Arizona's POV
The other day was... well, I think you know. That was not planned. I can't say I've ever really thought about kissing Callie before, or any girl for that matter. It was just in an in the moment thing, it felt like it needed to happen. I needed to kiss her. The more I go over it in my head, the more I get to thinking that I kinda pressured her into it. At this point, it's no secret that Callie likes girls, but that doesn't mean she likes me, not in that way at least. I don't even know if I like her like her, either. Forget about the liking part, what if she didn't really want to kiss me back?
All these thoughts, are basically flooding my mind while I watch our streak disappear. I'm standing here, with the support of the lockers behind me with my phone in hand. I'm watching that hourglass next to Callie's name on my Snapchat messages. For clarity, that hourglass emoticon means that our streak's about to end if I don't send a picture or whatever to her. Our daily contact, our 46-day streak is about to end. She's been keeping it alive for the past three days, somehow Snapchat didn't catch up. Well, now they have. I started this. I mean all of it, our friendship, our streak, this awkwardness, EVERYTHING!
I don't plan on avoiding her or anything dumb like that, I mean she's still my tutor. But I do plan to apologize if I overstepped or whatever. If she accepts my apology we can move past this, if not I guess we'll just have a relationship where Spanish class and this test is concerned. Man, it'll suck though. And I'll miss her like fucking see her around in school and our community and not talk to her? I can't imagine that. I've honestly never felt that way about anyone I've...liked? before. No guy, no person does that for me. I can walk past Alex and every other guy I've dated, I can't see myself just walking by her. We haven't even been dating, really, so that's kinda crazy. Also, whether I like her or not is honestly up for debate. I can most definitely list a few reasons why I do. I simply cannot admit that out loud right now. It doesn't roll off the tongue for me. All in all, she deserves some conversation, I've basically been ghosting her these past days. I did something and it's time to face the music.
Since I did mention Spanish, I'd like to add the fact that the bell signaling the beginning of that class has just rung. I've avoided Callie at breakfast skipping it altogether to head upstairs instead. Mark's suspended so I've been hiding out alone in the main building. Not only am I now late, but Callie will also be there. Good luck to me.
I regret even coming. All eyes are on me as I step one foot into the door. The Mark-Alex stuff is still fresh, now this. Whatever man, I'm just going to take my seat.
Without looking up, I mutter a "Sorry, Mr. Ramirez," as I shuffle to my seat. I hear some whispers along the way. They seriously need to all get a life. Lucky for us(mostly me) they have no idea what occurred between Callie and me. As soon as I'm finally seated, I get my notebook out of my bag and on the desk. I need to be as quiet as possible from now on.
Landmarks in Spanish-speaking countries seem to be the topic. He's projecting pictures and activities that would be done in said places onto to the board. I jot down the names and a few activities as he switches between slides. While Ramirez is going through the slides he asks some questions and has gotten answers from various students. Sarah and James are the students with the answers.
Then, he poses a question to which no student raised their hand with a reply to. In times like these, he calls on a student that he pretty much knows has the answer. It's usually Sarah, but apparently, she doesn't have an answer. For the first time this year, he calls on Callie. A certain voice hits me from behind, "Me gusta la mayoría de los turistas quedarían deslumbrados por las vistas. Tomaría fotos y videos para saborear los recuerdos."
That earns her a "Thank You, Ms. Torres," from Mr. Ramirez. I'm happy he didn't call on me, I mean that would probably be unproductive and unwise of him. Anyways, I'm super tempted to look back there now. I figure it'll be a little embarrassing/weird to just turn around and look at her. Absolutely strange. I had the perfect opportunity while she was talking because eye-contact is a sign of respect.
He continues to go skip through some more slides until the end of the class period.
Another bell signaling the end of class has rung. Every student around me is packing up and heading for the door
I've got to figure what I'm going to say to Callie and fast. She's probably headed for the door soon too. Soon, I pack up my things into my backpack. I get up, lifting the bag off the floor next and onto my back. As I get the nerve to turn around, Callie walks up to me. It seems as if she was standing there waiting for me to turn around. At first, she was fully leaning on the desk, with her arms crossed. When she makes a go for me...
She starts with, "You could have just said you made a mistake. I would have gotten over it and that would have been that. ignoring me wasn't the way to go." Thing is that as no mistake at all. For some odd reason my mouth couldn't get those exact words out and she walks past me and towards the door. A second later I realize she was about to leave without me having said my piece so I bolt towards the door. Thank the universe that the class was damn near empty at this point.
"Callie, just wait!" She continues to make her ext. It's only fair after I've been ignoring her this past weekend.
I make another attempt, softer this time, "Please."
She steps aside and lets Cindy out. I get that means she's staying.
"This fight then make-up dynamic is already exhausting. So if this is how things are going to be between us, even if we're just friends, I want no parts Arizona."
"You're right, it is exhausting. And I have no excuse for it."
She gestures as if to say, 'Is that all?'
I politely ask, "Can you stay for a minute so I can explain my crazy?" She obliges and I go to lock the door. Fun fact, we aren't allowed to stay in classrooms without a teacher present. and there have to be two or more students in the room with the said teacher. Eh, I'll risk it.
When I get back she's sitting behind a desk in the back of the room. I go back there and pull up a chair next to hers.
"I've never kissed a girl before." Let's make this clear, " Make no mistake though, I wanted to, I wanted to kiss you."
She offers no rebuttal so I go on, "All weekend, that day has played over and over in my head. I started believing that maybe I forced it, I pressured you into something you didn't want to do. Usually, I'm a person who says what I'm thinking without remorse. I would have asked you if that's how you were feeling, I don't know, I guess I didn't want the answer to be 'yes.' I figured if I talk to you, I would eventually ask the question that I don't like the answer to. "
"But obviously not talking to you has made things worse. So did you feel pressured? Did you want that to happen?"
She flops back into the chair to say, "You've asked this before Arizona. I said it was fine for you to do it." Okay, that flat answer. I kinda hoped she'd be more enthusiastic though.
"Um alright." And I guess it is.
"Are we done talking about this now?"
"Sure. If you can chill with the attitude that'd be great, thanks."
"You've only been ignoring me for days but okay, whatever."
"Callie I thought we were talking this out."
"Only 'cause you decided that we are, right? You get to decide everything Arizona."
I disagree with her one hundred percent. "No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. You know what? I think I'll decide that this conversation is over." She rises to her feet to finish.
"What? What did you even expect from this convo? What do you need me to say, Callie!?"
"I'm not sure. It doesn't even matter."
"Why'd you agree to kiss me if you're only going to act like this?"
"Oh so now you suddenly remember that I agreed to it?"
"Stop!"
"No! I agreed because I didn't have the courage to kiss you first. If I had the courage I would have probably done it the night of that party. I would have just done it a lot sooner. Now it's like the ball is entirely in your court. And It would all be okay if you were calling the right shots, but you're obviously not."
With a knit brow and a promise to be respectful I respond, "I'm not gonna lie, I'm not fully understanding what you're talking about."
"Why can't you just do the right thing so I don't have to be the one making decisions?"
Not convinced that I'm following, Callie adds, "I'm the gay one, so if I took charge THAT would be pressuring you. I have to take the backseat and let you decide what you're comfortable with and how far we will or will not take this but then you go and do some dumb shit like ignore me for 4 days Arizona. Now I-" A deep breath cuts her off.
"What? You can totally make some choices yourself. All you have to do is check in with me first." I continue in almost a whisper, "I'll most likely agree but yeah." The brunette standing in front of me finally loosens up enough to show a smile. Not to be dramatic, it's the prettiest closed-mouth smile possibly in the entire world; with brightly lit brown eyes to match.
Callie's phone rings. I jump a little, fearing it was the school's bell. Apparently, Addison worried given that she's just missed, class. Honestly, I forgot that I had other classes today.
The whole I'm back thing is played out so I'll just wish y'all a HAPPY NEW YEAR, and go.