better than that. And now, I know you better, too."
Izaya smirks. "Oh, I sincerely doubt that, Sensei. You seem to be pretty bad at understanding people, what with your inferiority complex. But I will conceed that I had my hand in it this time. Is there something you plan to do about it?"
"Tell me why first."
"I don't see any obligation to do so."
Like the sneaky weasel he is, Izaya just squirms right out of answering her question. In her frustration, Rin is left helpless. It's true that, if he does not tell her of his own volition, there is nothing that she can do.
"I know he didn't vandalize the classroom. More to the point, the reason that he did is because of those people that you sent in to attack me."
"Attack?" he quirks a brow at her. "I think you misunderstood, Sensei. I didn't ask or tell them to attack you. Actually, they came to me for help, since you had been sending them to detention so much lately. I think they were frustrated that, after the number they did on your car, you still wouldn't quit. So they thought a little something extra to get you out of the school. It just fell in line with an objective of mine, so I used the situation to my advantage."
It makes her feel nauseous just listening to him – like he sees human lives as his own personal experiment. Like she is some kind of toy for him to play around with. And although it disgusts Rin to listen to the way he sees the world, it allows her to understand him a little more. Even if it is difficult to fathom why anyone would ever mess with another person's life so carelessly.
"Turning around the whole incident to frame Shizu-chan was just good luck on my part. Shizu-chan is really the only person I can say that I hate. So if it takes him out of the picture, it makes my life easier. Why not take the opportunity?"
"But what did you do to make him confess his guilt when he did nothing wrong?" she demands lividly.
Izaya just shrugs his shoulders at her. "I'm just furthering my experiment. Since you seemed so convinced that Shizu-chan has no feelings for you, I decided to test that. How far will he go to protect you? See, even if I hate him and hope that he dies – sooner rather than later – I am still pleased that he can provide me with some insight."
More like entertainment, Rin thinks, since Izaya seems like the type of person to be amused by the situation. And judging from that wide spread grin on his face, he is quite pleased by how things are progressing.
"You told me enough. It's pointless talking to you. I know that now. So I won't waste anymore of your time or mine. But know this, Orihara, you won't have your way. Maybe I don't know much but I know one thing. Human nature is not as predictable as you seem to claim. So you had best be careful." Proud of herself for having managed to come this far, Rin marches toward the door with her head held high. And before she leaves, she purposefully bumps shoulders with Izaya, giving him the most intimidating glare possible.
In return, those eyes of his stare back at her, a smile still glued onto those thin lips of his. "You had better take you own advice, Sensei, and be prepared for the repercussions. Every decision has its consequence, you know."
Ignoring his words, she traipses off without bothering to ever look back. Then it is straight back to the police station – where she has to walk again. And inwardly, she is grateful that no one seems to notice that the clothes she is wearing belong to Shizuo... Or at least if they did, no one said a word about it.
When she finally gets back to the station, sweating from all the exercise that she is not used to, Rin heads back to where Shizuo is. He is still hunched over in his chair, eyes staring intently down at the floor. Even as he hears her approach, he does not lift his gaze to meet her. The officer that was watching him has disappeared in the meantime.
"I talked with Orihara."
Shizuo gives some vague recognition, because his head jolts when he hears her say that. Yet he does not take the opportunity to look up at her, nor does he say a word in return. Instead, he seems to sit there, waiting for her to explain.
"No matter what it is that he is threatening to do, I have every ounce of faith and confidence that I can recover from it. Nothing is so catastrophic that it won't eventually get better. But admitting your guilt where there is none to admit will give you a permanent record forever, Heiwajima. It's not worth doing that to protect your teacher. You have no obligation and I don't want you to do it."
At last, her words seem to stir something in him, because he finally lifts his gaze and looks up at her. He still does not crack so much as a smile, but at least he does not have his eyes glued to the floor anymore. And his lips even move to speak. "I want to protect you."
His bluntness leaves her at a disadvantage. Rin fumbles to try and argue with him. "I... I understand that, but.. And well, it's not like I don't appreciate what you are trying to do... I don't want it on my conscience that you sacrificed yourself protecting me."
"It's something I chose."
Shizuo, it seems, is someone stubborn and determined. Rin is left exasperated, wondering what she has left to try to convince him with. "You sound like such a noble idiot, Heiwajima." She sighs to herself and smiles. "But I guess that's what I like about you."
There is a moment of silence between them after she says that, as Rin realizes the meaning beneath those words. She blanches as she comes to understand what it was that she just said. And then she hesitates to try and take it back.
"W-what I meant was..."
He stares at her for a moment and it unnerves Rin. "As a student and a teacher." Shizuo seems to understand what it is that she is trying to say and blurts it out for her.
Rin quickly nods. "Yeah, exactly. That's what makes you my favorite student. That's what I meant."
And she is not sure why it makes her so self-conscious to have said something like that. There is not supposed to be any secret meaning behind it. In fact, the whole reason she is probably fretting over something so silly is because of Izaya's recurring belief that there is something between Shizuo and Rin that is not platonic. On the other hand, Rin is convinced – and determined – that there is nothing but friendship. How can there be anything else between a student and teacher, anyways?
"I..." Shizuo starts to say, then pauses. "... I want to graduate."
The way he says it seems entirely out of the blue. Yet it contradicts everything that he is doing right now. Since he will be expelled, at the very least, if the misunderstanding is not cleared up. Still, Rin feels some measure of relief hearing that from him. "You really want to graduate?"
He nods.
"I am glad to hear you say that, Heiwajima. I will do whatever I can to help you achieve that." Proudly, she flashes him a grin, hands on her hips. Then her happiness falters in the face of curiosity as she quietly asks him, "But, Heiwajima... You were so adamant a moment ago about protecting me. And to graduate, you have to clear up the misunderstanding. Why the change of heart?"
"If I graduate, you won't see me as a student anymore." He says those words as though he does not even understand the weight that they carry. Yet the look that Shizuo gives Rin tells her that he knows exactly what it means to be saying that.
And suddenly she is not so sure that things are completely platonic anymore.
Author's Note: Would you believe I meant to get this up a week and a half ago? Right now on a "vacation" for the whole summer where there is no internet. So in the sparse times I have it, I usually forget to take my USB drive along. And since my birthday is coming up in just a few days, I've been preoccupied relaxing. (As though I don't relax enough...?) XD Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed. The next chapter should come out sooner.