"I don't know what Eli was so worried about…" Clare's voice spoke loudly, trying to be heard over the sound of the music that swam around the air of the room. It was heavy, as were her eyes and the warm feeling that had taken over her body as she sat draped against the couch. She pressed her body against the boy beside her, leaning into him as her hands ran lazily over surfaces around her and her eyes were unable to stay still as they gazed around the room. She couldn't believe how little the place had changed since the last time she'd been there. It wasn't much different even after the span of time she'd spent away. Still decorated in bottles, filled with smoke and loud with the sound of music and people around.
"You're really not a bad guy at all huh? This is really nice. You're really nice! I feel like I can trust you." she tilted her head up and back to look at the boy whom had given her the pill. He let his arm drape gently around her as she giggled and he smiled back at her.
"Of course you can trust me, I'm a good guy." his voice was low too, but she could hear him perfectly with how close he'd gotten. She continued to smile as she looked around the room and let out a huff.
"I don't know what his problem is. He's so, great most of the time but he can be really moody." her fingers ran idly against the fabric of the couch and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, "And gosh I feel amazing. Just… wow. Everything is so amazing. You're amazing, you know that?"
She looked back at Cody, and though she didn't know him at all, in the moment she didn't care. She felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and it was nice to fall into. She felt light and overcome with joy.
"You're pretty great too…" he said as he shifted his weight on the couch, "And speaking of great… I have something I just really want to show you…"
Clare turned towards him and lifted her eyebrow curiously as he stood up and reached his hand out to her.
"Where are we going?" she asked as she took his hand and stood beside him, following slowly behind as he led her away.
"My bedroom." he replied and she just barely heard him over the sound of the music. She felt a slight shake in her stomach but she took no mind to it as they continued on and he pulled her down the hall and through a door. Something in the back of her mind told her it was a bad idea but another part of her didn't care. This was what she wanted. She wanted to be treated differently, like she wasn't just some goody two shoes with a clean rep. She felt light and warm and she couldn't stop smiling even as the boy dropped her hand and moved forward, sitting on the bed. He looked up at her, grinning as he rubbed the spot beside him and she sat down, letting her fingers run across the material of his blanket. She couldn't help but notice it was the softest thing she'd ever felt before. It was like feeling heaven through her finger tips. She became mesmerized by it, unable to pull her attention away from it even as the boy brushed her hair from her shoulder and began to kiss her neck. It wasn't until a few moments later when his hand began to explore her body that she put her attention back on him.
"What are you doing?" she asked, pulling slightly away.
He merely smiled and kissed her shoulder then looked back up into her eyes, "You're really beautiful, you know that?"
At his words he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. They were soft, and though even the feeling of them felt more incredible than they should have, she couldn't get past the taste of alcohol and tobacco on his tongue. She pulled back, looking at him unsure for a moment and he smiled.
"What's wrong, don't you trust me?"
But trust didn't matter to her at that moment. Not only was she unable to think straight, but the one thing that actually did make it to her mind through the mixture of her blood alcohol level and the colorful pill that had disappeared down her throat, was Eli. Clare wasn't this girl. She didn't get attached to the weird mysterious boy. She didn't let her guard down, especially for someone she hardly knew and who didn't care back for her at all. She didn't feel jealousy or want and she certainly would never even think of trying to make someone else jealous for their attention… would she? No, of course not. She wasn't some desperate girl who would kiss someone like the boy in front of her just to get a reaction out of the boy who deep down, she had stronger feelings for than she was willing to let on. She wouldn't kiss this boy, to try and get the other to realize that there really was something between them. She wouldn't kiss this boy so that Eli would feel jealous and realize that he wanted her too. She wouldn't do it, because she wasn't this girl. She was smarter than that. She was a good girl. A sweet girl. With perfect grades and a perfect reputation. She wasn't the type of girl who did these things. But that was the assumptions she wanted to get rid of. She wanted to be this girl. At least for one night. At least for one night so that she could see what it was like. That thought, on top of the feeling of overwhelming warmth and affection pushed her to do so and before she could even think it through, her lips were back on the boys. His hands slid down her body, finding their way to her waist as they laid back against his bed. She let him take the lead, his lips moving roughly against hers and she closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that it was worth it. She felt like she was floating, her skin tingling as he slid his hands beneath her shirt and rubbed gently against the skin of her stomach. Kissing this boy felt like nothing she'd ever felt before but she was more than sure it was an effect of the pill and not the actual kiss itself. She let herself get lost in it, placing her hands to his head to run her fingers through his filthy hair. He removed his lips from hers and placed them to her neck and his hands explored further and further down her body. It wasn't until the tips of his fingers grazed beneath the edge of her jeans that she began to panic.
"What are you doing?" She asked as he held them there, slowly inching them further beneath.
He smirked, his face only centimeters from hers and brushed his lips softly against hers before he spoke, "Just testing the waters… how about we take things a little bit further?"
Suddenly, her heart began to move rapidly in her chest as she shook her head, "No."
The boys eyes narrowed as he watched her bite her lip. He remained calm for a moment and then began to chuckle before he pressed his lips back to hers and pushed his fingers further down.
"I said no." she said sternly as she pulled back and began to wiggle, trying to move her body from beneath him.
"Just relax." he said, pressing his body firmer against her to stop her from moving and panic set in. Her face grew warm and she tried to move again but he held her down.
"I don't want to do anything." she said, her face covered in fear as his eyebrows furrowed.
She watched as the awareness of the moment fell upon the boy above her and his eyes narrowed, his face growing apparent to the fact that Clare wasn't going to abide to his hazy seduction.
"You're a fucking tease." he growled and his hands moved to her arms, pinning her against the bed. She felt his subtle nails dig into her skin as he held her wrists tightly and the stinging pain made her gasp.
Clare panicked. It filled her entire body and suddenly she didn't feel so great anymore. She was overcome with the realization that her plan was stupid, completely reckless and totally idiotic. Now she was going to suffer the consequences. Eli was right. She wasn't cut out for this. It was too rough for a sweet and innocent girl like her. Her heart was racing, pounding throughout her entire body and she could feel the tears filling her eyes, threatening to break from the corners. She did the first thing that came to mind then. Self defense 101. She wiggled her body, making room and then lifted her knee fast, bringing it to contact with his groin before he could block the blow or move from the way. A loud grown filled the room as he fell back, rolling from her body and retracted his hands from her arms. Finally she had the ability to move. She pushed herself up, her entire body feeling like silly putty as she hurried from the room, shaking as she blindly found her way to the bathroom. To her relief, it was empty and she slammed the door shut, locked it behind her and then slid to the floor as she cried and pulled out her phone.
The steady buzz of Eli's phone filled the room, stirring him from his not so deep sleep. He was still in the unknown bed, and his head pounded as he opened his eyes to the dark unfamiliar room. He looked down, realizing the unnamed girl was draped across him, her bare body laying fast asleep across his chest. He sighed as he looked over at his phone, buzzing and lighting up from the bedside table and he reached over as slow as he could to not wake the girl as he picked it up.
"Hello?" he answered, his mind still tired and sore.
"Eli." It was Clare again, but this time something was different. Her voice was hoarse and he could tell just by her saying his name that she was crying.
For some reason he didn't quite know, panic set in and he pushed the girl carelessly from his body. She stirred awake, looking at him with annoyance but he didn't care. Though his head had felt heavy before, it was light now as he listened to her breathing on the other line.
"Clare?" he began as he scooted to the edge of the bed, "Are you okay?"
"No." she cried, followed by a sniff and Eli's heart began to race.
"What's wrong?" he asked, and already he was pushing himself up from the bed, collecting his clothes and began to dress, "Where are you?"
"I don't want you to be mad." she cried and he shook his head as he continued to move around, collecting his things.
"I won't be mad Clare, just tell me where you are and what's wrong so I can come help you."
The other line stayed silent for a moment, not a word spoken but he could still hear her crying.
"Clare, you have to tell me." He pleaded as calmly as he could while he pulled on his shoes, holding the phone between his shoulder and his head, "I need to know where you are so I can come get you."
"I came to that house… the one you took me too… your friends house." The words felt like acid on her tongue and the moment she said it Eli's mouth fell agape in disbelief.
"Are you kidding me?" He exclaimed, "How could you… why in the world would you…? Do you realize how stupid that was?"
Her crying became louder, "You said you wouldn't get mad! Just please hurry, please."
"I'm not mad Clare. I just… I'll be right there, okay? Where are you right now?"
"I'm in the bathroom." she said and he let out a deep breath, "I came here to get away."
"Stay in there, don't move. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Without waiting for a reply, he hung up the phone and hurried as quick as he could from the unknown room and house, and hurried away to help Clare.
The lights flashed from inside the windows as Eli pulled up in front of the place Clare resided at. The music was loud, booming bass that shook the ground as he pushed him from the car and ran into the dim lit smoky house. Voices spoke around him, collected in a steady hum as people tried to be heard by others above the noisy music and clinking of bottles. Frantically, he looked around, scanning the room to make sure Clare hadn't moved from where she'd said she'd be and then he pushed his way through the crowed of people out of their minds as he hurried quickly to the bathroom. The door was locked and he pounded against the wood with his fist rapidly, in a hurry to find her.
"Go away!" he heard Clare's small voice shake from the other side and he let out a sigh of relief, leaning his head against the cold wood of the door.
"Clare it's me." he yelled as he knocked his knuckles against it again, "Let me in."
In mere seconds the knob turned and the door swung open as Clare threw herself against his body so hard that it nearly winded him and he held her close, wrapping his arms around her as she cried against his chest.
"You were right, you were completely right." she sobbed, clenching his back with her tiny hands as she did.
Confused, Eli pulled back slightly and her reddened, tear stained eyes looked up at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked curiously, bringing his hand up to wipe the tears from her tender cheeks.
"About Cody, about the guys here. You were right about what he wanted."
Confusion was still dominant on his mind as he listened to her words and his eyes found her wrists. The reddened marks that the boy's nails had left in her skin made his eyes widen and his mind fume. Then he looked up and saw Cody standing a few feet from them, and it all clicked. Rage filled him and his eyes saw red as anger polluted his veins, poisoning his blood with irreversible fury that caused his entire body to tense up as he clenched his fists.
"Bro that chick's fucking crazy." Cody began, his wild eyes flashing from Eli to Clare, "She's on all kinds of stuff… came in here saying she wanted me and wanted me to help her forget or whatever that's supposed to mean."
Beside him Clare was shaking, convulsing against his side as she looked at the boy in fear and this only sent Eli's anger over the top even more. Impulsively without thinking he stepped forward and lifted his fist, bringing it to contact with Cody's face. The stinging of his knuckles as they made contact with the boys mouth was a sense of overjoyed relief and the end of a longing he'd had since the night he'd first brought Clare to the place. The relief consumed him as the red dimmed from his eyes and he looked down at the boy knocked back against the filthy carpet that now looked up at him with wide disbelieving eyes as he held his pained jaw. Eli looked around, realizing then that everything had stopped a multiple eyes were looking at him and the scene he had caused. He clutched Clare closer to his body, holding her against him as he turned from the spot and lead her from the house as quickly as he could as she shivered beside hurried her to Morty, still parked in the same spot but now the night had darkened around him. He opened the door and let her in, realizing that she was still in full tears as she hugged her arms tightly across her chest and slid into the seat. As soon as he closed the door behind her he rushed to the drivers side and got in, making sure to pull her close, causing her to rest her body against his as he started the car and pulled away from the house. He drove fast, yet careful as his anger about the situation grew. It grew so intense that he had to pull over to collect himself, screeching to a stop as his hand clenched the steering wheel in a tight grip and his foot slammed into the break. After a few seconds of deep breaths in the silence of the warm car's cab, he turned to Clare whose eyes were red and still brimming with tears.
"What were you thinking?" He raised his voice and it caused Clare to shrink back, biting her lip as she saw the upset in his eyes.
"I wasn't…" she choked, her hands clutching her arms and her nails digging into her own skin, "I just… I wanted to find you."
Eli sighed, taking in the fact that this was his fault and he brought his hands to her cheeks, wiping the tears from them softly.
"I told you…" he began as her eyes stayed locked with his, "I told you not to."
He wanted to be upset with her. He wanted to lash out and put it in her head how stupid she was for what she did but it was hard when he looked down at her tear filled eyes. She had been through enough and he figured what had happened was punishment enough for her foolish action. Instead, without thinking he pulled her close to him and hugged her body against his. She tensed up at first, caught off guard by this unusual act but willingly hugged him back as she cried against his chest. For moments they sat there, the only sound around them was her muffled cries as they stayed locked in the embrace. It wasn't until it became too cold that he pulled away and started the car again.
"I can't go home." she said as she sat back against the seat, shaking unintentionally.
Eli nodded, he understood what she meant. Without even knowing it for sure, he could tell that she wasn't in her right mind and on something that her parents would also be able to tell easily, so he agreed to let her stay with him for the night. His parents would be asleep and he knew they wouldn't mind if he brought her home.
The ride was quiet. She'd managed to calm her tears as she leaned her body against him. The feeling to him was familiar and felt all too uncomfortable. The shaking, the crying, the warmth of her body leaning against his as he came down from the overwhelming rage. He bit his cheek, trying to fight off the remembered feeling and focused on the drive home instead.
When they arrived to his house, he looked over to see Clare staring out the window. Her eyes were still filled with moisture, but she'd managed to stop herself from crying as she held her arms firmly to her body.
"Are you okay?" he asked, trying to not sound as worried as he was. But he felt better as she nodded and looked over at him. He pushed his door open and stepped out into the cold night air, making his way around the front of the car to help her out from her side. He pulled her door open and held it as she placed her feet on the ground and tried to stand, but as she did he watched her quiver and held out his hands to catch her from falling.
"My legs feel shaky." she stated and he took in a breath as he pulled her too him and closed the door. Without asking for her permission he lifted her up, one arm beneath her knees and the other beneath her back. She wrapped her arms around him and hid her face in his neck. He felt the dampness of her left over tears against his neck and sighed yet again as he carried her into his house.
It was dark inside, and he was right, everyone was asleep. Trying to remain as quiet as he could, he carried her up the stairs and to his room. He crossed the small room, setting her down on his bed and then clicked on the light as he watched her try to reach forward to remove her shoes.
"Here, let me help." he said softly, kneeling down to remove them from her feet. Suddenly he felt a wave of familiarity crash over him. The situation was one he knew all too well and he cringed as he looked at the girls flushed face. It was all happening again. Here he was, in the very situation he'd tried to keep himself from getting into. His fingers shook as he pulled the final shoe from her foot and dropped it to the floor, and then pressed her back against the bed.
"Lay down." he told her as he stood back up, "I'll get you some water, but keep your eyes closed and relax."
She nodded, watching him for a moment as he went for the door before she did as he said and closed her eyes, relaxing her body against the mattress.
Slowly, he stepped down the stairs, making his way to the kitchen while trying not to wake his parents. But he realized then as he took the final step that the light was on and he wasn't the only one there. He looked up then as he entered the room and saw his mom sitting a the kitchen table, a worried look on her face.
"What's going on baby boy?" she asked and he shook his head as he crossed the room.
"I don't know what you're talking about." he said without looking at her, pulling a glass from the cupboard and filled it at the sink.
"Who's up there?" Eli looked at her then, surprised she knew someone else was in the house and then sighed. Of course she knew. She was his mom and she knew everything.
"It's no one." he took a sip from the glass without realizing he had as his eyes stayed locked with his moms.
"Eli," she began, "You can't lie to me, I'm your mom. If whoever is up there was no one then they wouldn't be up there. You don't just take care of no one."
He didn't speak, but his eyes never left hers as he shook his head.
"It's just some girl."
Cece sighed, "Some girl? What on earth are you doing with some girl?"
Again he shook his head, not because he didn't want to answer, but because he didn't have one.
"You know your father and I have no problem with you having company but if you're going to bring… a girl home we'd at least like you to let us know first or to at least ask…" Her tone became concerned and Eli's eyes widened.
"No, mom. Mom, stop. It's not like that." He assured her and she looked at him confused. He shook his head, filling the glass again with a sigh, "You wouldn't understand."
"I try to understand, I do. I try to understand with everything in me, your father and I both do, but you don't let us. How are we supposed to help you if you spend all of your time keeping us from doing so?" the tone of her voice dropped and Eli was afraid if he looked at her then that there would be tears in her eyes. He couldn't handle seeing anymore tears that night.
"I don't want your help." he said, his eyes closed to avoid contact with hers, "I don't need your help or anyone else's."
"Well what about this girl?"
Caught off guard, he looked up, his eyes shooting open and he felt relief to see she wasn't crying like he'd thought she would be.
"What about her?" he scoffed, "Like I said, it's not like that."
"Is it because she needs you?"
The annoyance in Eli rose then as he sat the glass on the counter and stared at it. He grew annoyed because he knew she was right. Clare did need him and though he'd tried desperately to avoid helping her he realized that it was exactly where he'd ended up anyways. Just like Julia, she needed him. He was taking care of her, saving her and comforting her like he'd done before. Falling back into the same routine and suddenly he felt his body shake. He shook with the knowledge that he'd again took on the role of the hero without even trying. His fists clenched against the counter as he glared at the glass and without realizing it he'd bit a hole in the side of his cheek. Wincing at the pain, he pulled back the moment he felt his mom's hand on his shoulder. He hadn't even realized she had stood beside him until then and he looked up at her.
"You can't save everyone baby. Sometimes you need saved yourself. You've just got to be willing to let people in. This girl, whoever she may be, is good for you. I've seen a change in you recently and you may not realize it but I think this girl may have something to do with that."
He pulled back, grabbing the glass as he did so and scowled, "I'm not having this conversation with you. Just, leave me alone."
He said as he stepped away, glaring hard at the ground as he stormed off, not bothering to stay quiet as he stomped back up the stairs up the stairs in a hurry to the room where Clare laid fast asleep.
He sat the glass on the desk beside the bed and began to pace back and forth. He held his hands to the back of his head as he moved quickly from one side of the room to the other and realized what exactly he'd gotten himself into. She laid in his bed, catatonic like Julia had done many times before. Without even trying, he ended up back where he swore to himself he'd never be again.
He felt it then. A feeling he'd pushed out long before and one he had swore he'd never feel again. He was actually scared. He was terrified, because this fragile human laid in his bed and he knew that just like before, he'd fallen back into the same position yet again. Like Déjà vu, it was happening once more. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. He'd sworn to himself he wouldn't end up here ever again. He'd told himself countless times that he'd never let anyone in to avoid this exact situation. He was better off alone, not having to worry about losing another life. Feeling for someone like this never ended well. If you had feelings for someone it became your job to take care of them and with that job came the chance to let them down. Julia had died, and to him it was his fault because he was supposed to be taking care of her. It was his job to protect her and in the end he failed, like he was afraid he would do the entire time. And yet here he was, standing beside his bed looking down at this delicate girl as she breathed steadily, fast asleep and his heart raced just at the sight of her. He had fallen helpless to her, unable to push away how he felt any longer and this itself had scared him more than anything else. He exhaled slowly and turned from her then, a pair of pajamas from his dresser before he left to bathroom to dress. Once he was done he returned to his room and walked back beside her. From the drawer in the desk next to the bed he pulled out a small bottle full of small white pills. He swallowed two quickly, washing them down with some of the water from the glass he'd gotten her and then looked down at her one final time. With another deep sigh he clicked off the light and crawled into the bed beside her. As he glared hard at the ceiling, trying to push away the events of the day from his mind, Clare's body rolled softly against him and her arm draped across his chest. For a moment his stomach flipped and he contemplated pulling away. But he didn't. He felt as if he couldn't and instead, he rested his fingers on top of hers and drearily closed his eyes.