I own nothing

Song - Home by Gabrielle Aplin

2 months later

It was like my entire life was slipping through my fingertips, right before my eyes, like I was water and it was oil.

Before I ever came back to the reserve I had my life planned out.

Finish studies, apply for Royal Ballet company, corps, soloist, principle

it was always so black and white, and of course a couple different shades of pink.

My family, studies, or friends had ever factored into any of it.

And love wasn't even an option. Wasn't something I ever even considered. And I'm still not considering it but I know he is now actually a part of my life whether I ever wanted it or not.

I was wracking my brain trying to understand anything I was hearing.

But all I could think about was how I was trapped in a white room.

1 1/2 hours earlier

I strolled into the girls dressing room, my black swan outfit and contemporary costume trailing behind me. I was actually in a good mood today, it was the day of the performances and I was in my element. Sure I was nervous about auditioning for the top people of 13 different ballet companies. But this is what I was born for, something I had waited my whole life to do. Nothing could touch me

I had just finished applying the light makeup for my contemporary dance when a backstage assistant popped his head from behind the door.

"Kayla there's some people who want to talk to you"

My heart sunk to my toes. I could imagine Paul coming to wish me luck but he said people like plural. I navigated my way to the back exit.

I swung the door open a little harder than I intended to almost hitting Seth in the face.

"Jeez Kayla were aren't gonna 'ttack you or nuthin!"

I grimaced "sorry Seth" I let my eyes trail down my own mini group of cheerleaders.

Seth, Leah, Quil, Embry, Paul, Sam, Jared, Emily, Kim, and Jacob were all here to support me despite how shitty I had been treating all of them.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as my eyes got hot with tears.

"awww don't you even start" Leah crowed in fake annoyance

I laughed weakly my throat tight with emotion.

I couldn't meet Jacob's eyes.

Embry surprisingly was the first one to pick up on this.

"Jake, aren't you gonna wish Kayla good luck?"

I answered before he could "Jake doesn't have to wish me good luck, its not like we no each other that well."

Everybody shifted suddenly caught in a uncomfortable silence well, everybody but Paul and Leah.

I knew immediately that Leah could tell something was up. Paul was smart, like really smart not book smart but extremely people smart. When I saw Leah's face unfortunately Paul did to, I could see it on his face and feel it in my gut that he was putting the pieces together.

My impromptu flight from the dance, the horror on my face as I got in the car and left, how protective Jacob was over his thoughts like I know he must have been.

I saw all of this flicker across his face, like my own personal slideshow on how to betray, hurt, piss off, and alarm your best friend.

His eyes flickered up to mine, steel blue locking with oily black. We stared at each other for a good minute, the entire time a beginning wisps of a pounding headache started to make itself known.

I broke eye contact slowly, like paint dripping of a brush. Then I turned and walked inside my stomach sinking from my throat to my toes.

The door slammed shut behind me.

I knew I had done a flawless job.

But was flawless good enough?

In the most repressed corner of my mind I knew I was being irrational. I had been preparing for this all my life, I had come too far to self destruct. or had I?

"Kayla Jackson this is your five minute warning" the monotone voice echoed in the tiny dressing room. I grabbed my costume dashing to change, time just seemed to fly!

It took me two point seven minutes to squeeze into the leotard and then I had to do the makeup, a dramatic cat eyeliner and dark glittery eye shadow combined with a little black and gold crown secured in my bun and I looked lethal and flawless. Exactly as the Black Swan should, but I only have about a minute before I have to go onstage and for some reason I can't find my pointe shoes.

"Here Kayla you can borrow mine." A girl named Wendell hands me a pair of pointe shoes, lucky for me we wear the same size even though we don't wear the same style. I slipped them on and ran out completely missing the smirk shared between Wendall and Payton, and the pair of pointe shoes hastily stuffed in Payton's makeup bag.

My shoes made an odd mixture of a click and a thump every time they hit the hardwood steps.

I could hear the lyrics from my contemporary song with every step I took, echoing in the background.

I'm a phoenix in the water
A fish that's learnt to fly

I reached side stage just as the dancer was taking her curtsey. I let out a huge sigh of relief.

And I've always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky

I rose on point testing my shoes and back down again. Shaking out my hands and rolling my shoulders as I tried to stay calm.

So I'm wishing, wishing further
For the excitement to arrive

The stage went dark and I could feel my stomach clinching from the nerves. The darkness of the stage welcomed me, offering me opportunity, so seductively.

It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
Than laying at the sharp end of this knife

The stage lights rose and I made my entrance in silence demi pointe barely making any noise, it was like the entire world was holding its breath. Remember to use your arms to tell the story Kayla!

With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

The crisp sweet notes filtered through the sound system perfectly clear.

one...two...three...four.. a six rotation pirouette made me lock onto Jacob to spot. He just so happened to be sitting in the middle of the back row, right next to the spotting light.

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone

I kept the mischievous smile on my face even as I felt a spark rush through my body at his heated gaze. I felt all the muscles in my bodies contract and relax as I went through the delicate pirouettes, stretching and extending my leg towards my head I felt a surge of confidence as the music took on a slightly less sweet quality and a more taunting.

Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed

I felt my nerves peak as I went though a turn a la seconde I was never amazing at these. My hands curved elegantly as they arched into a high fifth position before extending during an arabesque

As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home, home ...

I could feel my muscles standing out and bunching together as I rose into that arabesque. But I also felt something peculiar, my shoes actually had a bit of give when I really arched into my point.

So when I'm ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time

The music turned absolutely devious, something completely worth of a black swan or maybe even a Puck now that I think about it.

Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I'll bury my future behind
I'll always keep you with me

I glided across the floor with Bourrée's feeling confident and light as a feather.

You'll be always on my mind
But there's a shining in the shadows
I'll never know unless I try

I tackled the last set of pirouettes with apparent grace and ease but as I rose up to pointe I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach before it even happened. The last thing I saw was Jacob's face and as my head turned I could feel the vamp or the front part of my box. The very thing that encased and supported my toes.

snap

Then all I could feel was a burning aching pain all through my foot and ankle as I hit the ground.

Blinded by the bright white stage light.

With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

eep don't hate me! the link for my inspiration for Kayla's black swan dance and costume is on my profile the dancer Miko Fogarty is AMAZEBALLS!

box - hard enclosure within the front end of the shoe that encases and supports the dancer's toes. The front end of the box is flattened so as to form a platform upon which the dancer can balance.

vamp - front part of the box, or the part that covers from the tips of your toes to your knuckles.

turns a la seconde - a pirouette where you keep your leg extended at a 90 degree angle.

Bourrée - quick, even movements often done on pointe, the movement gives the look of gliding.

arabesque - position of the body supported on one leg, with the other leg extended behind the body with the knee straight.