Misa rubbed the fabric between her fingers.
A hospital scrub. To some people, this would be an adequate garment, but to her, it was an unfashionable sack.
It was all that the clinic was able to provide, and Misa supposed that she shouldn't be complaining. After all, she could've ended up putting on her prison uniform again. But she was uncomfortable with the clean smell of it, the ironed fabric clinging to her skin. Misa certainly didn't miss the pungent medley of bodily odors wafting around on the air, but she didn't enjoy inhaling the sanitized air, laced with traces of rubbing alcohol and cleaner.
Misa walked down the hallway from the bathroom where she had showered, twisting her wet hair in between her fists. She scowled slightly as a loose wisp of the stuff got caught in a knot. No combs, no straighteners, and no blow driers. Misa had even realized as she glanced in the bathroom mirror that her roots were growing in, revealing the dark hair she hid under bleach.
Misa stopped, yanking at a particularly nasty tangle at the nape of her neck. She paused, realizing something.
They were coming. She was a wanted criminal. Right now her face would be broadcasted across Japan, the whole world in a panic as they heard through email and phone, television and internet, a condemning five words.
The Second Kira is back.
Misa found herself pulling in on herself, hunching as she lowered to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her legs, hugging them to herself.
What purpose did L have to bring her here? For what reason was she freed of her cell, sitting here in a clinic that even she didn't know the location of? How had the authorities not caught her yet?
Did Light know yet?
Misa felt her heart begin to beat faster as she sank against the wall, holding her head. She could still remember his face, when she was grabbed by Matsuda. The horror and disbelief.
The disgust and hate.
The disappointment.
Misa cringed, fingernails digging into her skull. She had stopped the creation of the new world, destroyed that ideal image, betrayed her beloved Light-
No.
When had Light ever looked at her in a caring way?
When had he held her gently, whispering in her ear that everything would be all right?
When had he gone out of his way to ensure her happiness, and make her smile?
When had he ever worried about her health?
Misa shook her head, repeating a silent mantra in her head.
Light loves me.
Light loves me.
Light loves me.
Light loves me.
He'd told her those words before. His eyes cold and calculated, focussed on some fixed point on the horizon. But he had still said it, directed it at her.
"I love you Misa."
He'd held her, warm arms encircled around her waist as he smiled, teeth glinting in the shadows.
"But I love you Misa."
He'd thanked her, and promised he would love her forever.
" You're so useful to me Misa."
Misa clenched her teeth, eyes watering.
Like a tool.
Like a weapon.
Like a shield.
Misa shook her head, shutting her eyes against the tears that were pooling on her lash line.
" Let us make a new world together, Misa."
How many times had Light said those words? Misa knew the answer; so many times that the " new world" the " perfect world" became reality in her head.
Her reality was shattered when Light had stared at her vengefully, his glare full of hatred.
" You destroyed it, Misa."
Misa blinked, her mouth falling open slightly.
Now there was no such thing as a perfect world.
There was no " God."
No Light.
" Yes, that would be dark."
L had told everybody that Kira would destroy the world, that everything would become altered in a terrible way if the task force let him live.
Misa knew that it was a joke, but she thought about what the world would be like without Light.
Fear. Fear became the new reality when Light began to kill off criminals. Putting your name on the internet could kill you, and taking a step in the wrong direction could mean you plummeting off of the edge.
In a way, L had contradicted himself. He said that the world would be a terrible place if Light continued to do what he did, yet he also said that it would be dark if he didn't exist.
Misa straightened, eyes widened.
There truly was no such thing as a perfect world. Never. Everybody had their own ideals, and would always clash in a multitude of ways.
Light had tried to mess with that, to make it apparent that his ideals were the ultimate truth. He had tried to make the world bend in his favor.
Like the world was a tool.
Like a weapon.
Like a shield.
Misa was just another bit of the world, not any more valuable to Light than anything else, and not any less.
Misa got to her feet, keeping her arms hugged around herself. It was all a lie, she realized, as she began to move down the hallway. Light had been lying to the whole world, herself included.
Maybe even to himself.
Her feet padded against the floor as she moved down the hallway, turning a corner at the right.
As she continued to move, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Misa turned around to see Watari, standing rigid in the middle of the hallway. He seemed so dignified in his black attire, and Misa found herself self consciously tugging on the fabric of her scrubs.
Watari smiled at her. " L would like to see you, Ms. Amane. Would you follow me, please?"
Misa wordlessly stepped after him, numbly turning corners and walking down blank white halls. She now knew that Light had never loved her, only himself and the ideal world he was trying to create.
' I wonder... if Light had managed to create his perfect world... if he would have loved me if I were part of it...'
" We are here," Watari announced grandly. He placed a hand on the doorknob, twisting it slowly.
Misa realized that her heart was beating faster as she watched his hand. L would be inside, waiting for her.
" You know, I think I could fall for you."
Why was she thinking of that now? Misa closed her eyes, trying to slow her breathing. She remembered when Watari told her about L's illness.
' Constant pain... the expanding and contracting of blood vessels... '
She wondered if that could shorten his lifespan.
The door creaked open, and Watari smiled at her, gesturing to the inside. " After you."
Misa stepped inside, her cheeks heating up and her breaths becoming shorter.
L crouched on a clinic bed, thumb placed in his mouth as he stared at her with his shadowy eyes.
" Ms. Amane, I've been waiting for you."
(AN) Enjoy!