Skye Says: Chapter eleven! I'm just popping 'em out left and right, aren't I?

Chapter Eleven—Tension and Confession

The Dread Pirate Roberts ship, The Revenge

The sea, twenty miles off the coast of Guilder

A few days later

It was easier for Caterina to kiss Antonio when no one else was around to see them. She'd allowed him to touch her shoulder or her hair or hold her hand in public previously. He still did, but now that they were officially a couple, the public displays of affection made Caterina self-conscious. She was afraid to get close to another man, and the rate at which their relationship was progressing concerned her. The hurt in Antonio's eyes told her she was being unreasonable, and when he went to kiss her in front of Roberts, she gave him her cheek instead, but she couldn't help him. She was hurting him, she knew, but she just couldn't help it.

In the privacy of their cabin one afternoon, Antonio confronted her about it. "I don't understand why you can't play the role. It should be easier now, not harder, for you and I to act convincingly."

"I told you, Antonio, it's not my fault." She crossed and uncrossed her legs anxiously. "My parents… discouraged displaying affection in public." Lies, lies, lies. What was wrong with her lately?

"I'm your husband, Cat. It shouldn't matter that—"

"We're not really married!"

"Stop shouting at me!"

Caterina crossed her arms over her chest and focused her gaze on the floor. Antonio sat beside her on the bed, but the two were still worlds apart. They had come so far these past few days and had almost nothing to show for it. Pathetic.

Antonio sighed and swallowed the lump in his throat. Why couldn't they talk about anything? Even after they'd "made up"—and come significantly close to sleeping together—Caterina just kept twisting the knife. She was so volatile and so stubborn… all Antonio wanted was to demolish the wall between them and kiss the life out of her and get her to understand what he meant by I love you. Was that really too much to ask?

He guessed so.

"I'm going to see if Rosalina needs me for anything," Caterina said curtly. "I'll see you at dinner, I suppose."

"No, you'll see me now, because I'm not letting you go anywhere until we've sorted this mess out once and for all." He made it over to where she was standing at the door and reached for her arm. She stiffened under his touch. "Caterina."

She closed her eyes, annoyed, but she didn't pull away."

"Just listen to me, please."

"Antonio, I'm afraid," Caterina blurted out. "I'm afraid to fall in love with you because the last man I loved was murdered, and if I lost you, too, that kind of pain…" She tried to pull her arm free, but it was a half-hearted effort. "Per favore, just let me go. Please."

"I can't!" He shouted. "Don't you see I can't?" There was a strange desperation in his voice, an urgency that almost startled her. "I love you, bella. I love you and I want this to work. I can't let you go until I'm satisfied that you're all right—that we're all right. Does that make any sense to you at all?"

It made perfect sense to Caterina, but she was too stunned to say so immediately. Antonio loved her, Antonio loved her. Her! The hardheaded wench from Siciliy! It was all too wonderful to be true, and yet, Caterina knew there was nothing but truth to the Venetian's words. It was liberating, redeeming, and reassuring to be loved in the way Antonio loved her.

Antonio pulled her into his arms, just holding her body against his. When she finally relaxed, he kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. "I love you, Caterina, whether you let me show my feelings in public or not."

Caterina smiled. "Well, from now on, you can kiss me wherever and whenever you like."

"Grazi, signora. You are very kind to a young fool."

"Oh, stop. You're making me blush." And he was.

"You're beautiful." Antonio kissed her full on the mouth, his hands sliding down to rest on her waist. Caterina leaned into him and deepened the kiss, surprising even herself when she realized how much she enjoyed kissing him. Antonio groaned and pushed her against the wall—

Suddenly, the cabin door opened, and Alejandro poked his head in. "Antonio, Captain Roberts wants you… oh, my God."

Antonio stopped so abruptly that Caterina feared she was coming on too strong. Then, she noticed Alejandro, and awaited Antonio's response to this awkward situation. "Come back later," he said simply. Caterina's jaw dropped.

"What?" Alejandro wasn't used to being challenged. He didn't like it one bit.

"Doing what?"

"What does it look like I'm doing!"

Alejandro finally looked past Antonio to Caterina, and realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He gaped at Caterina. "B-but you told me you hated that pigheaded Venetian bast—" He bit off the rest of his sentence, gritting his teeth. "I see."

Caterina saw the—was that jealousy?—in his eyes, but he disappeared before she could call him out on the emotion. It was better that Antonio didn't see that, she decided. The last thing he needed was to get in yet another fight with Alejandro. Roberts would have Antonio's head if he stirred up conflict again, especially with his first mate.

The door clicked shut, and Antonio slid the lock into place.

"Now," he said slyly. "Where were we?"

They didn't sleep together that afternoon. Nor did they sleep together that night, the next night, the next night. They didn't sleep together at all. Every time they were alone, they'd work they way up to the kissing, the bed, undressing… but once Antonio would slip Caterina's dress off her shoulders, she wasn't "in the mood anymore", or she was "just too tired". Those weren't the only reasons she didn't want to sleep with him, but they were the one she provided him because the reality sounded ridiculous, even to Caterina.

"You had sex with a pirate from God knows where, but you refuse to sleep with the man you love, the man you trust, the man who saved your life?" Antonio said one night after Caterina turned off the light and rolled over in bed.

"We're sleeping together tonight."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about."

She did know, but she couldn't seem to say, It's not me, it's you, because he'd think she was lying, and she was lying now anyway, but still, she wouldn't go there.

Caterina pretended to be asleep so that he would drop the subject for tonight. She needed some time to think, time to figure out how to stop hurting him. She needed to stop hurting herself, too.

An hour later, sleep came, but her dreams were plagued by visions of the man who tried to love her, and when she awoke the next morning, she snuck out of the cabin because she couldn't face him until she knew what was happening to her.

The warm sea breeze tousled Caterina's hair as she leaned on the railing, staring off into the distance. High above the clouds, the moon cast an eerie glow on the sea, illuminating Caterina's soft features in a way she didn't deserve.

She was tearing Antonio apart. She didn't deserve anything anymore. By deceiving him and then turning him down without explanation, she was slowly shredding him to pieces. Over dinner, after he surprised her by pulling out her chair for her and standing when she walked in, Caterina decided that she would tell him the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

They loved each other. Relationships were built on trust. And she did trust him. Inexplicably. So it only made sense that she remain totally honest with him—that's what she told herself, anyway. It didn't necessarily mean she was excited about baring her soul.

Antonio came abovedeck a few minutes later. Her heart pounded against her ribcage in an effort to escape when she saw him, and she tried to smile to combat her anxiety, but the muscles in her face had frozen. He nodded to her and approached, taking up the railing beside her.

"Hello."

It was a simple greeting, but for some odd reason, Caterina couldn't figure out the best way to respond to it. Any sane person would have said 'hello' back, but the gears in her mind had locked up with the dilemma of whether or not to reveal her secret, and instead of replying simply, she said the first thing that came to mind and the last thing she wanted him to know: "I'm scarred. I'm scarred, Antonio. I have scars across my stomach and my hips."

He regarded her so evenly that she knew he hadn't understood her, so she said it again. "I have scars. That's the reason I won't sleep with you."

Antonio blinked. He said nothing.

Caterina exhaled and left him. She went back to the cabin and crawled into bed.

Ashamed.

Skye Also Says: Trouble in paradise yet again. This time, Caterina has to overcome her inner conflict if she wants to be happy with Antonio.

Keep reading, and I hope you're all enjoying this as much as I am.

Until next time, kiddies.