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Chapter 11 BPOV

Yes, I was definitely home.

I let out a laugh as he clutched me to him tightly, I could see the huge muscles in his arms contract as he tightly pulled me. My God, he was strong.

"Emmett I missed you!" I said as I hugged him right back as tightly as I could.

"Damn Bells, you're strong." he said as he released me.

I chuckled. "Don't worry I fully intend to try and wrestle you eventually because if I'm as strong as Edward says than I should be able to beat you, and I would love to do that.

He shot a glare at Edward who just kept smirking at him, and then Emmett replied, "I'd like to see that because I know it won't happen."

"We'll see Emmett." I told him confidently. I felt strong. Then I remembered that I wanted to say hi to everyone else. I had missed them all a lot, even Rosalie.

I looked around and asked Emmett, "Where is Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie?"

"Their waiting at the house for you. Esme wanted it to be perfect when you get there so she has Rose zipping around cleaning with her, and Jasper still feels bad. He won't take our word that you want to see him to. He insists on obeying your emotions." Emmett scoffed. "Sorry Alice, but Jazz really needs to move on, she's here isn't she?"

He was talking to Alice now who had started defending Jasper.

I was glad because it would have been hard to hide the eagerness in my voice. I really missed them all, and I felt bad for Jasper not wanting to make me see him. This was his family too, he should not feel like he has to hide.

As if sensing that I was having an internal conflict between eagerness and guilt, Edward suddenly wrapped his arms around me causing a whole other emotion to join in the conflict. His lips were at my ear whispering to me.

"Bella, love, would you like to go? I am quite eager to show you the house and give you a tour."

He softly kissed the hollow behind my ear as he pulled away leaving his arms around me.

Every time he touched me I wanted him, and all I could focus on was that I hoped to God that this tour included our new room which hopefully had a bed. I didn't want to keep doing it on a couch.

I leaned my head back against Edward's chest, and nodded. I definitely couldn't talk now.

I felt him chuckle behind me, and then I raised my eyes. Emmett was staring at us with one eyebrow raised. I knew he was questioning Edward about us probably, our sex lives knowing Emmett, but now was not the time. I suddenly felt self conscious.

"Let's go." I said pulling out of Edward's arms. I felt sad by the loss of contact with him, but I couldn't take that look from Emmett. He would eventually find out we had sex, hear it even, but I was not ready for it to be this soon with nothing to hide behind.

Emmett kept looking at Edward as we walked, but all Edward would do is smirk, shake his head, and sometimes laugh. He was torturing Emmett with the lack of information.

The house came into view, and it was beautiful. It was literally built into the side of the mountain, and it had it's own pole wired for it's own electricity and cable, and other things.

It was huge, Alice had not exaggerated. It had a beautiful pattern of gray stone and brown stucco. They accented each other, and it added a whole new dimension to the home. It seemed castle like and homey at the same time. Parts of the gray stone wound away to the side to create a little terrace like area that the family could retreat to.

There were lots of personal decks outside of each darkly tinted window. I assumed that each deck belonged to a room, and I was eager to find out which one would be ours.

Alice's laugh rang through the air like a bell, and it brought me back to reality. She grabbed my hand, that wasn't already held by Edward's, and pulled me quickly to the front door.

I was keeping them from their mates, and they were just as eager as I was to reach them.

We hurried now, and as we stepped up to the front door it opened. I smiled hugely because there was Esme, my new mother and more beautiful than I remembered. I rushed forward throwing my arms around her. "Esme, oh I missed you so much."

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I felt my eyes prickle as if they seemed to know that tears should be coming, but they weren't. I still felt my chest constrict and pull at me pushing the sadness into me.

This was my family, and my heart had never healed after they left. I missed them all so much.

Esme patted my back soothingly feeling my body shake gently. "I missed you too dear. More than you could imagine, but that is all in the past. Now we get to start our lives as a complete family, Bella. I will never stop thanking you for completing this family."

She slowly released me, and we stepped into the house. It was even more beautiful than the outside. It had a fireplace built into a huge stone wall, and then a big soft rug that looked warm and inviting. There was a large wooden staircase that spiraled it's way to the upstairs, and I could see the other doorways that led to other rooms that I had to explore over time.

I kept staring at the fireplace. Along the mantle, there were photos of everyone. There was even a few photos of Edward and me from when I was human. There were pictures of us from prom, some that I didn't even know were taken, and then there was one from my birthday. We looked happy, and Edward had lips in my hair kissing me.

I slowly walked towards the pictures. Then I heard Rosalie step down from upstairs.

I turned around as she reached the bottom of the staircase.

"Hi, Bella. Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous."

Of course Rosalie would notice looks first. A huge smile crossed my face as I realized that the most beautiful woman on earth thought that I was gorgeous. I ran to her, and hugged her before she could disappear. I really had missed them all.

She hugged me back, and I was grateful.

She was the one I was worried about. She had never really liked me as a human, and she was jealous because she had wanted to be human, but the damage was already done. I was a vampire. She knew she had to just accept that.

"I missed your presence Bella." she stated smiling as she released my from our hug, "Without you here everyone is just too damn depressing. Especially Edward, without you all he does is mope around like a lost fricking puppy."

"Rosalie!" Esme scolded. Rosalie rolled her eyes slightly. "Sorry mom, I mean lost puppy, he mopes around like a lost puppy."

I couldn't help but laugh. I had really missed this. That reminds me Jasper. Where is he, I felt with everything I could manage that I wanted to see him too, I didn't blame him at all. I blamed myself for my carelessness, and Edward for his idiocy.

Then he was there next to Rosalie, and everyone grew eerily quiet. It felt weird for it to be so silent suddenly.

I moved over to Jasper. He looked pained almost, but he was beautiful like everyone else of course. He knew how I felt, he could probably feel the little ache that was still inside of me, that I knew would eventually burn away given time. He could feel that I was happy. I just hoped that he could also feel that I didn't blame him.

"Jasper." I started softly. "It was not your fault, and I am really sorry you're sad because of me. Please don't be. Everything worked out in the end, so now we can all just move on."

He still looked pained. "You blame yourself though Bella. Why? Stop it, don't you.."

I shook my head no. "Jasper, please, right now I just want to be happy and enjoy being here. We can deal with leftover issues like guilt later. Please? I really missed you, all of you."

He smiled a little then, and I heard Alice and Edward sigh. Emmett scoffed again like he was irritated with Jasper. Then Jasper leaned forward and hugged me gently.

"Welcome home Bella, oh and stop feeling insecure. Rosalie meant what she said, you are absolutely beautiful." Everyone chuckled this time. Jasper had not even tried to be subtle. He was amused, soo now everyone else was too.

Damn vampires. It's one thing for them to have gifts, but do they always insist on telling everyone!

Edward's arms were tightly around me, again "Bella, you need to stop doubting yourself. You are beautiful, or do I have to keep reminding you every day."

I felt the fire ignite in me again. "Umm, remind me everyday," I stammered out, trying to be funny.

It didn't work. Edward flustered me, and I had built up tension because I wanted to be alone with him, but we kept getting interrupted. I suddenly felt annoyed with Alice again.

"Why are you irritated at Alice?" Jasper asked, and she busted out laughing. She knew why I was irritated with her.

I looked back at Jasper, and now he just looked confused. His eyebrows were raised. He could feel my emotions.

Edward's grip around my hips tightened, he didn't like me being upset and he knew this embarrassment would upset me.

I couldn't help it though. Edward didn't know what his touch did to me, what the frustrations were causing. I remembered our hunting trip. Him pushing me up against a tree. Edward hard and pushed against me. I bit my lip to keep myself in the present.

"You had sex!" Jasper basically screamed, and I whipped around looking into Edward's eyes for help or encouragement, but he just looked up shooting daggers at Jasper. If looks could kill, then Jasper would be gone.

It was silent for about a millisecond, and the room suddenly came to life.

Alice smacked Jasper on the head, muttering to him about keeping his mouth shut, but his eyebrows were raised way above any normal standards and his eyes looked way too amused. A smile was etched across Esme's kind face, as if she was proud, that we had finally slept together, Rosalie was smirking to herself, Carlisle looked embarrassed as he probably remembered the hunting scene too, Emmett was doubled over laughing, and as he straightened up he looked directly at me, as he spoke to Edward.

"That explains the new bed you had delivered."

I couldn't help the thrill that sent through me. Edward had thought the same as me! He ordered a bed!

Those emotions only sent Jasper into an extreme fit of laughter. He doubled over, and his knees hit the floor.

"Please Jasper, please." I said quietly. I was begging him to not tell everyone my emotions. I couldn't take it.

He kept laughing, but he raised his hand to me, and I waited for him to calm himself before he spoke. "Don't worry Bella. I'm sorry I even blurted out the sex thing. It was just very unexpected, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Trust me Bella, when we laugh, we're solely teasing Edward here."

Okay, now I was confused.

Emmett spoke now, "As much as I want to know about your little exchange there Bells, I don't want to feel bad. Jazz is right. If anything we're proud of you. Little Eddie there has been holding it in for like 100 years, and you bounce into his life, and morals be damned, he collapses and takes you for his own." Emmett was trying not to start laughing again, but then Edward sighed.

I was still confused. Yes, I had taken Edward's virginity, but he had taken mine. What was the difference. I must have looked confused because Emmett kept talking.

"Bella, it isn't shocking that you gave up so easily. We all knew you wanted Edward, and he was the only thing stopping you too, plus you're only 18, and well it is expected with your human hormones and everything. Don't you see after 100 years Edward finally just gave it up!"

I nodded my head in response to him. I understood, but now I just felt bad. I felt guilty again. Edward had probably wanted to wait for marriage or something, and he was so old fashioned that he probably thought it would be this whole romantic to do, and I had ruined it.

I buried my face in Edward's chest letting the guilt fill me. I couldn't control myself. I had ripped his shirt off of him, I had asked him to prove that he wanted me. I had opened the robe, and provoked him. Edward hadn't wanted our first time to be like that. I felt horrible, and sad, and I felt a useless sob rise in my chest. The room was silent now, and I buried myself into the pit of guilt I was letting overtake me.

"I am so sorry Edward" was all I whispered to him through his chest. Even though, I spoke so softly that I could barely hear it I knew he would hear it.

He brought his hand to my hair and stroked it gently. "Bella don't be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for love" His voice was gentle, and it just made me feel worse.

I heard Jasper speak, "I'm sorry" and then I heard his and Alice's footsteps as they walked away followed by Carlisle and Esme. Then I heard Rosalie shuffle away back upstairs.

Edward growled at Emmett. "Stop it Emmett, now is not the time."

He laughed one last time and spoke, "Don't worry Bells, if I know Edward, and I do, then he is totally ecstatic inside." Then I heard him walk away too.

I couldn't move, I was still sad. I felt Edward pick me up bridal style, and he rushed me upstairs to what I'm guessing was our room. I kept my head buried in his chest not even bothering to look up and view the room.

I was so caught up in controlling Edward for once that I didn't even stop too think that after 100 years he may have made bigger plans. Had higher expectations.

I let a small sob choke through me. I felt guilty, and the fact that everyone was picking on him rather than me just made me feel worse.

I felt Edward climb onto the bed never releasing me from his arms. Once he adjusted himself into a comfortable position with me still cradled against his chest, I let myself slide onto the bed keeping my head against him.

The bed was extremely comfortable. I could feel my body sink into it. Then, Edward started lifted my chin to look into his eyes.

"Bella, love why do you feel guilty?"

Of course Jasper would tell him my emotions. Stupid emotion reading vampire can't keep his trap shut.

Edward continued, "What could have possibly happened in the last couple of days that you feel guilty for? It's not your fault they are picking on me in their thoughts, and such. It's all in good fun love."

I still couldn't find my voice. "Love, please tell me what is wrong so I can fix it."

"Edward, it can't be fixed, I ruined it."

"Ruined what love?"

I just let it out then

"I ruined your first time Edward. Isn't it obvious. You had expectations. You probably would have wanted us to be married, but no I had to wake up and make you throw everything that you worked so hard to keep away."

I kept getting quieter as I spoke, and I whispered as I lowered my eyes unable to look into his honey eyes.

"I ruined your first time."

A/N: You know the drill. You want an update I want reviews. I am soooo happy with the ones I have received so far. Since, I have 32 I only want to reach 35 before I update the next chapter, but reaching 40 would just make my day (which has been a very long one).

I love you all. Thanks so much for your support. This story will get dramatic eventually, I just want to build up to it. Okay anyways press the little button and do your thing.

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Mary